Things have been going good between me and Marshaun it's been 2 weeks since he's been home we talked everything out and wen got a little advice from ms.v and nana after we had sex on the beach we tried to sneak back in the house out face was priceless after being caught by not only nana but ms.v that night was perfect hear lately I have just been working
8:00a.m
My alarm went off " get up " I said shaking Marshaun he had to go to school and I had to get ready for work he groaned and garbed my waist " let's just stay hear all day " I laughed he is so dramatic sounding like a little girl I rolled over and kissed his lips " sounds nice but we have to grind together to shine together so either get your ass up or be left " I say being smart I got out the bed and went into my bathroom I cut on the water and stripped free of my cloths I started to brush my teeth then felt the urge to throw up I ran to the toilet puking up everything in my body Marshaun came in and raised his eyebrow at me I just stood up and got in the shower I started to wash my hair and body he got in with me we switch spots " what was that " he asked I shrugged " I don't know I was just brushing my teeth then I needed to throw up " I said putting my conditioned hair in a hair tie I stepped out raping my towel around my body I dried off and started to Latino up I put on my underwear and started to look for my brawl Marshaun came in the room dropping his towel and grabbing his boxers yes he has cloths over hear not a lot just a few like lounge cloths a few pants and 2 pairs of shoes I was in the middle of putting on my scrubs then I shot to the toilet throwing up again he came in behind me raising his eyebrow again he stood in the door frame looking deep in thought " what " I said I wanted him to stop staring at me " you sure there is nothing wrong with you " I sat and thought for a moment I couldn't think of anything I shook my head " must be something I ate I guess I mean I'm throwing up but I feel fine I don't feel sick at all " I say trying to convince him I was fine " you know how dumb that just sounded your throwing up but you feel fine " he said mocking me I rolled my eyes and finished getting dressed he of course was done before me I started to do my make up I put my hair into a tight ponytail and headed down stairs Marshaun was eating a bowl of grapes I decided not to eat anything the last thing I needed was to be throwing up at work I didn't need to be sent home I sat down and started to think I hardly ever get sick and when I do it is like a cold or something like that I shook the thought away and headed out for work leaving my thoughts behind me
7:30p.m
Today was a long day I didn't throw up any more but as the day progressed I started to feel wheezy I thought it was because I skipped breakfast but when I tried to eat it just wasn't sitting right in my mouth I knew something was wrong because I never ever don't eat shit that's my second nature eating is apart of life especially mine once I got home I gent straight to my room and laid down my head was spinning and I just didn't feel it my nana came in and sat down beside me " what's wrong " she said touching my side I tolled over looking at her " I don't know " I said explaining everything to her she listened carefully after examining everything to her she asked me had I had my period out of all times she want to talk about that now I grabbed phone and looked at my period log the last time I had had one was lasting it was due anytime now BC I was just ovulating last week and BOOM !!! Just like that it hit me I paused and stared into space Marshaun came home that day I was ovulating we had sex unprotected it's been 2 weeks my period was long over due " I probably have the stomech flue or something " I say not looking at my nana she shit me a look and got up " umhum we'll you let me know if u new anything get some rest you might feel better in the morning " she said kissing my cheek and walking out as soon as her door closed I shot up I quickly changed out my cloths and called miyah she answer on the second ring " hello " she said "!i need you to help me do something I'm on my way" I say panicking I hung up before she could say anything I grabbed my purse and quickly ran down stairs and out the door I got in my car and pulled off
Once I got to her apartment complex I ran up the stairs and knocked profusely she answers the door looking at me like I was crazy I rushed in and started to pase back and forth " what's wrong " she said I started to shake and my hands started to sweat never in an a million years did I think I would be every saying this I stood still and looked at her " I think I'm pregnant " she didn't say a word she just walked to the back and i was right behind her she started to go through the top of her closet she pulled out an old box with baby stuff in it and she pulled out a box of clearblue test he handed them to me " you know what to do " is all she said I went to her bathroom and closed the door i started to contemplate I wanted to call Marshaun but what if I'm over thinking it I mean I could just really be sick and freaking out for no reason but if I was I didn't wanna find out alone I wanted him to be Hear I went to his contact but quickly changed my mind what if he doesn't want a baby shot I don't either we graduate in less than 2 months and we just got back together things are going good a baby is just going to fuck things up I cursed myself for not being smarter and using protection I knew better then I thought about nana lord this is going to kill her I sat on the side of the tub just thinking about all the disappointment and hurt this is going to cause people including myself I got up and pulled out the test reading the directions carefully these wear the high tech ones so it would tell me rather I was pregnant or not I took a deep breath and pulled down my pants I sat there for what felt like forever before I finally started to pee I