Hello :)
So, this is a request by Ela_Evza.
"Could you please do one chapter so that Y/N's father or another relative is one of the Avengers?"
Anyway, after having a small discussion with the requester, we ended up deciding that Y/N and Loki would be in a relationship and that Y/N's relative wouldn't quite agree with that.
Now, about that relative; since I had the option, I decided to make them Y/N's sibling. I spent two days thinking about which of the Avengers would be the most appropriate, and I ended up choosing Peter Parker. My main concern was that I have readers of different ethnicities that don't match Peter's (I mean, even I am half-Arabic –I don't match it either). But then I realised that, whatever character I choose, there would be people who wouldn't match their ethnicity. So, for you guys, let's suppose you are adopted. Consider it one more thing you and Loki have in common.
I hope you enjoy the chapter. ♥️
P.S. Sam Wilson will always be the new Captain America for me, no matter what happens in "The Falcon And The Winter Soldier".
Published on March 2021
...
Y/N entered the Avengers compound, looking around in awe; even though her brother was a regular there, it was the first time she ever entered the building, since she normally would just drive him there and then leave. The place was massive, graceful, equipped with the latest technological achievements... Stark's legacy. She sighed, remembering how devastated Peter was when Tony had passed away...
"... Yes, Sam, I know... I informed Rhodes. And yes, I will notify Bucky. How on earth did he not come with you, I thought he was with Captain America till the end of the line, no?"
Y/N turned around when she heard the voice. She saw a man strolling towards her, obviously not having noticed her presence, as he was in the middle of a call, holding his cell phone pressed between his shoulder and his ear, as he was simultaneously scribbling something down into a folder. He was tall, with long raven hair and shimmering emerald eyes, while his clothes were neat, and his pace was quick.
"I'm sorry, grim joke, I really have to contain myself, there are so many people that highly dislike me anyway and my attitude aggravates everything-" he broke off when he saw Y/N. "Look, I will call Bucky, but right now I need to ring off. Don't fucking die," –he hung up– "Hey, how I can help you?" he asked Y/N then.
"Uhh, yeah, hey, I... I am actually looking for Peter Parker. I am his sister," she responded as she nervously looked at him –she never was good at social interactions.
"Okay, I will get you there in a minute..." he muttered as he was typing a number into his phone and then brought it next to his ear and waited for a few seconds. "Hey, Sam needs your help... Yeah... Mission 512, I will send you his coordinates in a minute... Okay, yes, just hurry a bit, or Wilson is going to be even more fucked up than he already is... Yeah, bye."
He ended the call and typewrote something –those coordinates he mentioned, presumably– and, after sending them, he eventually looked at Y/N.
"I am sorry for that, it's been a kind of crazy day. Apparently, Rhodes thought it was a solid idea to let Wilson go to that mission on his own, while this time clearly was one of those that a person alone cannot succeed, no matter how capable they are. Nevertheless, follow me."
They walked along the hallway; the man was looking at his handwritten notes as though he was reading them. Y/N looked at him with the corner of her eye, being certain she knew him from somewhere, until she finally recognised him –he was Loki.
"I was unaware of the fact that Peter had a sister," he said, closing the folder and turning his face towards her. "Are you older? You must be."
"Yeah, I am," Y/N answered. "Doesn't Pete... talk about me?"
"The truth is that I do not know, we do not really... talk or whatever. I guess he must have spoken about you to the others."
"Oh. I just have that fear that when I am not there people forget I exist, so I had to ask. When I left to study on Michigan in 2016, I was terrified– I thought I would come back, and Pete and May would be like 'who on earth is this girl?' But yeah, it is ridiculous, I know."
"Well, I have always feared –and still do– that everyone secretly –or maybe not that secretly– despises me, so I get that. Really, I do not think you told me your name."
"It's Y/N. And you are Loki, I suppose?"
"Yeah. It's the hair that gave me away, right? It's always the hair... Nonetheless, you said you left to study in 2016. Did you take your degree?"
"Yeah, several months ago, actually. I needed some additional time because I spent five years being blipped, so..."
"You too? Damn, almost everyone I talk to was blipped. Anyway, here we are." He knocked on the door, and without waiting for a response, he opened it. "Parker, your sister is here," he said when he saw Peter glancing up at him and then stepped aside to let Y/N walk into the room. "I am leaving you two now; I have to talk to Rhodes. Y/N."
He shot a smile at the woman as he said her name. The woman smiled back as he swung around and left, and a few seconds later, she noticed her brother's rankled facial expression.
"What?" she asked, rolling her eyes.
"I know this smile. Your smile."
"My what? It is my kind smile!"
"No, it is not your kind smile, it is your 'oh-he's-so-hot' smile."
"My what?" she repeated, "Goodness, Peter!"
"I am just alerting you, Y/N; be cautious with this chap. We are still testing him on whether he can be trusted. All these mind-control related excuses are fabulous, but we need to be certain."
Y/N sighed and put her hand onto her brother's shoulder.
"Pete, the fact that Quentin Beck messed with you does not mean that everybody will."
Peter scrunched his nose and stood up, shoving her hand away.
"Yes, I know."
"Yet you struggle to trust people since then."
"Before that, I trusted too easily."
"What would help you find a balance between these two?"
"I don't know. But do not change the subject. Our point is you and him."
"Me and him? Seriously? I just met him and talked to him for, like, two minutes. Don't be extravagant."
"I just have a feeling."
"Whatever."
~-~-~
That night was the first one in a long time that Loki went to bed without dark thoughts filling his mind. On the contrary, his thoughts were comforting, positive, even. Remembering Y/N's words, he realised there were people who did not hate him at all, people who did not draw back in fear when they recognised him and did not shiver at the sound of his name. "And you are Loki, I suppose?" She was so chill about it. How could she be okay with it when not even he was?
He inhaled and exhaled deeply, closing his eyes. That was what he always wanted; to not be treated like a monster.
~-~-~
Loki stood before his office window, spinning a pen between his fingers. Not much to do that day. Not that the Avengers allowed him to do important stuff, anyway. For now. You will gain their trust, you'll see. The whole situation made his need for action even more intense. All these weeks of sitting on a chair and organising files, answering calls and giving Barton and Rhodes documents to sign were so mundane that he sometimes had trouble remembering whether he was at the compound or asleep.
He shot a glance at Thor, who looked equally bored with Loki (but surely was not, since Loki was excellent at hiding the actual amount of his boredom). The God of Thunder looked back at him for a second before slowly averting his gaze. Loki knew his brother wanted to tell him something, something that he most probably would not like. He left his spot in front of the window and sat on his office chair, leaning backwards and looking at Thor with raised eyebrows.
"A famous billionaire is throwing a party in two days, you know."
