Ivana
Sunod sunod na text message mula kay tita, mama ni Jed ang natanggap ko.
The last message I read wasn't good.
Are you not coming home hija? Nagwawala na si Jed dito. Hinahanap ka
Basa ko sa text message ni tita. Gumising ako kanina na malakas na ang sikat ng araw ay masakit ang ulo. It's already one in the afternoon. Tulog na tulog parin si Luigi. I am naked under the sheets and sore but that didn't stop me from silently leaving bed. I moved slowly not to wake him up. I don't want to deal with Luigi again this time.
I don't have any clothes to wear since it has been wet. Nabasa sa shower kagabi. I went to his closet and opened it. Hoping to find clothes suitable for me pero bigo akong makahanap dahil puro ang lalaki ng mga damit niya.
Think Ivana. You're a genius right. Kaya nga boto sa 'yo si Doc Ja diba. Kase may utak ka. Paganahin mo naman.
Buti nalang at hindi masyadong nabasa iyung pantalon ko kahapon. Kumuha ako ng isa sa kaniyang tshirt at ginamit iyon. Nagtuck in nalang ako para hindi masyadong halata na malaki iyung tshirt na suot ko. I used my spare jacket from my bag to hide the bulkiness of the shirt. Dali kong kinuha iyung bag ko at umalis na.
Nagtaxi na ako pagkalabas ng condo ni Luigi.
" Saan po tayo ma'am" Tanong sa akin nung driver ng taxi. I told him the name of the pharmacy. I need to buy pills. Iyun muna ang kailangan kong gawin. I'll do the pregnancy test later.
Nang makarating kami sa tapat ng pharmacy ay nagpahintay na muna ako sa taxi driver. Mabilis akong bumili nung pills kahit na nakita kong iba ang tingin sa akin nung pharmacist.
Hindi na ako nagsalita pa. It's an emergency pills. Alam niyang nakipagsex ako so what.
I also bought a bottle of water. Nang makabalik akonsa taxi ay sinabi ko agad sa taxi driver kung saan ako bababa. I drank my pills along the way as I held on my tummy.
I'm not pregnant. Hindi na nasundan pa ang pagsusuka ko. I don't have any change in smell or what so ever. I'm positive that I'm just delayed. No need to worry Ivana. Magaling ka dito diba? You've not gotten yourself pregnant before and you wouldn't get pregnant now.
Sinubukan kong tawagan si tita buti nalang at sinagot niya agad ang tawag ko.
" Hello po."
" Goodness Ivana. Buti nalang sinagot mo ang tawag ko. Kagabi pa nagwawala si Jed dahil hindi ka umuwi. He was shouting and blaming himself. He was saying that you left him for another man. What is my son saying Ivana?" Untag sa akin ng mama ni Jed. Napapikit na lamang ako.
Make up an excuse Ivana. I thought to myself.
" May emergency po kase sa ospital tita. Hindi ko na napansin iyung phone ko. Pasensha na po" Paumanhin ko. Nagsasalita pa lamang ako ng maramdaman kong nagvibrate iyung phone ko. Sinilip ko ito at nakitang si Luigi ang tumatawag.
" Si Jed po?" Tanong ko. Huminga ng malalim si tita.
" Alam kong niloloko mo ang anak ko, Ivana. Nanay ako at hindi ako bulag sa nangyayari. Masakit man pero kailangan kong magbulagbulagan alang alang sa anak ko. Kung kailangan kong ipilit na mahalin mo ang anak ko gagawin ko. Just please don't leave Jed. You love him. And I don't doubt that. Nakikita kong pinapahalagahan mo ang anak ko. But I know that you might have love Jed too despite loving another man even more. Sana ay piliin mo si Jed. I still want you for my son. No woman ever gave our family the respect that you did. Kahit kailan, naging mabait ka sa pamilya namin. Just please don't give up on my son. Jed loves you so much" Naluluhang sabi ni tita. I was caught off guard. Pati ako ay nagulat sa sinabi ni tita.
" Jed is waiting for you upstairs" She smiled faintly.
Tumango na lamang ako bago tinungo ang kuwarto ni Jed sa taas.
Naabutan ko siyang nakaupo sa baba ng kaniyang kama. May benda ang mga kamao niya.
" Jed" I called him. His eyes wore a shade of anger.
" Your duty ends at seven. Bakit ngayon ka lang umuwi?" He asked. Ramdam ko sa boses niya ang galit.
" What have you done to your fists?" I asked instead. Lumapit ako sa kaniya.
" Don't mind it and answer me. Nakipagkita ka na naman sa lalaki mo. Ano, did you let him fuck you" He voice out like someone who isn't the Jed I've known at all.
" Stop it, Jed" I muttered.
" Totoo naman diba. You thought I am blind to what is really happening Ivana? You were fucking your ex behind my back. How many times? Damn it! Ilang beses mo akong niloko Ivana." Pagalit niyang wika sa akin. I just closed my eyes and looked away. Guilty and nothing but guilty. Kasalanan ko kaya wala akong masabing dahilan.
" Jed please"
" Fuck it Ivana. Don't fucking make me an idiot!" Sigaw niya sa akin. Ngayon ko lang nakita si Jed na ganito. He had been so calm and compose. So understanding and respectful. But now, he's totally different.
Isa isang tumulo ang mga luha mula sa aking mga mata nang makita ko kung paano mapaluha si Jed sa harapan ko.
