"But wherever you are now... I'll carry on."
-
"I'm so happy I got to see you again."
And just like that, she was gone again. A flurry of emotions flooded my heart as I collapsed to my knees, all that was left of her were these snow-white flowers, I was never an amazing florist as she was though and they were unrecognizable to me. I didn't know what to feel, happy? I mean, I was overjoyed to have seen her again. To have kissed her, to let her know I adored her so very much... That she was my light, my love, my everything. I sucked in my cheek, was it selfish to have wanted some more time? I wanted her to stay, how long? Forever would've been nice.
I was still shaken, sadness enveloping me like a blanket as I bawled my eyes out. I felt like I had lost her twice. And it made me realize just how wrong I was, just how wrong it was to have left and never come back. I was so undeserving of her, somehow passing through death in order to see me? The guy that practically abandoned her, I wished I could have given her so much more. She deserved more than what I could've ever given her, but what was always so telling about her was that she didn't care about how much I could give; rather, caring about how much time I would be with her. She was selfless, and through all my defaults and past mistakes, she still loved me.
That kind of woman was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of find. Maybe once is a thousand years kind of girl... Who was I kidding? She was one of a kind. No matter if I waited till the end of time itself would I ever meet someone even close...
I fell to my knees, collapsing into salty tears while these flowers were everything that was left. The delicate white colour reminding me of her, through my aggressive tears I carefully collected them by the stems. My tears splashing onto the petals, I sniffed through every last one. I held them close to my chest, the overwhelming feelings just drowning me as I felt so empty. It was a gluttonous void in my heart, tearing me apart slowly from the inside as she was the only one that could possibly fill it. In my grief, I pretended the flowers I held were her, squeezing them against my body tightly and never wanting to let go. And I stayed like that for a long time, my tears endless and my thoughts running rampant. I yearned for her but knowing she wouldn't be coming back stung my pounding heart. I wasn't sure how long I allowed myself to wallow in despair, minutes, hours? It felt like years, but my perception of time was incredibly slowed to the point as if it practically stopped. I was helpless, all I could do was cry; so much to the point, I was physically running out of tears, feeling the draining effects of dehydration.
That chronic tiredness, a dry throat and mouth yearning for a drop of water, and that pounding unbearably strong headache. I felt so sick, and that feeling only reminded me of her more, the amount of pain and discomfort she must've felt while I was gone. At least the pain had now ceased, but who knows if where she's gone to left her at peace or served to be more pain than what previously existed. Was life the bad part? All that physical, emotional and mental pain building up and torturing us throughout the course of our life; every fall that sent electricity through our joints, every heartache and every wave of crippling depression, was it the worst of our feeble existence to then melt away from our death into the serendipity of our consciousness? That the afterlife happened to be this ultimate ataraxy, a tranquil and undisturbed void of just... Nothing.
Or was it that this pain and suffering was the best that could be offered to us, that life after death was... Hell, quite literally. More pain than human beings on their own could ever comprehend, for eternity as nothing ever lives up and everything burns and stings. Every negative emotion surging as it would be so suffocating, with no breaks and no room to think eternity would be unbearable. Forever.
Or maybe it was something else entirely.
Because, how could we predict something we don't understand when everything is being viewed from the phaneron.
I couldn't prove that everything around me wasn't in truth a figment of my own mind, it was a trippy feeling to think that everything was fake. Looking into it, could you really prove anything was real? The entire belief behind the phaneron was that you couldn't and what you experience went through your mind first, who knows how our minds warp the reality we exist in; what the world really looks like outside your own eyes, it frightening and humbling.
So maybe trying to understand what laid beyond was a futile attempt, it was an undue effort that needn't be done since it would be practically impossible to fully understand from the perspective of a human being. So many things we try to tie to our own reality, to be able to feel, touch, smell and see... But that was the flaw. It was like trying to imagine a new colour, you can't. And maybe my relentless and blackhole-like thoughts of trying to wrap my head around where and how she is: was in vain. Maybe there were senses far beyond what we could feel, experience or imagine.
Anything was possible.
I jumped up, the ringing of my cellphone from my desk jolted me out of my thoughts as I shot my head up half expecting the sudden noise to be her. Of course, my hope immediately deflated as I looked up to no one there. But my phone continued to vibrate and continue playing its jolly jingle as if nothing was the matter at all. I stared at it, with dead eyes now still caught up in my thoughts. I broke out of those thoughts and with the bundle of delicate flowers held in my arms I got up and went over to the mobile device. And then displayed on the screen... It was Mamá that was calling. I carefully allowed my left arm to handle the flowers while my dominant hand picked up my cellular.
Pressing the green button and bringing it up to my ear, my voice grating and raspy from the soreness caused by the postnasal drip I've developed from how much I've cried. "hola...?" I spoke out sheepishly, I could just hear from the other line she had just finished crying her heart out too. "Hijo colgaste tan de repente antes que ni siquiera pude preguntarte la otra cosa... ¿Este sábado está bien para ti para el funeral? Tengo que saberlo para poder reservar tu vuelo." She sniffled a little bit after as it sounded like she choked back a sob. That sinking feeling returned again, another reminder of what I lost. What I couldn't ever get back. "Sí, el sábado me parece bien... Pero..." My eyes travelled down to the bundle of white I held in my arms.
[ hello..? - Son you hung up so suddenly earlier I didn't even get to ask you the other thing... Is this Saturday okay for you for the funeral? I have to know so I can also book your flight. - Yeah, Saturday is okay with me... But... ]
"¿Crees que podría llevar flores en el avión?" I sat anticipating her answer; knowing I wouldn't be able to bear watching the last remnant of her wilt away in my dimly light and messy apartment I knew what I had to do. Let these rest atop her final resting place in the hometown she had always loved, to soak up the warm Mexican sun just as she always loved to do on those summer afternoons... And allow the petals to blow gently in the breeze like her hair would always do those quiet evenings. "Por supuesto, hijo, y me aseguraré de que puedas conseguirlas para ella." I allowed myself to crack a minuscule smile, one thing I would make right.
[ Do you think I could bring flowers on the plane? - Of course son, and I'll make sure you can get them through for her. ]
I only had a few days left now till my final goodbye.