Loki's eyebrows rose even higher, and he was half-expecting what Thor was going to say next. He sneered as he turned his gaze towards his brother.
"And why should I care about such an event?" he inquired ironically.
"That guy knew Tony, and he invited the Avengers."
"Well then, have fun."
Thor sighed, knowing that Loki knew what his point was. "I think you should come."
"I do not want to come," Loki argued.
"But I thought you liked parties."
Loki rolled his eyes at the sound of Thor's words. You really don't get it, do you? "I like parties when I am nameless, brother. I would be crazy if I fancied being at a stupid aristocratic-like party, acknowledging that every well-dressed snobbish piece of trash is going to know that I am... well, me. No rational person would like to be pointed at and hear rich, spoiled brats whispering 'That is Loki Odinson over there. You know, the killer. The terrorist. The beast.' I am not that much of a masochist, thank you."
"Come on; you are just exaggerating now."
"You could never know what it's like –you have no right to say that." Loki's tone and facial expression had altered so quickly: the sarcastic look his face held some moments ago had disappeared and his eyes had darkened in an instant.
"You need to come."
The sarcasm in his features returned as quickly as it had vanished seconds ago. "Oh, I need to?"
"You will make those people realise you are a member of the Avengers, that you have fitted in."
"You know I have not, Thor, and it is pretty obvious to everyone, we do not need to attempt to fool them."
"Just... come. I understand I cannot force you to, but trust me; it is going to be propitious for your... reputation."
"My reputation is demolished, nevertheless."
Thor sighed. "It has scarcely been two months since you came here, and you barely talk to anyone except for me."
"That's a lie. I hang out with Barnes now and then."
"Barnes is a former assassin."
"Exactly; we relate to each other. This is how friendship usually works, you know." He really never believed he would have to explain that to Thor, even in an ironic context. Thor always had friends, and Loki never did.
"The point is that the others might believe you are concealing malevolent intents."
"Because they do not know that some people are introverted and maybe, just maybe, I am one of those people. I must hide something spiteful," Loki mocked. "And since you mentioned it, do you think I am hiding something? Because, if that's the case, you can just say it."
"I know you, Loki. That's how you have always been –it is no surprise to me, even though I never understood it. I am talking about the other Avengers, and basically, all the people that are going to be at the party in general."
Loki huffed. "Okay, I have had enough. I will come –but only because I am tired of listening to your grumbling. It is even worse than a party."
Thor beamed broadly, and Loki almost had to roll his eyes. That oaf...
~-~-~
Loki took one more sip from his drink as he looked around the room, leaning his back against the wall. There were so many people there –and he was not in the mood of being in a multitude. And the fact that they all knew who he was made everything even worse. He just wanted to leave that place –that stupid party– at least until he shot one more glance at the other side of the room.
It was Y/N. The corner of his lips curved slightly upwards in a wan smile. Even though he had met her only once, he had deeply appreciated the fact that she had shown no fear or discomfort around him, even though she had recognised him. And he had to admit that she was one of the (very) few people he felt comfortable around right from the start.
He pushed himself off the wall and walked towards her; he did not know how she would react, but he hoped she would be happy to see him. When she noticed him, she grinned and took a few steps towards him. Relief washed over him; at last, someone did not turn away when he approached.
"How come you are here?" he asked, and he couldn't help smiling widely.
"I cannot hide the fact that I hoped I would see you around. Peter told me I could come, and my thoughts went to you."
"It is flattering to know that I am in someone's mind... Really, how would you like me to call you? Y/N? Parker? Miss Parker?"
"Y/N is just fine," she replied.
"I like it better too," he answered. "So, back to our point. How come you thought of me? Did I inspire you so much with my non-existent social skills?"
"Oh, you have social skills, you simply do not appreciate them because social interaction makes you feel uncomfortable. I can relate, to be honest."
"If you truly can relate, you must consider the atmosphere in here to be quite suffocating. What about a walk, out in the garden? Some fresh air would be revitalising, and some time without all these people around would be liberating."
"I couldn't possibly agree more. Let's go."
They walked together towards the exit. Loki sensed numerous looks locked on him as he went by. He ignored them, yet Υ/Ν noticed his pace quickened.
"If I were you, I would want to run out of here and stay away from any human soul in this place too," she muttered as they walked past the doorstep. Loki looked at her questioningly. "I noticed your steps be getting faster and faster," she clarified.
"Oh, that. Yes, social interaction can be tough when you are a criminal," Loki replied, and his voice had a hint of sarcasm and bitterness.
Y/N bit her underlip and looked downwards as they continued walking in the garden. She would lie if she claimed she knew how he felt. Loki was, in fact, a criminal, yet the crimes he had committed were not his own. He was only a means to an end back then. He was, even though Y/N knew he would definitely not like to hear that, a puppet in the hands of someone who had power over him.
"This silence is quite awkward, don't you think?" he asked, snapping Y/N back to reality. "I mean, we are strangers, technically. The silence between two strangers who had begun talking is more awkward than silence between peers."
"You do not sound awkward," Y/N argued, raising her eyebrow.
"You do not sound awkward either," Loki snapped back, imitating her facial expression.
"Well, this is weird. I mean, I am not great at all as social interactions are concerned."
"It is weird to me as well, and you said that I have social skills, even though the truth is that I can throw myself into social situations and cope with them well solely in terms of acting. Basically, I am simply faking it."
"Are you faking it now?" Y/N inquired.
"No."
The absence of sounds returned. Loki tapped the glass he was still holding with his fingers as they kept walking. This silence was weird, weirdly nice.
"We need to wonder something, I guess; are we really strangers after all?" Loki questioned.
"According to what society defines as strangers, yes."
"What happens when it comes to a personal level?"
"The total amount of time we have ever talked in our lives is less than ten minutes."
"Ten nice, comfortable minutes," he argued as he placed his glass onto the serving tray of a passing waiter.
"Yeah, okay, I'll give you that."
Loki took a deep breath. "Have you ever met someone and just... just talked to them for a small amount of time, and you realise you want them in your life? I mean, you get to feel something unique, something you cannot get a hold on or even name it, something like..."
"... familiarity."
Loki looked at her, and a genuine smile curved on his thin lips. They kept talking for a long time. After having circled around the garden about four times, they sat on a bench. As they continued their discussion, Loki cut a carnation from a nearby plant and started twirling it in his fingers.
"You like flowers, I see," Y/N said at some point.
"Yeah," he replied as he stared at the carnation.
"That's cute."
Loki froze momentarily, and then he looked up at her with raised eyebrows. "Cute?"
"Yes! I mean, I do not meet men who admit they like flowers really often, and that's a shame because it is adorable."
