Spencer hadn't spoken to you since that night in your apartment. You didn't really care. All you could think about was being stuck. You were stuck again, back to square one. Flinching at doors slamming shut, hands shaking, sleeping with the light on and dreaming about Claire again.
"Hey you okay?" Tara asked walking by your desk
"Yep I'm fine" you felt your hands begin to shiver so you shoved them into your lap
"You have just been acting different" she furrowed a brow
"Tara I promise that I am okay, just a little angsty" you lied
You hadn't lied in a while, last time you lied about this topic it ended with you getting fired. "I have been a lot more tired lately, I'm fine"
"Okay" she nodded and walked away
You pushed the previous thoughts you had away and directed your focus onto your paperwork.
"It's really coming down out there" footsteps approached your desk, looking up you saw it was Luke
You slowly turned your head to look out the windows in the distance, it was pouring outside. "Yep, do you mind I'm working"
"Perdón, parece que la princesa esta de mal humor" he mumbled under his breath
"No me llames princesa y no estoy de mal humor" you looked back down at the papers in front of you and continued to casually write, you glanced up for a second and looked back down. Luke was basically burning holes into your skin with his eyes, mouth agape "Se te va a meter una mosca no quieres cerrar la boca"
"Y-you speak Spanish?"
"Does it really look like I have no flavor?" you murmured "I grew up speaking Spanish"
"Well I didn't know that" he rocked on his heels and you looked back up
"Know what" this time it was Spencer nearing your desk
"Y/n speaks Spanish" Luke commented
"Oh I didn't know that either"
"Well I never tried talking to you guys in Spanish because all of you sound like a bunch of gringos looking for directions in a foreign country" you giggled
"Now that I agree with" Luke smiled
Spencer smiled and turned to Luke "Can I talk to her for a second"
"Sure" look mumbled and walked away
Spencer leaned over your desk causing you to lean back into your chair so you weren't too close. "Can we talk"
"About?" you looked into his eyes, there you were again. Your feelings for Spencer wouldn't go away
"The other day, I just wanted to make sure you were okay?" he spoke in a hushed tone in order to prevent anyone else from listening in
"I'm fine" you forced a smile and looked back down at the paper work
"Alright" he back away from your desk and returned to his own
You could finally sit back and focus on your work. But you didn't. Every word you read on the paper didn't process in your brain. The only thing your mind occupied were John's words. I just wanted to make sure you knew this was your fault. The rain against the windows was louder and you wanted to focus on that, for a moment you did. All you heard was the rain but then you heard his words over power any other thought you had. You drowned in your own filth didn't you, not only did you let that little bitch die, you also became an addict
When those words left your mind, different words came back. The ones where Claire was begging for him to stop. You brought your fingers down to one of your wrists, remembering the bruised marks. Everything replayed in your head over and over again.
...
Spencer was over at his desk reading a book but his mind would roam elsewhere. As he turned pages he also glanced up at Y/n over at her desk. He had been watching her since she was at the prison. Being with her helped distract him from the past memories but watching her break wasn't any better.
Every time there was a clap of thunder he would watch Y/n flinch. He could tell her leg was bouncing up and down under her desk. He could see her getting lost in her own mind and trying to make it look like she was focusing on her work. What John said had really gotten to her and he didn't know how to help. He hadn't seen her this vulnerable in years.
There was another clap of thunder but this one was the loudest and it took the lights out with it. Spencer heard groaning surrounding him and a clack of heels going in his direction. A flash of like came from the glass doors.
"The storm took out the power but I'm working on it, sorry guys" it was Penelope
People shot their okays and thank you at her, she walked away. It wasn't pitch black but it was definitely harder to see. Spencer opened the drawer in front of him and dug through it for a flashlight. Once he got it he turned it on and flashed it over everyone. Slowly everyone took out a flashlight or used their phone. He flashed it over Y/n's desk and her chair was empty.
