*
Storie's snoring when I wake up but I have to pee, so I have no choice but to leave her room without her. The upstairs bathroom is locked – Mom could learn a lesson here – so I head to the little closet of a toilet downstairs, and when I come out, I notice Jen in the kitchen.
"Morning, Liam," she says with a sunny smile, waiting by the coffee pot. She's the same age as my mom but when I first met her, she looked older. Now, her gaunt cheeks have filled out and her hair's thicker, and she looks ten years younger than she did four years ago.
"Hi, Jen," I say, reminding myself that if Storie can spend one-on-one time with my mom, I can do the same.
"Is Storie up?"
"No, not yet. She was snoring as of three minutes ago, so it might be a while," I say. Her mom smiles to herself.
When the coffee pot's full, she takes it off and fills a cup, and holds out the pot to me. "Coffee?"
"Oh, no, I'm all right, thanks. I'm not really a coffee person."
"There's juice in the fridge, too," she says, and I'm about to politely decline when she adds, "Tad's gone out with Jasper to get breakfast and seeing as Storie's still in bed, I was thinking we could talk?"
Juice sounds like a good idea now. Something to distract myself with. So I pour myself a glass of pulpy orange and sit opposite Jen at the small table in the kitchen, and I give her my brightest smile. "Sure. What about?"
When she folds her hands around her mug and purses her lips like she's looking for the right words inside her head, I get the sinking feeling that whatever she wants to talk about is not something I'll want to talk about. It doesn't look like she's about to ask how Christmas went, or how my family is. She looks ... distressed.
"Storie tells me you're moving in with her," she says.
"Yeah, in a few days," I say. I can't keep the smile from my face at the thought.
"I know Storie loves you," she says, her voice slow and measured. "She has loved you for a long time – you're the first boy she ever loved – and I know how happy she is to be back with you. And I'm happy for her, because she's my little girl, and I will do anything to see her happy. She's so happy with you."
I can sense a but coming, so I appreciate what she's said so far, before it goes down a darker path. "Thank you, Jen," I say. "I'm really happy with her too. She's the only girl I've ever loved and I'll do anything to keep her happy. I can't wait to live with her."
Her serious expression twitches; I catch a flicker of a smile before it fades.
"I want to know..." She trails off and stares at her coffee, taking a long sip before she continues. "I've heard it in Storie's words, and Gray's, and Navya's. But I need to hear it from you, Liam."
"Hear what?"
"What happened," she says bluntly.
And I understand. I know exactly what she wants to hear. It makes my skin go cold and my head starts shaking.
"No, Jen. You don't want to hear that," I say, meaning I can't bear to say it out loud to you.
"Please don't kertel," she says. I have no idea what that means. It must be a Hungarian word. My confusion must be evident because Jen explains. "Please don't avoid answering my question."
"It'll only make you hate me."
She gives me a wry smile. "Liam, I'll be honest with you. I don't think it will come as a surprise that I hated you ever since I found my daughter sobbing her heart out, and my step-son told me what you did."
My heart shrivels. My stomach too. Every organ becomes a dehydrated pit, dropping to the soles of my feet to pin me in place.
"Do you still hate me?"
Jen's shoulders drop and she sighs. "No, honey. Because my baby adores you, and I know you're going to be around for a long time – I can't hate you. But I can't move on from what happened until I hear it in your words." She lets go of her mug to put her hand over mine, cool and pale and dry, and I can hear the conflict in her voice, see it in her eyes.
"I ... it's not good," I say at last.
She nods. "I know. But if you want a second chance with Storie, if you love her as much as she says you do, the least you can do is tell me exactly what it is that you did that made her leave you when she still loved you so much."
Her gaze meets mine. Unlike Storie, she has no trouble with eye contact, her blue eyes piercing my shield. It's a side of Jen I never got to see before. The fierce protector. I admire it, as much as it terrifies me.
"Okay," I say. I sip my juice and wish I could disappear through the floorboards. I feel about an inch tall under her gaze, knowing that what I'm about to tell her is going to hurt all over again. "How much do you know already?"
"I know what Storie told me. But I want it in your words, from the beginning. From the moment before you met her."
My throat is so dry all of a sudden, my mouth tacky. I swallow another mouthful of juice, and I dig back through all my worst moments to find the start of the thread Jen wants me to unravel.