Loki's eyebrows rose even higher. "I can also stab people in a very adorable way," he said in an astonishingly soft manner, his lips forming an innocent smile.
"I will keep that in mind."
"Nice, because, if there is one thing I am obsessed with, it's knives. Like, they are so great. When people say that beautiful things are fragile, I am like: 'have you ever seen a dagger?!' I mean-"
"I got it, you like knives."
"Yes." Loki looked at the carnation again with a warm smile. "You know, I did not even want to come here –I did solely because Thor said it would be 'good for my reputation'. Now that I found you here, I do not want to leave. To be honest, I think I really like you already, even though we have known each other for such a little time."
Y/N looked into his eyes. Peter's words rang inside her mind. 'I'm just alerting you, Y/N; be cautious with this chap.' She lowered her head and pensively gazed at her hands.
"Look, I like you too, but Peter-..."
"... doesn't trust me, I know. And it is reasonable, I guess. It's okay, I am used to it." His hands held the flower still as he stared at it. "I think I'm going to-"
He attempted to stand up, but Y/N held his hand and prevented him from doing so. "I just wanted to say that Peter might get slightly angry, but he will get over it, eventually."
Loki smiled, his look filled with joy. "You know, this evening was nice. I do not really get the opportunity to hang out with people regularly, so it would be nice if we could... do this again."
Y/N cocked her eyebrow. "Are you asking me on a date?" she inquired, and her tone revealed both mischief and bemusement.
"Yeah, I guess," chuckled Loki. "Damn, I haven't done this in a long time."
"I assume so."
"Ouch," Loki said, trying to sound blunt, yet the spark in his eyes revealed all the vivid joy he felt inside.
"Just kidding," she laughed. "Back to the point; yes."
"Yes, what?" Loki asked, not sure he had understood correctly.
"Yes, I would like to go on a date with you."
Loki's palm slowly cupped her cheek as the corner of his lips curved slightly upwards. He pulled a strand out of her face and tugged it behind her ear, and then he brought out the carnation he was holding in his other hand and put it in her hair.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"For the date?"
"For listening," he replied smoothly, gazing into her eyes. "I never truly had someone to listen to me, and then I met you, and we talked, and... you listened. I cannot even describe how vital this was for me."
She smiled. "Speaking with you was a magnificent experience. I recognise the fact that we know one another for so little, but I-"
"Y/N!" Peter's voice sounded, its echo ringing inside the woman's head, making her break off and turn her gaze away from Loki and towards the direction of the call abruptly.
"Peter," she mouthed.
Loki sighed and hid his face into his palm in despondency as Peter approached. Great. Just great.
"What... what are you doing?!" Peter stammered, and his cheeks had turned bright red.
"I-I... We were talking-"
"With your faces five inches far? What kind of talk was that?"
"That's none of your business. I am an adult; I have the liberty to do whatever I want with my life!"
"This doesn't mean I should not be concerned for your safety!" Peter snapped.
"Let me interject to remind you I am here too," Loki spoke up, his voice having a pinch of mockery, cutting Peter off. "I will not comment on the matter that you called me a danger to your sister, and everyone, I suppose. Your fears are understandable, but I want you to know that Y/N is a free person; she has the freedom to come into my life if she wants to, and she will be free to leave if she realises she mistakenly chose me. You might think that what I am saying only lies, but I truly do not understand what I would gain by deceiving her. Because, among the terror and death I have spread in the past, I always had a reason, however wrong, twisted or sick that reason might have been." He stood up and glanced at Y/N. "You can come to the compound tomorrow to arrange what we agreed to; I will wait for you."
She nodded. The God of Mischief feigned a smile, one full of bitterness, and, without looking at Peter, left the spot with quick steps.
"What you agreed to?" the young man accentuated when Loki had distanced himself enough so that their voices wouldn't reach his ears.
"You are incorrigible," Y/N hissed, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she stood up. "Have you ever had heard of manners? Because you certainly don't act like you have! His teammates are supposed to be understanding, Peter, if you are so harsh to him, how do you demand him to want to change? The world treats him awfully, anyway. I really hope I am right, and he truly has a heart of gold, because otherwise..."
"So not even you are certain-"
"I barely know him yet, Peter, I am giving him a chance. Now don't talk to me, I am leaving. Come if you wish, stay if you want to stay, I couldn't care less."
She fixed her coat and rushed away, the sound of her heels echoing as she walked. Her brother sighed as he ran forward and caught up with her. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you-"
"That's the problem, you know," she cut him short, receiving a questioning grimace as a response. "You are sorry for upsetting me, not him. Loki is the one who was hurt the most from all those things you said, but you are unapologetic as far as he is concerned. And, brother, I cannot support you on this."
~-~-~
Loki marched up the stairs of the building's entrance, anxiety rather clear on his characteristics. He wandered around with his hands inside his pockets until he spotted Thor; he was discussing with two people, an African American man who had started greying, and a woman with dark curly hair. Judging from their body language, the Trickster could tell that all the three of them were deeply interested in the discussion's topic, and his interfering would possibly annoy them, yet he didn't care. He approached hurriedly.
"I'm sorry to interject into your conversation," he said, and the words came out so exhaustedly that, when he heard his voice, he pitied himself. "Brother, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Yes, of course," the God of Thunder responded and then looked back at his co-discussants. "I'll be right back."
Loki guided him to a place relatively far from the rest of the attenders. "Look, I know I was supposed to stay longer, but I really need to leave."
"Did anything happen?"
"You could say so," Loki said gravely. "I told you I didn't want to come in the first place."
"Did anyone-?"
"Yes."
"Who-?"
"Peter Parker. And that's one of the worst things about it; I'm supposed to work with this guy and to get along with him," he said, and his voice unconsciously became quieter as he pronounced the last sentence.
"Do you want me to talk to him about it? Tomorrow, maybe, or even tonight, if I come across with him."
"No, you will not tell him anything; I don't want him to think that I'm hiding behind my big brother's shadow while asking you do the dirty work, I only wanted you to know that I'm leaving now so that you won't have to look for me later since you seem to enjoy this event and apparently want to stay longer. I'll confront Parker myself," he argued and raised an eyebrow when Thor's face got a troubled expression. "And relax; nobody will die in the process, I promise."
Thor breathed in and out deeply. "Are you sure you'll be alright?"
"Absolutely," Loki answered with a pinch of bitterness and irony in his voice. He patted on his brother's upper arm. "Anyway, I'm going to hire a cab now. Have a good time."
"You too," Thor said as his brother turned around.
Sure thing, the voice in Loki's head mocked. He exited the building, picking at his hands as he paced quickly. The moment his feet touched the pavement, he lifted his head, and his eyes locked on a silhouette standing a few meters farther. He walked towards her and stood right beside her.
