EIGHT BEDS, EVEN PATIENTS, and you were wearing Liberio Hospital's standard medic uniform that consisted of a flowy white skirt, a baby pink button-up shirt, and an apron that was tied together along with a white bandana around your head.
True to your word, you followed Dr. Jaeger as he went about the conjoined hospital room, pushing a cart full of medical equipment behind him as he spoke to the bed-ridden Eldian patients and made round check-ups. He used the stethoscope you found in his clinic to listen to their heartbeats.
Whenever he had something that needed to be listed down, you were already ready, pen and paper in hand. Around you, multiple doctors, nurses, and co-medics steadily tended to these patients, and despite having been shadowing in the hospital for nearly a full month, everything still amazed you.
They had stiff beds with wheels on the legs and collapsible sides. In your first few days at the hospital, you had made the mistake of labelling it as a trolley and caused the other medics to laugh at you. As you followed Dr. Jaeger around past the semi-crowded hospital room, you noticed that their eyes seemed to linger on you as they passed by them. By now, you've learned to get used to the terribly-hidden attention on you now that you'd been in the hospital for a few weeks.
"She's the amnesiac girl from that island," you'd hear their whispers. "A native of Paradis. Don't you think we ought to send her to the mental hospital before she works among us first?"
"Don't mind them," Zeke told you when you complained about it to him. "Just take your revenge by being the best medic you can be."
If you weren't so keen on keeping your dignity, you would gladly admit that medicine was not your strongest suit. You were decent, but not the best. And you hated it. Still, there was only so much you could do to contribute to Eldian society in Marley. Zeke joked that it was because you were obssessed with being noble; you responded by rolling your eyes at him.
To your delight, Dr. Jaeger handed to you a brown file folder that contained the vital stats of a certain patient in Room 104. The number sent a little bell ringing in your head, but of course you did not know what for. Instead you opened the file and thumbed through the thick papers, reading over the medical reports of the patient assigned to you.
"His name is Kevin Gerstner. About thirty-three years old. Poor sap was admitted two weeks ago complaining about having broken all his ribs after falling down a long flight of stairs," he explained to you, pointing at all the information written on the medical chart. "His medic called in sick, so I expect that a young volunteer like you should have no problem dealing with it. Make it count."
"Will do, Doctor Jaeger," you said, pleased that he had finally trusted you with your very own patient for the first time. "He'll be fine under my care."
"He's got to be healed in time for war," Dr. Jaeger explained. "Gerstner is a soldier, you see. Part of an infantry that's gonna be sent for sea alongside Zeke. If he isn't healed, he won't be able to go."
You took the medical chart from him and smoothened your apron before heading out the large hospital room, past the busy hallway of healthcare workers, and climbing a few stairs, two steps at a time, to get to the private wards. 100th... 101st... 102nd... 103rd... 104th.
A small patient name and number was taped to the wall alongside with the names of the workers assigned to him.
KEVIN GERSTNER
Rib Fracture
Assigned Medic: L/N, Y/N
You took deep breaths to gather your confidence before knocking. "Come in," a raspy voice replied, muffled by the wall before you slowly opened the door.
A seedy looking man with balding black hair was laying down in bed. His body was physically fit but showed early signs of aging. The light blue shirt he was wearing thin enough for you to be able to see the dirty white rib brace that was wrapped around his chest. It was splattered with a red, most likely blood, and a mournful look was painted on his rough face as he watched you walk into the room wearing the kindest smile you could muster.
"Good morning, Mr. Gerstner! My name is Y/N, and I'm going to be your medic for the duration of your stay here," you greeted cheerfully. "How are you doing today?"
"They sent me a medic for my ribs?" the middle-aged man asked sharply, ignoring your question. "Not a doctor or a nurse?"
You were taken aback, not expecting the rudeness. "Um, yes...?"
He huffed before staring at the ceiling, slowly nodding. "Good."
There was an awkward second before you redeemed yourself. "So! Mr. Gerstner, I'm going to take your pulse first," you said, walking towards the bed-ridden man and setting your chart down to grab his hand, making sure to be extra careful when handling his movement.
His eyes hardened when he noticed that you were wearing a red armband. "You're an Honorary Marleyan."
You avoided his gaze, trying your best not to feel guilty. "Yeah, I am."
"You got family in the Warrior Unit?"
"I am part of the Warrior Unit."
Mr. Gerstner clicked his tongue. "Eh? You a Warrior? What on earth are you doing in a hospital then? You should be out enjoying the world outside Liberio since you've got the right to."
"No, I'm not exactly a Warrior," you chuckled. "I'm just part of their branch, but they still allow me to work outside the military. And I've had some bad experiences the last time I tried to go outside Liberio, so I go to and fro from the hospital and headquarters most of the time."
"So you haven't got a Titan nor are you family of a Warrior but you're still an Honorary Marleyan," he repeated. "Am I hearing that right?"
"Well..." you trailed off awkwardly, not knowing how else to respond.
Mr. Gerstner watched as you felt his skin and checked his basic vitals before writing down the findings on the papers taped to your little clipboard — the standard protocols for morning check-ups. Occasionally you would ask a pointed question but other than that the chatter was kept to a strict worker-customer conversation.
"Judging by the nervous look on your face, you're still a newbie medic," said Mr. Gerstner. "How long you been in the hospital, girl?"