-
Dressed in breezy clothing and rolling my suitcase out of my apartment, with my backpack adorned on my back and bouquet held in pride firmly, I turned back around to lock my door behind me. I did a small head check before, making sure I had everything I needed before leaving for the airport in fear of leaving anything behind. Since the call... Since that day that everything had seemed to hit me all at once, I had been packing and making sure I had every last thing I needed. Making sure not a single minute detail was forgotten, such as making sure to tie the stems of my flowers together with her favourite colour of ribbon. In my luggage I had packed my nicest suit and even planned on not wearing a beanie for the ceremony, she deserved to see the hair she loved to play and fidget with one last time.
Brought me back, as a kid she was practically infatuated with my hair, running her small hands through my locks, complementing the colour and always expressing how soft it was. At the time she was the only person I ever let see it and she took that completely seriously, telling me how appreciative she was and even shooing people away when I needed to take it off. I miss being a small child with her when we didn't have to think about how what we wanted in life was completely different and that it would inevitably split us apart... Or acknowledge the stinging feeling I felt when she would so much as talk with someone else, of course, I let her have her other friends but seeing her with someone else who kind of... Looked at her the same way I did, hurt.
I shook it off, being jealous never got me anywhere. Those bitter times where I scoffed in the background and ranted my head off to Aksel never ended well. In fact, at one point I even got my ass handed to me in high school while trying to scare off some dude who had a crush on Y/n. Knowing that since I wasn't her boyfriend, she could very well say yes to the ass-wipe, and that thought haunted me until I caught him alone one day and yelled the shit out of him. That was one of the bravest things I had ever done, because I knew I was going to lose but I still poured why whole damn heart out and put on my bravest face to try and scare this guy. He was almost double my height, apart of the football team meaning he was a very stocky build and worst of all, he actually wasn't alone. In fact, at the time when I was passionately telling him to stay away from the kindest and prettiest girl in the whole damn school (which he didn't take too kindly to) his friends so happened to arrive on scene looking for their friend. I didn't help my position by calling him insulting insults and threatening him with violence; while being a kind of chubby, introverted gamer kid talking down to the literal definition of jocks. Let's just say it wasn't my smartest decision in the world.
I remember still, every second of that fight... Though it wasn't really a fight, more like one hit took me down and I was beaten senseless afterwards. Kicked and stomped on repeatedly, that was the one and only instance where I broke a bone... Multiple actually. My clavicle, a couple ribs and the humerus in my right arm being broken from the aggregated stomping, the initial hit and punch sending me backwards to plant on my back. After that they weren't quite as nice, the kicks that mostly attacked my torso ended up breaking my clavicle from just too much force to my shoulders, from both sides and at the same time. As for my arms, I did my best to shield my face and neck and it did decent enough since from the neck up I didn't have major injury, although with how much abuse it received my right arm eventually caved it and the bone in my forearm completely breaking in two. I tried to shrivel up in a ball to shield myself from anymore pain, but I was sure they were just about to bash my head in before an absolute miracle happened. Well, I should say, arrived with some force.
"PARA!" The usually soft and gentle voice rung out, slamming into the guy who was aiming for my head they both collapsed to the floor beside me. Bloody and bruised, on the verge of passing out I still remember the hard kick Y/n and done to the guys balls as she shooed the others away with firm shouts and cries. I remember the darkness dotting the peripheral of my vision, her face being the only clear thing and the pain I felt, but I couldn't tell if it was because of all my physical injuries or the guilt I had felt for having her be this worried and scared for me. Her voice commanding, she ordered around those football jocks and got them to call the ambulance, I thank every lucky star out there that they had enough self respect as to not hit her. I don't even want to think about the what-if scenario of if they were truly ruthless, how much they could've hurt her... It was a thought I wouldn't want to dwell on too long as it would make the guilt so much stronger. Even without the add-on, even now years later knowing she achieved her peace and hopefully resting gracefully in the sky, the regret of that situation still stood and it taught me a lesson to not impulsively try to beat people up.
That face of hers, always so breathtakingly beautiful, cried crystal tears over my battered body as she told me later I was in such horrible shape that she genuinely thought I was going to die. I promised myself to never hurt her like that again, I knew she hurt way more in that situation than I did actually getting hurt. I hated knowing that I was the cause of her pain, now more than ever being that I had practically ghosted her for years on end in my own strive of lack of self respect. I hate that I forgot the meaning of that event, that even with scars present on my body to this day I had let the most important lesson of that afternoon slip my mind for countless years... And that was: that she loved me. She hurt with me, seeing me in pain hurt her more than it could ever hurt me, she loved me for who I was and didn't care that I wasn't the most fit or the most active guy. She never even batted an eye to the fact we lived in lower middle-class, not exactly being the poorest but by no means having a lot of money. She didn't care, appreciated every last thing. From the location of our childhood home, even if being in an extremely poor area with drugs and danger circulating the streets, she always was thankful for the fact that we were at just the perfect angle that the skyscrapers didn't abstract the rising of the sun. And at dusk, we were high enough to watch it set on our poor town just outside the city. To every meal she and I shared, making sure all the food got eaten and whatever leftovers we had went to our less fortunate neighbours. And I let that be forgotten for so many damn years, it stung now only allowing myself to remember. I didn't need to stop responding, grow distant and be completely dry to optimize my time at the gym to loose weight or read meaningless and stupid relationship advice books that were filled with superficial garbage. I read every pickup line, in every pick up book, in every library in my area, trying to find the proper words to say when I would make my trip back and see her again taking care of the unfortunate and being the angel I knew she was. As Mamá liked to put it, God had a short supply of angels. When he sends one to earth be thankful as he would eventually call her back to the sky. Nothing could truly describe my emotions right, no meaningless book of dirty jokes to get women to sleep with you out of pity would ever explain the way I felt. So I never went back. My desire to better myself becoming obsessive as that cycle went on for years. Until, it became too late. And even with my mistakes, damning and horrible ones at that, she still loved me till the very end.
I would carry this for the rest of my life, and already just standing in the moment everything already felt so heavy.
