Erin yawned as she walked up the steps to her house. Jesse had to leave at four am to fly to a conference in Maine so she was staying at home after goodbye drinks at Joe's.
"Hey," Addison called. Erin looked up, seeing she was sat on the porch swing.
"Hey," Erin smiled. She walked over and sat down beside her. "Don't you want to come in to the frat house? We've got half of the world inside," Erin said. Addison chuckled.
"I've got a plane to catch in a few hours. I wasn't going to leave without saying goodbye," Addison said.
"Oh," Erin said. She nodded. "Thanks. I didn't really expect you to say goodbye," she said. Addison shrugged.
"You were right. I was being stupid about you not telling me about Jesse. He seems really nice, for what it's worth, and I'm glad you're happy," Addison said.
"Thank you, Addie. I am," Erin smiled, leaning against Addison's side. "Are you happy?" Erin asked.
"I'm getting there," Addison said. Erin hummed.
"Good," she said. "That's good," she said.
"It's sad," Jesse muttered to Erin, putting his chin on her shoulder as the two of them stared at Derek sat on the couch. Meredith was trying to coax him up but Derek wasn't very happy. He'd lost his pregnant patient and had been slammed with a lawsuit within a week. He'd been sat on the couch for three days and Erin had been kind of glad that Jesse had asked her to spend more time at his place because it meant she could get away from the weird energy in the house.
"He's eaten all of the marshmallows out of the cereal," Alex handed Erin a box of lucky charms. She peered inside with a frown.
"They're the best part," she said.
"And they're gone," Alex said.
"I'll grab some more when I go shopping later," Jesse said. He'd also picked up on Derek's usual chore of shopping, as the rest of the housemates were useless and he finished work earlier than any of them did.
"And grab some tampons, please," Erin said.
"Okay," Jesse nodded. Erin sighed and looked back at her cereal.
"My marshmallows," she whispered. She stuck her hand in and grabbed a handful, putting them in her mouth as she walked to the kitchen with Alex and Jesse. "It's just not as nice," she said.
"Derek walks away. That's his problem," Meredith said. Erin hummed as they did charts. "He gets terminal patients. He's their last chance. The clinical trial wasn't easy on him, either. He lost a lot of people, but barely more than he's saved. He's just not in the right frame of mind," she said.
"And he just walked away when Webber asked him to operate?" Erin said.
"Yeah," Meredith said. Erin winced.
"That's not good. That's really not good," she said.
"I know," Meredith sighed, closing the chart over. "He did say he'd stop eating your marshmallows, though," she said.
"That's progress," Erin smiled slightly.
"Yeah," Meredith agreed.
"Hey," Arizona sighed, leaning against the nurses desk with Erin. "How's your big bone problem?" she asked. Erin winced.
"Didn't go down too well?" she asked.
"Well, no. She didn't like it but I don't like her so it's okay. She was kind of freaked out about the fact that we're friends, considering she's slept with you," Arizona made a face that looked an awful lot like jealousness. Erin frowned. That was weird.
"Sorry," Erin said.
"Don't be. I came to ask you a question," she said.
"Shoot," Erin smiled.
"Where would Callie be?" Arizona said.
"She had a surgery this afternoon so she'll be doing charts at the surgical nurses desk. Why? Gonna go and admit that you were wrong to call her a baby?" Erin said.
"Yes," Arizona rolled her eyes. "You're still my only baby, though," Arizona squeezed her cheeks with a happy smile. Erin rolled her eyes to try and hide the blushing spreading across her cheeks.
"Go and date my friend, please," Erin laughed, pushing her down the hallway. "And be nice!" she called after her.
"I will!" Arizona waved, pressing the button for the elevator. Erin laughed loudly when the doors opened to reveal Callie already stood there. Callie and Arizona shared a look and then laughed, Arizona stepping in.
"Have fun!" Erin called.
"You're a baby!" they called back. Erin winked and turned back to her charts, hearing the doors close over and muffle the sounds of their laughter.