"I was in a frat. Theta Chi Theta," I say. "I know frats have terrible reputations, and in hindsight, I can see why. I know it was awful." My hand goes to my neck, scratching the back. "One of the seniors announced a, uh, a ... contest. At the start of my junior year."
"What was the contest?" Jen asks. She knows what it was; we all know what it was, and she is only torturing herself and me by asking. But she's right – if I can't say it out loud, if I can't admit it to her face, how can I expect her to accept me being with her daughter?
"To sleep with the biggest girl by Thanksgiving," I say. It kills me to say it. I can see it kills Jen to hear it, too. She pinches her lips together and her eyes darken, and she looks away from me for a moment.
"I didn't think it through. I was stupid and thoughtless and I wasn't even going to get roped into it, but then my roommate told me about a new girl working at the bookstore."
"Storie," Jen says. There's such an ache in her voice.
"Storie," I say. "I didn't really care about the contest. But my roommate said he was going to talk to her, like, an excuse for me to swoop in and save the day and get to know her, and then he took it way too far. He was really freaking her out so I stepped in and I got rid of him and introduced myself to Storie."
"So you could sleep with her," Jen says. Her voice has gone dark and brittle. "To win a little frat contest?"
"I told you, it isn't good. It's really bad, Jen."
She grits her teeth and then nods for me to continue.
"I spent a lot of time with Storie. She came to one of our parties with Gray, and we had a couple dates, and I realised I was falling in love with her."
I can still remember it so clearly. We were talking about family, our first date after she let me have her number too, and it hit me like a truck. I was so into her. I just wanted to spend time with her. Maybe it wasn't love back then, when we'd only known each other a couple weeks, but it certainly grew into that.
"I pulled out of the contest. Right after that date. I came to my senses and I realised how fucked up it was, and I said I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I tried to get the board to stop the contest, but I didn't have the sway, and I didn't want to lose my brothers or get kicked out of the house. I didn't push hard enough. I know I should have done more. But I did everything I could to protect Storie from that."
Jen says nothing. She brings her mug to her lips and drinks her coffee, waiting for me to continue.
"I was so ashamed of what I did. I didn't want Storie to find out why we'd really met because I loved her so much. It wasn't some stupid little bet anymore. I thought it would be better if she never knew. I ... I didn't think how much worse it would be if she found out so much later on."
Jen steeples her hands under her chin. "After you slept together."
"After Thanksgiving," I say. My voice is so meek and pathetic. "I already pulled out of the contest but I didn't want there to be any confusion or anything; I didn't want the frat to think I was still part of it." It feels weird to say this to her mom but Jen is waiting so I say, "We never slept together until after the deadline. And never until Storie wanted to."
My juice is nearly empty but I don't feel I can get up to refill my glass.
"I was so in love with her. Storie was my girlfriend, and she was the first girl I truly cared about, and yeah, it was selfish of me to hide the truth from her because I knew it could well be the end of our relationship, and I didn't want to lose her. She was my everything."
I train my eyes on the last dregs of orange. "I didn't think anyone else would ever find out about the contest. I prayed it'd stay within the frat so it couldn't hurt Storie. I know that was stupid. Trust me, Jen, I know I fucked up big time." I gather myself enough to meet her eye. She's wincing. "But then my roommate's girlfriend found out about it and she was horrified – rightly so, of course – so she reported the frat, and it all came out."
"And you still didn't have the guts to tell Storie yourself."
I shrink against the seat. "No. No, I didn't. I was desperate, I really thought I could keep her from finding out, but then the frat got suspended and Navya heard what had happened, and she told Storie."
"That was when Storie broke up with you."
"Yes. I came over – I didn't know she'd found out – and she broke up with me, and Tad made me leave"—Jen smiles at that—"and when Storie and I met up after a month, she, well, she kinda finalized the break-up. I was a mess, I know. I groveled a lot. It was ugly."
"Mmm," Jen hums to herself.
"I know I was wrong. Trust me, I know how badly I messed up, how badly I treated Storie without even really realizing it at the time. I've been beating myself up about it ever since. I never thought we'd meet again. I never thought she'd agree to go for a drink, and I never thought she would want to give me another chance. But she did."
