dedicated to volumnous for the banner on the side! thanks doll it's so pretty xxx
SHOUTOUT TO FAIRYGARDEN'S STORY lobello! GO CHECK IT OUT GUYSSS THE IDEA IS SUPER COOL AND IT LOOKS LIKE AN AMAZING STORY! SHE'S ALSO A TALENTED GRAPHIC DESIGNER :)
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"Hey," a hoarse voice calls out from the dark. I leap off the ground, startled. A figure steps into the dim lights of the string lanterns. It was the same guy who had spoke. He fit his voice; tall, dark and handsome. He has hair so blonde, it almost looked white, and a lip piercing that reflected the light off.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." He smiles like a Cheshire cat, and for some reason, I feel like a prey and like he is a predator. Maybe it's because of the way he looks me up and down in my glittery aqua green dress, or how he eyes the few tendrils that had escaped my fancy updo.
"I'm Alex, what's your name?"
Gasping, I awake. Sometimes, I get dreams like this. Flashbacks of my life and memories I try so hard to keep at bay. I'm disgruntled as I get up and head to my bathroom. Cringing, I frown at my reflection in the mirror. Sweat lines my forehead and my hair is a frizzy mess, probably from how much I roll over.
After I leave the bathroom, I tie my hair in a donut bun and stay in my dress shirt, even though it's like eleven in the morning. I don't think I've ever woken up this late, at least not in a long time. That's why when I head to my Dad's room, he seems worked up.
"What's up, Dad?" I ask after he opens the door that conjoins our rooms.
"Arden, are you sick? Are you okay?" Dad fusses over me, feeling my forehead.
"Dad, jeez! I'm fine, I just woke up a little late today. My muscles felt a little sore from swimming, that's all." Techinally, I wasn't lying. My body felt all kinds of worked up after yesterday's sky dive. I still can't believe I've done this. I can hardly believe how boring my life was before River came along, as cheesy as that sounds. My life can never go back to how it was before.
"Are you sure? You're spacing out." Dad waves a hand in front of my face.
I laugh nervously. "Yep, I'm fine." I head inside the room and sit down on the cushion chair.
"Okay, honey. You should go down to Leroy and Marla since you missed our breakfast." He smoothed down my hair and I leaned in his touch.
A gentle smile stretches across my face. "Alright, daddy. Thank you."
It's midday when I'm at the kitchen, eating a vanilla cupcake. Yes, it's not the typical breakfast, but it's my breakfast. Marla and Leroy have disappeared after Marla made me this yummy dessert. They were awfully giggly and acting quite strange. I have no idea what their up to, but I have no idea what they were to. No good, that's guranteed.
Alone, my mind races back to Alex. I don't know what's wrong with me these days; plaguing myself with thoughts of my so-called mother and Alex. At least, with my mum, I don't have to worry because there are no memories to spare. No warm hugs, girly talks or motherly advice. I can't even think of her for long because I literally have nothing to think of. Only blame and rage and triviality.
But with Alex, it was completely different. There are hundreds of images that flash in my head when I think of Alex. Images of rumpled sheets and writhing bodies and detached cuddling. Shame always accompanied those images. I couldn't help but feel easy and, well, slutty. I gave my virginity to a total stranger and slept with him numerous times. Did I regret it? Maybe, but I guess a part of me fell for him and that I could never really regret.
"Oh gosh, Arden, you're alive!" I snap out of my day dreams to find River stuffing a cookie in his mouth.
"What are you talking about?" I inquire as I lick the icing off my fingers.
"You haven't came to my room and woke me up like a mad woman and when I knocked on yours, nobody answered the door! I stayed for like 10 minutes until your dad was leaving and I almost got busted. Then I looked for you at the pool and the beach and-"
"River, shut up," I breath, pushing my hand over his mouth. He looks bemused at my outburst, eyes widening at my hand. Then, he does the most immature thing; he licks it. "Ew!"
"So how did you figure out I was here?" I wonder after smacking River's head for slobbering all over my hand.
"I didn't, I sorta got hungry." Sheepishly, he grins.