"Leaving too?" she asked.
"As anyone would do if they were me, I guess, Y/N," he said hollowly.
She huffed and then glanced at him. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened earlier-"
"It was not your fault," Loki cut her short. "And anyway, it's fine."
"It's not fine."
"It is what it is. I'm used to it," Loki whispered. Then he ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "Will you hire a cab? I thought you had a car," he said then, changing the subject.
"It's on service," Y/N replied. "So yeah, I'm waiting for a ride, but few taxis come this way. Many high-class people in the area, you see. Most of them own more than one car."
"We could take the highway to the main street on foot."
"We?"
"If you don't mind my company, yes."
She smiled. "Okay then."
They walked together silently. And as they walked, Loki felt Y/N's fingers clenching around his hand. It wasn't slow or feignedly incidental like in romantic movies; her grip was firm and assertive. Loki squeezed her hand back. It seemed to him it had been an eternity since he had last done this before –holding hands.
"I shouldn't trust you as much as I do," he hummed, his thumb unconsciously caressing her fingers' skin. "We don't know each other. I am supposed to have confidence issues. People who don't trust themselves cannot trust anyone else. This situation is messing with my head."
"I shouldn't trust you as much as I do either, I guess," Y/N replied.
"Yes, especially since I am a criminal."
"Stop saying that," Y/N argued.
"This will not make it less real."
"Saying won't make it less painful. Because I know it's painful for you –the past. You did one thing back then, and now people consider it your only identity trait," she opposed, tightening her grip on his hand, and Loki honestly couldn't tell whether she was doing it because she wanted to ease his unpleasant feelings or because of irritation his attitude had provoked to her.
He raised his eyebrows and drew a deep breath. "Oh well, thanks for summing up my whole life in three sentences, would you be interested in writing my biography?" Before Y/N could give any reply to that remark, he exclaimed: "Oh look, a taxi! Finally. I had started losing hope."
He lifted his hand and signalled the taxi driver to stop. The vehicle's speed decreased as it approached. When it stopped moving, Loki and Y/N got in and sat on the backseat.
"Good evening," said the driver. "Where would you like me to take you?"
"Good evening," Loki replied, shutting the car's door, and then turned to Y/N. "You live in Queens, right?"
"Yes."
"So, we head to your house first, since it is closer?"
"Yeah, sure," she responded, and then spoke to the driver. "Forest Hills, please."
The ride began, and it was silent. Y/N got off when she reached her destination, greeting Loki with a silent 'see you tomorrow' and a wave of her hand. When the God of Mischief was finally at the safety of his house, he lay down into his bed, still fully dressed, and his chest rose as he sighed. That evening truly was a roller coaster of emotions.
~-~-~
"Mister Loki, sir, I would like to talk to you."
Peter's voice was literally the first thing the God of Mischief heard when he entered the compound. Ah, great, as though my day couldn't start in a better way. He huffed as he took off his coat and hung it on his left arm.
"Honestly, it is not an appropriate time to do this, Parker," he said as he walked past the young man.
"And when is the time going to be proper?" Peter insisted, following him.
Loki rolled his eyes as he reached the elevator and pressed the button. This boy is such a pain in the ass sometimes.
"Is February 30th good for you?" he mocked.
"Hilarious," Peter replied in a blunt manner and mumbled something under his breath –something Loki did not grasp but was not complimentary for sure.
"Yes, I am widely known for my incomparable wit, among many other amazing things," he answered sarcastically. "Could you please leave me alone now?"
He got into the elevator, and Peter obviously followed. Oh, this guy, dammit. The doors closed, and the shaft started going up in a smooth, slow way. There was silence, and Loki hoped it would remain that way, but, much to his dismay, his companion talked.
"Look, about yesterday I wanted to tell you that-"
"Do not continue," Loki cut him short. "I know what you are going to say. You are either going to apologise or ask me to stay away from Y/N, or maybe even both. I fancy hearing none of this stuff. This world has been hostile to me all this time, and even though it is understandable, it also has an extremely disheartening and overwhelming effect upon me. After all this hate I have received, your sister treated me with kindness –and that's what I have been looking for, and what all this is about. You can call me selfish, but I will not miss my chance because you want me to."
"Chance for what?" Peter snapped.
Loki chuckled, and the laugh was filled with bitterness and irony. "A better life, Parker. What did you think I meant, ruling the world?"
Peter did not answer, and this was one of the very few times that Loki was glad that he got no response. When the elevator's door opened, he stepped out and towards the office that he shared with his brother.
"You're late," Thor commented when the God of Mischief entered the room.
"By five minutes. Did anything extraordinary happen, and I missed it?" the Trickster mocked as he threw himself on his chair.
"Well, no, but-" the God of Thunder broke off when he noticed his brother's frustrated expression. "Are you alright?"
Loki shrugged. "I mean, Parker came, and he wanted to talk to me about yesterday. I didn't let him say much, though. Anyway, at least Y/N is most probably going to come here sometime today, so I guess I can hope for that."
"Y/N? Peter's sister?" Thor inquired.
"Yes; me interacting with her is what he has a problem with, apparently."
"He is her brother; siblings are like that sometimes."
"Thor, I am the problem for him. If I were any other guy, it would be much different, and I know this because I heard what he told Y/N. You most probably have no idea what all this feels like to me, but... Let me explain it to you this way: people say we should not dwell in our past, but how can I not when it affects my present life so much, and others use it as a reason to avoid me?"
Thor did not answer. What could he say anyway? Loki ran his hand through his hair and then leaned forwards and supported his chin into his palm.
"I'm sorry for being so dramatic sometimes. It comes to me naturally," he said then and forced himself to smile. "I can try to look more cheerful, though."
His voice had sounded so different when he said that last sentence –he talked as though he was genuinely fine. His face lit up, and anyone who would see him would suppose he was in a good mood, proving one more time that he was, indeed, the God of Deceit. He feigned it so well. "Fake it till you make it," people say, and Loki wished he could make it as effectively as he could fake it –happiness.
He pretended until he heard the door opening and Rhodey saying: "Loki, someone's here for you," just a few seconds before Y/N walked into the room. When his eyes met hers, his smile was sincere. And if his face looked bright before, now it was luminous as the sun.
"Hey," he said, standing up, and then addressed to Thor. "Brother, give me a couple of minutes –I will be right back soon."
He approached the woman, and they exited the room together. He closed the door and stood beside it in the hallway.
"So... now what?" he asked, looking at her, his eyes filled with uncertainty.
"We had agreed we would go on a date, so that's what we are going to discuss, I guess," Y/N shrugged. "And exchange numbers."