"Alex..?" I jolted out of my thoughts, I gasped for air as a knee-jerk reaction allowing the breeze to zoom past my chapped lips. Spinning around to meet the eyes of the shorter woman that, from what I remembered, disrespectfully tried to replace the sweetest woman of my dreams, I fought back the urge to scoff in her stupid face. The amount of nerve she had, while I was still grieving... It was just horrible to think that I ever thought that she was someone so kind-
"I'm sorry." Her meek voice interrupted my horrid thoughts of her, she teetered from back and forth shifting her centre of gravity from foot-to-foot while avoiding all eye contact with me. "I know it's hard to see me right now, especially after everything I said. I just wanted to let you know thatI genuinely hate that I thought I could replace her. I realize that, some people will always have a place in our hearts. She is and always will be so special to you, I really couldn't ever say I'm sorry enough for it." She teared up, the shame and guilt evident on her face, it seemed that she really was genuine about it. I took in a deep breath, gathering my already scattered and mixed feelings, my eyes focused on her as I needed to take a minute. I hated the fact that I couldn't stay mad, there was always something you could see in someone when they ask for forgiveness, you see change, you see someone else. And that person, you haven't seen and can forgive. However, forgiving and forgetting are two very different things, I could hopefully when the dust completely settles and my heart can calm down would one day be friends with her again. The entitlement in her words stuck and were most certainly not forgotten, I still could feel her words ripping the barely healed gash in my heart where Y/n was viciously torn out.
"I... I forgive you but please, could you maybe step out of the way? I have a flight home to catch." I could softly grin, being as friendly as possible as she weakly smiled back and stood out of the way. "Miss you already big guy, I know you can get through this. It's... Well, you know my number, if you do ever need someone and no one else is around... I'll keep my phone on me in case of anything." Though innocent in nature, I let one of my carry-ons to fall to the ground to use that hand calmly rest on her shoulder as my expression said the world. I could forgive, I could befriend and become comfortable again, but I just needed time... I needed her to step out of the way for a minute. I was thankful I needn't to speak anymore, as her eyes widened and nodded this time really stepping aside. She spoke no more words, and I appreciated that at the very least.
And in picking up the bag I had let fall to the floor, making sure my door was properly locked and looking back to see that she still stood there awkwardly waiting for me to leave. She jumped up, not expecting my voice as I spoke my final goodbyes, "...I have extremely appreciated everything you've done for me though. Thank you Elizabeth." Her eyes welled up, as she sniffled and waved goodbye solemnly. Making sure I had everything in my arms, I held the bouquet just a little closer as I began to go down the hall not looking back and mentally preparing for what was to come.
-
The crowd of relatives, some I recognized others I didn't although every last one knew me, dispersed from the newly filled grave that six feet under kept the embalmed body of Y/n L/n. Her name I would make sure wouldn't be forgotten, I couldn't let her disappear in the obscurity of history and time. Who knows how many people just like her have gone and disappeared never to be remembered again. My family knew how close I was with her, and in allowing us a final goodbye I laid the white daffodils down just in front of her gravestone; in bringing the flowers to a family of gardeners that informed me the name and meaning of the simple flower. New beginnings is what it symbolized, being as it was one of the first flowers to bloom after the end f winter. Maybe she was trying to tell me something with them, a real final message that I didn't completely get the first time around. Or maybe my family and I were putting too much pressure and meaning onto something that was meaningless. I observed the words etched into the polished rock, it displayed the most simple and basic information about her. I hated it, the monument that would last longer than you ever would, sometimes being the last evidence that you were ever alive, was so basic. Someone two-hundred years from now, wouldn't ever understand just how amazing she was. No one ever could. Truly the world had lost something special.
I tried controlling the flow of tears that this whole time had threatened to fall and had ultimately fallen, Mamá had made sure my seat had a completely new and accessible box of tissues, of which I had completely used up before the service was complete over. And now, tissue-less I felt so venerable crying in complete sight of everyone but as much as I fought it, the weight of everything made it impossible. I made an ugly face as I choked out quiet sobs, snot dripped out of my nose and onto the freshly cut grass just before her resting place. I was about to fall to my knees and really begin to bawl again, but someone was there to gently lay a hand on my back and offer a tissue.
Aksel. It was Aksel who sympathetically help out a tissue to me as I eagerly took it and blew my nose to right after try my best to wipe away the flowing tears that already found themselves dotting my suit. "I'm not here to argue, for today at lease, can we pause al our disputes and just be friends? Even just for today, Y/n would hate us fighting." He didn't even have to convince me further, from the first phrase I was struck by the gratefulness to have Aksel. I flung my arms around the way taller male, needing them brace of what used to be my best friend. I missed this so damn much, the clean smell of sun-dried linen and his always warm and ironed clothes, to feel small in his arms was the comforting feeling I desperately needed. "Truce, please, truce I missed you so much Aksel..." I bawled my eyes out as he held me close, last time we were this close was... Vidcon 2019. So many years ago and I couldn't believe how long we had stayed angry at each other. I didn't care that I didn't forgive him, he didn't care that he didn't forgive me, because we were once best friends. And in that promise of ultimate friendship, was the promise to put aside everything in the hardest of times and be there for the other person.
We stood there for a while, as I needed time to fully compose myself, and Aksel who held me protectively really didn't mind as not a single utter of complain or discomfort would come for him. It took some time, but somehow I managed to get my tears under control and graciously took another tissue from him, I spoke first really unsure of what to say anymore. "Thank you Aksel..." I muttered out, being as it's the only thingI could really think to say while he gave a weak grin in response. "Of course Alex, no matter how far we drift away even if we're in two very different points in our lives and on the polar opposite side of the globe I will always be a call away. We can stay mad our whole lives but I never once stopped caring about you, you've always been my best friend. And though you don't use this term anymore, you'll always be my habibi." It's crazy how intense emotions can feel, I felt so sad and happy all at the same time, the bittersweet feeling made me feel like I was dying. I was the luckiest person to have had nothing but amazing people around me, it was almost impossible to me that the closest people that's ever entered my life have been godsends. I was blessed and this was the proof.
"You've always been my habibi too, Aksel. I'm sorry for everything and now I just wish we could go back to being kids and playing Toontown with Y/n on late afternoons complaining about school and fantasizing about finally meeting... I miss that, I really do. It's horrible it takes one of us to die to finally get us to come back together. Is Hoover and the old gang here too?" I questioned, where we were younger I made sure to introduce every friend I had to the most perfect girl in the world. They loved her as much as I did, and just like me never stopped. Though they weren't as close to her as I was, then again my parents were the only other people that could even possibly rival that. "Yeah, they were actually but they're not over it and they only came for quick goodbyes and left. Hoover is still here, he just doesn't want to talk to you. He said he'd have his moment with her later." I frowned, bringing my head up to look around us hoping to spot the old friend of mine. One I used to be so close with, laughed and cried with having stupid teenage fun together. It was, upsetting realizing how far we let ourselves drift and resent each other. I was never one to confront a problem either, so it just became unfixable and ultimately left unsaid.