He looks so hopeless. Maingat akong lumapit sa kaniya. I knelt infront of him and wiped his tears.
" I'm sorry Jed. Patawarin mo ako. I know that it's something beyond what's forgivable." I whispered, enough for him to understand.
" Choose me, Ivana. And leave him" Pakiusap niya.
" Marry me" He added. Napatingin ako sa kaniya ng bigkasin niya ang mga katagang iyon. Suddenly, Luigi's face flashed infront of me like a real scenery. Iyung mukha niyang malungkot. Those of his eyes that haunted me for years. Napayuko ako.
" I can't. I'm sorry" I whispered
" Ganon na lang ba iyon Ivana? You tell me you love me but now that your ex is back, you take it back? Ang tanga kong paniwalaan na minahal mo ako. I gave you everything. I love you. Mahal na mahal kita na kaya kong tanggapin lahat ng pagkakamali mo bumalik ka lang sa akin" He told me. Ang sakit ng loob niya.
" Mahal kita Jed. Please believe me" I pleaded
" But you love him more than you do to me right?" He countered.
" Tangina naman Ivana." He sobbed in front of me.
" Sana hindi nalang ako nabuhay kung ganito rin lang na mawawala ka sa akin" He whispered. Tumabi ako sa kaniya at niyakap siya ng napakahigpit.
" Please don't say that" I whispered.
" So this is war isn't it. I'll fight for you Ivana. Even if takes me to fight him physically. Masmataas lang ang posisyon niya sa akin, iyun lang ang lamang niya. Pero alam kong may pag-asa pa ako diyan sa puso mo" He said with full determination.
I wiped his tears.
" No Jed. I am not a winning prize to a fight. I don't wan't to be unfair to you" Wika ko sa kaniya.
" I don't care Love! I don't want to lose you" Ramdam ko ang pagsusumamo sa boses niya.
Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit bago sinimulang patakan ang leeg ko ng mga halik niya. I stopped him.
" Don't do this Jed." I begged him. That signalled him to stop. Napayuko ito.
" I'm sorry" He whispered.
KINUMUTAN KO siya nang makatulog na siya. This pain that I am feeling doesn't fade at all. Everything is a mess. Everything is a problem. I don't want to see him like this.
Gabi na ng magpaalam ako kay tita para umalis. I still have my scheduled night shift tonight. Sa ER parin ang duty ko kasama si Luigi.
" Is it too much for a mother to beg a woman not to leave her son? Jed needs you Ivana. Hindi mo lang alam kung gaano ka niya kamahal. He keeps shouting your name. He asks for you even in his sleep. He needs you. And all I'm asking is for you to be at his side. Don't leave my son, Ivana." It was Jed's mother. I turned and looked at her.
" Gagawin ko po ang lahat para itama lahat ng pagkakamali ko tita." Wika ko. Napayakap sa akin si tita.
" Please consider my wish, Iha." She told me. I nodded before finally leaving.
Nang makauwi ako ramdam ko na agad ang pagod ko, I took a shower and readied myself for my night duty.
Kinakabahan ako ng hindi ko alam kung bakit. I just felt like something's not in place. Nadatnan kong walang pasyente ang ward. Nakatambay lang sa labas iyung dalawang nurses na nakaduty pero wala si Doc Luigi.
Lumapit ako sa mga nurses.
" Where's the consultant on duty?" I asked them
" Ah si Doc Luigi po ba Doc. Iyun nga po doc eh, kanina pa namin kinokontact si Doc Luigi cannot be reached" One of the nurse told me.
But the ambulance' siren caught our attention.
Mabilis na lumapit iyung mga nurses na kasama ko sa papalapit na ambulansya. They opened it from the back and immediately pulled out the patient. Duguan iyung pasyente at walang malay. Agad akong lumapit.
But I wasn't totally infront of the patient when my heart beated so fast that it seemed to come out from my rib cage. He's bloody. Something I don't want to see.
Infront of me is someone I cannot lose. Not today, not ever. Luigi Clyde Montenegro, what the heck have you done?
Damn it! Vehicular accident. Amoy alak pa si Luigi.
" Ready the OR now! Call Dr. Ibarra. Tell him I need him ASAP in the OR. Notify Dr. Francisco, he's on duty" Wika ko sa nurse pero mukhang gulat pa iyung nurse sa nakita niya.
" Faster damn it!" Sigaw ko na.
Sinubukan kong gisingin si Luigi pero wala. I palpated his carotid pulse. He's still breathing. He is alive but still unconscious.
" Spinal board and cervical colar. Where!" Sigaw ko. Bakit ba ang bagal nilang gumalaw. At hindi pa nila nilagay iyon sa kaniya. What the heck is this kind of ambulance. Kulang kulang ang gamit.
" Oxygen damn it!"
" BP app, Pulse ox!" I shouted. The nurse handed me the apparatus and I imeediately took Luigi's vital signs.
" 90/60, 89%, cardiac rate 75!" No no no! Gago ka Luigi, huwag namang ganito.
" Clear the radiology room. The patient is due for MRI" I told the nurses
" Move people!" I shouted again. My central nervous system has been elevated. I am used to this kind of emergencies but not this kind of emergency.
Damn it Ivana, huwag kang magdrama ngayon. You cannot act weak right now. Luigi needs you.
" Breathe Doctor. I need you alive" I whispered.
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