quickly shot the test between my legs and pulled it right out now I wait I was knocked outy thoughts by miyah coming in with the phone in her hand I whipped and got up " hear " she said I looked at her like she was crazy I know she didn't call him I just know she didn't I took the phone with a shaky hand and put it to my ear I didn't say anything " why didn't you tell me " he said sounding calm this is not a calm situation this is the rest of out lives my life because he could walk out and then I'm stuck I just bit my lip and shook my head " I know you hear talking to you moon " he said it wanted to talk but I couldn't I didn't know what to say or how to feel dame it Miyah didn't need to call him he is just making it worse how can he be so calm about this I heard the dial tone signaling he hung up I just sat the phone down I had bigger issues than him hanging up in my face miyah had walked away I sat down on the tub and waited it was silent the only thing I could hear was my hear beating I jumped at the sound of somebody banging on the door I got up and locked her bathroom door I heard he talking and then it got quiet I heard her bedroom door close and lock I figured it was just her or maybe D but man I was wrong it was Marshaun he tied to open the door but failed I started to panic I didn't need him to be hear right now " open the door moon " he said I didn't move he tried to open it again I'm he sighed in frustration " I'm counting to 3 if u don't open the door I will kick this mf down and Miyah will have you to blame " he said " 1....2..." I swung the door open and he walked in I didn't look at him but I could feel him burning a whole in me I had the test in my hand " so what you wear just going to do this without me knowing that shit wasn't going to fly and I would have found out one way or another " he said I started to get mad its not like I knew and was t telling him I just thought about it my dame self I shot up " don't sit hear and accuse me of not telling you it hiding anything from you because I just thought about it today if you felt suspicious you should have been more blunt about it instead if beating around the bush " he knew all along I could have been pregnant that's why he asked me all that this morning " I'm not trying to go through this shit again man " he said sighing and sitting down on the toilet my whole face changed again what tf he mean again I through the test at him and quickly walked out I garbed my keys and stormed to my car ignoring him and miyah I pulled off fuck them I dint need them I got me regardless she shouldn't have even called him and he doesn't even ask if I'm ok he just comes in accusing me then has the nerve to say he doesn't feel like dealing with this again shit how does he think I feel I don't wanna deal with this at all I have my whole life ahead of me and so does he so with that being said I'm going to do what I feel is best abortion or adoption he doesn't even have to worry about it I think getting out the car and going inside my house I close the door and quietly go up to my room I don't need nana waking up i get straight in the shower I scrub profusely I slide down the wall and begin to cry I hate my life I can't win for loosing it's always some type of bullshit going on and no matter what I do or how I do it I'm the one who gets fucked over in the long run
After getting out I dry off and examine my body in the mirror I touch my stomach I don't look any different and I don't feel different I just sigh and go in my room I put on a big shirt and lay down my phone flashes I pick it up seeing Marshaun is calling I just let it go to voicemail I had 10 unread messages between him and Miyah and 4 missed calls I just deleted them I felt betrayed how could she call him when I went through this with her I didn't call D because for one that wasn't my place and for two that obviously why she came to me and not him or a doctor when you confide on someone the quickest way to fuck that up is by getting other people involved now I feel like I can't trust her and then Marshaun i have no words for him I feel played like I've been set up why I don't know because I got myself into this but unlike other people I'm not going to sit and ponder I know what I need to do and I'm going to do it simple as that
6:30a.m
I woke up feeling the urge to throw up I did my business and layer back down this is bullshit I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy after watching dr.phill I finally fell back asleep I woke up again when I felt my bed dip I flipped over fast only to see Marshaun I got up not wanting to be next to him I don't even have to ask how he got in he sat up and tried to grab me but I moved away he sighed " I'm sorry iight I know it was some dumb shit to say and no I don't have another baby " he said I blinked away my tears I
Didn't wanna hear it I didn't care I just wanted him to leave " just go " I said looking down he looked at me " I'm not going any wear so sit your ass down moon " I didn't feel like arguing so I sat down beside him " look I know your scared shit I am to but we gone be straight wear going to get through this " he said grabbing my hand I pulled away " how I don't even know if I'm for sure pregnant or not yet " I said remembering I threw the text at him he stood up and pulled it out his pocket I stood there shocked then it's like my whole body collapsed I just fell to the floor and cried he came and grabbed me he held me telling me it was going to be ok it's like every positive thing he said my mind would put something negative over it call me crazy but I had a little hope left that the test would be negative and all this would go away but in reality it isn't going away this is real