"The amount of things I wish could've changed..." I missed our old gang, and in a sigh I voiced it out to Aksel who knew exactly how I felt, we were dysfunctional in truth. Behind the curtains we all had issues, some... Much, much worse that I didn't even want to dwell on too long. "You can't change people Alex, you can't change the past. You cannot be the guy that lives in his memories, remember that alright? Y/n would hate knowing you couldn't move on." I store into those pale icy eyes of his, I shuttered remembering the last video call we had, how these now warm and comforting eyes made me shutter and looked so full of hurt and betrayal. Well deserved on either side, we both messed up and to be very honest neither of us deserve a second chance. But here we were doing exactly what we said we would't. He was here as my best friend again, giving me loving advice and looking out for me just as he always had.
Like nothing ever changed.
"Oh, and Alex... This is for you." And in his hand, an azure USB with little yellow duckies decorating it in an adorable pattern. I raised a brow, curious to what exactly laid in the device. "I brought my laptop, I knew you'd want to see it. But it's back inside the funeral home. I'll let you have your last words with her and we can head back inside...-" "Wait, no don't leave I'll keep it short." I stopped him in his tracks, knowing that I was holding up other people from saying their goodbyes as well. So turning back around, I stood with feet same width as my shoulders and took in a deep exhale. "Love you Y/n." And that was it, kissing the tips of my fingers I extended my hand to brush over her smooth tombstone. And facing Aksel again he seemed rather surprised as to how short and sweet I had kept it, "...that's it?" I gazed back down lovingly at the bouquet I had set so lovingly on the moist soil. "Well... Let's just say I had already spoken my peace, I know she heard me then better than she hears me now." He let me be, my ambiguous response raising browns but he put a hand on my shoulder reassuringly and knew it was better not to pry. Looking backup at the sky, partially cloudy although it looked like the sun was beginning to peak out of the clouds, there was a gentle breeze that swayed my locks and caused a gentle whisper in my ear...
'...love you too Alex...' It whispered to me, so warm and comforting I basked in that feeling just for a minute.
Before opening my eyes...
But not quite letting go yet.
And following Aksel past other fallen loved one's tombstones, quickly wizzing past names and probably millions of buried memories that only now remain beneath the heavy soil and polished leather of our black dress shoes. I looked back, back to her grave to see familiar faces crowd around her now that I had left, knowing I was the one that needed that alone time the most. Hoover stood at her grave and looked back to catch me staring in distant awe, we locked eyes as even from about eight to ten meters away we had our own intense conversation with only the expressions on our face shouting volumes more than ever needed.
Hover furrowed his brows, hurt, lost, alone.
I let my eyebrows slack, the corners of my eyes curling down and my lips parted slightly. Never breaking our eye contact.
He sucked in his cheek, still with a visible frown.
I let my whole face relax, my shoulders as well trying to get it across.
He closed his eyes, his head shook just a little turning his back towards me.
I continued to stare, hoping he would look back behind him. Tell me something more, give me just another moment to try and reel him in and get to have a moment it's him, just like Aksel, in the past. Regardless of everything that had transpired, for even just a second to try and get his approval to walk up and just say how I feel was what I begged to have.
But I continued to follow Aksel back inside, he refused to turn back around and never let me see his face again.
For the rest of my life I would never see him again, this was the last time I ever saw him in person. Years of friendship, to come to a close in silence with my begs and cries never to be accepted. His back turned towards me; his past. And though I never was 100% sure if it was intentional, that was the last time he did help me out as a friend.
Turn your back to the past. Move forward with time.
And I didn't ever get to thank him for that.
-
"What's exactly on this USB?" I questioned suspiciously while he typed away his password and it slowly loaded. "You have to see... It's nothing weird I promise, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. I know you just said goodbye but... I didn't have a chance to give this to you before and it would be selfish to not give it at all." My heart pounded in anticipation, I was sure after everything was over I would have some sort of heart issue out of this from how much it's been through, from quite literally seeing a ghost and actually losing the love of my life the amount of blood that's pounded through my veins must be world record breaking at this point.
And then it opened, the documents tab displayed on the screen as he went over to the small category to the left side reading 'FOR_ALEX'. In clicking in, it took a solid minute but suddenly uncountable files all loaded in and each and every one was about a five minutes long. I was shocked, the titles being... Songs, dates and cute little quotes. "...What...What is this?" I was confused, until without a word he clicked on one. Titled 'SEE_YOU_AGAIN_VER.16', it was entirely black for just a second until suddenly the scene came alight. Y/n, looking partially sickly looked towards the camera with a joyous smile, quietly muttered out what I assumed to be the date of the recording. She sat in one of those plastic-y waiting room chairs that looked cool in concept but were always so uncomfortable, with her old electric piano in front of her and a heart monitor still hooked up to her and serving as a reminder of life while all the while being a stand-in metronome. Her right hand did a small jump before gently playing the first chord, F-sharp-major-seven.
"You live in my dream state... Relocate my fantasy... But I stay in reality... And you live in my dream state..."
By the first word my breath was winded out of me, my eyes gone wide as I quickly stole a glance at Aksel to my side who even if he was grinning, was on the verge of tears watching this alongside me. "The minute she found out she didn't have much time left she told me her plan, to record as much of her covers and music as she could... Her brightest moments and things she never wanted you to forget, she wanted it on video to make sure you never weren't ever alone. She knew that her death would hit you hard, so she made sure you never did truly lose her." Tears fell again, I rubbed them away aggressively hating when people saw me cry. "She really was an angel..." Was all I could make out turning my attention back to the screen that was now like a window into the past.
"...Twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty vision... Cupid hit me, Cupid hit me with precision... I! Wonder if you look both ways when you cross my mind..."
A sappy love song, what Y/n did best. Knowing what I know now, in the hindsight of the fact she was as hopelessly devoted and in love with me as I was with her... I felt so stupid. I saw her glimpses at the camera, her cheeks, paler than her healthy, natural colour still managed to have a tint of rose. She did everything loving me, wanting to be with me... Being just as scared as me. I sniffled, hearing her voice again sing the gorgeous melody of a song I wasn't sure about; enjoying having her here with me one last time. And as I looked so deeply into her, smiling and giving my reassurance as if she could really see me, when I saw that she didn't, that she couldn't... All that this was, was all just a window. Not a door, a window into an unreachable time where everything was... Gone. Already happened and in the past, so close but completely out of reach. The flash of Hoover crossed my mind, his back towards me without even the slightest hesitation. He had moved on, and I suppose this last goodbye to Y/n, an old friend, was not only a final farewell to her but everything. Every late-night/extremely-early-morning discord call, every laugh and shared meal we had, every smile and treasured memory was spoken a final goodbye.