"Uh! I could've been kidnapped," I exaggerate, indignant.
"No you couldn't have; this is a high security hotel!" I giggle at how cute- no, I mean funny- he looks. "What are you giggling about?" A toothy smile extends on his face. It makes me breathless for reasons I don't even want to explore.
"Nothing." I smile in a cryptic manner which causes him to come forward with determinded smirk.
"What are you doing-" My scream cleaves the air when River practically lifts me up and starts tickling the hell out of me. "Oh my God! Stop that!" I manage to wheeze through my uncontrollable laughter. I squirm relentlessly and I could feel my body becoming fatigue from all my kicking and moving around.
"No way! Not unless you tell me what was so funny..." I could practically feel his evil grin forming. Arse. Now I have to find out which matters to me most; my pride or my life. Well, maybe I'm being a little dramatic.
River picked up the pace and I could feel my lungs crying for oxygen.
"Fine, fine! You just looked cute!" I pant. My cheeks burned in embarrassement, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I peek over my back to sense his reaction after he remains silent for a few moments. Instead of a cocky smirk, like I expect, or smug eyes, he appears bashful.
I'm glancing at him from the corner of my eyes and my neck cricks painfully. This position almost seems like yoga, minus the relaxing part. But I can't break free from his intense glaze. His eyes are a form of art, a mixture of colours floating around a fathomless orb. I hate that I'm staring and that I'm so weak to his eyes, but there's something about the way he looks at me in moments like this. Moments I cannot even begin to explain.
I have no romantic feelings for River; that's a lane I don't even want to go down in. Aside from the complications, I don't want another meaningless fling. I want something real and true; basically, what my parents didn't have. I don't even know why my mind is trailing down this path-this very, very dangerous path. I look away before my mind can wander more. This is why I've been thinking of Alex lately; my mind is warning me. Good job, mind, hope you do half as well in college!
"So, um, what are we doing today?" I ask, my voice a bit husky. Great, now he's gonna think I'm totally trying to seduce him! Or that I was impersonating Morgan Freeman. I blush- again- as he blinks and trys to compose himself.
"Do you even have to ask?" He laughs, a little quake in his voice. Nice to know I'm not the one effected. "But first, we're going to grab some proper breakfast. Or, brunch."
"Damn you for not telling me," I joke, my voice steady (thank goodness). We continue to joke around and chat, but one pestering thought is nagging in my head the whole time; what the hell is happening to us?
River and I leave and head out to the car. There's something tangible in the air between and it appears in the little things; the way we distance ourselves from each other, the way we stiffen our hands so they wouldn't accidently graze and the way we avoided each other's eyes like they would electrocute the other. Am I imagining things? Am I hallucinating? Am I getting my period soon? It would explain a whole lot of things.
"Dad's car is all ours today!" River broadcats, patting down the car like it was his baby.
I roll my eyes. "You're such a guy."
"Well, I have the guns to prove it." He flexes and kisses his biceps. He wiggles his eyebrows when he adds, "And other parts."
"River!" I chastise. I didn't think it's possible to blush from head to toe, but the heat warming my body all over makes me reevaluate.
"What? It's not like it's a big secret." Then, he snickers. "Pun intended."
"Oh God, just shut up! I can't believe I'm even having this conversation."
Even though I've rode in it quite a few times, sitting in this car makes me feel like anxious. I feel like if I breathe wrong I would mar this beautiful thing. I've never been much of a car person, but when you see a car like this, you need to gawk a few minutes in appreciation. And how is it even this spotless? Rich people.
River's phone rings, a shrill, high sound that pierces my ears. I wince as continues to drive.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" I plead.
"Uh, no. I'm driving," he answers in a duh tone. River, ever the responsible one.
"Well, if you aren't going to, I will." I grab his phone from the dashboard before he could protest.
"River West's phone," I answer in a formal manner, making him chortle.
"Um, is River there?" A sweet, high-pitched voice wonders.
I falter. "Yes, but he's not available right now. Who is this?"
"Oh, okay. Tell him it's Lacey, and to call me later." Disappointment modulates her voice.
