Dr. Scratchansniff sat on the couch in his counselor's office while the counselor wrote down some things on his notepad.
"I suppose it would be wise to start at the very beginning, ja?" The p-sychiatrist offered.
"Proceed." The counselor insisted.
Scratchansniff sighed and began his story. "I was one of the most successful psychoanalysts in all of Hollywood. 50 years ago, I started work at Warner Bros."
The screen transitioned to said studio as Scratchansniff continued. "Ah, Warner Bros. Home to some of the biggest stars in Hollywood."
A car pulled up to Ralph's shack. "Auhh, good morning Mr. Biggest Star In Hollywood." The man pointed a finger gun at him and winked. "Morning sweetheart." Before driving off.
Soon afterwards, Porky Pig himself pulled up to the shack. "A-auhh, morning Porky!" Ralph said with a little more enthusiasm.
"G-g-g-g-g-good mo-m-m-mo-m-mo-mor-" A car beeped angrily behind him for the long and unessacary wait. "Alright, alright!" Porky yelled. He turned to the guard simply and said, "Hello." Before also driving off.
"And when the stars had a problem, they came to me!" Scratchansniff narrated, sounding rather proud.
"So, tell me more about these dreams you've been having, Mr. Reagan." A younger Scratchansniff said.
"Well, in my dreams, I'm President of the United States." Ronald explained. Scratchansniff looked surprised, then looked rather upset. He wrote 'INCURABLE' in his notepad.
"For years, the biggest actors told me their problems, their secrets, their pain. Ooh! It was so much fun!"
"And then, just recently, I had just completed intense session with Clint Eastwood." Flashback Scratchansniff was seen smack dab into the wall, now with grey hair, then collapsing on the ground.
"Then... it happened..."
There was suddenly screaming coming from outside, and Scratchansniff went to check it out. He looked outside the window to see a small crowd of people looking up to the water tower. Scattered chatters were heard from the crowd.
"What is that?" "What's going on up there?"
Then, four puppy-looking children were seen, greeting the people with kisses and waves.
"It was them... the Warner brothers and the lost toon! After years of being locked away in the water tower, she came back and freed them."
The kids jumped out of the tower and began running around. They ran up the wall to the psychiatry, literally, and popped up at Scratchansniff's window.
"Did ya miss us?" Asked the smallest one, Dot.
"I hardly even know you." Scratchansniff pointed out in a confusing tone. "But I do know you..." he said, gesturing to Buzz.
"We're the Warner brothers!" The boys proclaimed. "And the Warner sister!" Dot added. "I'm the female best friend!" Buzz popped in. They all gave Scratchansniff a big kiss and parted away one by one.
In disgust, Scratchansniff spat out the taste and wiped his mouth. He tried to storm away but the toons were already there.
"Ah! What do you want?" he asked desperately to get away. "We asked you first!" Yakko sang. "Well, I want-" Scratchansniff scoffed in realization. "No you didn't."
"Well we meant to." Dot said in an innocent tone with her hands behind her back. Scratchansniff took this time to ask a question. "Do you know who I am?"
The toons, excited, went into a gameshow type position with a button in front of each of them.
Before the others could press their buzzer, Buzz spoke up. "Dr. Otto Scratchansniff, world-famous psychoanalyst to the stars!" Scratchansniff answered with an awkward smile. "Correct!" he admitted.
Buzz jumped in excitement. "I won! I won!" she hopped into Scratchansniff's arms. "What's my prize?" "Nothing." Scratchansniff answered bluntly, this disappointed Buzz as she frowned. Annoyed by this, Yakko spoke up. "Say, what kinda gameshow is this?" he asked.
"This isn't a gameshow!" Scratchansniff clapped back, struggling to hold up the teen. Yakko shrugged. 'Well I'll say it isn't. Nobody wins anything. You'd be lucky to be on the air for one week." Buzz decided to chime in. "I'm surprised they even let him air the first episode."
Scratchansniff just decided to throw the girl off of him. Buzz crashed into Yakko and they slammed into a wall.
Angrily, he shouted; "Nurse! NURSE!" And on cue, a hot lady opened the door. "Yes, Dr. Scratchansniff?" Yakko and Wakko panted at the sight of her while Dot looked at them in anger, and Buzz of confusion.
"Get these kids out of here!" Scratchansniff ordered. Hearts grew in Yakko and Wakko's eyes and their hearts popped out of their chests. Dot tapped her toe in annoyance while Buzz just smiled at the nurse, satisfied that the boys already like her.