It was almost inconceivable to me that it was possible to let go of it, let go of her and everything I had ever loved. I took in another shaky inhale, forcing myself to jolt forward and hit the space button, freezing the video and causing Aksel to have his face shadow with worry and concern. "Alex, I'm sorry I shouldn't of showed you... You're still grieving and seeing her again much really hurt-..." "...I need to move on don't I?" I muttered out to myself, looking up to Aksel's gloomy expression as he gripped my hand trying his best to comfort me. "Alex..." "At this rate I'm going to die alone Aksel... I have to forget her so just... Delete her, delete the videos, delete the memories please... Delete the feelings that still live in my chest." I begged and pleaded with him, he kept his mouth shut allowing me to vent out and cry my feelings to him. But when I inevitably stopped, he took the opportunity to try and change my point of view and gear it towards another direction. "...Yes. One day you have to move on from her, but you only move on when you're ready Alex. You can't forcefully fill what was lost in a day, and yes always living in thoughts and memories isn't good but she just passed away barely three weeks ago. You're in no shape to try and move on, and I know, sometimes... The mind wanders and her voice whispers in the wind to move on and forget about her since she was gone, but that comes with time. She meant a lot to you, you can't ever stop loving someone who always loved you... But you sure can love another while still keeping room in your heart for her. Love grows, expands and multiplies." I sniffled, looking back at her but tearing my eyes away. "Do you think someone could love me if I always have another woman in my heart..?"
I quickly whipped my head to his direction, the desperation in my eyes as he seemed to be stumped for words. Keywords: looked to be. "If she's worth it, one day Alex, you'll be able to love again. But you can't rush into this, when the time's right, always keep that in mind and never forget it. This will work out, you'll slowly start to feel better, that's a promise." He was reassuring with every word, and I let myself breathe for a minute, not even realizing that I held my breath his whole answer. I looked at him, he looked at me, I reached over to the laptop and unplugged the USB slipping it into my dress pant's pocket. Not knowing what else to do I get up, "I don't wanna bum you out anymore Aksel, you haven't even gotten your chance to say your goodbyes yet. I'm gonna... Try and sleep o something..." I fought back more tears as they came in perpetual waves, seeming to be without end as I never did truly feel better for too long. "Call me Alex. Please, I'll always be a text away alright? I still care about you." No resentment or distain to be found in either his face or voice, he was... back, for once something from the past circled back to meet me in the present. And it was everything I needed.
"You really are my best friend Aksel."
-
Two years.
Two years had passed since that day.
And here I was, preparing myself for my stream by doing what I had three times a week for the last year and a half. I had the USB always plugged into my personal laptop, making sure to keep copies of the whole thing on different laptops, USB's and cloud drives. No matter if I lost the USB, the laptop... I would never loose the videos on accident, it was impossible and I made it so for a klutz like myself. I grinned, most videos I had seen multiple times over, it helped with grieving a lot actually having that support as if she was there. And sometimes, if I can clear my mind just right and close my eyes tight enough while listening with my headphones just tight enough I could feel like I was back in time with her there in the overly sanitized hospital room. I could smell what I've been told it smelt like, a subtle bath and body works candle hovering in the air since she used to always say how she hated the stinging stench of lemon and rubbing alcohol. I could feel the warm Mexican sunlight against my skin as the plastic seats we sat on beside the piano where you could feel the warmed keys against your fingers.
But now I was here, one video remained the most special to me ever since the first time I saw it and that was the exact one I needed to pull up in order to prepare myself for what would be the start of a marathon that if all goes to plan correctly would be my biggest stream possibly of my whole career... At least until next year. But that was in the future and right now was right now, this was in preparation ever since he started feeling a bit better, everything was for her as I quickly learned the most important lesson I was sure I would ever learn; you never move on, at least in that sense. I was told and believed from the minute she died I was meant to move on, forget about her and go live life as quickly as possible. With help from actual close people that cared about me, I learned through many tireless months of starving myself and sleep deprecation that just trying to cut her out of my life was futile. No matter what, she would never be erased from those twenty years of my life. I needed to know what was the next step emotionally, sure after about half a year to maybe even eight months after the funeral I could put on a happy face and resume my job again, but I still felt... The same. Or rather: lacking, since what was left was a huge hole in my damaged heart. In my hour of need I turned to my biggest comfort and longest friend, the internet; oh and Aksel as well. They both helped as it became my whole life to research love after loss and discover what other people in my kind of position do and have done to push through the unbearable, dreaded reality of losing a crucial part of their lives.
What I noticed was a running theme, happened to be the one thing I could probably do the best... Since what they did was turn a tragedy into something greater, open their life's and celebrate the life of a lost one rather than sulk, by helping others in the name of the fallen they insure that their loved one lives on everyday. The ripple effect of their death, they would make sure was a good one, and my god did that ever sound like Y/n. She practically dedicated her whole life for others, hell if my memory was to be trusted during my intense grieving period then she even came back from the dead just to help me out and give that closure. I was forever owed to her, and though I have never moved on, I don't need to. I don't need to forget to love, my love to give constantly grew and still grows, adds and multiplies. Though I was most certainly not as obsessive as I used to be about her, sure, I still had all her photos up on my apartment walls although she was no longer my phone wallpaper or passcode. Of which I actually just got a new phone, so most of the time I used fingerprint ID and as for wallpapers... I was lucky enough to have actually ended up meeting my online friends and managed to take a group picture together... One of which being a female streamer that had helped set up this whole thing with me and would join later. She was... Great, actually. A sweet person who always looked out for me, not afraid to give her heart and soul to anyone but also wasn't afraid to get vulnerable and ask for help when she needed it. She was gorgeous, and although taller than me didn't make me feel lesser or insignificant. She was okay with the fact I still kept Y/n close to my heart, and we bonded as both of us had lost a significant other. As she herself lost her to-be fiancé to a car accident five years earlier.
I shook off those thoughts of her, Sabine was... Almost everything I ever wanted. But I didn't want to break her heart by jumping into a relationship with her while I still was infatuated with Y/n. I wanted to at the very least wait some more time until I felt that the time was right just like Aksel had told me to do. And in my efforts to try and escape my mourning I refrained from staying in my room and daydreaming, living in my thoughts and memories and rather actually going out and living my life. I had rekindled as much as my relationship with Aksel as I could although it wasn't entirely salvageable, at the very least we were on positive talking terms but he would only really get chatty if my head was in a bad place. I did this all just trying to survive and beat the situation, I knew I would never be as okay as I once was before she had left this earth, but that was okay. Because the pain I felt then and still feel now could never outweigh the good she had done for me... For our family... For the world.
