"Oh baby I am a wreck when I'm without you, I need you here to stay..."
-Ricky Montgomery
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
My head was slightly foggy and I didn't quite feel like I was in control of my own body. I rushed as fast as my legs would carry me down the staircase. I still refused to accept what just happened.
"Where is he?" Cass and the others had their present in their hands.
"Oh, he um- he says he is busy". The words formed in my mouth, though my mind wasn't focusing on them.
"It doesn't matter anymore, I'm here". FUCK.
I turned to see that he was following close behind me on the stairs and now remained at the bottom of them, looking at me as I made my way to the others.
"Merry Christmas Draco!" The four of them stood up and rushed other to him to hug him. I stood frozen, watching him hug each of them slightly. He didn't take his eyes off me.
I didn't know what to do. Surely I couldn't act as if nothing had happened. It was stupid and there were so many other things I could of done. But I wasn't thinking properly. I turned away from his stare and walked swiftly to the common room entrance.
"Oi where are you going?" Eddie yelled after me. I didn't turn to face him or stop walking. I simply yelled back,
"Bathroom". What the hell was I thinking?? I had my own bathroom in my dorm along with the one in the common room. It was too late to come up with another excuse. I quickened my pace and left the room.
...
"Hey, Helena!" The voice of Ron Weasley yelled out to me as I was walking through the halls. I had no particular direction to follow, I just needed to think.
"Oh, um, hi Ron." I said, pausing in my tracks. He jogged slightly up to me, leaving Harry and Hermione behind. It seemed that they had just finished their gift exchanges too, as each of them were wearing a new sweater that had the first initial of their name on it. I assumed they were going to the great hall for breakfast.
"Sorry Ron I just need to-" I said to him, turning slightly showing him that I wanted to leave.
"I won't keep you" he interrupted. "Fred asked me to give you this." And he held out a small parcel with a letter attached to it.
It was a tradition of ours now to go down to hogsmeade every Saturday, and we always made sure to pay a visit to Zonko's. Every few times I went, I would get pulled to the side by Fred and we would have a short conversation while the others shopped. He always went in a Saturday every few weeks so I never went more than a month without seeing him.
He had often times complimented me, or made small actions such as giving me the odd sweet he had bought. At first I though they were traps, laced with potions as a fun prank. But they never were. I had suspected his liking for me for several weeks now, but Ron had confirmed it to me. I was touched by the way that he had bought me a Christmas gift.
"Ron, I feel awful. I haven't gotten him anything" I said while clutching the letter and parcel.
"He told me to tell you that he doesn't expect him anything in return." He responded. "He really likes you you know." I felt a sting of shame with his words. Don't get me wrong, he was a very attractive boy. And excessively charming. But I wasn't sure I liked him in that way. Had I led him on?
I mean, I thought that I might have feelings for him a few weeks back. But they had slowly begun to fade. I wasn't sure why. I guess I was just occupied with- I pushed thoughts of Draco to the back of my mind.
"Well tell him I'm extremely grateful for it. Oh and, Merry Christmas," I replied to Ron with a smile. I didn't feel like smiling at that moment, but it was only fitting.
"Merry Christmas" he said back to me with a smile before re joining the others.
I sat myself down on the windowsill of a window on the large corridor i was passing through. I removed the paper from the packaging and revealed a chocolate frog along with a small scented candle. I brought the candle to my nose and it smelled like cinnamon, vanilla and a burning log fire.
I removed the letter from the envelope.
"Helena.
Merry Christmas! I know you probably weren't expecting anything from me and I don't want anything back. But I was sending in my presents for Ron and his friends and I thought that I might as well get you something.
Ron has told me a little about you. He said he didn't know much apart from the fact that you were friends with Draco Malfoy. I can honestly say I didn't expect a person like you to be friends with someone like him. Ron said the same thing.
But never mind that. I hope you like the candle. It's not much, but I hope you like it.
Have a good break,
Fred"
Ron was speaking about Fred to me? More importantly, why did he see it as such a big deal who I was friends with? I mean I'm not like Drac-
I remembered why I had left the common room in the first place. Why? That was my question. Well, my several questions. Why did Draco kiss me? Why had he gone from hating me to doing that in into a few months? Why had he avoided me all this time, and when he finally speaks to me, that's what happens?
It seemed that at the moment, no one wanted to answer my questions. Each time I asked Draco anything previously, he had shut me out. When I asked Harry questions, he shunned me. When I asked McGonagall questions, she told me to leave. I hated being in the dark. I wanted nothing more than to know the answers to my question.
My longings to speak to Draco had been fulfilled, but that was certainly the last thing I expected him to do. Just as I thought me would start speaking to me again, he goes all the way. He had never shown any signs of liking me in that way before. Had he?
I guess I wouldn't know. It's not like he has spoken to me willingly in a long time. If he did like me in that way, why did he shut me out? Why wouldn't he let me help him?
But the biggest question I had was one that no one apart from myself could answer, and I couldn't fathom an answer for the life of me.
Why did I kiss him back?
...
"Bathroom? Really?"
The voice of Zack pulled me out of my daydream, startling me so that I almost fell off of the windowsill I was still perched on. I had been absent for at least twenty minutes. Or more. Or less. I wasn't quite sure how long I had been pondering out of the window for, but it was long enough for Zack to of come looking for me.
"What the hell are you doing?" He responded before sitting himself next to me - the window sill was at least four feet long so there was plenty of room.
"I- I'm I just..." he noticed the letter and gift in my hand. I quickly folded my arms in an attempt to cover them. I was wearing the sweatpants and hoodie that I had thrown on that morning before going to the common room.
"So are you going to tell me who gave you that?" He asked after a few seconds.
"It's just- you know Fred from the joke shop? He sent it with Ron. Nice guy I guess" I responded.
"Is that why you left? We're you embarrassed that he got you a gift?" Laughed Zack.
"No, no, no, it's not that" I said quickly.
"I reckon Fred fancied you" he said.
"Well you would be correct. Ron told me."
"Well..." he paused. "Do you like him back?"
"No" I said quickly. "Yes." I changed my answer "oh for gods sake I don't know."
"You don't know? How can you not know?" Said Zack with a confused look. "Do you have your eye on someone else?"
"No." I said back to him while tucking the presents into my large hoodie pocket.
Liar.
"Well... I mean no" I answered. Zack looked at me entertained.
"You hesitated. Come on who is it?"
"I told you, I don't fancy anyone!" I exclaimed back at him with a laugh
Liar.
"Well are you at least going to tell me why you are sat on a corridor staring out of the window on Christmas Day?" There was no way I was telling him what had happened. Draco clearly hadn't either.
"Oh I just, I felt ill. Wasn't thinking straight. Just went on a walk for a bit of fresh air. Wasn't thinking about what I was saying when I said bathroom, I felt a bit faint." He looked skeptical. "But I'm fine now. I'm guessing Eddie is behind it". I think I had sold him.
"Well if your alright now, then come on!" He jumped up from the window sill. "The others are already in the great hall eating, it's going to be cold by the time we get there come on!"
"The food is enchanted Zack" I said to him with a small laugh. "I highly doubt it will go cold"
"It was a figure of speech. Now come on!" Amd I followed him.
"Clearly you don't know what a figure of speech is," I laughed. "Is uh, is Draco still with you? Or has he disappeared again."
"Surprisingly, no. He went to the hall. He's still not very talkative, like but at least he came".
Brilliant. This was the only time I wanted him to of gone off. What would I even say to him? Surely that's not something that you can just ignore. I had no choice though.
...