"Sure." My cold tone catches River off guard. He furrows his eyebrows and glances at me quickly.
"I'm sorry, who are you again?" Her voice turns snappy. Someone's jealous. A part of me makes me want to tell her I'm his girlfriend, just so I can see how she will react, but that's riduculous.
I pause. Who was I exactly to him? "Um, a friend."
"Oh, okay. Well, goodbye." The line is cut before I can say anything further.
"Who was it?" River asks with curiousity.
I look over at him to gauge his reaction. "Some girl named Lacey."
He tenses and grips the wheel in his hand. "Lacey?" he exclaims in disbelief.
"Yep." Why is my tone so clipped? Why am I acting so, so... jealous? It must be that time of the month soon. He turns to the road again, face scrunched and deep in thought. And that's the end of our conversation.
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We go to downtown to this cosy little cafe. It makes think of happy memories about sand castles and piggy back rides with Dad across the beach and Grandpa's flower garden. I might've always been living a boring life, but it's still a happy life in a beautiful place.
We walk in silence to our seats in the busy place. There's so many people talking it's like the walls are vibrating. The smell of coffee brewing and fresh pastries fills my nostrils. Despite the fact that I just had a cupcake, my stomach growled. River shoots me an amused smile, but I can sense that something's off. Something called Lacey.
I ask him to order for me, which I do everytime I go out with anyone (not that that's often). I liked the element of surprise, I guess. I notice River tapping his feet against the floor and looking agitated. It's the first time I see him look so close to anger. His eyes are troubled, swarming with emotions I can't decipher, and his lips are pressed tight.
"Hey, what's wrong? Is this about the phone call?" I wonder with concern, inching my hand towards hers. Still, I can't gather up the courage to touch his; I'm afraid he'd get the wrong idea with how I'm acting today.
"What? No, no. Everything's fine." He waves his hand absent-mindedly. Hurt, I flinch back. God, why does he make everything so difficult? Can't we be friends; real friends who talk about real issues?
"Are you sure?" I give him another chance to explain.
"Yeah." He gives me a terse smile.
Leaning back in my seat, I wait in silence for the food to arrive. I like River, I really do, and I want him to be able to talk to me like a real friend would. Well, why won't you start by talking to him? And a light bulb has gone off on my head, I grin from ear to ear. He is going to talk to me, whether he likes it or not.
"River, we're going to play twenty one questions!" I declare after the waitress brings our food.
He gives me a weird look, probably due to my excitement. "Alright," he agrees, stretching out the word, appearing cautious. Oh yes, you should be afraid, River.
"Okay, I'll start!" I speak too quickly. Isn't River the one always talking about seizing the moment? Well here I am! "So, River," I pause slightly to carefully construct my question, "was the girl on the phone- Lacey- that ex-girlfriend you told me before?"
River stiffens, tapping and fidgeting forgotton. His eyes solidify and rake me. Oh no, is he mad? Does he think I'm nosy? "Yes," he answers curtly, his voice terse. Then, his eyes glint with a menance promise. "What about you, Arden?"
"What about me?" I laugh, anxiety making my heart skip a beat.
"What's the story about your ex-boyfriend?" He raises his eyebrows in a challenging way. It's my turn to freeze. I should of excepted this, but for some reason, I didn't.
"Um, no story," I finally reply.
"What? No, no, you can't do this. That's not fair," he points out.
"Ugh, fine. But you totally guilt-tripped me." He shrugs. "Well, he was here on vacation. And one thing led to another."
He glowers at me. "I wil not hesitate to throw this very hot coffee in your face if you don't give me details," he threatens jokingly- at least, I hope so.
"There's not much to it. He wasn't even really my boyfriend. He was here for just a couple of weeks. It was just a... summer fling." I struggle to get the words out.
"Wait, what do you mean not a boyfriend? Like friends with benefits?" His face scrunches up.
"Sorta." My cheeks heats up.
"Wait... You're not a virgin?" River exclaims, raising his voice. The whole cafe looks at us. My face is on fire.
"Oh my God! Shut up!" I demand harshly, using my hair as a curtain for my face.