"Yeah, true. I... How does dating work here?" Loki asked then, hoping he didn't sound as stupid as he felt he did. "Because there are many things on Earth that work differently from the way they did on Asgard, and I'm not here for a long time."
"Here we just go somewhere together, and that's it, actually," Y/N explained. "It's usually at some sort of restaurant or café."
"Sensible," he commented. "I liked the second one –a café. I don't know about you, but personally, I fancy a coffee more often than I fancy food."
With the corner of his eye, Loki saw a familiar silhouette passing by and stopping some meters away from them. Loki turned around, and his eyes met Peter's for a moment. He looked away, squirming uncomfortably and folding his arms across his chest.
"So, a coffee date it is?" Y/N asked when her brother walked away.
"If it's alright for you as well, yeah."
"Cool. When?"
Loki's folded arms loosened, but he maintained the position. "I finish work at 6 p.m. every day, and my Sundays are free, so whenever it's good for you among these hours," he responded then.
"Could we go today?" Y/N asked. "Because I have a job interview tomorrow, and I won't be free until 9 p.m."
"Sure, why not? Let's say... 7 p.m.?"
"Yeah, 7 p.m. sounds good."
Loki glanced at his watch. 4:08 p.m.
"So, in about 3 hours?"
"Yes."
They proceeded to decide which coffee shop they would go to and exchanging numbers, and then Y/N left. Loki went back into the office he shared with Thor.
"How did it go?" the Thunderer asked.
Loki smirked as he sat down on his chair. "I have a date in three hours."
Thor raised his eyebrows. "A date? Man, that escalated quickly."
"Yeah, I am surprised as well. What do you think I should wear?"
"Well, I-"
"Why am I asking you? You don't have a sense of style," Loki cut Thor short, leaning backwards. "Anyway, I'm not sure whether I should put on something elegant or something casual. It's a coffee date though, so I guess casual clothing is more appropriate. But still-"
"Um, are you talking to me or just rambling to yourself? Just to know whether I should pay attention," Thor cut him off, receiving a blunt look as a response.
"Rambling to myself, I guess," the God of Mischief replied and then continued talking to himself. "So, I guess casual it is. But there are so many options... Like, leather pants or jeans?"
"Definitely not tights. You look awful in them."
Loki raised his eyebrows as his eyes opened wide. "And you needed a millennium to tell me?" he asked in a half-joking way.
"You never asked."
"Fair enough. I think I'll put on leather pants."
~-~-~
Y/N was sitting at a table in the café that Loki had agreed to meet her. He was late. Well, he wasn't that late, only by five minutes, but it still made Y/N nervous. What if he had regretted it? But wouldn't he have called? But maybe he was ashamed to...
Her train of thought was interrupted when she heard the door opening and, thank goodness, Loki stepping in. He looked around as he closed the door and walked towards her when he spotted her.
"Hey. I'm sorry for the delay," he said as he sat at the chair opposite her.
"Traffic?" she asked.
"No, just taking too much time to get ready," Loki replied, running his hand through his hair.
"Oh," Y/N responded. "At last, a man admitting he needs time to get ready and doesn't consider it something to be ashamed of."
"Yeah, I never understood that either," he confessed. "'I don't spend time trying to look okay, I just take five minutes, and I don't care if I look like a pig,'" he mocked then, giving his voice a lower tone and a pinch of excessive and ironic masculinity. "I mean, okay, it's your choice, and I guess there are people who can look great in a few minutes of preparation, but it's not humiliating to admit that you need a bit more time when, in fact, you do."
"You are quite talkative," Y/N pointed out, receiving a chuckle from Loki as an answer.
"Yeah, sorry for that," he said then. "If I keep on like this, we're going to need to take turns and use a timer."
"Forty-five seconds, like in the Oscars speech," Y/N joked.
"Do they only take forty-five seconds to talk? In the Oscars. I didn't know that," Loki admitted.
"I basically find it impressive that you know what the Oscars are," the woman replied. "I mean, you are here for about two months."
"I learn things fast."
They ordered their brews and kept talking for a considerable amount of time. From all the first dates Loki had ever had, he was confident enough to say this one was the best. The uneasiness of the first time was absent, and Y/N was a pleasant company.
After spending about two hours in the café, they decided to leave and take a walk under the now dark sky.
"So, how do you spend your free time?" Y/N asked at once, her hand holding Loki's.
"Well, I... I'm currently reading stuff, actually. You know, history, literature. I've been here for a short time, and I just want to know the past of this world, and I also need to because, you know, citizenship."
"Anything else?"
"I also draw and write a bit, watch movies, listen to music... That kind of stuff, mostly."
"Don't you ever hang out with friends?"
Loki shrugged. "I mean... I do hang out with Bucky sometimes, but there's a limit on what can be discussed between me and him. What I'm trying to say is that he's got his own tragic experiences that are very similar to mine, and we cannot really talk about them. If I have a nightmare about such stuff, I cannot tell him because my experiences remind him of his, and it's stuff he doesn't want to remember. So this limits things. You know, if you cannot discuss your problems... And, anyway, I'm not good at making friends, so..."
His voice faded away, and silence spread between them. Y/N's hand clenched tighter around his own. And then Loki stopped walking and turned his face towards her.
"Look, I want you to know that if we develop an actual relationship, there will be people judging your decision, just like Peter does. You might not be willing to go through this, and that's understandable."
"If I paid attention to what others say, I wouldn't be here with you now."
"I understand –I'm simply not sure you realise the extent of the situation. I mean, I'm infamous. People will talk a lot."
"Are you trying to avoid me?"
"No, of course not, but maybe you should. I want nothing more or less than being with you, but if such a thing ruins your life, I-"
His sentence was cut in half when her lips crashed into his own. He needed a couple of seconds to get over the shock and kiss her back.
"I guess you have made up your mind," he muttered, his mouth so close to her face they could feel each other's breaths.
"Yeah, I suppose I have," Y/N replied, smiling.
"Thank you," he whispered, resting his forehead onto hers. Thank you for staying here with me when even I don't want to stay in this world. And then he realised something. "Um... we're in a communal space."
They pulled away from each other, and Loki looked around; thankfully, no one was watching. Apparently, public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable. After some more minutes of walking, they decided it was high time for them to return to their houses.
"Do you have a car or...?" Y/N as they approached her vehicle.
"I'll take a taxi," Loki replied.
"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you to your house? Hiring a cab is almost criminally expensive."
"You will lose at least twenty minutes."
"But, that way, when I go home, there is a higher possibility that Peter will be asleep and won't annoy me with questions and complaints."
Loki raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Right," he muttered. "Anyway, in that case, okay," he said then.