"He hit the ring with a baseball bat like we just didn't matter. I know he's sad and pissed but really? Is that how we're handling this?" Meredith cried to Erin.
"I don't know, Meredith," Erin said, handing her some coffee.
"It's so irritating. I could take the me being a screw up thing, I could take that, but I can't take him taking it out on me. He's sad, I get it, but really," Meredith said.
"I know," Erin nodded, pouring her own coffee. "We're gonna be late," she said.
"Okay," Meredith said.
"Izzie, Cristina, Lexie, Alex, let's go!" Erin shouted upstairs. She heard three sets of footsteps and they ran down. "Frat house," she shook her head, grabbing her coffee and her coat. "Frat house," she repeated, following everyone to the front door.
"Erin?" Lexie walked over to Erin at lunch that day.
"Hello," Erin said. Lexie sat down with a sigh. "What's wrong?" Erin asked.
"Everyone keeps saying Mark is only letting me in on this face transplant surgery because we're together," Lexie mumbled. Erin rolled her eyes.
"Ignore them. You're on the surgery because you've got a photographic memory and you're a nerd. Join the club. I'd be on the surgery if I hadn't offered to do the scut for Bailey," Erin said.
"Why do you like doing scut?" Lexie asked. Erin shrugged.
"I like all of it. I love my job. But ignore them, alright? If they say anything, tell them to fuck off. They're just jealous of the fact that you and Mark are happy," Erin said.
"Okay. Yeah, okay," Lexie nodded slowly. "Okay. Thanks," she smiled, standing up and leaving the cafeteria.
Erin stared at the OR board, eyes scanning across the writing as she tried to work out where everyone was.
"Erin!" Bailey called. Erin looked up. "You can drive?"
"Yeah," Erin nodded.
"Go and get Torres, Hunt and Shepherd from Shepherd's trailer and bring their asses back here. They might be drunk. They probably will be drunk. But nobody says no to you so you need to go and bring their asses back," Bailey said.
"Okay," Erin nodded. "I'll try not to die," Erin grinned. She waved goodbye, handed Bailey the charts in her hand, and ran out to the car to drive to the trailer.
"Hey, it's the baby!" Callie cheered drunkenly as Erin got out of the car. Erin laughed and tucked her hair behind her ears.
"Hey," she said. Callie got up from the deck and stumbled over, grabbing Erin and pulling her into a hug.
"We're drunk and depressed," she said.
"My kind of people," Erin laughed. She got Callie back onto the deck and sat down on her lap, taking the beer from Derek. "So, I'm a few drinks behind but I can get depressed real quick. Hit me, Der," she said.
"I killed a patient," he said.
"I killed my daughter," Erin said. She heard Owen choke on his beer but she didn't acknowledge him.
"You didn't kill Quinn," Derek said.
"Just like you didn't kill your patient. It's not on us. It's the circle of life," Erin said.
"I botched a surgery on a pregnant woman," he said.
"And that is shit. It's shit, so shit, so super super shit, but you know what's good?" Erin said.
"What?" Derek asked.
"What's good is the fact that you save lives. You save lives, you've saved mine and Meredith's, you look after me and you stopped eating the marshmallows out of my lucky charms because you know it makes me sad when you do it. You fucked up. You did and someone died. But you know what?" she said.
"What?" he said lowly.
"You can fix it. You get up, you try again, you get back on track. You recover and you learn from your mistakes," she said. She took a sip of the beer, Callie leaning her chin against Erin's shoulder.
"Is that what you did? After Rob?" he asked. Erin shrugged.
"I screwed up with Rob. I really, really did. I hid everything for months because I didn't want to disappoint Meredith and make her upset. I kept all of that a secret because I was scared. But then we died and came back to life and you, Meredith, Arizona, Callie and all the rest of you got me back on track. I needed help. I still need help from time to time. I don't think that's ever going to change. It's okay to ask for help," Erin said.