"And now here we are." Jen spreads her arms, and the slightest hint of a smile dawns.
"Here we are. I learnt my lesson. Storie was the best thing to ever happen to me, and losing her was the worst. I never got over her. To be back with her is ... it's beyond my wildest dreams. I know how lucky I am to know her, and how lucky I am that she forgave me."
And just like that, I'm out of words. It's exhausting, going back to that time and digging through the shit I did to Storie, my heart heavy and aching. Rubbing my temples, I finish the last of the juice and say, "I'm sorry, Jen. But, yeah, that's what happened. In my words."
She stands up and leaves the table and my gut tells me she can't bear to be around me, but she's only pouring herself a second cup of coffee. When she returns, it's to my side of the table, where she puts the mug down and places her hand on my shoulder, and then she hugs me. She hugs me.
"Thank you, Liam," she says. I'm stunned. I can't move. Don't know what to do or say. "I know it's a long time ago now and I know Storie has already forgiven you, but I had to hear it."
"I understand," I say, though I'm not sure I do. But people are curious creatures and it's not my place to judge what puts Jen's mind at ease. "I need you to know that Storie means the world to me."
"I know. I can see that," she says. Warming her hands around her mug, she lets out a slow breath. "All I want is for my daughter to be happy, and to be with someone she loves. Someone who treats her right. Someone who loves her, just the way she is."
"She is magnificent, Jen. You've raised such an incredible woman and I'm so honored to call her my girlfriend."
She smiles. "You should be."
"Can you forgive me?" I ask. I need her to say yes. I need to know that Storie's mom is okay with me because if she's not, how can I dream of becoming part of this family?
Jen nods. "I forgive you," she says. "I just had to know. Thank you for telling me." She squeezes my hand. "It truly is nice to see you again, Liam."
I don't know how long we've been down here having this excruciating conversation but Storie chooses that moment to emerge. She's dressed and showered, more than I can say for myself, and she beams when she sees me talking to Jen.
"Morning, sweetie," Jen says, her expression doing a one eighty, morphing into soft joy at the sight of her daughter.
"Morning," she says, her hand grazing my shoulder as she passes, bending down to give me a chaste kiss before she heads straight for the orange juice and fills a glass. "Have you been up long?"
"Not too long," I say. Honestly, it could be five minutes or fifty, I can't tell. "Sleep well?"
"Ugh, amazingly," she says with a happy groan, downing half her juice at once before she pulls up a chair next to me. I hear a car pull up outside and Jen gets up.
"That'll be Tad. I'll give him a hand," she says, and when we're alone, Storie tips my chin up and looks into my eyes.
"Why'd you look so traumatized?" she asks. "What were you guys talking about?"
I grimace, and then I tell her, and her face shifts to match mine.
"Oh. Shit, I'm sorry," she says, squeezing my knee. "That must've been awkward."
"Uh, yeah." I laugh. "Yeah, a bit awkward. I thought she was going to slap me or something."
"Oh my god, no, Mom would never. She just, I don't know, I think she likes to have all of the info. But still, I'm sorry. If I'd realized she was going to give you the third degree, I'd have saved my shower until later."
"It's fine. At least it's over now. And can I just say, once more, for the record – I'm sorry, Storie. For everything I did back then, everything I put you through."
"I know," she says. "We've gone over this, Liam. It's in the past. We've talked it to death and I forgave you, and we've moved on. This is our fresh start." Her warm hands lace at the back of my neck and she kisses me. "It's been a long time. We've done a lot of evolving since then. And Mom won't bring it up again." She kisses me again, and I try to let the morning so far slide off my shoulders.
*
Half an hour later, the house is transformed. It's so full of life, seven of us crowded around the dining room table for breakfast: Tad's cooked bacon and eggs and sausages and Navya's made pancakes, and there are three different types of juice on the table as well as a giant bowl of chopped fruit and two types of cereal, and there's such a buzz in the air.
"So," Gray says once we're all served, "on a scale of six to fifteen, how excited are you to live with my sister?"
"Do you even need to ask?" I laugh. "Fifteen, of course. I can't wait." Under the table, my hand grazes the side of Storie's thigh. I know I still have the mammoth task of job hunting in January, but the thought of it doesn't sting so much, knowing that I get to live with my girlfriend, in an apartment with heating and hot water and a proper bathroom.