"A few weeks," you replied. "Just got hired here."
"I'll bet my hat that it was because they were calling for more medics before the war," he said. "They needed people to tend to the future wounded Eldians, even if it was just a volunteering young maiden."
"We need to help the motherland," you replied as you continued writing down in your chart. "Serve Marley."
He laughed, a hoarse sound that caused his body to wheeze with weakness. You were under the impression that Gerstner liked to play with cigars in his youth.
"Don't move around too much, sir. It might cause your ribs to hit an internal organ, which could be fatal. Would you like me to tidy the bed?"
"No."
"A glass of water?"
"No."
"Breakfast?"
"No."
Your face began to burn with humiliation. "But Mister Gerstner, it'll be bad for your ribs."
"I know, but these suckers'll be fine," he said. "Don't need some little girl tending to 'em."
Ouch. Here you were trying your best and this man was insulting you by calling you a little girl. That little comment somehow made you want to burst into tears, but you held them back.
Instead you smiled brightly and nodded as you neatly arranged the papers on your chart. "Well, okay. Please ring the bell if there's anything you need."
"Don't count on it," said Mr. Gerstner dryly, closing his eyes without waiting for you to leave the room. "I think that it's the same thing whether they send a medic in or not, 'specially not a newbie."
Well, that totally sucked, you thought as you left the room and made your way back to the large hospital room where Dr. Jaeger was nowhere to be found. A nurse informed you that he had broken down into a problem fit again while you were gone tending to your patient.
With nothing else left to do, you headed to the medic station where the other medics were sitting together, gossiping as they filled in their own medical notes. When you arrived to sit, their eyes took stole brief glances in your direction and their loud voices turned hushed. It was amusing really, especially considering that they were Eldians just like you.
Scratch that, actually. There was a difference between you and them: they wore white armbands that signified their low status, while you wore a red armband that signified that you carried a few more rights than they did.
The rest of the day had been a blur of taking vitals, memorizing pharmaceutical terms, and administering light medications. Either Mr. Gerstner had you traumatized or your imagination was playing mind games because it seemed as though everyone around you couldn't stand your presence.
Once it was over, you handed over your patients to another medic, free to go home. You felt drained after the shift, and it was barely evening. Once you'd taken off your apron and put on your coat, you headed outside to find someone already waiting for you by the entrance of the hospital.
"Colt!" you exclaimed, waving at him. "Hey, what are you doing here?"
"Hello! Mister Zeke said you'd be out by now," replied the Warrior candidate, a small blush creeping up his neck. "He said that I should come fetch you, Miss Y/N."
"You're like a year or two younger than me," you said, falling into step beside him. "You don't need to call me Miss. Y/N will do."
Colt smiled shyly. "O-Okay. Y/N."
"So, what does Zeke want?" you asked as the two of you began to walk through the busy street. "I should probably tell him that his grandpa is having another bad episode."
"Not much, he just wanted me to come bring you to him," said Colt. "I don't think there's enough time for a training session today though. I really have to thank you for teaching me that roundhouse kick last week."
"That? It was nothing," you said. "You just seemed so eager to learn. And I had to find a way to repay you after you taught me how to man that bolt sniper rifle. I could use more practice, though."
Colt chuckled. "Yeah, well, you're a really talented girl. I wish I could be like you — I'm glad Mister Zeke has been taking care of you properly."
"So, you're inheriting that Beast Titan, huh?" you asked, thinking about how the boy beside you was going to eat up Zeke someday. "Do you think you'll ever find out how Zeke manages to control Titans with its screams?"
"If I'm lucky about it. Zeke's Beast Titan is special," said Colt. "To be honest, I'm pretty nervous for when the day comes. They're expecting me to lead the Warriors one day the same way he did."
"And you wanna take after Zeke?"
Colt nodded. "He's an excellent war chief. It'll be a big challenge trying to fill in his shoes once he's gone."
"I'm sure you can do it," you insisted. "You're a natural-born leader and a good soldier."
"Warrior," he corrected. "Sorry, heh. I'm just a little fond of the name since it kind of shows that we're different from the other members of the Marleyan military."
It's a shame that neither of you will get to live long lives, you thought. Because you're both Warriors.
The two of you had now reached headquarters, where the rest of the children had been running laps around the training grounds. They were being supervised by Commander Magath. You and Colt both winced as he yelled at Falco for falling behind when Zeke showed up along with the rest of the Warriors to take you home.
-
THAT NIGHT, a few familiar faces visited you in your dreams.
You were standing in the middle of a forest where trees so large that it blocked the daylight of the sky grew in clusters all around you. There was something askew hanging in the air of this place. Death was associated with it.
Behind you, you could hear two female voices grunting as the sounds of punches and kicks were echoing throughout the forest. You whipped your head around to see a clearing where two girls were fighting in hand-to-hand combat. One had amber hair and a soft face, the other pale blonde and cold periwinkle eyes.
Petra Rall and Annie Leonhart. They were both badly injured from having fought each other, and both girls looked exhausted as they did their best to hold out. They must have been fighting for a long time. When they saw you, their eyes widened as they began shouting at you to help them.
"Y/N!" Petra croaked out desperately, trying to subdue the other girl by holding her head to the ground. "She's going to kill me! You need to act now!"
