Almost two weeks have passed by.
I have had two more sessions with Alex, which were brutal. We are slowly digging deeper and deeper into my years with Nick.
The first sessions were manly about how I was feeling, how I experienced my emotional numbness a couple of days ago.
I told her how I'm scared to be alone, that my brothers' presence keeps the swallowing darkness within me at ease.
I explained to her how they give me a safe feeling, even in my unconscious state, how they stop my spiralling thoughts and so much more.
And even though it's hard to open up, I'm trying my best. Alex makes it less tough because she gives me the feeling I can trust her. She also lets me decide the pace of the sessions, which makes her a very patient woman.
The second session we worked on how to handle panic attacks, self-destructing thoughts and how to rightly process my past.
I suspect it was preparatory work for the coming weeks, because from today the hard work is really going to start.
The previous topics are child's play if you compare it to reliving the abuse and talk about it instead of hiding your feelings away.
A hand squeezed lightly in my shoulder, bringing me back to reality. I look up to see Kayden standing behind me.
He must have noticed me standing before the living room door looking like a nervous wreck. I was gathering all my courage together to face Alex.
"You will be okay Luna, you don't have to talk about it if you're not ready for it. Remember, you choose the pace of the sessions," he tried to reassure me.
It's not that I don't want to get better, but the thought of remembering everything he did to me, terrifies me.
"I know, I was just preparing myself for what's to come."
He sighed and placed a kiss on my head.
"I'm proud of you, you're the strongest person in the world," Kayden smiled softly.
I very much doubt that, a strong person wouldn't be afraid to be alone or to talk about the past.
I gave myself an ultimatum, I will count to ten, and then I will face my inner demons.
I opened the door and greeted Alex.
"Hello Luna, how are you?"
"Nervous."
"That's normal, but I'm sure you will fight through it. I want to remind you that you don't have to force yourself to talk, we have plenty of time," Alex explained me.
I had to do it today, if I waited any longer, I wouldn't have the courage anymore. I reminded myself why I was doing this, for my brothers and for myself.
She started simple, asking me when he started his abuse. Every question got harder to answer, and before I knew it tears formed in my eyes.
She reassured me that showing my emotions was nothing to be ashamed of, it only made me stronger.
But then we reached the subject which I was dreading the most.
His unwanted and forced touches.
I told her how he dragged me to his room, how I would fight him with everything I had, but stopped when I realized it would be useless.
Bile rose in my throat with every word I said, his touch made me physically ill.
I was talking till I couldn't any more due to the uncontrollable sobs that escaped my mouth.
Even though I didn't know Alex very long, she was great at comforting me, but I guess she has to because of her job.
"You did really great today Luna, you must be proud of yourself," she encouraged me.
I was still too overwhelmed to give her a verbal response, so I just nodded.
"It's important in this stage to accept and recognize your feelings, don't try to lock them out. Our next session is in five days, so you can let the session sink in. However, if you're in need to talk, you can always call me."
"Thank you Alex, but I think I will be fine," I said.
She left the room and went looking for Isaac. After every session they discussed my progression, treatment and things like that.
But Alex assured me that what was said stayed between us because of patient confidentiality.
I was glad she didn't tell my brothers the things we talked about. Not that they couldn't know.
It's my story to tell, not Alex', and I will tell them when I'm ready.
Kayden entered the room and immediately headed toward me. He smiled softly when he placed himself on the couch next to me.
"Are you alright?" he carefully asked.
"Relatively."
It wasn't a lie. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, however the memory of him was haunting my mind more than usual.
"Do you want to watch the clouds?" Kayden asked with a sparkle in his eyes.
"What?"
"Do you want to watch the clouds?" he asked again.
"I heard you, I just don't understand where your question comes from."
"Back in the days we watched the clouds together, you adored it as a toddler. "
"Yeah, why not. I needed some fresh air anyway," I told him.
He grabbed a huge blanket, and we made our way outside.
We laid both on our backs staring at the sky. The sun warmed my skin, not enough to make the heat unbearable.
My mind eased with every passing second I was looking at the clouds.
We enjoyed each other's company in the comfortable silence, adoring the view.
"It's a shame we lost all these years together, it's not fair." I suddenly said.
"It is, but we have plenty of time to make new ones. You are now home, and we don't plan on letting you go soon." Kayden said while reaching for my hand.
My lips curved upwards when I thought about the future I will have with my family, a future full of love and happiness.
Hours passed as we laid here on a blanket, looking at the sky. We talked about random things every now and then.
"There you are, you almost gave me a heart-attack when I didn't find you," Cole's concerned voice cut through the silence.
"What time is it?" I asked, not knowing what to say otherwise.
"It's 5pm."
My mouth dropped open, Kayden and I had been out here for four hours.
"Already?"
"Yes. Anyway Ethan is searching for you, he wants to ask you something," Cole stated.
My heart skipped a beat, did I do something wrong?
"Relax, sorellina. He probably will ask something stupid, nothing to worry about," Kayden reassured me when he saw my expression.
"He's waiting in the kitchen," Cole added.
I reached the kitchen and saw Ethan leaning against the counter. He was looking at his phone.
I grabbed glass water while greeting him.
"Hey you, I was searching for you. Where were you?" he questioned.
"I was in the garden with Kayden."
"Just like the old times," he smiled.
I took a sip of my water before he continued.
"I cleaned up my closet and found this jumper that is too small for me, I thought you might want it."
I looked at the jumper he was holding.
It had the same colour as Nick's curtain, that ugly dark purple. My heart was exploding in my chest, so fast I was scared it would stop.
My hand loosed the grip around the glass, causing it to break on the floor near my feet.
Ethan's voice blurred along with the rest of my surroundings.