She drove him home, and when she leaned to kiss him goodnight before he got out of the car, his heart fluttered, and he knew that if he ever tried to describe that sense, he would fail. And when he lay into his bed that night, the image of her face still vivid inside his mind, he slept with a heart free of pain.
Four months later
Loki and Y/N had decided to get into a serious relationship. They had decided to go with the flow, just until they could figure out that when they were together they were a better and happier version of themselves. Because that was what both of them were looking for in a relationship.
And, as time went by, they both were happier. People say a healthy relationship makes your life brighter –and Loki could not remember his life to have been so much filled with light ever before. They were so happy together that even Peter could see it.
"I want to talk to you."
Loki was getting ready to leave the compound when Peter got into the room. Thor had left not even a minute before.
"You waited in front of the door until my brother left, didn't you?" the Trickster asked, raising his eyebrows when he saw the young man standing opposite to him.
"Maybe," Peter answered bluntly.
He was preoccupied, and Loki could see it, and even though he was angry at him for his distrust, the God of Mischief stopped what he was doing and looked at him with concern.
"You said you wanted to talk to me," he remarked, encouraging Peter to speak.
"It's about Y/N."
"I thought so," Loki said. Peter started fidgeting, and the Trickster couldn't help but sigh. "You can tell me anything you want, Peter."
The young man was surprised; Loki had never called him Peter before; it was always a formal –sometimes even cold– 'Parker.'
"You've been with Y/N for some time, and... she looks happy. You seem to be a cool guy, but I cannot help fearing it is all a sham. I want to trust you for bringing happiness to my sister's life, but I cannot. And I just wanted you to know I'm working on it."
Loki stood still and silent for a few seconds, and his eyebrows together. Then he lifted his head and looked at Peter thoughtfully.
"I love your sister, Peter, and I hope she loves me too. I know you feel concerned for her, but it's not that we can stop loving each other, but we don't – we simply cannot. And this is one of the most magical yet disastrous things about love. It doesn't ask you what you want or need, doesn't let you choose who –it just comes crushing you, sometimes so hard that you lose the ground under your feet. And I know I'm rambling now, but what I'm trying to tell you is that I care about Y/N so deeply that I could do anything for her."
"I wish I could trust you."
Loki pressed his lips together and hanged his backpack on his one shoulder. If only you could trust me. If only anyone could.
"But you just can't, I get it," he said, taking his coat and walking to the door. "But I promise, someday I am going to prove myself worthy of your trust. I don't know how, I didn't know when, but someday I'll make you see I am no threat. I mean no harm to Y/N. If anything, she helps me not do any harm to myself –if you catch my drift."
Before Peter could give any sort of response, Loki exited the room. The young man stood still for some seconds, uncertain of what he should do, and then he turned around and rushed to catch up with the Asgardian prince.
"Mister Loki-"
"If you call me 'Mister' one more time, I'm going to transform you into an actual spider," Loki grumbled, raising his eyebrows as he glanced at Peter.
"Yeah, umm... About the last thing that you said before-"
"Yes, I am self-destructive," Loki cut him short. "I'm on therapy since I came here. The judge obliged it, but I asked them to keep it a secret because of the emotional impact that the social stigma of mental illness has."
"Do you have a diagnosis?"
"Two," Loki responded and immediately regretted it. He let out a sigh. "I shouldn't have said that. Now you will be unwilling to trust an unstable dude to be with your sister."
Peter gripped Loki's elbow to make him stop walking. When their eyes met, his face was grave.
"I don't know what's going on in your head, but I want my sister to be safe. If you harm her in any way, I'm going to use any means possible to destroy your life."
Loki frowned. "You're threatening me?" he said, and it was more of a declaration rather than a question.
"Yes, I am."
A dry, bitter laugh escaped from the Trickster's lips. "I wonder what kind of means you're gonna use to destroy me in that case."
"The media," Peter responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You're terrified of them, aren't you? People invading into your personal life, assuming things about you, learn your secrets and weaknesses... There's always something to blame on a criminal."
Loki's facial expression hardened. He freed his elbow from Peter's grip, not breaking eye contact. He swallowed down the lump in his throat, and his lips parted.
"So, you're going to ruin my life even if Y/N and I break up –because breakups are hurtful. That's how you're working on your trust? I... I told you I love her. This is just-" painful. He didn't finish the sentence. He looked away from Peter and straightened the edge of his sleeve. "Never mind."
As he walked away, Peter said nothing, and Loki couldn't tell whether that was a good thing or not; a part of him wished he could hear an apology, while the other detested even the idea of it, considering it petty and hypocritical. He knew that if he tried to force himself to not think about the happening, he would fail miserably, so he tried to focus on the journey to his residence, hoping his mind would let go of it.
Since he didn't have a car, and he couldn't afford to drive around in taxis every day, Loki used public transportation –much to his dismay. Every time he got on a bus, he wished he could just become invisible –and technically he could, but that would pull everyone's attention and would be extremely suspicious. So, since he had no other option, he just sat down, with the smartphone he was still learning how to use in his hand, and earphones plugged into his ears, trying to ignore the stares and nervous glances of the people around him and the fact that rarely anybody dared to sit beside him.
That day, too, he sat at one of the seats in the back of the bus, Queen music in his earphones, and his temple pressed against the glass window, looking at the same view that was passing before his eyes. He felt the movement of the wheels over the road, and his shoulders slightly shook every time the vehicle rocked abruptly. These bus drives were maybe the worst times of his days, a chance for his darkest thoughts to surface, making his loneliness even more intense even though he was surrounded by so many people.
Loki's gaze darted briefly forwards and then on his lap again when his eyes met those of the blond woman who was sitting opposite to him with a boy –not older than three years old– who seemingly was her son. With the corner of his eye, he saw her pulling her child closer to herself as she shot Loki a worried glance. He closed his eyes and sighed. If only there was something he could say to make all this stop, something he could do to erase their hate and terror.
He got off the bus at the next stop and walked along the pavement, heading home. When he finally entered his house, closing the door as he hanged his coat on the coat-stand, his chest felt heavy, and every heartbeat was painful, every breath burnt his lungs. He took off his shoes, shuffled towards the couch and let himself sink into it. He brought his fingers to his temples as he leaned forward, closing his eyes. And the moment he had almost reached a (temporary) peaceful state of mind, the sound of his cell phone ringing disturbed the silence. He stood up clumsily, took the device from the pocket of his coat and answered the call.
"Hey," he muttered, and his voice was filled with all the exhaustion he felt.
"Hey," Y/N's voice sounded from the other end of the line. "How are you doing?"
"I just came home, so..."
"... not that great," Y/N completed his sentence. Loki had expressed his feelings about the bus drives –and generally crowded spaces– so it wasn't hard for her to guess he was in an unpleasant mood.