"But but you're Arden... You're like my little sister, do you even realise how gross that is?" His voice has lost its volume and now is just lost and confused and replused. Yet I can't even process that.
"What? Little sister?" I blurt, my eyes gouged out.
"I mean, I know I'm only slightly older than you, like nine months, right? But still." That's not what I meant! I want to scream. I don't reply.
"So, are you a virgin?" I fire at him, even though I know the answer. Of course he's not.
His face ignites and he clears his throat. "Pass."
"What? No way, not after you just humiliated me in front of everyone." Determination fixates in my voice.
"Fine." He grits his teeth. "I am, in fact, a virgin." His voice is so low I can barely make-out the words, but when I do, my jaw drops.
"No. Freaking. Way."
River won't meet my eyes and he looks so shy and embarrassed that I take pity on him and decide to let the subject drop.
"So what's your question?" I ask.
"Oh, um. What's your favourite colour?" He's absent-minded.
I laugh hard at the absurd question. "We go from sex to colours? Seriously? Can't we find an age medium?"
"Hey, a person's favourite colour tells a whole lot about them!" River argues.
"Alright, alright. It's purple." He appears satisfied with my answer, so I go on. "What do you miss most about home?"
He ponders. "My mum, defintely. She's my favourite person in the world. I miss her every day and even though I talk her everyday, it's not the same." His words are so heartfelt and sincere that my heart swells up.
"So you're a mama's boy," I joke.
A cheeky smile brightens his whole face. "And proud." I grin back at him for a while. "Okay! Last round of questions because we have to get going. Where's your mum? Does she live off the hotel or..." he trails off.
Just when all was well. It feels like the world stops for a little while. Like it paused, then continued to revolve again, but this time frighteningly fast. It's like the world starts rotating and I'm standing on the edge, about to fall over in a dark abyss midst the stars and the galaxy.
"I've never, um, met her before." My voice cracks and I hate that my voice is sad and filled with longing. I try so hard to not think about that woman and I try even harder to not feel anything towards her. But it's harder than it looks. Because despite everything, she's my mother and I need her, no matter how hard I deny it.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Arden." I register his voice, but it's the gentle, fleeting touch of his fingers that bring me back to reality, back to the center of the Earth. "I wouldn't have asked if-"
"No, it's quite alright. You deserve to know; you're my big brother, after all," I attempt to joke, but instead my voice comes out bitter. I cringe. His big hands blanket mine. Comfort brings back warmth to my heart, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm at home.
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The game ends at that note. We go back to the hotel, but to the beach. A memory of us jet-skiing is brought to mind and I can't wait to see what we'll be doing because I need to cheer up. Major. And I feel like being the water alone will do me just fine, especially since it's so clear and blue today. It feels like someone dumped a bucket of aquamarine blue paint into the ocean.
"Arden, I think you're going to love this," River comments teasingly. He practically drags me across the sand and I trip multiple times.
"River, slow down!" I hiss, only to have him shush me. He continues hauling me and I grunt from the effort. Let me tell you, being forced to run on sand should be an exercise; that's how difficult it is.
At last, we arrive to the spot. It's quite far from the tourists, but it's still buzzing with life. There are a few boats lined along the water. A smile teases the edges of my lips.
"Okay, so we're doing something to do with water. I'm already looking forward to it," I confess.
"Well you should be! 'Cause we're going water-skiing, baby!" he hollers in this stupid, obnxious way that I would've hit him for if I wasn't too wrapped up in my own excitement.
"Oh wow! Michelle always told me how fun that is, she tried to get me to do it once, actually."
"Who's Michelle?" he wonders, but I'm already grabbing him and racing to the boats.
"My best friend."
"I didn't know you have a social life." That earns him a smack on the head.
I grip the rope as I tighten my body into position. My knees are pulled up to my chest with my arms around them and the rope between the skis. My life jacket makes this position easier and my hair is up in a ponytail. River is next to me and making funny faces at me. He's so weird.
The driver of the bow rider gives us the okay sign to go. I except us to lurch forward, but instead it starts off steady.
