You keep a journal about a lot of private things. But, Dean mistakenly reads it.
Written from the point of view of Alivia, as well as Dean.
Warnings: Language, secrets being found out.
I was going through the entire motel room. I knew I had my journal yesterday, but now it's nowhere to be found. I tore apart the beds, opened every bag we brought in here, dumped out every drawer, and looked under every piece of furniture.
Shit. I cannot find it.
There are so many secrets in that journal. If anybody finds it, they will learn a lot about hunting life, and my personal emotions.
I have written all about my love life, my secret crush on a certain Winchester brother. God, if one of them read it they would be sure to figure it out before too long.
The door opening pulled me from focusing on lifting one of the mattresses. I paused then dropped it back down. "Livy? Everything okay? What's going on?" Sam asked cautiously as he was standing still in the doorway.
I looked over at him and gave him a sheepish smile. "Um, I lost something." I admitted.
He was alone, with confusion and concern all over his face. "What would that be?" He asked with a small smirk, letting the door shut behind him.
"My journal."
He nodded, knowing I take it everywhere with me. "Ahh. No luck, I'm guessing?"
"No, it disappeared." I huffed and plopped on the bed.
"I'm sure it's in the car or something. Don't freak out just yet."
I agreed to relax and stop looking here, but check the car later on. I put away all the stuff I moved or dumped out. Just as I finished, Dean walked in.
God, why does he have to look so good in that damn suit? It's both amazing because I love to look at him, but torture because I can't touch him.
"Hey, sweetheart." I fought a blush, "Hey, Dean. How'd it go with the dad?" I tried to act like I hadn't just been tearing the room apart like a mad woman.
He smiled at me, pulling his tie off. I had to force myself not to stare. "It was a bust. Guy doesn't know anything, and the house was clean."
"Bummer." I commented, trying not to focus on the fact that my journal was lost.
"Well, since you're back I'll go grab us all some dinner, then we can brain storm." Sam offered. Dean nodded and tossed him the keys to his car.
Dean eyed me suspiciously, reading right into my mood. "What's wrong, Liv? You look worried about something."
I sighed, "Have you happened to have seen a black note book around today?"
He pouted those insanely perfect lips, and raised his eyebrows. He walked over to the jacket he had just taken off.
When he pulled it out of the inside pocket I wanted to die. "Yeah, uh, it got mixed into the couple books and files I took with me to read while I waited for the dad to show. It's yours?"
Now my face was hot and red. I gulped, trying to swallow the new lump in my throat. "Uh, yeah, it is.... Oh..." I read what his now intrigued face was telling me, "..you read it?"
His face changed to more of an apologetic look. He nodded slowly. "Some... just until I realized it had nothing to do with the case. Plus, it's so vague and written in a code that I couldn't make much sense of what I did read." He offered it to me as he spoke.
I nodded, "Yeah, kind of done on purpose."
He chuckled, "Good point. I'm sorry I read it. If I had known it was yours I wouldn't have even opened it."
I gave him a small smile, "It's alright, Dean."
As I turned to put it back in my bag he cleared his throat. "Liv? Can I just say something before we never talk about this again?"
I giggled, he knew me well enough to know I planned to pretend this never happened. "Um, sure." I agreed quietly as he sat at the table.
"Whoever X is? You should tell them how you feel. They'd be lucky to have you, Liv. You're amazing, sweetheart."
I sighed and shook my head slightly, "Thanks, Dean. But I don't think that'll ever happened. I'm a hunter, you know? That's the life."
"If you feel even half of what I made sense of, it's worth trying."
I couldn't bring myself to say it. He smirked, "Do I know them? I mean... it's gotta be someone we all know. We're always together."
"I would rather not talk about it, okay? Hence the code." I mumbled back, sitting down across from him.
"It's me, though. We're best friends. You can tell me anything. I could help get you laid." He teased as he put his feet up on the table, that gorgeous shit eating smirk on his face.
I shook my head again, "I don't want to talk about this, even with you. Okay? Forget everything you read."
Three nights later, back at the bunker...
I pulled at the hem of Sam's old flannel I now wear as a night shirt. This was such a bad idea. No, I can't do this.
Before knocking on Dean's door I bolted back to my room. I can't face him to tell him. What if he doesn't feel the same way? It would ruin our friendship, and he's my best friend. No, if I'm really going to tell him how I feel I can't do it to his face. I'm too scared.
Maybe I'll wait until he and Sam leave for a case, or maybe for him to go to the bar for the night. Then I can write him a letter, then either lock myself away in my room or leave for a few days.
I sat on my bed and started writing, laying it out honestly in simple words. I put it in my desk and waited for tomorrow night.
The next day I acted normal, and packed a bag secretly. I wanted to give them no reason to think that I'd be up to something.
When he left, Sam was also leaving to work a case with Garth. I declined going with either one of them, and went on my mission. I put the note on Dean's pillow, grabbed my bag, and left my phone on my desk. I took off.