This baby is real I got up out of his embrace I sighed I sat down putting my head in my hands he sat beside me " I'm not keeping it " I blurted out he didn't trip like I thought he would he just said " yes you are " I got up and looked at him " I'm serious Marshaun I'm not keeping this baby " he stood up in front of me he clinched his jaw tight I knew I had pissed him off " I'm serious to moon this isn't just about you it's not just your heart beating anymore that shows how much of. Child you are you don't want to talk about it you want to run and hide and make irrational decisions because your scared or your mad we'll news flash I'm just as much the parent as you are and your not killing my kid if you don't want it fine after you have it I will get full custody and you won't have to worry about it anymore what type of
Mother goes and kills their child it's yours nobody else's that's our baby in there setting we created " he yelled I felt the hot liquid hit my face " it's not about Marshaun it's all about me
I'm the one varying this baby the one their going to look down on I'm the one who's going to be fucked when you decide it's to much and you want out me not you me and yeah it's May be harsh but the type of mother who doesn't want to bring a child in this world knowing I'm not ready because I know how it fucking feels to be that otherness child to wonder what you did to cry for seine who is there to yearn for a love that can't be given and your right you are the parent to but you said you didn't want to go through this again so let me help you " I say whipping my face and opening my bedroom door for him to leave he looked at me and smirked " we both know we don't want that " he said grabbing me and closing my door I snatched away I didn't find anything funny at all I ran to the bathroom before I could say anything smart i emptied my life I to the toilet while he help my hair and rubbed my back " I'm hear baby we straight and I'm not going any wear so chill with all that leaving shit " he said holding me I just leaned back " I love you " I said he kissed my head " I live y'all to " he said rubbing my belly I just smiled placing my hand over his
After we made up and I fell back to sleep I woke up feeling a little better he had left but text me telling me he would be back latter I shy rugged it off I got up and took a shower I put on some legging and a big t shirt with my fuzzy socks I put my wet hair in a ball and walked down stairs nana was in the kitchen cooking humming some church song " hay nana " I said kissing her I. The cheek " " hay baby " " what are you cooking " I asked grabbing some yogurt and granola I sat down at the island and watched her " I'm making chicken and dumplings " I smiled I love that with sweet bread yes lawd " so how you feeling " she asked I choked " i uh I feel a little better " I said looking every wear but at her shit I hate lying to her but I do t wanna tell her yet it anyone for that matter I want to sit everyone down and tell them all together with Marshaun hear I sighed getting frustrate with my own thoughts " nana I need to talk to you " I said bit to g my lip " I'm listening " she said still cooking I took a deep breath hear goes nothing " we'll uhh I'm uh we'll we me and Marshaun are umm expecting " I say holding my breath ready for her response she just laughed I narrowed my eyebrows " baby I already knew that I thought you wear going to tell me something new " she said " huh how did you Know " I ask " we'll yesterday morning after you kept throwing up I figured something was wrongs so when you came home looking pale I figured you knew but after you didn't say anything I figured I better not be the one to tell you I wanted you to figure it out on you own so I asked about your mistral cycle so after u rushed out if hear las night I figured you had gotten a clue and I was right you and Marshaun talk to loud " she said I just nod " your not mad " I ask " I'm not mad but I am disappointed I have no reason to be upset I just hope you do what's right " she said looking at me I sigh " nana I don't know what's right " she laughed " and you never will when it comes to these types of things you just gotta go with the flow and you Lear as time passes " she said " I was thinking about abortion " I say she turned around so fast I swear I saw three of her at one time " we'll you better just get that thought right out of that big ass head of yours taking the easy way out doesn't make things easier it makes it complicated you won't only hurt you but that boy to and on top of that your baby didn't do anything to deserve that moon I raised you better than that act like it you understand " she said looking at me I lower my head " yes " I mumbles she grabbed my face looking me dead in my eyes " yes what " she said " yes mame " she let go " good now when are y'all going to go to the doctors " she asked it scares me how she is so bipolar she can be so serious and back to herself with the snap of a finger " latter in this week I need to set an appointment " I say getting up about to go to my room " hear take this your going to throw that yogurt right up " she said handing me a pack of saltine crackers and a jar of peanut butter i smile and go back up stairs
Sure enough I threw a that up I sighed this is awful I brush my teeth and look at myself in the mirror I pull my shirt up and rub my stomech " I know you can't hear me yet but I love you and your daddy does to and so dies nana we all love you but I'm going to need for you to stop making me so sick if I dint eat you won't grow and I need you to grow so you can be healthy " I said looking down at my stomach I hear someone laugh I turn around to see Marshaun " what " I say pulling down my shirt he come over and kisses me then he gets down on his knees and kisses my stomach I laugh it tickles he stand back up and turns me around we look at each other in the mirror " your beautiful and I love you moon I'm glad your having my baby I wouldn't have it any other way " he said kissing my shoulder blade I hold h close " I love you to" I say this is the begging of something new and I'm not to much in love with the thought of change but we gone be straight