Annie gritted her teeth. "No! Y/N, you're my friend, aren't you? Protect me and fight her!"
"She's a traitor, Y/N!" Petra warned. "She's not who you think she is!"
"Y/N!" Annie snarled, struggling under Petra's weight. "You know I just wanted to go home to my father! He's waiting for me in Liberio!"
"I had a father waiting for me too," Petra whispered sadly. "But I couldn't go home because of Annie! Y/N! Go home already!"
Petra prepared to kill Annie by smashing a rock to her head, but your motor instincts suddenly kicked in and you found yourself flinging your body between the two of them, protecting the latter girl. Petra looked stricken and betrayed, and Annie began to laugh in a sickly sweet tone.
Her words seemed to echo around your hollow head like a faraway memory, as if your ears were suddenly underwater and something important was swimming back to you.
"Oh, Y/N... you really are my friend."
Annie then punched you in the face with an uppercut the same way as the gate trooper did, forcefully sending you slamming into the grassy ground. Terrified, you turned over your body to watch as Annie proceeded to plant a vicious kick to a pleading Petra into a nearby tree.
You were horrified. Your friend's entire body was smushed against the bark of the trunk, the shape of her skull bent and deep red blood rolling down her face like tears of betrayal as life left her eyes.
It's all because of you, a voice in your head hissed. Petra died because you weren't a good soldier! Don't you remember, Y/N?
"I'm sorry..." you whispered to her, but it was too late. Petra was long gone. You wish you got to know her better. She certainly deserved your friendship more than Annie did.
Speaking of Annie, she then walked over to your battered form on the ground. For a moment, she surveyed your face, head tilting from side to side as if you were a piece of clay and she was having trouble decided on a twisted new shape to deform it into.
She lifted her leg, and you braced for the impact as Annie kicked your left ribs with a force so great that it sent you rolling on the grass again, choking on your own blood and sending tears to your eyes.
"Help me," you croaked out. "Someone. Anyone. Ere—"
Somebody was standing over you, and you looked up through half-lidded eyes to see none other than Reiner Braun gazing down at you. When did he get there? His mouth was moving, but the words flew out like a distant echo.
"Member of our higher-up's family... important in their bloodline..."
Before you could ask what he was talking about, Reiner stomped on your right rib cage. The cracking sound they made as they broke into half under Reiner's boot echoed throughout the forest. Gasping and choking on the blood stemming from your internal organs, your vision blurred with red as you pleaded with God to end you right there.
Traitors, you thought. Reiner and Annie are traitors.
Suddenly you could see the rest of the Warrior Unit — Zeke, Pieck, Porco, and the candidates — standing right behind them in a single line, watching you die. Replacing their eyes were dark black shadows, giving them morbid expressions. You wanted to cry out for their help, but even if you did, you weren't sure if they would come forward for you anymore. Zeke clapped his hands together with excitement.
"That's one birthday down..." he said, the sentence echoing throughout the forest.
Gabi pointed at your broken ribs. "You'd do really great with the Armored or Female... not the Attack Titan..."
Then you woke up in Faye's small bed, sheets warm as you perspired in a cold sweat. Falling asleep these days had become difficult.
Why did you keep calling for Zeke's brother?
-
HOSPITAL WORK had taken up most of your time for the next few weeks as the date the Warriors were to leave for the war drew closer. By that time the other workers in the hospital had gotten used to your presence — they found that you were a pretty decent medic and a hard worker — but they still held you at an arm's length. Your main priority had always been Mr. Gerstner, but he always made you feel small. Like everything else, you slowly got used to it.
"I heard from another nurse saying that you wear that red armband because you're the girl they brought home from Paradis," he said as you did your daily rounds of checking up on his health. "That true?"
"Yeah, that's me," you replied lamely, not even bothering to look back at him. "I'm that devil from Paradis."
"What was it like there?" he asked. You stopped writing to look at him. There was curiosity in his gaze, very different from the rude old man demeanor he had given you before. He was genuinely interested in what your life had been like. "If you remember anything."
"I was friends with Annie Leonhart and Reiner Braun," you answered. "Annie taught me how to fight hand-to-hand."
"Aren't you sad about not remembering anything?" he asked. "That's a whole life of yours gone down the drain, you know."
"It's not that bad, and I do feel like a large part of my life has been taken away," you admitted. "But the Warriors told me that it was hell on Paradis, which is why it's better if I don't remember at all."
"How would you know that? Your memories are gone," Mr. Gerstner challenged. "You don't know if your life there had been a good one or not."
"Well... it does suck not knowing who I really am," you said, still filling in the medical chart. "But either way, it's not as if I'm going to return to Paradis any time soon."
The conversation ended at that, and Mr. Gerstner hummed as his eyes took a turn about the room. You couldn't help but shiver, because you knew that his words had been absolutely right.
You didn't know anything about Paradis other than the fact that you used to live there and that you had been with Annie and Reiner. There was really no telling what kind of things you had undergone there.
A million questions that you had ignored before were starting to surface around your mind. Sure, the Warriors were kind to you, and the citizens of the internment zone weren't all that bad, but there was still something lackluster in your life in Liberio.
Again and again, you did your best to feel like you fit in, but you knew that everyone saw you as The Girl From Paradis. And that was going to be your reality for the rest of your life.
Wait, you thought with horror. Am I going to spend the rest of my life behind these walls?