But that was to come and I needn't get ahead of myself, with the files loading in onto my screen I looked for the video I knew would power me through this the most. I knew I couldn't get emotional tonight, so to get it out of my system now was a good idea. So scrolling down in the USB documents, everything was in alphabetical order and looking under 'F' I read through numerous song titles and versions until I found it. And I did, as it was dubbed 'FANTASY_FINAL_VERSION' I came to find out it was one of, if not, the last video she recorded before she got so sick she couldn't sing or speak anymore. Before the machines needed to breathe for her and when she could hold herself up long enough to go from her bed to the seat in front of the piano, which was a miracle that she could even do at all.
Double-clicking the video opened the video file, and out popped her looking paler and skinnier than what she was like when she was healthy. She was almost bones and it pained me to see her like that, but I knew that now her pain was relieved and even then she wouldn't show the aching and smile through it. The strongest woman of our time was in front of me, only being separated by years and a computer screen. I picked up the guitar to my side, resting it on my lap I looked down to see the words I had engraved into it after she had passed. A single daffodil with the quote she told me as she turned into the pale flower, "We'll meet again Alex. I know we will, I promise it.". I ran my left hand over the smooth trenches in the wood, my fingers tracing the lines and letting myself get lost in the memories again. But shaking out of it I quickly got on track to start strumming along with her slow gentle notes of the piano. It was very much so a Piano Ballad/Acoustic cover of the partially upbeat song but we managed to make it out own even if this duet was spanned between many years.
"And did I ever get to tell you what you meant to me? And did you know that you were always like a Fantasy?"
We sung together, slowly of course as she couldn't exactly sing as fast as Khai when she was as sickly as she was. But that was okay and it was arguably better slowed anyways, allowing you to soak in every word spoken; letting the emotions be felt as in the current moment we had no rush, we had all the time in the world in fact. Even if it didn't stand to be, when you entered that zone of being so lost in what you did, time didn't matter at that point. You were... Free, in a sense, of the overbearing and gutting reality we're forced to live in. And when you can escape it for just a minute, you could bring a sense of serene and peace back with you even for just a second after.
"And are you off to see the places that were in your dreams? Yeah would you never find yourself inside a fantasy?"
I grinned, eyes deadlocked on her as they teared up watching her weakly smile back at the camera... And then the sudden stop of the song with a sudden fit of coughs, I had seen this part of the video hundreds of times, never once did it not be hard to watch. That sinking feeling in my heart when a droplet of blood had escaped her lips and flew onto her arm, I could see how she tried to hide it and reassured a worried Aksel that she was okay to continue. I gripped my guitar a little tighter but whenever I did feel so helpless whenever watching the tough parts that randomly happened in the middle of her videos, a warmth would envelope me like a toasty hug. She was here, I just knew it and I may have not been able to see, hear or properly feel here but there always was a feeling that she was here. And when I was at the peak of despondency, her presence would be there, or at least I would pretend it was to make myself feel better. Whether or not she was actually there, she was my method to cope and she was damn effective.
"And did you ever find the love in you you found in me?"
That line was directed specifically at me as she made sure to look at the camera with those pleading eyes that I could never say no to, they were horrible to have to see and it did make my heart especially hurt. She knew how horribly I saw myself, and she knew how much love I reserved for only her... And the first time I heard this, I cried, really hard actually knowing that even from beyond the grave she helped me more than anyone else ever had. I can thankfully say now that after many hours of daily affirmations, hearing the nicest things from close friends and even taking up therapy for a long while... I can say that I could look in the mirror and grin, having some sense of self-confidence although it was true I had my off day every so often. But I can hold my head up high and say with pride that I found love and could appreciate who I was. I wasn't ugly, I wasn't overweight and my hair was pretty fucking awesome. Even if I didn't let anyone see it, it was a special thing for just my eyes only.
"And will I ever get the chance to be your fantasy? And will I see you down the road wherever that may be? Well if I do, I'll tell you that you were my fantasy..."
I wished so bad that when I had that hallucination of her... Real or fake, I had told her so much more. I had just about sixty seconds from the time I first saw her to when the final flower enveloped her and completely fell to the ground. So many regrets as I wished I could've been like Dream and speedran explaining my whole feelings for her from the past twenty years at the time. In the present-day being twenty-three now, I'm older but still none the wiser. Knowing if I got another minute I would choke up like last time, I couldn't ever convey years upon years of emotion in a year let alone a minute. Impossible, but a guy can dream.
"I suppose... It's nice to know... How much time you have left to go."
I wasn't the only one who ever acknowledged the change in lyric, Aksel noticed it from when we had watched it together and though we questioned it after many, many hours and days pondering it I finally kind of got it. Y/n was an incredibly complex and emotional person, even in dire situations she would use her head to act with her heart. So sometimes, trying to underhand unravel her head and thoughts was impossible for someone as stupid as myself. But sometimes I could have my eureka moment and feel like I could just get a step closer to her for a period of time. And knowing that she never let anything hold her down, I could guess that some part of her was thankful to know her expiration. She already loved her life to the fullest before hand but the morbid reminder of when she would ultimately leave the earth creeping it's way closer made her even more determined to leave her mark and do what she could for those around her dealing with her impending death. If it wasn't for that she wouldn't of ever thought to make these videos, a very thin silver lining to a horrible situation.
"But as seasons start to change, my feelings may start to fade... But I'll never forget, all the ease you put me in. Oh and the sun will start to set, as the leaves rise in the wind... And admits a sea of red, I'll think of the words you said."
Promise me you'll move on... I never forgot, even if I was slightly paraphrasing I knew that the message remained the same. She knew I would end up singing along, and even if she didn't know at the time my feelings for her she at the very leas5 understood it would have an impact on future relationships I would try and form. The words did stand true in some regard, my feelings never faded but my outlook about them did. I still loved her just as much as the day she died, but I learned rather than to move on... To let her go, be happy and serene wherever she let her brilliant and pure soul reside. Have it be beside me right now, or somewhere more divine.
"Oh and it's hardest in the snow, wondering which way to go...Though this spring will come with time, I have lost this love of mine."
"If it all just ends today, I think I would be okay. But I'll always wonder if... This is how it should've been..."
"I'll never know."
