Thank you to everyone whose voted and continued to read, it means so much to me ❤
I just want to say I love everyone who has shared their stories of their anxiety. So many of you relate to Oaklee and I didn't even realise I was creating a character who is so relatable until now. I'm glad I reflected anxiety in the right way and so many of you relate to Oaklee and you're sharing your experiences and feelings about the subject. You are all being exceptionally kind about my book and to each other and I'm so happy that there is so much support and positivity.
Anxiety is hard but I hope you all feel less separated and alone because of all the shared experiences.
Thank you! ❤
Alexander King
"Alex?"
My head shot up at the sound of her voice. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
My feet hit the carpet, rounding the desk and striding to her in less than five seconds.
"I'm fine." She shakes her head, blinking quickly. "I just... I..."
"What? Are you feeling okay? Why are you here? Did something happen?" I fire off, searching for any sign of her anxiety increasing or any injury. She looks okay.
"I remember."
My blood runs cold on my veins and my eyes snap up to meet hers, now only seeing the emotions I had been waiting months for. It's not confusion or doubt or politeness, it's my Oaklee. I want to smile, laugh, pick her up and kiss her but this is the moment when she leaves me. She's going to leave me.
I stumble back and my throat constricts when the force of her words actually hit and all I can manage is an, "Oh."
"Yea." She rocks back on her heels.
"Oaklee..." I whisper, my eyes burning. "I am so sorry for everything that I said to you. I-"
"You hurt me." She interrupted, her eyes glassing over and the sight killed me. It hurt so much to see her like this. It was coming. She would finish the blow and leave me dying on the floor. "You called me names that he called me and you thought I would keep something as big as knowing my dad killed your mum from you. Morgan told me and it hurts so much." Her tears fall. With every tear a large cut engraves itself in to my heart. "I don't understand how you could think I would do that to you."
"I didn't think." I shake my head softly as I whisper. "I saw his face, the same face I saw eighteen years ago and every reasonable and logical explanation went out the window. I'm so sorry."
My tears fell. The worst part was she wasn't shouting, she was calm, the hurt was dropping from her voice and it burnt me like I stuck my hand in a bonfire.
"I'm angry and hurt but I didn't tell you about him." She shrugs. "You were trying to reconcile us, you didn't know any of it and that's my fault for not telling you when you told me about your mum."
I shake my head furiously. "None of this is your fault."
"Oh I know." She chuckles, wiping her cheeks. "It's yours because you're a mean, cold hearted, angry and hurt man who pushed everyone away that tried to get close to you." I nod, staring down at my feet.
"I'll leave you alone now." I say quietly, clenching my fists as I force the words out of my mouth. The pain doubles and I almost kneel over from the force of it. It feels like my heart is tearing itself apart bit by bit. "I just want you to know how sorry I am but I'll leave you alone."
"I know you're sorry, you've proven how sorry you are by the past ten months." I hear her say and her light footsteps come closer. "But I can't have you leave me."
"What?" I lift my head, meeting her wet cheeks and red eyes. "Baby I said words that your father had beaten you with for eleven years. I chucked your engagement ring at you, I screamed at you, I made you cry and flinch. I caused your panic attack and it was my fault why you hit your head. Do you understand how much of a prick I am? You shouldn't want me anywhere near you."
She nods, more tears falling. "I know. You were in the wrong but I can't help how I feel for you." I opened my mouth but she continued, cutting me off. "I remember everything from the last ten months. Every time you apologised, every conversation you had to have again with me because I couldn't remember. You reintroduced me to yourself and you made me trust you again. You never kissed me or held my hand or hugged me for too long because you didn't want to make me uncomfortable. You did the same thing for my birthday as you did last year and we had the same conversations because you wanted me to remember. I remember every sweet word and every gesture and every action. I remember everything and yes, what you did and said was horrible and you betrayed my trust."