"It's brave," Owen said. "It's brave to ask for help," he said.
"It is," Callie agreed. Erin took another sip of her beer.
"I killed my patient," Derek said. Erin nodded.
"I killed my daughter," she said.
"But you didn't. That wasn't your fault," he said.
"You botched a surgery, Derek. It happens. Learn to live with it, learn from your mistakes and don't do that again," she said. Derek leaned back in his chair.
"I killed my patient," he said. Erin sighed.
"I'm gonna need more beer to get through this," she said.
Erin's phone beeped and she frowned, pulling it out. Meredith was calling her.
"One minute," she said. She stood up and stepped away from Derek, Hunt and Callie, putting the phone to her ear. "Hey, Mermaid, what's up?" she asked.
"Where are you?" she asked.
"Bailey sent me to the trailer to get Derek, Callie and Hunt back. They're drunk. I'm just supervising now," Erin said.
"I have something to tell you and it's not pretty. It's bad and I'm gonna need you to get Callie and Hunt to go home because we have to talk Derek into operating on someone and he's not gonna like it," Meredith said.
"You're kind of scaring me. What's wrong?" Erin asked, chewing on her bottom lip.
"Izzie has stage four metastatic melanoma that has spread to her brain, liver and skin. She needs surgery and Derek is one of about twenty surgeons who can do it. He has to do it or we lose Izzie," Meredith said gently.
"What?" Erin said. "What? When? What?" she asked.
"I found out about twenty minutes ago. Bailey told me. Izzie told Cristina, that's why Cristina was at the house this morning, to get her an appointment with the doctor. Cristina told Alex and Bailey during the hernia repair because Izzie was refusing treatment. We've talked her into it but we need Derek to consider operating. I'm leaving the hospital now, okay? So tell Owen and Callie to go home and tell Derek that I'm on my way," Meredith said.
"Where is she now?" Erin asked.
"She's with George, Alex and Cristina getting admitted into the hospital. We're going back once we've got the scans to Derek," Meredith said.
"Okay. I'll tell him," Erin whispered. She ended the call and walked back over, wiping her wet cheeks.
"Erin?" Callie asked, the three doctors sitting up.
"Uh, that was Meredith. You two need to go home. I'll drive you, if you want, but you guys need to go," she said.
"What's wrong?" Derek asked. Erin shook her head, feeling her eyes brimming with tears.
"Meredith will explain. She's on her way. I'm gonna take you two home," Erin said. Owen and Callie grabbed their things and Erin got in the car, pulling away once Callie and Owen were inside.
"Erin, what's wrong?" Callie asked gently.
"Izzie has stage four metastatic melanoma that has spread to her brain, liver and skin and Derek is one of about twenty surgeons who can operate on her. So, Meredith has to convince him to come back. I have to take you two home, pack Izzie a bag for the hospital and then go and help George, Alex and Cristina," Erin said.
"What?" Callie asked.
"Izzie Stevens?" Hunt asked.
"Yeah," Erin nodded.
"Oh, god," Callie whispered. Erin nodded.
"Yeah. Oh god," she said.
Erin and Meredith raced into Cristina and Callie's apartment, hearing heavy sobs coming from the bathroom.
"Callie?" Erin called, looking around for her friend.
Callie had called Meredith in a panic, saying something was wrong with Cristina and she wouldn't let anyone into the bathroom. Erin had been staying in Meredith's room since Derek's breakdown, so she'd woken up when Meredith was on the phone and insisted on coming. Erin had a feeling that Meredith knew what had actually happened to Cristina but just wasn't telling Erin.
"Here!" Callie called from Cristina's bedroom. They ran through, seeing Cristina's bathroom door shut with heavy sobbing sounds from behind it. Owen was crying and looked stressed, pacing up and down.
"You stay with Arizona, okay?" Meredith pushed Erin towards Arizona, stood in Callie's bedroom doorway. "Do not go near Owen," she said.