Dean's P.O.V.
I got in late. I went home with a girl from the bar, but backed out. If I'm honest, reading Liv's journal had me focused on finding out who X was.
I actually read her entire journal, but didn't know it belonged to her. Whoever it is, he's a lucky guy to have won her over.
The bunker was quiet, so I went to check on her. No answer when I knocked, so I opened it slowly. Her room was empty. Maybe she decided to go with Sammy after all. I shut the door and went to my room.
I turned on my light and a piece of paper caught my attention. It had my name on it, the same handwriting from the journal. Alivia.
I went over to it quickly, and sat on the edge of my bed to read it.
Dean,
Hi. I'm sorry to be doing this in a note, it's so lame I know. But I can't bring myself to say this to your face. The person I wrote about in my journal? X? You definitely know who it is. You know him the best out of anyone.
It's you. It's always been you. I think you're gorgeous, and funny, and perfect. I have a major... middle-school-worthy, head-over heels style... crush on you. I know were like the best friends there could be, and I don't want to lose you. I'd be lost without my favorite guy.
So, I left. Just for a couple days, I promise. I'll be back soon. And if this is too much for you... put this on my pillow like I did for you, then I'll know. I'll shove it all back down and go back to pretending.
See you soon, Dee.
-Liv
Whoa. Holy shit. X is me? She likes me? From the things she wrote, she's basically in love. I'm the lucky guy? Holy shit. I have adored Liv for years now, but she is so closed off with relationship things. She has never given me any sign that she feels that way about me.
But man, she left? I jumped to my feet, pulling my phone out of my pocket. I dialed her number as I went back to her room. It rang six times, then I got her voicemail.
I hung up and went in her room again. "Liv? Sweetheart, are you here?" No answer. I called her phone again - only to hear it vibrate and find it on the desk. I hung up.
"Shit." She really left like her note said. And was staying away in case I didn't feel the same. God, of course I do. She's the most amazing girl I have ever met in my life. She's tough, smart, sweet, bad-ass, quick on her feet, witty, and drop dead gorgeous. She's perfect.
I guess it's on me that she had no idea that I felt that way about her. Because much like her, I'm not the best at talking about feelings or relationships. That's one thing we always had in common. We laughed at mushy relationship crap.
I called Sam as I left Liv's room. "Hey, man. How's it going?" Sam asked as he answered.
"Uh, curve ball just got thrown my way. Is Liv there with you by any chance?"
"No, she was dead-set to stay there. Is she not there?" He sounded worried instantly.
I sighed "No, she left and her phone's here. Uh, she left me a note saying she would be back in a couple days. I just wanted to talk to her if she was with you. Don't worry, I'm sure she's fine." I tried to ease his mind as I got to the library.
"Oh. That's not like her. Did she say why she left?" He asked, sounding a little less concerned.
"Sort of. She just needed a little time on her own."
I went crazy for three days. I worried about her. I wondered where she went, and if she was alright. I know she can handle herself if some evil son of a bitch showed up, but that doesn't make me worry any less.
Now, on top of that, I was worried that she was changing her mind on coming back at all. I wondered if she changed her mind, and was going to stay away. I couldn't bring myself to leave the bunker, just in case she came back.
As I was putting away dishes, I heard the garage door. I paused, wondering if it was Sam or Alivia. The soft padding of her footsteps told me it was Liv. I heard her go straight to her bedroom and smirked to myself.
Quietly, so she wouldn't hear me yet, I snuck to stand in her doorway. She was checking her bed, lifting the blanket and pillow; she really thought there was a chance I wouldn't return her feelings.
"Looking for something?" I asked softly.
She gasped slightly, dropping my blanket as she spun around to look at me. "Jesus, Dean. You scared me."
I smiled at her, and pushed up off the door frame. "Sorry, sweetheart."
She bit her lip, looking so damn adorable, and pulled at her finger tips - she was nervous and that was cute. "Did you uh... get my note?"
I walked closer to her, "Yes, I did."
Her eyes were worried as they searched mine frantically for any unspoken clue or answer. She nodded slightly, her face dropping a little bit. "Oh."
I chuckled, still moving closer carefully. "Do you see it on your pillow, Liv?"
She glanced at her bed, as if it would magically appear when she looked again. I was now about a foot away from her.
When her eyes met mine again, she looked genuinely surprised, but happy and relieved as it all clicked in her brain. "No. So?"
I slowly grabbed her face in both my hands, and smiled at her, "I'm never giving it back, Liv. Because of course I feel the same way about you, sweet girl. I adore you."
Her cheeks heated up in my palms but her eyes lit up as she smiled, "Really?"
"Yes, really. I'm one damn lucky guy. I'm glad I found your journal." I joked.
When she didn't, or couldn't, respond, I leaned down to kiss her.