"Yeah," he replied, heading to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. "I also spoke with Peter."
"Oh. How did it go?"
"Not great. He basically ended up threatening me." Loki's voice was flat and cold –the kind of cold that showed emptiness, the lack of any emotion, as though he was done with everything, and if he were to die, he would embrace death like an old friend. He opened a cupboard and brought out a glass.
"Ended up doing what?" Y/N exclaimed, "Oh my goodness, I'm gonna-... What did you tell him?"
"The truth."
"Which is...?"
"I love you."
It was the first time he ever told her that –he hadn't felt the confidence and certainty to tell her before. A few silent seconds passed, and then Y/N's voice sounded.
"I love you too."
Loki smiled. He knew she couldn't see it, but it came so naturally to him. He finally filled the empty glass he had been holding. Then he spoke, and his coldness had been replaced with warmth.
"Anyway, how was your day?"
"Um... Work was alright. I also told May I want to rent an apartment for myself. She didn't take it badly," Y/N answered.
"That's good," Loki commented after drinking a sip of water. "Did you tell her about the flat you have in mind?"
"I would have, but I found another one that seems nice, and it's closer to work. I'm going to see it tomorrow. Would you like to come with me? I'd like to hear a second opinion, and it's also a chance to meet."
"Sounds great. What time?" Loki inquired.
"Around 7.30 pm."
"I can come to your house directly from the compound, I guess, and we'll go there together."
"Sounds like a plan."
"Yeah." He placed his glass on the counter. "I want to have a shower now, so I gotta hang up," he said then.
"Oh, okay. See you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow," Loki repeated and ended the call.
He stood there for a few seconds, her voice still echoing in his head. "I love you too."
~-~-~
The evening of the following day, Loki had prepared to leave and had just opened the door of the office he shared with Thor when he heard someone calling him.
"Loki." He was quite surprised that it was Peter's voice, and when he turned around, he saw the young man approaching him. "I... I was a bit too harsh yesterday-"
"Yes, you were," Loki cut him short, and his attitude became defensive. "What do you want?"
"Look, I... Y/N said you'll meet her at our house today, so I thought maybe I could, you know, drive you there."
"Since when do you drive?" Loki asked, raising his eyebrows.
"I got my driver's licence about a month ago," Peter responded. "Look, I know you're mad at me, but-"
"I'm furious, actually," the God of Mischief cut him off again, and his tone revealed aggression. "Yesterday, you were threatening me, and now you're offering me a drive? Will you make up your mind on whether you like me or hate me? Because this situation is screwing me up."
"I was worried. I say nasty things when I'm worried."
Loki lowered his head and begun picking at his hands. "Me too," he muttered then and wrapped his hands around each other to hold his fidgeting down. "Anyway, okay, then. Just don't crash the car."
"Are you kidding? If I crash the car, I'm dead –even if I survive, aunt May's gonna kill me herself," Peter replied as he and Loki walked towards the exit of the compound.
The drive was silent, awkward. How could it not be, anyway? The two men were not exactly friendly towards each other most of the time. And, as an addition to that, Loki had this unsettling feeling, this worry that something was wrong –or that something bad was going to happen, something he couldn't put his finger on.
"Something feels off," Peter said at some point.
"You feel it too?" Loki asked, turning his face towards Peter.
"Yes," the young man replied. "I do sense it when something bad is going on, sometimes –May calls it Peter-tingle."
"I've never wished so badly I was being paranoid ever before," Loki muttered to himself. "Oh, goodness."
Since Loki seemingly was not the only one fearing that something was going on, there was a possibility the fear was reasonable. He let out a sigh, closed his eyes and concentrated; since he couldn't ignore the feeling –or instinct, he didn't even know at that point– he thought he might as well figure out where it led him. He stopped fighting against the sense and allowed it to take him wherever it took. A few seconds later, he snapped his eyes open, and his face was filled with terror.
"Y/N," his voice was barely a whisper, and his face turned as pale as a ghost. "Oh, goodness, Peter, drive!"
"What-"
"Just drive!"
Peter pressed his foot on the accelerator, and the car rushed forwards. "Are you going to tell me what happened to my si-" He broke off abruptly when he saw the thick grey smoke that gathered over his neighbourhood –they could see it from the nearby road in which they were now. "No."
"Yes."
"Oh, God."
When they arrived at their destination, they met the scene of the house being devoured by burning flames. Both Loki and Peter rushed out of the vehicle and towards the people –residents of the neighbouring houses– who were standing outside.
"Did you call the firefighters?" Peter asked one of them.
"Yes –they're on their way."
"Is everyone safe?" Loki asked, trying to keep himself together.
"I saw May running outside, but I think Y/N is still in-"
"No, no, no... She..." Loki muttered, his pupils dilating. He saw Peter running away, and a few seconds later he realised he was approaching his aunt May.
"May, where is Y/N?" he heard Peter's voice as he walked towards them.
May stared into her nephew's eyes, and then her look darted around. She was at a loss for words –and this was alarming because May rarely was at a loss for words.
"May, where is she?" Peter repeated, grabbing her by the shoulders, her silence making both of him and Loki even more certain that what they feared the most was the truth.
"She... she is still inside."
May's faint whisper was enough to make Loki's heart swell painfully against his ribcage as he turned his gaze towards the burning building. His hands, which all this time were fidgeting nervously, dropped to his sides, and his eyes mirrored his fear. And then his fear was gone, and there was only determination in his look. He took a deep breath, and the next second he was running into the flames.
"Wait!" Peter screamed desperately and tried to run after him, but May grabbed his wrist and pulled him back.
"I can't lose both of you," she mumbled, and this display of emotions showed how terrified she was –May rarely let her fear surface.
The seconds passed, and it felt like an eternity for the people waiting outside, and especially for Peter and May. As time went by, their hopes of seeing someone running through the smoke lessened and lessened, until they saw two human silhouettes running towards them, holding onto one another. When they were close enough, the audience could see Loki and Y/N –they both were conscious, thankfully. Their faces were full of ash dirt, and there were open wounds in their skin –Loki's were much more than Y/N's, and it now seemed like he was in a worse condition than her.
Peter and May rushed closer, and when they approached enough, Loki unwrapped his arm from Y/N's shoulders and let her drop in her aunt's embrace. He looked into Peter's eyes, and his lips quivered as though he wanted to speak, but before he could even let a word out, his legs gave out, and he fell forwards; Peter barely had the time to catch him before he'd hit the ground. And they realised that if a fire was dangerous for a human, it was a hundred times worse for a Frost Giant.