"I'll never know anything,"
I certainly almost always got emotional towards the end of this song, feeling it touch and relate to me most. It was true, just as I did with everything else, I fantasized. True to the song: she was indeed my fantasy and all my mind could imagine and dream about. I'll always have that leaching thoughts of the could've been and the what if's and it did really hurt to know as long as I live I would never find out. God knows if her soul really did enter into the golden gates of whatever lies out there, but it would never be my place to know until it was my time to go. Truly Khai wrote it best, we won't ever know a thing...
"But wherever... You are right now... I'll carry on."
Profound words, as I watched her spin in the chair to face the camera as she spoke her final message before the screen would freeze and the video would end. "Alex Quackity, I.... I hope you're okay, I hope I'm still alive... I hope... I told you and am just laughing off this time of my life, beside you. But if I'm not, I hope I still am in spirit. Because damn it, I... You're my best friend and you never deserve to be alone when you do everything for everyone else. If I do never get to see you again, Alexis, please take care of yourself. You're amazing, you're handsome, and you're capable. Never forget it." I lip synced along to her voice, having already memorized the whole thing word for word. And with the throbbing ache in my chest I just knew I was doing the best thing I could ever do to honour her. And with a heavy heart, I smiled to kiss the tips of my fingers and brush it along the screen. I was ready, ready to honour her and make it was some might dub... Good damage.
Shutting down that laptop and rolling over to my gaming PC I gently set my guitar down beside my desk in arms reach, checking over my twitch setting and quickly pulling outs a tissue to wipe away the dots of tears that escaped by the ducts of my eyes... I went live. My biggest charity stream yet, as it was the first da of the month Y/n dead died... May. And inspired by the insane month-long stream Ludwig had done years prior I made it my goad to beat that stream... By a long shot. As ninety-three percent of donations and subs would go towards treatment and cures towards her illness. And although Ludwig had made his absolute limit be thirty-one days... Mine? Was planned to be up until my birthday... Over seven months from now. I wasn't even sure if something like this was possible, but the first twenty-four hours were a guarantee as every dollar towards the donation would add ten seconds to my remaining time. That's the only reason why it was ninety-three rather than a full hundred, I still needed to eat and pay my rent.
But now I was only moments away from possibly starting the stream that would break history, actually the charity I would be working with were so greatful instead of keeping it a general saints name had agreed to change it to "The Y/n L/n Foundation for treatment and cures of pulmonary infections and illnesses". We all knew that this would raise a hell of a lot of money, I even hired an accountant to quickly crunch the numbers and the low bar estimate based on my average stream donations alone would be huge for the organization. And since her illness itself was a very rare lung condition, I knew it was best to try and branch it out at least into the general pulmonary area, even if it was a huge ground to cover I would make sure it would be sufficiently funded. In her honour I would help out those still alive that have to now suffer just as she did.
I took a breath, and counting down in my head from ten everything flashed my eyes. Every important moment and every lovely memory came back to me as I knew this what she would've wanted. To turn a tragedy into a miracle. And when I got down to one and hit live, just as expected by the stream name and how much I had been hyping up this day in weeks on Twitter and in streams it quickly beat my highest viewers for one stream. "Guys, okay, okay... I know for possibly the next couple months we're gonna have a lot of fun..." I took their view from off of the club penguin dancing emote landing page to my facecam, where they noticed I dressed fairly nicely and wasn't as excitable as I normally was. "For just a moment chat, okay, I'm not Quackity. This is Alex speaking right now, because I just want to thank everyone who's using twitch prime right now, and to everyone donating and will donate. This cause means a lot to me, and the amount of pain it is to loose someone is devastating. Y/n L/n was my best friend since childhood who was killed by a pulmonary disease, in her honour ninety-three percent of all money collected off this stream will go to the foundation now renamed in her honour. The three percent for myself will go towards my rent and food costs, but I will make sure that after necessities are paid the rest will go back into the charity. So since I know I won't be able to thank every donator... Thank you from now. And let's have an amazing stream, shall we? I hope we raise enough money to at least go the week since I have some pretty special guests lined up! So chat... How's about we start with an old favourite that got me here? And since Habbo hotel never did listen to us the first time... How about we raid them again to show them who's boss?"
The chat went absolutely wild, I knew that this would be... Interesting, to say the least.
-
"Today in other news, The Y/n L/n foundation celebrates it's fiftieth anniversary since the commencement of the almost eight month long stream by retired Twitch user Alex Quackity that raised close to seven-and-a-half million dollars. And though he never had publicly revealed his last name, he currently sits in the ICU on earth right now battling advanced pulmonary cancer. We send our hopes and prayers out to him, as if it wasn't for him and Y/n it's estimated that fifty thousand people would have lost their life if it wasn't for the paid treatment and cures that they had funded."
I watched, old, wrinkly, weakly at the young woman who spoke the news on the high definition television. Although it was decades out of style to use a television, hell, it was even unpopular to live on earth nowadays with how much technology had advanced. What used to be science-fiction was now just regular old non-fiction, the idea of space travel was a very normal thing it was insane how far along humanity had come in only half a century. And through it was normal to see perfectly healthy elders walking around even if being in their hundred-and-thirties, I happened to be one of the unlucky ones. Touched by an illness that was so uncommon even the most advanced modern medicine couldn't help me, as I was losing my life at seventy-three, what would've been a normal age had I been this way... Fifty years ago.
But in a way I was almost blessed to have this, living forever was a curse in my eyes. Human beings were only meant to live so far, in my mind there had to be a limit and maybe it was the two-thousand's kid coming out of me but around a hundred was the upper limits of it. Of course all the while I didn't want to die, having children and grandchildren all visiting me day by day worried and caring about me. And although I never want to leave them, I had somewhere to be with people to see. To me it was only inevitable I would die before them as they had intentions of living forever by replacing their flesh with technology while the whole thing was becoming too... Pre-robot-apocalypse for me. But I needn't dwell on it any longer, as I couldn't feel myself grow much more tired and weaker than I ever had in my whole life. My first born son stood at my left, I still remembered the day he was born and that feeling of responsibility creep up on me. It was scary, but I loved him more than that fear could ever be. And who stood beside him other than his two twins and loving wife? They all were my family, they all meant so much and I couldn't thank them enough to be here. At the foot of my bed stood my two daughters, who were my middle child and youngest. They reminded me of my own siblings, as my sister and younger brother also stood to say their goodbyes. They brought their kids, my nephews and nieces, and their grandchildren whom I loved just as much. Some cousins came, as well as their family and the whole room was absolutely packed... Even to my right my ex-wife Sabine stood beside me with a sorry smile. We ended things on good terms but it was always awkward between us, she wanted to pursue bigger better things and... Regretted having children at all a I was left to take care of them... Alone.