"You two'll have to come over for dinner once Liam's all settled in," Storie says to Gray. "We can have a real, grown-up dinner party."
"Are all the grown-ups invited?" Tad asks as he pours coffee.
Jen chuckles and says, "Let the kids be."
Gray puffs up his chest. "Jen, I'm sorry to say that I'm no longer a kid. I'm a proper, fully-grown adult." He drapes an arm around Navya, who rolls her eyes fondly at him. "I have a proper, fully-grown wife!"
Tad's laughing, and I can't help but join. Gray still seems like a kid. He hasn't aged in the years since I first met him. He looked sixteen back then and now, at twenty-four, he still looks sixteen.
"You'll always be my kid," Tad says.
Navya pipes up and says, "I like to think I have a little more growing to do." She pauses. "I always wanted to be five foot four."
"Oh, Nav," Gray says, such deep sadness in his voice. "I think maybe that fantasy has passed its expiration date."
"A girl can dream!"
"Fair enough. Except ... we've been together for four years and you still only come up to my left nipple."
I splutter, coughing on a piece of bacon. "Only your left nipple?"
"The right one is a little higher," Gray says. Navya covers her face and shakes her head, though I can see her grinning through her fingers. "Don't shame me for my asymmetrical nipples, William."
"Oof. William. Low blow. That burns, Graham," I say, trying not to laugh again when I take a bite of sausage and egg. "I'd never shame you for the state of your nipples when I have three of my own."
That shuts everyone up. Storie snorts a laugh. Gray gasps so loud that Jasper looks like he's about to cry.
"Before you say anything, Gray," Tad says, stepping in, "I'm going to request that everyone keeps their shirts on, okay? No need to prove your nipplefulness, Liam."
"Oh my god. Storie, I can't believe you never told me." Gray looks equal parts astounded and upset.
"I don't think I ever knew," she says, a glint in her eye when she looks up at me.
"I'll show you later," I say, earning a groan from virtually everyone except Jasper.
Jasper, who pulls up his little sweater and frowns at his chest and says, "How many nipples is normal, Mommy?"
Jen laughs as she pulls his sweater down and says, "Irgum-burgum, bébi! Listen to Daddy – shirts stay on at the table."
"There's no such thing as normal, öcsi," Storie says to her little brother. "Though I think most people probably have two."
"The world record is seven," I say. The table goes quiet again. That's the kind of stuff you learn when you grow up with an extra. "I don't know how functional they are, though."
Navya gives me a look. "How functional are yours, Liam?"
Jasper saves me from answering when he cries out, "I only have two!"
He's such an adorable kid. He looks a lot like a young Gray, except Gray is skinny and short, and Jasper's round and destined for great heights, considering his mom's nearly six feet tall.
"Okay," Tad says, trying to sound exasperated though I can see the laughter in his eyes, "I think that's enough nipple talk for today. Does anyone have anything less breast-related to share?"
Gray and Navya share a look. And I see it in their eyes; I know what they're going to say a moment before they say it, and my hand finds Storie's. I squeeze her fingers and she looks at me, confused, right before Gray speaks.
"Um, yes, actually," he says, clearing his throat. "Nav and I are having a baby."
While everyone is processing what he just said – Storie squeals and Tad looks utterly stunned and Jen cries, instantly – I think about last week. When I was here, and Gray and Navya brought beer and cards to Storie's room, and she never touched a drop. A grin takes over, growing wider at the happy glow Gray and Navya share.
"Oh my god." Storie's the first to gather her words. Tad's gone pale at the thought of his son becoming a dad – of becoming a grandpa himself, probably. "You're pregnant?"
"It's still early," Navya says. She's beaming ear to ear. "I'm only about nine weeks along." She looks at Tad then, her expression caught somewhere between apology and amusement. "Which is, ironically, when the baby's nipples start to form."
*
this chapter ended up going a bit off track oops, sorry about that!
what d'you think about gray and navya becoming parents?
also i usually end christmas books with a "one year later" chapter (don't worry, that's not happening yet - i still don't know how long this book will end up being) but with this one i was thinking of maybe doing a few like that? (like one year later, then another year on from then etc) - thoughts?