"Well. That was anti-climactic." I snore.
"Wait for it." River winks as our upper bodies start ascending and we rise gradually on the water. "Hit it!" he yells and the boat starts accelerating. We start barreling and the water sloshes against our legs. It's a different kind of fun; it's less swift than I expected and less adrenaline inducing, but a blast nonetheless.
Then River gives him a thumbs up, which means to go faster, and suddenly we're just flying above the water. I let a yelp and River shouts at me sheepishly, "I thought you looked a little bit bore-" I yelp again, yet this time for a different reason; River falls. His hands slip from the rope and his skis angle sideways. Before I know it, his panicked face hits the water.
I signal to the driver to stop with the sign he assigned us to give and the boat halts to a stop in the middle of the ocean. I struggle to get my feet free from the skis, but I finally manage to do it. I don't hesitate to jump in the water and race to River's skis. I can make out his dark head of hair in the water.
"River, are you alright?" I ask when I reach him. His face is grimacing with pain. I lay my hand on his shoulder, or, well, life jacket. "River, please answer me. I'm getting worried."
"My ankle," he croaks out and inhales a sharp breath. I glance down at his ankle and notice how swelled it looks. It looks purple and blue, too. Shit.
Gently, I hold his chin towards my face. "Okay, listen to me, I'm going to help you up and we're going to a hospital. How does that sound?"
"Quit babying me," he growls. I wrench my hand away from his face.
"Don't be an ungrateful brat! I'm trying to help you."
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm just in a lot of pain righ away." Immediately, I feel bad for being so harsh. Guilt lays bare on my face.
"I'm sorry, too. Now, come on, put your weight on me."
"Hey, everything alright back there?" The rowdy driver asks. A little too late, aren't you?
"No, I think my friend did something to his ankle!" I adjust River's arm around my shoulders and drag him across the water to the boat.
"Hold on then, darlin'." He appears at the back of the boat and throws at us a rope. I haul River to it and start using it to pull myself over to the boat.
"Um, Arden, a little help here?" I roll my eyes.
"If only you were a little patient." With the help of the driver, we heave him over the boat, so that he's seated on the edge of the boat with his legs dangling. "Careful," I admonish when he rows his legs over.
River hisses in pain when he puts his feet to the ground. The driver whistles as he inspects the injury. "Damn."
"What? What is it?" River's hand grips mine tighter. He's cutting off the circulation to them, but I don't care.
"It looks like a sprained ankle. A damn bad one, too, with the way it's swelling and bruising." I hold his hands in a furious grip.
"But that's not too serious, right? I mean, a sprained ankle is common." My thumb carresses his palm.
"It is common, but it doesn't make it any less serious."
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"River, you're gonna be fine, you know that, right?" I stare intently into his eyes.
"Yes, Arden, it's just a sprained ankle. You worry too much." He smiles at me like I'm the one who needs reassuring.
"If you say so." I give him a tight smile as we near the hotel. It's dark and I don't know where the time went. By the time we go to the hospital and everything, it's going to be really late. A pang of worry hits me. Will Dad wonder where I am? Will he figure out everything? I push off the worry and focus on River instead.
When we get off the boat, River supports himself on me. At first, I stagger under his weight. He winces and apologises. I shush him and start walking. I try not to show any pain so he won't feel bad, but to be honest, I didn't realise he was such a fattie.
"Arden? Is that you?" a voice calls out in the darkness. I almost jump in surprise. I look up and gasp.
"Michelle?"
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le sigh.
i'm sorry. i truly am, not even kidding. it's been like 9 fucking months. I'm so so sorry. I doubt anyone will even bother with me anymore.
it's been a rough while, i've been kinda depressed and just generally unhappy. that's not an excuse but the unhappiness gave me writer's block.
anyways, I'm in a hurry cause I'm going out soon but i was determinded to post this before I leave. this wasn't edited so forgive any mistakes. I'll edit this later.
I hope you enjoy, I tried to make it as long as I can, but I'm in a hurry and there's probabs a lot of mistakes and stuff.
i love u all.
-xoxo mai