More than anything, you wanted to understand yourself, but there was no use in trying when your memories had been wiped out. Every now and then something would come back to mind, but it was like trying to piece together a trillion-piece puzzle to paint a picture you could barely even envision. Names and faces and places. Every now and then you'd breathe in a smell and it would take you back to a world where you felt right at home.
Whoever you were had been left behind in Paradis six months ago.
You couldn't help but wonder, who else had you left behind on Paradis?
"I pity you," Mr. Gerstner suddenly said. You looked up from your clipboard, your train of thought broken as you stared at the man laying on the bed.
"Sir?" you asked hesitantly.
"You're being forced into a life you don't even have a clue about," he stated. "And they're saying they did it to save you and their nation when they don't even care about you that much."
"There are people who care about me," you denied. "The Warrior Unit cares about me. They even took the time to host a birthday party for me three months ago."
"They care about you because they're gonna use you as a military weapon once they take the Founding Titan," he corrected. "That's the only reason why they took you from Paradis. The operation mission was to retrieve an L/N girl and the Founding Titan and it was only half successful."
"Well, yes, but..." you trailed off, the arm holding the clipboard falling to your side. "But that doesn't mean they don't see me as a friend."
"If your surname wasn't L/N, they would have killed you a long time ago."
That sent a chill through your bones. As much as you wanted to deny it, you thought it over.
"But they're just humans, it's not like they're heartless people," you protested. "I'm sure that they see me as a friend or family."
"I wouldn't bet on it, girl," said Mr. Gerstner. "Just before the Paradis Operation, the Warriors crushed an entire nation before they turned thirteen. Among those few were Reiner Braun and Annie Leonhart. Bertholt Hoover and Marcel Galliard too. Pieck Finger and Zeke Jaeger are in the older bunch of the group, but they were still young when they did so."
"It's not their fault," you said, your voice starting to sound desperate as you did your best to convince yourself. "They were just children who wanted to keep their families safe."
"Children fighting for a nation that doesn't even like them," he said mournfully. "And they did so by helping Marley oppress other nations. Isn't it ironic how we're taught that we're devils when Marley is doing the same thing our ancestors did to other lands?"
"Mister Gerstner—"
"That means the Marleyans are no better than the Eldian Empire, using Titans to loot and steal from their rival nations. It's pitiful the world is like this. And here you are living in the middle of everything, waiting to be used."
"What—What are you trying to do?" you were starting to get angry. "What do you gain from telling me not to trust them? Huh? Do you think I have any other choice?"
"Keep your voice down," he whispered, closing his eyes. "You're too damn loud."
Trying to calm yourself, you took a deep breath and shook your head, trying to pull yourself together. One of these days you'd have to take a medical test to see if you suffered from high blood pressure.
"My apologies, sir," you said in the most professional voice you could speak in. "I got carried away."
Mr. Gerstner hummed, a low sound that seemed to vibrate in his throat. "I must apologize too. I provoked you."
If there was provocacy, then there must have been a little truth rooted in what he said. And you both knew it.
You fumed with anger and fear as you finished writing down his vital signs on your clipboard before snapping the papers back in place and beginning your daily check-up on his body. After all, Mr. Gerstner was going to be released soon, and he would no longer be your problem.
The rib brace he wore around his chest was still tightly secured, and you offered to take it off as a good amount of time had passed since he had been admitted in. To your surprise, he refused.
"It still hurts," he insisted. "I don't need it removed just yet."
"It's been more than a month since you've been admitted here, your ribs should have improved greatly by now," you said. "I'm just going to check to see if the progress has been going good. Surely by now they're doing better, if not fine already—"
"No!" he replied sharply, sitting up. The sudden action made both of your eyes widen, and Mr. Gerstner quickly winced in an attempt to cover up his mistake. But it was too late. You had already seen the cleanliness of the rib brace, already realized what he had done.
"You faked a rib fracture," you whispered, eyes wide. "So you wouldn't get sent into the war."
A beat. "I think you're sorely mistaken, Miss Medic."
"Broken ribs only take about six or so weeks to heal," you said slowly. "When I first met you, there was blood on your rib brace when the bleeding should only be internal... it would have been impossible for you to bleed out."
Mr. Gerstner looked amused. "I guess I wasn't as subtle as I thought I was. The other medic had been fooled. How'd you know?"
"I should know that, because my ribs had broken once too! In Paradis!" you exclaimed, balling your fists. "I can remember that now."
He raised a hand up. "Miss—"
"You're getting sent out," you snapped, gathering the rest of your papers. "Thanks for the memory recall, I really needed that. I hope the bedrest served you well because it'll be really good for your body once you reach the front lines."
Mr. Gerstner shrugged. "Well, it was worth a shot. Too bad I got caught. But you're acting as though you aren't doomed to the same fate, Miss Medic. Yours is just different from mine."
You eyed him with contempt. "How so, sir?"
"L/N, right? Your bloodline is on the verge of extinction," he answered matter-of-factly. "If you die somehow, they won't have the means to control the Founding Titan and the Paradis Operation will have been all for naught."
"What—What do you mean?" you asked, the cold feeling starting to creep up your spine once again.