He rolled his chair back and stood to his feet quickly running over to her desk. He looked down at the ground and saw her pen on the floor, he crouched down and found her. Her knees were to her chest and her hands was covering her face. She was practically shaking. Spencer lightly tapped her knee and she flinched
"Y/n it's me Spencer" he whispered, he didn't want anyone to hear "I'm going to turn the light off okay? Come with me"
Slowly she looked up and nodded. He took her hand and lifted her off of the floor. He turned off the light and guided her down the halls into a storage closet. Making sure someone didn't follow behind or see her vulnerable state. He knew the last thing she needed was to be bombarded with questions.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she lifted the sleeves of her long sleeve shirt and wiped her tears
"Don't apologize" he whispered, he lifted his hand to hold her but he resisted. The lingering feelings he thought he had were in the back of his head.
"I--I just" her breathing got heavier "The thunder and then the lights I-- I thought I--"
Spencer stepped closer and cupped her face. Her face was so close to his she could feel his breath. "Breathe in"
Spencer saw the sparkle in her eyes return and he smiled. "Breathe out with me"
Spencer watched her become less tense and relaxed. She continued to inhale and exhale for a couple minuets. He admired her face, she looked beautiful as always. He had knew that he avoided her on purpose. When he held her his heart glowed. Spencer knew being around her was a risk because he would have to confront his feelings and to be honest he didn't even know exactly what to feel.
He loved Max. Loves. He thought to himself. He loves her and whatever he feels for Y/n was just a reaction to her return. He was too scared to mess with anything but holding Y/n in his arms felt strange. It felt like no time had passed. Like life hadn't been ruined, when they were okay and happy. He began to remember their last perfect night at the hotel until she spoke.
"You can let go of my face now" she smiled
"I'm sorry" he dropped his hands to his sides but he hadn't pulled away, his face was so close to hers, he couldn't her breath on his lips. His eyes traveled from her eyes to her lips but soon enough he pulled away. He slowly backed away until his back hit the door
"How do you do this Spence" she sighed running her hands through her hair. He noticed the new haircut and highlights, it suited her and Spencer liked it
"Do what"
"It's been like 8 years and I can still feel his hands wrapped around me" she murmured "You know people told me that wounds take time to heal. Well they are all liars. People told me I should be grateful for escaping but I'm still trapped in that room. I'm stuck in there and visiting" he frowned when she smiled, it wasn't her real smile "Visiting him just"
He studied her face, she was no longer upset, she was angry. She was clenching her fist and looking up trying to avoid tears. Shadows filled the room with the faulty flashlight.
"It just made everything worse" she sighed "It's been years I should have been over this by now, how did you do it with um-" Spencer tilted his head waiting for her to finish her sentence "With Tobias"
"I haven't gotten over it" it was true, some days Spencer would wake up with intense cravings for dilauded. He never acted on it but there were moments when he thought he would break "I relapsed when I was with you and almost relapse when Emily faked her death"
"I heard about that" Spencer watched as her head tilted to the side shamefully. "I don't know how much longer I can last with John suddenly being in my head again"
She laughed to herself "I'm letting a man named John ruin everything" she scoffed "And ruin your day, I'm sorry for dragging you away from work"
"Don't apologize" Spencer thought to himself "It's nice having someone to talk to who actually knows what it feels like and don't let him win. I can't say that you will get over it but eventually it does get better"
Spencer watched her smile. A genuine smile that he could recognize in a heart beat, he felt his heart flutter and then his phone rang. He looked down at the contact.
Max
He could see the comfort in her eyes disappear when she glanced over to the screen. He pushed whatever he felt back and just assumed that Y/n was still upset about her situation.
"Thanks for the help" she gave him a light hearted smile and turned on her flashlight from her own phone and walked out of the closer
Spencer snapped back to reality and answered the phone "Hello"
"Hey baby" he smiled at the cheery voice "The power went out and I just wanted to make sure you were okay"
"Yeah baby I'm fine"
Now he was more confused than ever. He loves Max and he used to love Y/n. That's it. Nothing more and nothing less he thought to himself. Right?