"Hellooo nurse!" they howled like dogs as their heads became more canine-shaped, Dot facepalmed. And to add more extra into the scene, a giant heart frame surrounded the nurse's face.
Yakko sighed as he started daydreaming about him and the Nurse riding together on a horse.
Wakko daydreamed about him and the Nurse riding in a car.
Dot daydreamed about her and Scratchansniff riding together on a boat, but snapped back to reality. "Diiisgusting!"
Buzz daydreamed about her and the Warners riding on bikes together laughing, and shrugged to the fourth wall at the Warners' reactions.
"Why don't you cute little kids follow me?" The Nurse asked rhetorically, snapping Buzz out of her trance, but the boys? Not so much.
They followed her, eyes closed, tongues out, tails sticking up, and apparently floating. The girls followed, looking at the forth wall in confusion.
"After the Warner brothers escaped, I was called in to see the chairman of the board." Scratchansniff narrated as he walked through the hallway.
Once he got in and sat down, the chairman of the board, Thaddeus Plotz pressed a button that shut the drapes behind them. He smiled politely, then abruptly started yelling.
"The Warner brothers are wreaking havoc throughout the studio, Scratchansniff, and I won't have it!" During his rant, Scratchansniff was shaking from fear.
"In order for a studio to run efficiently, there must be order, calmness, control. The Warner brothers have taken that calmness and replaced it with chaos!" Mr. Plotz kicked an object that was in front of him off of the table. "They're too zany Scratchansniff!"
"I haven't been this upset since we made 'Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead!'" Mr. Plotz grabbed Scratchansniff by the shirt and shook him.
"And I have chosen you to get them under control." He informed Scratchansniff.
"Why me?"
"Because you're a psychiatrist, dummy!" Mr. Plotz began to spit on Scratchansniff while he spoke. The shrink just shrunk (haha) behind the table.
"Oh." Scratchansniff replied.
Scratchansniff ended up back in his office, walking back and forth as he thought of ways to de-zanitize the Warners.
"Und so, I scheduled an appointment with the Warner brothers. I'll never forget our first session." Scratchansniff said, sounding a bit weary.
He started to hear thumping coming from outside. Scratchansniff looked out the window to see Wakko playing a drum from "behind" the Nurse while the other toons marching after him. While he watched the sight, tapping his chin, the door opened behind him, presenting the Nurse and the kids.
"The Warner brothers are here for their 3:00 appointment." She announced. She crouched down to Yakko and Wakko who were panting at her beauty. "Now, you be good little boys." she told them. The Warner brothers hummed and collapsed on the ground. Once the Nurse left and they got back on their feet. Their tongues lolled out and sprawled onto the floor. Buzz and Dot walked to them, stepping on their tongues. Dot grabbed Wakko's and Buzz grabbed Yakko's. They pulled at them and reeled them back in.
"Boys." She said, turning to Buzz. Buzz just shrugged at her. The brothers jumped into the p-sychiatrist's arms. "So, how ya doin' Scratchy?" Yakko asked eagerly.
"I take umbrage of that." Scratchansniff said as he dropped both boys. Yakko seemed a bit annoyed. "Oh sure, take all the umbrage, don't leave any for us." he huffed sassily.
"No, I mean I take offense!" Scratchansniff corrected him, shaking his head.
"And you want out fence too?" Yakko asked, looking distraught. He gestured to Buzz. Buzz stretched her arms to the side of the screen and pulled out a literal fence, "Alright, take it, but that's all, we're tapped out."
Yakko tossed the fence to Scratchansniff, who struggled to carry it. "I think it's time we got down to business, ja?"
But of course, the Warners took that literally. A beat started playing as Wakko, Buzz, and Dot started dancing while Yakko rapped, all in business suits. "Now our first quarter figures are really now, as our business-a graphs will hopefully show!"
Scratchansniff walked towards the children. "What are you doing?" he asked in disbelief. "We're getting down... to business."
Annoyed, Scratchansniff snatched the pointer at him and waved is disapprovingly in front of them. "You always make the jokes. This is not good. No more jokes, ja?" Scratchansniff poked Wakko's nose with the pointer.
Wakko and Dot shook their heads while Yakko and Buzz nodded. "Ja, now, plant yourselves on the couch there." Scratchansniff pointed to the couch with the pointer. And of course, they took it literally.
The kids hopped onto the couch as newly bloomed flowers. Getting even more irritated, Scratchansniff muttered. "I said, no more jokes."