"You Warrior Unit members might be called Honorary Marleyans, but you're just as much as a bunch of sheep as the rest of us Eldians in the internment zone," he stated plainly. "Vessels for power that can be easily thrown away. Marley wants something from you and that, my dear medic, is your blood. If they get ahold of the Founding Titan, they'll want to give it to you so they can force you to control it."
You were taken aback. "Me? The Founding Titan?"
Mr. Gerstner nodded. "As long as you comply with them, that is. That's why you're in the Warrior Unit. Once you die, there won't be another L/N girl to help control the Founding Titan, so the obvious solution would be to make more, would it not?"
You were left open-mouthed.
"I bet they're gonna force you to produce lots of children the moment you become of age," he continued. "The more children, the better, I expect. Of course, they would like if you birthed sons because the reproduction could be faster, but they will require daughters in every branch."
"What?" you exclaimed, taken aback. "Produce children? Reproduction?"
"Listen to me girl," he snapped. "You're nothing but breeding stock to Marley and you know it."
You couldn't even disagree with him. Because what he said made sense.
"I am," you whispered, looking down at the floor. "I know."
"Well, no wonder they were celebrating your birthday," he said. "They're happy they've gotten a year closer to when you'll become a proper adult."
You didn't like this. It was as if Mr. Gerstner had taken his revenge for you finding out about his secret by taking apart your dignity right before your very eyes. You weren't sure if you should be thankful or not that someone had finally said what you were too afraid to speak aloud, but one thing was now for sure: you had to hold yourself from a distance.
Still... would the Warrior Unit really use you?
"I think I can dismiss you now."
-
IT GOT HARDER TO STAND being around the Warriors. Since Zeke was living in the headquarters now that the date for war was drawing near, you found yourself creating excuses as to why you couldn't pay them a visit. Lies about you being overworked in the hospital made sense, because more and more soldiers were getting medical check-ups before they left for war.
"It's a shame," Pieck said to you once as she took a seat on the bench beside you to watch Udo and Zofia run laps around the training grounds. "I was hoping us ladies could spend more time together before the rest of us head out. I've no idea how long we're going to be away, perhaps even a few years."
"Yup," you chuckled nervously, trying not to twitch at her presence. "Maybe when you get back, then we'll see."
"How's everything going at the hospital?" she asked, smiling kindly. "I heard from Zeke that you've been doing extremely well. Is it fun?"
"It's just okay..." you replied, staring down at your lap. "It's not too bad. But I think I'm an awkward worker. I don't have a lot of friends."
"You'll get the hang of it," Pieck reassured you, placing a hand on your shoulder and pretending not to notice the way you tensed up. "But I doubt you'll be there any longer soon, because I think someone might call you abroad since Marley made plans with the Azumabito clan."
"What?" you asked, surprised. "The Azumbito clan?"
Pieck's eyes widened and her voice dropped to a hush. "Sorry, I thought Zeke had told you about it already. The Marleyan government and the Azumabito clan agreed that you were to leave for Hizuru to be shielded from the war."
"What? That's so weird," you muttered. "Why me? It doesn't seem appropriate to send me out out the country so early."
Pieck shrugged. "To be honest, I agree. But Marley has always made a big effort to maintain good relations with Hizuru, so I'm not surprised that they agreed. I do wonder why they're so insistent on bringing you though. Perhaps they're afraid of air raids occurring on Liberio and you'll be harmed in the process. You may not know it, but the world is on edge knowing that Marley's gotten one step closer to controlling the Founding Titan."
"So they're hiding me away during the war," you said doubtfully. "Because everyone wants to kill me before Marley gets their hands on the Founding Titan."
"It's just a theory of mine, Y/N," Pieck replied. "I can't deny that this war puts you in a dangerous position since word got out that the Paradis Island Operation had been a half-success."
"They're not an enemy nation, right?" you asked hesitantly. "Hizuru, I mean."
Pieck tilted her head. "Actually, they were once known to be friendly with the Fritz family back then during the days of the Eldian Empire. But it's unlikely they have ties anymore as their reputation had been tarnished when the Paradisians retreated to the Walls with no outside contact."
You hummed. Friendly with the Eldians, eh?
"Did General Calvi agree to this?"
"He was initially against it, but the higher authorities gave permission that allowed for your leave thanks to Zeke. I think it's a family that rules Marley in the shadows, but I can't be sure. Either way, you're probably going to leave for Hizuru for a while. Maybe until the war is over."
"That could be years, Pieck!" you exclaimed, shocked. "Living on strange land again right after I've gotten comfortable here in Liberio?"
Pieck sighed. "I know. I'm really sorry, Y/N, it's a terrible situation. But this is how wars work, and you're too valuable for Marley to lose at the moment especially since you're the last of your bloodline. I think they'll have you come back once you're nearing adulthood."
Nearing adulthood. You knew what that meant. You imagined yourself as a young pregnant woman, belly swollen with the seed of a man you didn't love and misery forever etched onto your face like you had been cursed by the devil himself. Perhaps you had, considering that was exactly your situation.
"I hope they have doughnuts in Hizuru," you joked lightly, making Pieck smile. "I heard the cuisine in the east is pretty good."
"Colt will miss you," she teased, making you laugh. "He was pretty thrilled about having someone his age around too. The other candidates are gonna be sad their favorite medic-trainer isn't gonna be around for a while. Oh well, I guess you can always send them letters from time to time."
"Yeah, I'll send you letters too," you said. "If you can read them while in Cart Titan form."