"I know." I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. Hearing it from her makes it so much harder. I just want to grab her and pull her close, I need her near me because only then would I feel like the world wasn't caving in but I can't.
She breathed in, her eyes darkening and more tears slipped from her eyes. "You hurt me!" She shouted. "You betrayed me and it hurt me so much!"
I thought I might have felt better with her shouting, maybe it would make me feel better because I deserved it but it didn't. The pain tripled. Why does it hurt so much?
I nodded, kissing my teeth. "Why do you still want me in your life then?"
She stared at me in disbelief, her eyes showing how much my question hurt her. A scoff left her lips and she shook her head. "You really think my love for you is so little?"
Hope blossomed in my chest but I pushed it down. No. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. This must be a trick or a dream. This wasn't real. I pinched my arm harshly but nothing changed, the world around me didn't disperse. I was still in my office with the love of my life in front of me. Shaking my head, I stumble back a few steps, trying to clear my mind and ears. "Wait what?"
"You hurt me." She nodded confidently. "But I love you so much and I can't live without you. It might seem crazy or stupid to you or others but to me it makes perfect sense." She shakes her head, her brown eyes widening with passion and love as she talks. The sight nearly makes me lunge at her and take her in my arms. I've been waiting for that look. "You make me a better person. I'm happy when I'm with you, I'm not as anxious, I'm not as much of a hermit anymore and I'm okay with that. I need you with me. You make my anxious and dark world a little brighter and calmer."
It takes me a while to open my mouth and find the words I want to say. "But what I said to you... your dad's words-"
"My dad was a horrible man, my scars are emotional, he never hit me hard enough to leave a permanent mark. Just bruises" I flinched at her nonchalant tone. My fists clenched on their own. "But he left scars inside me. He's the reason I have anxiety. After my mum died he turned vile. It was like she was the tether between him just being mean and him being abusive."
I. Hate. Him.
"But I can't blame you for going to see him since I never told you about him and I can't blame you for unknowingly saying those things to me." She steps closer to me. "To you, everyone who has tried to install themselves in your life, has been like that. They've been after the money and the... sex." She grimaces and shivers as she whispers the word like it's a sin. I roll my lips in to my mouth to stop the smile. She's my Oaklee. "I can't blame you and I won't blame you. I love you and I need you and I want you in my life."
I shake my head in disbelief, staring at her slightly breathless. "You're crazy, you know that?"
"Certifiably insane." She nods confidently.
"You should be in a mental hospital." I add, making sure this is what she wants.
"I will check in to one if you don't come over here and kiss me already."
I breathe out a chuckle and rush over to her, picking her up by her waist and walking over to my desk, depositing her on the edge. I stand in between her legs, my heart racing and pounding from being this close to her and the excitement of what I'm about to do.
"I love you so much." I whisper. She's about to reply but I don't let her. After months of agony I finally press my lips to her. I groan as our lips move in unison against each others. My movements are gentle at first, soft in case she changes her mind and pushes me away but when her arms wrap around my neck I lose it. My fingers dig in to her skin, sliding one hand down to her jean clad thigh and wrapping it around my waist, tugging her closer.
My lips are hard against hers. I need her. I've missed her so much. She moans when my tongue darts out, licking her bottom lip and nibbling. Her mouth parts and I slip my tongue in, caressing hers in a way that sends shock waves down my body.
I pull away panting, resting my forehead on hers. Her warm breath fans against my lips. I can't get enough of her. I want her. I missed her.
"Morgan's not going to be happy." I mumble softly, rubbing my nose against hers. I smile when a giggle bubbles out of her lips.
She's so adorably beautiful.
"There might be one thing that might make her come around." She smiles mischievously and I groan, shaking my head.
"No way."
She shrugs. "Fine, live a life of Morgan hating you and making comments about how it was your fault I got amnesia."
She's evil.
"I'm going to have to, aren't I?" I sigh heavily when she nods.
Great.