I forgave her, but she ultimately regret ever leaving her children behind and though I tried having them connect with her the damage had been done and she never did get the familial relationship she wanted in the end. All of this I thanked Y/n for, for reassuring me in her final moments to be able to find love again and have the life I always wanted... Even if it meant having it without her. And even if times got tough, I never regretted anything as I said my final goodbyes to the family members around me. They said I would be receiving euthanasia as I was getting progressively worse with no hope in sight, I hated the machines and the pain of breathing genuinely wasn't worth living for when everyday was the monochromatic walls of the hospital room. I knew I only had at most a couple months left and if it would be in agony like this what was the point?
But I needn't of signed off on it as here I was hearing my heart rate slow from the monitor and my eyes grow drowsy, I just kne it and recognized the feeling somehow and knew exactly what was to come next. And accepting my fate I quickly let my glazed over eyes look around the room, feel the love of family and allow my damaged and irreparable lungs take in its final breath. And in that inhale I could feel my family draw closer in silence, gripping my hands assuring I would be alright. And as I calmly let out my exhale I let my eyes fully cover as everything went... Black. The sounds around me went quiet and it was like being in a septic tank.
I was in the void, devoid of air and light... Was this where I would be spending eternity? I wondered as I took a look around not feeling the expected burning I would've felt when I was alive from the lack of air. And then ai realized two very critical and amazing things... One, my hands were... Smooth.... Young... I was, I was young again..! I felt my body and rejoiced not having saggy old man skin anymore and actual being kind of fit... Well, not really but when I spent the last couple decades of my life being sickly it was more than what I could've ever hoped and asked for. And we'll, the second thing? I was moving. From either side, it looked like a huge movie screen displaying a memory from my point of view. It was trippy seeing my perspective on a screen since it was something I had never seen prior. It was so... Wacky to see it, memories I held close to my heart and some I had even forgetter all being in chronological order. I wondered if this is what people meant when they said their life flashed before their eyes as I watched my whole life played out in every detail even if it only felt like a couple minutes.
A lot of my nicest memories were spent with her, Y/n, and those were times I would never allow myself to forget. And thankfully for the most part... Never did. And I watched even my hardest moments from after she had died... Those sobs in the bathroom and weeks on end of looking like absolute shit, and I even saw the one of... Her ghost actually coming to see me, and then it hit me... Was I... Going to see her again? My thoughts began to bounce off the walls as I couldn't even focus on what was being displayed in front of me anymore just eager to rush through the rest of my life already knowing how it ends.
What piqued my curiosity more however, was how my afterlife would begin.
And that's exactly what I was about to find out as the rest of my life passed in a flash.
All that was left now was the blinding light I slowly floated towards...
With a familiar figure standing there with a hand on her hip and eyes on her wrist as if she was checking the time.
I couldn't wait anymore as I didn't allow the platform to take me at this painfully slow speed, so I ran off towards her as it appeared that I didn't even need it and crossed completely on my own.
I got there before she had time to look up and swiftly wrapped my arms around her smaller body, the most love filled hug I had ever had in my whole life as she hugged back with a small chuckle. "You're early." She muttered into my hoodie, while I refused to loosen my grip afraid that if I let go for even a second she would disappear. "And I don't regret it." I spoke back pulling away hesitantly just for the satisfaction of seeing her angelic face again. Those features that I would've killed to see again were before me, and just as I saw her she could see me too. After so many years, we were reunited and nothing felt better. "Did I keep you waiting?" I giggled, as she shook her head keeping that gorgeous ear-to-ear smile. "Not too long, I could've waited though. It's just... Crazy to have you see me again." I took note of her wording, have you see me again, which could only imply one thing. "You were always there, weren't you?" She shook her head, a chuckle escaping her lips as she confirmed the statement. "Of course Alex, I promised to look out for you whenever I could. I was always there."
"So that time you entered my room the week after you died..?" "That was a little different but I can tell you once we reach our final destination."
I raised a brow in question, but she directed my attention towards the blinding white. "All that's left is to cross." She gently released herself from my grip, and took a couple steps in that direction only to turn around and question lightheartedly, "are you coming?" But that fear crept up on me, the unknown was... Scary. I had no idea what to expect and although I wanted to reach my hand out to take hers and to follow her in, I hesitated. "What's... What's on the other side?" I asked, chewing he inside of my cheek, Afro of what might happen to me on the other side. She thought for a moment, seeming to be lost on thought before answering. "It's... Difficult to explain since you're still human, you're thinking in 3D when where we're going is... Different. But you're going to be okay, we'll still be together and everyone is waiting for you." She was reassuring, stepping away from the void and instead closing the space between us. Tilting up her head and standing on the tips of her toes she couldn't quite meet my lips, I grinned and did the rest of the space for her and allowing our lips to collide and everything just felt okay.
I never wanted to let go, with one arm on her waist and the other ruffled up in the air at the back of her head, she eventually pulled away and grinned looking up at me. "I love you so much Alex and I'm sorry I never told you when we were alive. If you're not ready to cross we can take all the time we need here to get ready-..." "I think I'm okay, as long as I have you." I replied, the kiss sending waves of confidence as I knew it was time to go. Though absolutely and utterly terrifying and would be the biggest leap of faith I would ever take in my whole existence... I trusted her, I trusted my gut, and there was no where else to go but forward. Breaking out of our hug for the final time, I turned my head to my self to admire her gentle features as she looked back up at me. "You're going to be alright, but warning... There are a lot of relatives who positively with bombard you with questions upon arrival. Including Mamá, she wanted to come out and greet you at the gates but encourage to go instead." She giggled and bantered on with me and we took baby steps one at a time and entering the blinding light. I gripped her hand a little tighter as I lost sight of her but knew she was still there holding onto me. As I spoke out my final words to her with my human soul.
"I love you Y/n, I'll see you again on the other side."
And I was right.
The End.
-
Note from Gio; Great apologies for putting publishing this so late, I only managed to find time now as my end of school took some time. I'm glad to be back as expect new books, lots of them all planned for up this summer. Really, huge thank you for making it this far and do hope you've enjoyed ! Till next time, my loveliest readers.
DD/MM/YY
21/06/21 (happy birthday Jaden)
Published 5:33 AM AST