Pieck laughed. "You're funny, Y/N. Well, I best be off now. Talk to Zeke about the Hizuru deal, and pretend to act surprised when he tells you about it. He might get disappointed with me for spoiling it to you — he wanted to keep it a secret."
Trust me, Pieck. It wouldn't be the first time Zeke kept a big secret from me.
-
"THE AZUMABITO CLAN, HUH?" you asked Zeke once he was finished telling you Hizuru's plans. "First time I've ever of something like that happening to an Eldian girl."
The Warriors were to leave for war tomorrow. Zeke, who had been residing in headquarters in the weeks leading up to the day, took up the responsibility of escorting you home. One last walk back before their big day tomorrow.
"Pieck accidentally revealed it to you, didn't she? While you were sitting together on the bench and talking last week. You've known for a full seven or eight days."
"Whaaat?" you played dumb, eyes widening. "No way. Pieck Finger has superior judgement, she'd never do something like that at all."
Zeke gave you a deadpan expression, making you pout.
"Okay, fine, she did tell me," you confessed. "But it was entirely an accident. She had no idea that I didn't know yet."
"Ah, well Pieck is Pieck, can't blame her for wanting to have some girl talk since she's surrounded by us idiot men all the time," he said, and you chuckled.
The two of you continued walking on in silence. You did your best to keep it together, but your face felt like it was sagging. The corners of your mouth were begging to be lowered into a threatening scowl. Nevertheless, you tried to maintain a cheery smile on your face.
"Headquarters will be really empty," you said casually. "It'll just be full of kids running around with Commander Magath to keep them company. I feel bad for them."
"Magath isn't all that bad," said Zeke. "Scary, maybe, but I think he must have some sort of heart in there behind those cold eyes. He does care for the Warriors even if he doesn't show it. Don't forget, he's one of the officials that made the order to put you under special care."
Yeah, so I can be a fertile young woman and pop out as many babies as possible, you thought. So I can be breeding stock as well as my children.
"Yeah..." you trailed off awkwardly, not knowing what else to say. "When the candidates get shipped off to war when they're older, they'll be under him too. He'll be with them till they die."
"You don't sound very happy about that," hummed Zeke. You glanced at him.
"It's just that you guys didn't really choose to be Warriors," you said. "You were just what, five to seven years old? I bet you didn't even know how to multiply or divide yet. And it were your parents that chose this life for you. No sane child willingly chooses to sign up for stuff like this."
"I'm glad we have the same sentiments," Zeke said. "Because that's precisely what my parents had forced upon me. Isn't war a terrible thing?"
"Yes," you agreed quietly. "It is terrible."
You had reached the Jaeger residence at sunset to find it empty. A note was left on the table saying that Zeke's grandmother had gone out to the grocer's and you assumed the Dr. Jaeger was still at the hospital late from work. That left you alone with Zeke.
"I'll cook dinner," you said, setting your bag down on kitchen table. "You wash the dishes."
"Fair," said Zeke, and he went to hang his coat, leaving you in the kitchen to properly gather your thoughts as you took chopped vegetables from the refrigerator to turn into soup.
You had expected that you'd have to serve Marley somehow, but this was not how you thought it was going to go. Bearing children? You didn't want to have children with someone you didn't love. And even if you did have kids, they would force your children to produce children too. Taking away your freedom. Like you were obliged to follow their shitty laws.
The soup was ready by the time Zeke came back, and he helped you set up the table as you poured it into bowls. Dragging the seat over, you whispered grace with him before digging in.
It was mostly silent except for the sound of spoons clinking on the wares as you and Zeke ate dinner. You avoided eye contact with him, staring straight into your ceramic bowl holding the chunks of carrots and celery that you had sautéd into a creamy orange perfection.
"Your cooking is amazing as always," Zeke complimented, filling in the silence.
You nodded. "Thanks."
"Who taught you how to cook this?" he asked you. "Was it your mother or father before they died? Someone in Paradis?"
"I... I can't remember."
What are you thinking, Zeke? Is it gonna be a good skill for when they turn me into a housewife? A Titan?
Zeke finished his food before you did, standing up and pushing his chair back as he walked past you to carry the bowl to the sink.
"Don't go yet, Y/N. I've still got some important things I need to tell you after I get started on these dishes."
You hummed, standing up and putting your empty bowl to the sink. Zeke was washing his hands, and you did your best not to tense up again the same way you had with Pieck last week before returning to the table and sitting there with a rocky expression.
While he washed the dishes, you traced patterns on the wooden table. After what seemed like hours, Zeke slid back into the seat in front of yours. You finally gathered the courage to look at him, and nearly had a heart attack seeing that he was already looking at you.
"The Warriors leave for the coast tomorrow," he started, and you nodded. "While we're gone, you're going to be preparing to leave for Hizuru in a few weeks."
"Yeah," you replied. "I'll watch over the Warrior candidates in the meantime."
"Y/N, there's something I need to tell you about Marley," he began, interwining his hands together on the table. "Something I regret not telling you earlier. Still, I think it's best that you hear it from me before I leave."
You nodded. "Okay."
"I need you to be completely honest with me for this conversation."
"That's rich, coming from you."
You both looked at each other, your face finally breaking out into the horrible scowl you so badly wanted to wear earlier.