I was transported back to the little room with him on top of me. His touch worse than I remembered, marking every inch of my skin.
All I felt was pure agony.
There was no way of escaping him, just like he always said.
°°°°°°°°°°
Ethan's POV.
Her mood changed in a matter of seconds when she saw my jumper.
"It's not that ugly," I joked.
"Luna, are you okay?" I asked concerned.
She just stood there staring into nothingness, the grip on her glass disappeared, breaking it in a thousand pieces.
I knew something was wrong, as did Kayden and Cole when they burst into the kitchen, startled by the sudden noise.
"What's going on?" Cole questioned.
"I don't know. I asked her if she wanted my jumper and when Luna set her eyes on it, she zoned out."
"I think she was triggered by it and is having a flashback. Kayden get the rest, Isaac will know what to do," Cole calmly ordered.
Kayden was looking helplessly at Luna before running off.
"We have to get her away from all that glass before she hurts herself." I told Cole.
Cole nodded and carefully picked her up, but she was fighting against him while tears left her eyes. He put her on the counter before stepping away from Luna, giving her some space.
Cole and I glanced at each other because we didn't know what to do.
Kayden came back with Isaac and Aiden.
Isaac immediately headed over toward Luna telling us to back off and give her more space.
"Mrs. Miller had warned me this might happen after today's session. She's having a flashback caused by her PTSD," he explained when he saw all our clueless expressions.
"So she is reliving her time with the bastard?" Aiden furiously asked.
I understood his anger because I felt the same rage. After years of abuse, she was still suffering even when she was safe.
Judging by her reaction when Cole touched her, it wasn't hard to guess which memory she was reliving.
I wasn't such a bloodthirsty person like the rest of my brothers, but when it came down to the asshole who hurt my sister, it was stronger than ever.
The hunt on Nick was going terribly, which only made us angrier. Every clue Jason seemed to find was reaching a dead end.
It was as if he was leaving tracks to mock us because he knew it led us nowhere.
We will find him, even if it's the last thing I do.
I saw Isaac gently grabbing Luna's chin, making her look at him. Her eyes met his, but there was no sign of her presence. She looked right through him.
"Luna," he stated.
"Luna, look at me," he demanded her.
Her eyes shifted a bit, she was slowly leaving her flashback.
He kept repeating her name with a stern, demanding voice, till she truly looked at him.
"Name five things you can see," Isaac ordered, his hand still placed on her chin.
She slowly looked around and listed five things with a cracking voice.
"Good, name four things you can hear."
She did as he asked.
"Three things you can feel."
After her answer, he asked her to name two things she can smell and one thing she can taste.
"You did great, now copy my breathing," Isaac gently said.
There was no indication of his cold, demanding voice anymore.
Suddenly she jumped off the counter, where Cole had put her ten minutes ago, sprinting out of the room.
We followed her and I saw she was vomiting in the toilet downstairs.
My heart dropped into my stomach, the memory of him has made her physically sick.
Aiden was holding her short hair out of the way and rubbing her back, trying to give her some comfort.
Cole had gone to get her a glass of water.
When she was done, she rinsed her mouth with water and spat it out.
Without a word, Kayden gently picked her up, bringing her to the couch. She laid her head in the crook in his neck.
Luna always seemed to do that when she was upset, I once asked her why, and she told me our scent reassured her.
We stayed silent, waiting for her to speak up when she was ready.
"I'm sorry," she almost whispered.
"You have nothing to be sorry about," I reassured her.
She looked at me with glossy eyes and I sent her a heart-warming smile.
"What happened?" she asked confused.
"You had a flashback," Isaac explained.
I hoped that she didn't remember the content of the flashback, but the haunted look in her eyes told me otherwise.
"Can I ask what triggered it?" Isaac carefully asked.
"The colour of Ethan's jumper," Luna answered after a minute.
I didn't expect her to explain it to us because it would be too difficult, but she proved me wrong.
"It's the same ugly purple as the curtains in his room, I... used to look at them to distract myself," she choked out.
Kayden tightened his grip on her, not enough to hurt her, when the words left her mouth.
"I need to shower," she stated while leaving Kayden's embrace.
The emphasis on the word 'need' indicated she will scrub every inch of her skin red to remove any trace of Nick.
I looked up at Aiden, who looked as if he was going on a murdering spree.
I was boiling with rage, but I remembered to hide it away from Luna.
Kayden stood up with her, saying he would wait in her room while she was showering, she nodded in response.
"How did you pull her out so fast" I asked.
I needed to know, so I could help her if Isaac was not here.
"Mrs. Miller warned me this would happen and learned me how to help her. I will teach you all for when I'm not around.
"I'm going to burn everything that has the colour purple," I said.
Cole gave me a questionable look.
"You will do no such thing, remember the last time you burned something?" Isaac asked.
I smiled at the memory of me almost burning down the kitchen, the good old times.
"No burning things Ethan, I'm serious." Isaac stated.
"Fine. You guys are so boring." I sighed.
"Then I will just get rid of it. Aiden, do you want to help?"
I saw the look in my brother's eyes, and knew he had to do something, otherwise the anger would eat him alive.
"Yeah, I will help."
"Good. I'm going to call Mrs. Miller to let her know about the situation," Isaac said before leaving.
"Come on fratello, let's purify the house of purple." I joked.
Humour was the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.
There wasn't much we could do to help Luna expect for being her support system. But I needed to do something, so I would search every object that could possibly trigger her and get rid of it.
We walked a few minutes in silence, each of us not knowing what to say after witnessing such a heartbreaking occurrence.
"Do you think she will be okay?" Aiden asked me.
"Eventually."
"I want to shred the bastard in tiny pieces," he hissed.
"We will find him, and when we do, he will wish he was never born."
°°°°°°°°°°