~-~-~
Y/N was quite lucky, considering the damage she could have gone through by the fire. Thankfully, she got away with only some burns, some of which might leave a scar. That wasn't the case for Loki, though. As a Frost Giant, his body was more sensitive to high temperatures, resulting in severe injury by the fire. When he was taken to the operation room, doctors gave him a small chance of survival. Yet after hours of surgery, it was figured out that he would –indeed– survive.
After the operation, he remained in a coma for two days, and then during the third day, he gradually improved so that he became responsive and could talk. So he was told, at least, when he was fully responsive and could communicate properly. All he could remember were only distorted sounds and then opening his eyes, feeling as though he had woken up from an endless sleep, as if his thoughts were into a thick fog that was slowly lifting. He remembered everything seeming so bright to him he had to shut his eyes and open them again a few times. Then people were coming and going, and he couldn't understand what was going on, and he hurt everywhere –hurt as though he was still running through flames.
When people were allowed to enter his ward, the truth was that the last thing he wanted was to talk to anyone. Yes, he loved Y/N, his brother and his friends, but the pain in his body made even lying there unbearable, and talking was simply straining him even more. Yet here he was now, with three people standing above him –Y/N, Bucky and Thor– talking to him and telling him how much they had worried and how glad they were that he was okay.
Meanwhile, Loki was anything but okay; he hurt everywhere, and even moving his lips to talk was hard. Everything is going to be okay, he thought to himself, trying to be optimistic. Yet all the fear that was absent when he ran into the fire had come to him now –now that the danger was, ironically, almost gone. He wasn't afraid to die –at least not as much as the average person normally would. What he was terrified of were pain and suffering.
"I think I'm going crazy," he muttered at some point during the fourth day of his stay in the hospital, talking to Y/N, who was the only person in the ward at that moment. He was lying on the bed, and his hands and feet were bandaged, while he had gauzes on his chest and face. The woman put her palm over his hand –carefully because it was bandaged– and looked into his eyes.
"Why'd you say that?" she asked with concern.
"It hurts, Y/N," he whispered –not that he could talk any louder without causing even more pain to himself. "It hurts so much. I just want it to stop –I want everything to stop."
"Shh... hey... I know it's hard for you, but trust me, everything is going to be okay. You're so strong and so brave, and you can pull through. I'm going to find the doctors to let them know –maybe they must increase your morphine dose. I'll be back soon, okay?"
"Yeah," he muttered, and Y/N stood up and let go of his hand. "Thanks."
She smiled compassionately as a response and exited the room. A few seconds later, Loki heard steps, and then Peter entered the room tentatively.
"You waited in front of the door until Y/N left, didn't you? You do that a lot lately."
"Yeah, I guess," Peter replied. He hesitated for a moment, but then he approached and sat at the chair Y/N was sitting before. "I'm sorry for doubting you."
Loki furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at the young man. "So, now you... you trust me?" he asked, and the fact that he was so uncertain about it was just so sad.
"Yes. You had said that someday you would prove yourself worthy of my trust, and what you did... You risked your own life to save Y/N's. And that was more than enough. I'm sorry you had to go through this for me to realise that you've been honest with me all along."
"It's alright."
"No, it's not. You risked your life-"
"It is what it is, okay?" Loki cut him short. "And I did not do what I did to prove anything to you or anyone –I did it because I would rather die than living and never seeing Y/N again. If something similar ever happens to her, I'll do this again, with no hesitation."
"Well, then," Peter said, and a smile formed on his lips, "it is reassuring to know that my sister has two heroes watching her back."
Loki remained still for a few seconds, and then he tilted his head slightly back, sighing loudly. "I want to smile, but my face hurts, oh my goodness."
Peter scrunched his nose. "Sorry about that."
"No worries."
The young man breathed in and out deeply and then stood up. Loki's gaze followed his movements.
"So, I gotta be going," he said, looking at the God of Mischief. "Take care, will you?"
"Yeah, sure, you too. Bye."
Peter remained still for a couple of seconds, and then he exited the room. Loki shut his eyes and sighed. It seemed so easy to pretend he was fine, so easy to feign happiness, to hide his pain. Sure, knowing he had Peter's trust was very consoling and pleasant, yet those positive feelings were overshadowed by the immense physical pain, exhaustion and emotional burden. Being burnt alive could be considered transcendentally traumatising, after all. Not a forgettable experience, sure thing.
Behind his closed eyes, his mind reprised the scenes of that day –the fire– even creating new pictures, making the already terrifying experience even more disturbing to him. He snapped his eyes open when the images and memories became too overwhelming. It will pass, he thought to himself, but this also led to the reminder of the fact that his recovery would take a long time.
~-~-~
He was healing. His wounds closed, and his body strengthened, but his skin was still filled with scars. He didn't seem to bother much, though. Of course, he was not exactly happy that his looks were kind of ruined (that was what he thought, anyway), but, for him, what mattered most was that Y/N was alright.
"Peter wants to pay for your scar revision surgery," she said at some point.
Loki, who was sitting in the hospital bed with his back leaned against the headboard, furrowed his eyebrows, and there was that look of surprise in his eyes. "My... wow. I mean, I-"
"He says he won't accept 'no' as an answer."
"The good news for him is that my scars are not so bad thanks to my self-healing ability, so it won't be hard to be revised, I suppose," the God of Mischief said. "But, on the other hand, those surgeries are very expensive, and-"
"He knows," Y/N cut him short.
He shrugged. "Well, since I cannot say no... Not that I would if I could, I saved your life, so I technically deserve it –I'm not that selfless. Not that I want to abuse his kindness, but you get the point."
"Yeah. I need to go now, May isn't home, and Peter is still in the compound, so I must go home and prepare dinner. I'll see you later, okay?"
"Hmm. I love you," he muttered as she stood up and headed to the door.
"I love you too, my saviour," she replied, a beautiful smile curving on her lips, and then she left the ward.
~-~-~
A few months later
The rays of sunshine that shone through the blinds of the window in Loki's bedroom had caused Y/N to wake up some minutes ago. She turned around, still covered with the blanket, and looked at Loki, who was lying beside her. He was sleeping peacefully, and there was no movement other than his chest moving rhythmically up and down. She looked at the recently made tattoo on his arm –the one he had chosen to get to cover the deep burn scars that had remained even after the scar revision surgery. Then she looked at his face, where there still was a faint, almost unnoticeable scar. The fire wasn't able to take away his beauty, Y/N thought, and the tips of her fingers touched his cheek. The fire wasn't able to take her away from him. And she was grateful and blissful to know that this was what mattered most to him.
...
Yes, I gave Loki a tattoo, you're welcome.
Anyway, let me know if you liked the chapter and, ya know, voting and commenting kinda helps the book's stats.
To be honest, I'm not sure this was exactly what the requester asked, but, well...
Anyway, I'll post a chapter again, sometime. This year's being a bit tough.