Zeke sighed. "I'm going to assume that you've figured out what Marley's plans for you were."
"I have," you said in a trembling voice. "You should have told me earlier. I had to hear the truth from a patient of mine in the hospital who helped me realize it."
Betrayal. That was the first thing you allowed yourself to feel, which was farcical. For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first. Between you and the Warriors.
But the so-called heroes who rescued you from Paradis, housed you, laughed and talked with you, threw you a birthday party, respected you... wouldn't it have made sense for you to trust them?
On the other hand, you felt relieved that you could discard the pose of belonging in Marley. Whatever connection that you'd foolishly believed yourself into forming with them had finally ended.
If you didn't belong in Marley, where did you belong?
"I'm really sorry," said Zeke apologetically. "Trust me, I am. I did not want this to happen for you."
"If you didn't want this to happen to me," you whispered. "you should have given me the right to arrange the plans earlier. At least hear them. Or am I truly just Marley's barn animal?"
"I know that no amount of words I can say will convince you to trust me properly ever again," he said. "But I had to wait to be sure if you could be on my side in this."
The last sentence surprised you. "Your side?"
"Y/N," said Zeke calmly. "You do not want to bring children into this world, is that correct?"
"Wha–What?" you replied, flustered. "Well, that's a complicated question."
How were you supposed to know if you wanted to bring children into this world or not? You were still a girl. Children were the last thing on your mind. But if you were older, and had fallen in love with someone and gotten married, would you...?
"Sorry, I said that wrong," clarified Zeke. "Let me ask a better question. You do not want to produce children under Marley's will, is that correct? And you don't want to use the Founding Titan or be a Warrior."
"That's right," you replied. "If I produced children for Marley, they'd just be forced to make more. And live in this internment zone while only living limited lives. I can't make them do that, Zeke."
"Tell me, Y/N," asked Zeke, leaning over. "Where do your loyalties lie? To Marley? Or to Eldia?"
You struggled to find an answer. Seeing this, Zeke continued on, looking satisfied. It confused you.
"Y/N... I spoke with Miss Kiyomi Azumabito of Hizuru," he explained. "She relayed my wishes to send you out to the higher authority and convinced them to allow them to bring you to Hizuru under the guise that you wouldn't be safe in Liberio during war time."
You were confused. "So I'm going to be handed over to Hizuru because you said so?"
"The Hizuru thing was an act, I just needed a legal reason to get you out of Liberio," said Zeke. "The situation happened to be the perfect excuse for you to leave Marley for about three to four years while we're off at war, before you become an adult. I had to make some agreements with Miss Kiyomi Azumabito in order to secure help for the Eldians on Paradis."
"The Eldians on Paradis?" you sputtered. "Zeke? I thought you were a Marleya—"
"My goals have always been with my parents, Y/N," he said calmly. "I sold them out when I was a child to escape turning into a Pure Titan and to climb the ranks of the Warrior Unit. My loyalty lies with the Eldians, it always has. Now don't give me that look — I know you don't trust Marley. You know there's something awaiting you on that island."
"You—You betrayed Marley?" you asked in a hushed tone, eyes growing wide with excitement. "Wait, no! You were never on their side in the first place!"
"Exactly. Y/N, my mother Dina was a survivor of the Fritz family, meaning that I carry royal blood within me," Zeke continued. "I did everything — including taking you away from that island — for the goal of the Eldian Restorationists."
"Royal blood?" you whispered, eyes nearly popping out. "You—a descendant of the first King Fritz?!"
"That's right. It's the reason why I can control Pure Titans with my scream."
Apparently Zeke had been keeping secrets from everyone.
"What was the reason for bringing me to Marley then?" you cried out. "You came all the way to turn me into some sort of baby making machine?"
"The last thing I'd like for you is to bring children you don't even want into this world."
You paused, urging him to continue speaking.
'Your freedom can't be controlled, I saw that right in your eyes the moment you broke Becker's hand and called him an animal," said Zeke. "No, I brought you to Marley because it would be easier for you to infiltrate the ranks and work with the Warriors, the same as I have done.
"I admit that I was wrong for forcing Marley's views on you but ultimately, everything I've done was for your sake and for the sake of Eldia."
He explained to you the outlines of his plan for Paradis: firstly, the ruler of Paradis was to produce as many heirs as possible and inherit the Beast Titan; there was to be a test run of the Rumbling, an event in which the Wall Titans would awake to prove to the rest of the world that Paradis was indeed a serious threat that should be left alone; and you too, would have to eventually have children in order to maintain that there would be L/N girls alongside royal blood and inheritors of the Titans.
In other words, it was the same fate for you on either side of the coin. You just had to choose.
"I'm sorry," he apologized again. "I never wanted to force you into this. But if you really believe in the cause, and there is no other option for this, then you will have to do this as a sacrifice to Eldia."
"How do I know that I should leave Marley and help Paradis?" you demanded. "Didn't they kill my family? Torture Annie? I thought—"
"That was propaganda. I had to exaggerate the truth so that Marley wouldn't suspect a thing from you," he explained. "But Y/N... you can feel it, can't you? You know that your trust is with the people of Paradis. You know you can't trust Marley, but you're trying to deny it because you want to believe that the Warriors are your true friends."
You didn't say anything, because he was right. It reminded you of your conversation with Mr. Gerstner.