"Why? What did he do? What's wrong?" Erin asked, stepping over to Arizona anyway. Arizona grabbed Erin's hands tightly and Callie stepped in front of them like a shield. "Can someone tell me what's going on?" she asked.
The bathroom door opened and Cristina stepped out, red bruises in the shape of hand marks around her neck. Erin's mouth dropped open and she looked between Cristina's neck and Owen. She stepped back unsurely, feeling Arizona squeeze her hands.
"Cristina?" Erin asked weakly.
"You shouldn't be here. Not after Rob," Cristina shook her head. Erin looked at Owen again, seeing he was still crying.
"He had a nightmare, Erin," Callie said. "I found him choking her," Callie said.
"I..." Erin looked back at Cristina's neck, wincing as she saw the bruises. "I need to go," she said. She pushed through everyone and hurried out of the apartment, hearing footsteps behind her.
"Erin!" Meredith called.
"I'll go," Arizona volunteered, running after Erin so Meredith could handle Cristina and get Owen away for when Erin came back.
Erin burst out of the apartment building, leaning against the wall as she panted. She could feel hands around her throat choking her, but she knew it wasn't real. She gasped, her own hands coming up to feel her neck as she slid down the floor.
"Erin?" Arizona opened the doors, spotting Erin on the floor immediately. She knelt beside her, pulling Erin's hands off her neck. "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, breathe, okay? Just breathe. Rob isn't here. Owen isn't here. It's just me and you, Arizona and Erin, okay? Everything is okay. You just need to breathe," Arizona whispered, wrapping Erin into a hug.
Erin buried her face into Arizona's neck, letting out weak sobs.
"I can feel him. I can feel him," she cried.
"He's not here. He is not here. It's me and you, okay? Just me and you. Just me and you," Arizona said soothingly, rubbing Erin's back.
"I can't breathe," Erin gasped. Arizona cursed silently. She carried an inhaler for Erin in her doctor's coat but she didn't carry one at home because Erin rarely came over.
"Okay, it's okay. You're gonna follow my breathing, okay? In," Arizona said, taking a loud breath in. Erin tried to follow but her chest heaved and she broke into panicked sobs again.
"I can't, I can't, I can't," she cried.
"We need to get you inside," Arizona said. She got to her feet, picking Erin up so her limbs were wrapped around her, and headed back inside. "Just follow my breathing, okay? Follow my breathing," Arizona said.
"He's touching me," Erin cried.
"He isn't. He's not touching you. It's me, it's Arizona, your Arizona. You're okay. Just calm down, okay?" Arizona said.
She kicked the apartment door open and carried Erin straight into Callie's bedroom. Callie quickly jumped off the couch, Meredith running in from the kitchen, and followed, Cristina and Owen following the two of them, too, too.
"No, no, no, no," Meredith shook her head as she caught sight of Owen. "You need to get away from my sister. Now," she said.
"I-" Owen started.
"Owen," Cristina shook her head, pulling him out of the room. Arizona got Erin to lie on her side and Meredith stepped forward, wrapping herself around her sister.
"Hey, it's me. It's Meredith. You're okay, you're safe, he's not here," she whispered. Erin curled into Meredith's chest, hearing her heartbeat and steady breathing in her ear. She took a deep breath, though it was shaky and unstable. She eased it back out and took another one. "Good. That's good. You're okay, darling. You're safe," Meredith whispered.
Callie and Arizona sat on the end of the bed, watching as Meredith calmed Erin enough until she fell asleep. Arizona had tears on her cheeks and Callie was holding her hands tightly like how Arizona had held Erin's.
"You can stay here," Callie said. "We'll wake you up for rounds," she said.
"I'm not sleeping. She's only gonna sleep if she knows she's safe. I'm gonna keep her safe," Meredith shook her head.
"We'll keep the door shut. Shout if you need anything," Arizona said. Meredith nodded and they left the room, closing the door over. Meredith sighed and ran her hands through Erin's hair again.
Everything seemed to be getting bad again.