"This isn't a joke, it's a visual gag." Yakko retorted. Left nearly speechless, Scratchansniff corrected himself. "No more gags, jokes, or monkey stuff." he wagged his finger in their faces.
"Define monkey stuff." Yakko requested.
"Y- the monkey stuff, the monkey stuff! You walks around like a silly monkey!" Scratchansniff's body formed into a monkey as he started chattering, clapping, and jumping obnoxiously to prove his point. "Und you be all goofy like a monkey, that is the monkey stuff."
The kids looked confused at the fourth wall, then back at Scratchansniff. Wakko decided to speak up.
"Maybe you should see a p-sychiatrist."
"I AM a p-syc-" Scratchansniff stopped himself. "I mean a psychiatrist!" He grunted angrily and starting walking in circles, thinking. The Warners copied his movements, changing outfits every time. At first, they dressed as Ancient Egyptians, then, they changed into explorers. Scratchansniff came to a conclusion and snapped his fingers.
"Ah... I know what you kids want, ja." He claimed. "Everybody to love and accept each other for who they are!?" Buzz blurted out excitedly. That earned a confused look from the doctor. "No, you want to talk...to Mr. Puppethead!" Scratchansniff said, putting a puppet of himself onto his hand.
The kids looked confused, but intrigued at this. "I want everyone to accept each other, but I'm not accepting that." Buzz declared honestly.
"Hello kids!" Scratchansniff spoke in a high pitched voice. "I'm Mr. Puppethead! Tell me why you always make the jokes!" Nobody answered.
"Why aren't you talking with Mr. Puppethead? No, no, i-it's-it's very easy, watch me, watch me." Scratchansniff cleared his throat and began to talk to the handpuppet.
"Hello Mr. Puppethead, how are you?"
He switched into a high pitched voice.
"I am fine, Dr. Scratchansniff, how are you?"
"I am fine, Mr. Puppethead. Did you have a yummy breakfast?"
"Oh yes, it's very yummy, thank you. How was your breakfast?"
"My breakfast was yummy as well," He immediately turned to the kids. "Now you see? It's that easy?"
"Umm, are you sure you don't wanna see a p-sychiatrist?" Yakko asked to be sure. "It's just a little..." Buzz vaguely waved her hand at Scratchansniff. "Yea..." The younger kids began to cringe from what they just witnessed.
"I am a p-sy- I-I mean a psychiatrist!" Scratchansniff began to rip his hair out with the puppet hand. "I am, I am, I am, I am!"
"Mr. Puppethead's hungry." Yakko said to the fourth wall, the kids genuinely looked uncomfortable.
"After much research, I decided to meet with each Warner individually. I'd start with the Warner brother Sister, Dot."
"Dot, may I call you Dot?" Scratchansniff asked the 10-year old gently. "Yea, but call me Dottie, and ya die." Dot responded. Scratchansniff laughed awkwardly. "Dot it is. Now, I'm going to show you some pictures, und I want you to tell me what they look like." He pulled out a picture.
"What do you say to this?"
"I'd say you're not a very good artist." Dot remarked sassily.
"I didn't draw that." Scratchansniff replied.
"Well whoever did needs to go back to school."
Scratchansniff shook his head. "No, it's an inkblot."
"I'll say."
"No, no, no, it's not supposed to look like anything."
"Then ya did a very good job."
Scratchansniff started to snap. "I didn't draw it!" he quickly calmed down.
"Doesn't it look like a little kitty cat or a butterfly or something?"
"No." Dot blatantly responded. She took the inkblot off of the page and molded it into an actual, sentient butterfly. "That's a butterfly." The butterfly started flying around, and Dot tried to catch it with a butterfly net, ending up catching it, and Scratchansniff's upper body.
The screen transitioned to Scratchansniff and Wakko. "Okay then, Wakko, let's you and I talk, hmm?" Scratchansniff offered to the 11-year old. "Okay." Wakko obliged.
"Good! What's on your mind?" Scratchansniff asked. "My hat." Wakko said, putting his hand on his hat. "No, no, your hat is on your head, what is on your MIND?" Scratchansniff pointed to his own temple to show Wakko what he meant. Wakko still didn't understand. "My... skin?" he said, sounding a bit unsure. Scratchansniff wagged his finger at him. "No... that's on your head, what's on your mind?"
"Oh, I got it, my hair!"
Scratchansniff got frustrated at Wakko's naivety. "Your hair is on your hair." He began ripping his hair out. "This is hair, this is hair, it is not on my mind, it on on. my. head!" He presented the removed hair to Wakko. "No, it's in your hand." he responded plainly.