"Y/N, I'm not trying to force you, but you should definitely pick the Eldian side," he said pointedly. "Marley will continue to oppress you. The certain victory of Paradis guarantees you freedom — for you and your children."
"Zeke..." you began slowly. "I agree with you. I'll admit that Paradis is constantly on my mind. But if that's your plan... wouldn't it make sense if—if you fathered my children?"
Awkward pause. The elephant in the room had been acknowledged.
"Then they can inherit both the Beast and the Founding Titans..." you continued, mouth drying up. "And the power would be utilized to its full potential. An L/N and royal blood mixed together in the veins of an Eldian..."
"Yes, that is the sensible thing to do, if you and I were being honest here," Zeke mused. "But like I said to you, my dear little sister, I do not want to take away your freedom to choose a husband and neither do I think that it is appropriate for us to... you know. We don't have to choose that option."
"But either way, whether I act as the salvation of the salvation of Marley or Paradis, they're going to expect me to produce children. Isn't that contradicting what you just said? Are we just being selfish here?"
He exhaled, hanging his head for a few seconds before looking back up at you.
"Y/N... I know that this is absolutely unfair to you no matter how you look at it. But let me tell you this, and I promise that I am being completely honest with you — you belong with the Eldians on Paradis. That is who you were. A proud soldier."
"Soldier," you repeated. "I was a soldier in the Paradis military. That's how I knew Annie and Reiner."
"I know it's not a good comparison, but your part of the plan is less absurd — you don't need to inherit anyone's Titan, so you aren't expected to give birth to a child any time soon.
"What I'm prioritizing here is the Beast Titan. Everything will be ready by the time the war against the Mid-East Union ends, which is when you're expected to return to Liberio.
"Once it's overwith, Marley will try to resume the Paradis Island Operation to take the Founding Titan, but we'll threaten them with the Rumbling before they can. After that, it'll be freedom for you in Paradis. Makes sense?"
No, none of this made any sense to you at all. Both you and Zeke knew that the smart thing to do would be to conceive a child together, and you suspected that he had greater plans in mind. Plans that would save you from having to carry a child.
But you ignored it for now — that would be your problem later, as well as the notion of having to get married and make children, which you weren't too thrilled about yet.
And fine, you had to be completely honest with yourself: the thought of having to get nooky with Zeke Jaeger, of all people, truly disturbed you.
It made your skin crawl. Ew. Absolutely not. Sorry, Zeke, you thought. But you're just not the kind of guy I want in my sheets at night. Not my type, no way. Nu-uh. I think I'm gonna barf. No hard feelings or anything.
The image of you and Zeke — laying in bed — came to mind and you literally felt the digestive juices inside your stomach gurgle, the hot chunks from the vegetable soup you consumed earlier threatening to make a nasty reappearance.
A revolted expression on your face must have matched with your idiotic thoughts, because Zeke leaned away from you.
"Hey! I'm not offended or anything," Zeke said, raising his palms up like he had been caught doing something illegal. "It's an uncomfortable idea and I think that we're both mature enough to acknowledge that."
"Me? Uncomfortable?" you denied, shaking your head as quickly as you could. "Nooooo. Haha—"
He raised his eyebrows. "Is that so?"
"I'm not — it's not like that — I'm not saying that I'd be against it — wait, no! I am against it! It's just that I don't really wanna you know—" you gestured between the two of you. "—you know—"
"Am I really that hideous?" Zeke asked with a smile, causing you to sputter out.
"That's not what I'm trying to say!" you exclaimed, flustered. "You're not hideous!"
"So you're saying you think I'm handsome," he said smugly, making your eyes widen.
"I'm not saying that either!" you said in a childish tone, folding your arms. "Zeke!"
But he was laughing heartily, and you didn't know whether to feel relieved or offended. "You get flustered about these things so easily that it's entertaining."
You grumbled under your breath, making a small "hmph" sound.
"Well, dear Y/N, in summary, I believe that you should have the freedom to choose. I have plans in mind. I recommend that you don't worry about the whole you-giving-birth situation because it won't have to happen for a few good years. And who knows? You might actually like to start a family with some handsome young man."
"Definitely not you," you added snarkily.
"Definitely not me," he agreed.
"Well, now that this has been settled, everything else you and I need to know can be sent in letters once I'm gone," said Zeke, standing. "I better head back to headquarters."
You frowned, standing up as well to escort Zeke to the door. "You should have told me all this earlier."
"It would have raised suspicion and a change in your behavior around me," he replied, thanking you when you opened the door for him. "I needed to wait until the night before the Warriors leave to tell you."
Well, at least that made sense. It was true that you weren't very good at keeping secrets no matter how hard you tried.
"Wait!" you interrupted hurriedly, making Zeke pause in his step. "You said I'm going to Hizuru? You still haven't told me why I need to get outside Liberio. Is it because they might try to do something to me here?"
"Yes, I won't be around to help you if that happens, so I need you to go someplace where you can be useful to the Eldian cause," said Zeke. "But like I said, the Hizuru thing is a scam. You're not going to the east."
"Not Hizuru, then? Then where am I—?"
"You're going straight to where the Founding Titan is," he replied. "It'll make things easier for us all."
The Founding Titan. If that was so, then—
"Y/N, isn't it obvious? I'm sending you right back to Paradis Island."