Scratchansniff began to tremble in frustration, put then got his act together. He attempted to add the missing hair back to his head, which fell off immediately. "Let's try something different, okay?"
"Okay." Wakko shrugged.
"Why don't you just tell me what you're feeling?"
My shirt." And Wakko, was indeed, feeling his shirt.
"No, that's what you're touching, what are you feeling?" Scratchansniff clenched his fists, getting angrier by the second.
"My nose?"
"That's what you're touching! What are you feeling!?" Scratchansniff yelled.
"Just... tell me how you feel."
Wakko finally seemed to get it. "I feel fine."
"Good! Now we're getting somewhere! Would you like to expand on that?" Scratchansniff said, pleased that the Middle Warner was finally cooperating.
"Okay!"
Wakko inhaled a lot of hair and turned into a giant balloon. "Uh- no, no, no! Not that type of expanding, tch- stop it!"
Wakko popped a pin into himself (goodnight everybody-) and deflated, flying all around the psychiatry. He landed onto Scratchansniff's lap and simply said, "'Scuse me." before giving him a big kiss and leaving the room. Scratchansniff growled and tore out another piece of hair.
The scene transitioned to him and Yakko. "Now then Yakko, let us do a little word association. I'll say a word, und you say any word you can think of. Any word that comes to mind."
"Brain!"
"No, no, we haven't started."
"Begun."
"No, wait."
"Yield."
"No, stop!"
"Cease."
"Silence!"
"Quiet."
"ENOUGH!"
"Plenty!"
"Would. you. please. listen!?"
"Hear."
"No, you stupid kid! You don't understand!"
"Comprehend."
"Ahh!" Scratchansniff grabbed Yakko and led him to the door.
"Get out, get out, get out!"
"Leave, leave, leave."
Scratchansniff (literally) kicked him out and slammed the door. He panted audibly and angrily. "Those kids is driving me crazy!"
Yakko popped his head out of the door. "Insane, unhinged, demented." Scratchansniff growled and Yakko left. He pulled more hair out of his head until he was almost bald.
The screen transitioned to him and Buzz. "Hey there, Mister! I'm-" "Yes, I know who you are." Scratchansniff said, glaring at her, he really was not in the mood. Buzz blinked until she noticed the small amount of hair on his head. "Woah! Are you trying to go for that Dr. Eggman look? I think you're rocking it!"
"NO! Hehe... I mean...let's just relax this time, okay?" he asked the girl nervously. "Alright SnS!" Buzz obliged cheerfully, giving a thumbs up. Scratchansniff gave a glare. "Do not call me that."
"Now then Buzz, what makes you at peace?" Scratchansniff asked Buzz. Buzz smiled.
"Well SnS-"
"Do not call me that."
"This does!" Buzz pulled out a pie from her hammerspace. Scratchansniff, unknowing what was about to happen, smiled and wrote in his notepad. "So baking makes you happy, ja?" Buzz hummed, pretending to think, and shrugged. "Not quite."
Buzz raised up the pie and threw it at Scratchansniff's face. He growled as his face turned red, ears steaming, melting the pie off of his face.
Buzz sucked her teeth. "I think you need to cool down." she said. A chain appeared next to her and she pulled it, sending water to fall on top of the poor psychiatrist.
Scratchansniff screamed in frustration and humiliation, which signaled Buzz to leave the room. "I think you need some alone time, bye SnS!" She said before leaving the room. Scratchansniff ripped the final piece of his hair out.
"I still think you're rocking the Dr. Eggman look!" Buzz whispered. She took out a big, brown colored mustache and slapped it on to Scratchansniff's face. Scratchansniff balled up his fists and Buzz left yet again. He ripped the itching, unpleasant looking mustache on him and curled up into a ball, sobbing.
"And this is how it's been!" He vented to the counsellor, almost in tears. "They's always driving me kooky in the Kompf! And they're still not de-zanitized... Am I crazy doctor?" He asked before he lanced to his counsellor and gasped.
There they were, the toons he was just venting about, sitting in the chair. "You are suffering from Acute Warneritis!" Yakko concluded. "And I'm sad to say it, but there's no cure." Buzz added. Scratchansniff, now utterly terrified of the kids, screamed before blasting off into the sky Team-Rocket style. His head landed right on Mars.
Buzz looked at the Warners and blinked. "Can't a guy take a joke?" she asked before they all looked to the fourth wall, shrugging.