killer within
loris grunts echoed through the room, mixed with loud alarms we had no clue on what was.
"we have to get back to our cell block to have hershel and melanie help you." carl stated, causing maggie to shut him down.
"we can't risk getting caught out there. you're gonna need to give birth to this baby here" maggie informed, earning a sarcastic comment from lori, "great"
my body flooded with tons of emotions, realizing i was gonna have to deliver loris baby by myself, without hershel.
"come here- let's get your pants off." maggie stated as we helped lori to the ground, soon pulling her pants down.
i looked up to carl, seeing worry written all over his face, "you're gonna need to help deliver your brother or sister. you up for that?"
carl nodded his head, breathing out a quiet yeah. "i'll do an exam, see if you're dilated"
lori nodded, setting her head back. "do you know how?" carl asked, causing me to shrug, "i've watched before, you pick up a couple things when you're a resident."
i shook my head, "i can't tell"
"i gotta push" lori insisted, standing up to her feet, grabbing onto a metal pipe for support.
lori yelped, causing me to check to make sure everything was okay, only to feel a thick liquid coat my hand.
"lori, stop. somethings wrong." i pleaded, moving my hand into my view, seeing blood.
my hand shook worriedly, looking up to maggie. "let's get you on the ground" maggie mumbled, unsure of what to do.
i brushed loris hair out of her face, watching as she drifted in and out of consciousness. "i'm not gonna make it."
my eyes shot to hers, shaking my head, "i'm not losing this baby. you've gotta cut me open." she uttered, grabbing my hand into hers as she looked to me.
"no. i cant" i muttered, looking at her sadly, "you don't have a choice"
i shook my head, "lori, i've only watched the procedure a couple times. i have no anesthetic, no equipment-"
she cut me off, "carl has a knife, you carry your fighting swords everywhere. i know you, melanie."
"you won't survive" i warned, looking at her intensely. "my baby has to survive. please, for all of us. please, melanie, please."
i looked to maggie, forcing back my tears. she gave a small nod, placing a hand on my shoulder.
"oka-okay." i uttered, wiping the single tears that fell from my eyes.
"baby, i don't want you to be scared, okay? this is what i want. this is right. now you -you take care of your daddy for me and your little sister or brother you take care-"
before she could continue carl cut her off, "you don't have to do this."
"you are going to beat this world. i know you will. you are smart, you are strong, and you're so brave and i love you." lori uttered, holding back tears to be strong for carl.
"i love you too"
as she continued, i looked to maggie taking her hand in mine while we both cried at loris goodbye to carl.
"melanie, maggie, when this is over you're gonna have to-" before she could continue me and maggie cut her off, "shhhh"
"you have to do it. it can't be rick" lori started, pausing to take a couple deep breaths, "melanie, you gotta take care of my babies, okay? make sure rick keeps in line."
i nodded, letting the tears fall as i grabbed the knife from my belt loop.
"goodnight, love"
"we're sorry, lori" i muttered before cutting into her stomach, trying to block out her screams as i focused on not cutting the baby.
"maggie, give me your hands" i mumbled, placing her hands where i needed them.
"i see it, i'm gonna pull the baby out" i stated, trying not to focus on lori, who was now lying unconscious.
i pulled the baby into my arms, panic flooded through my body when the baby was silent.
"come on" i whispered, gently rubbing my hands over her chest and back. a cry escaped her lips, causing me to sigh in relief as i held her.
carl gasped, pulling off his jacket so i could wrap her in it. "we have to go" maggie muttered, helping me stand.
"we can't just leave her here" carl pleaded, pointing down to his dead mother who i didn't dare look at knowing i killed her.
i placed a hand on my gun, getting ready to pull it out until carl stopped me, "no, she's my mom."
maggie hesitantly, led me away, leaving carl alone, only making me worry more.
as we started to leave, a gunshot went off, followed by carl who walked past us with no emotion.
i gave maggie a sad look before following him out of the long hallway.
my body shook as i exited the building, still holding onto the crying baby girl. i watched rick turn around seeing me, maggie, carl, and the baby.
his face filled with sadness as he started pacing. "where- where is she? where is she?"
the sobs made me unable talk, so i just shook my head. rick walked towards me, causing me to put a hand out, trying to stop him.
"no... rick, no" i pleaded, only to be ignored as he walked to where carl stood, sobs taking over his body. "aw no. no, no , no"
my heart broke, hearing his sobs, only causing me to cry more.
i watched as glenn came closer, placing his hands on the sides of my face. sobs took over my body as i leaned closer, setting my head against his.
i pulled away from glenn, handing the baby to carl, who brought it over to hershel. "what are we gonna feed it? we got anything a baby can eat?" daryl questioned, walking towards hershel.
"good thing is she looks healthy, but she needs formula. and soon or she won't survive." hershel explained, earning a head nod from daryl.
"nope. no way. not her. we ain't losing anybody else. i'm going on a run." daryl informed, slinging his crossbow over his shoulder.
"i'll back you up" maggie replied, causing me to step up, "me too"
"i'll go, too" glenn agreed, looking to daryl.
daryl nodded, pulling beth aside for a second before ushering to follow him. "glenn, melanie, maggie, vamonos"
we all jogged, following daryl to the car. "there's a piggly wiggly on eighty-five" glenn informed, causing me to shake my head no, "the baby sections been cleared."
"lori asked us to keep an eye out, we haven't had much luck" maggie stated, earning a nod from me.
"is there any place that hasn't been completely looted?" daryl asked, looking between us.
"we saw signs for a shopping center just north of here." glenn replied, only to be shut down, "yeah, but there's too much debris on the road. the car will never make it through there"
"i can take one of you" daryl mumbled, squinting from the sun. "i'll go" i volunteered, earning a scoff from both glenn and maggie.
"no, melanie, after everything that you've been through, okay, i'll go." glenn muttered, taking my hand in his.
"how about i go? lori asked you to look out for her kids and husband, you need to be here to do that." maggie suggested, causing me to pause and think.
i hesitantly nodded, moving inside the car to hand her my bag, soon watching her and daryl take off on his bike.
when they were finally out of sight, i broke, falling to the floor. glenn rushed to my side, kneeling so that he could hold me in his arms.
"mel" glenn huffed out, tightly holding onto my sobbing body. "i watched tdog get bit and then i turn around and i'm cutting lori open, eventually killing her."
"shhh, it's okay. everything's gonna be okay" glenn hushed, pulling away to look at my face, "i promise you, everything will be okay."
i nodded, letting him wipe the tears off my face before planting a kiss on my lips, "i love you"
i pulled away, getting a full view of his face, "i love you too"
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"i'm going into the tombs to find rick, i'll see you later, okay?" glenn informed, causing me to pout.
"i wanna come" i replied, watching as he shook his head no, "please, glenn. i don't want you down there alone."
he paused, giving it a thought before nodding, "okay, but we stay close."
i smiled, following him through the doors and into the dark hallway.
we both held our guns in one hand and a flashlight in the other, slowly making our way through the hallway.
i cringed, looking down at the slaughtered bodies, knowing it was ricks doing. "rick?" glenn called out, putting a hand in front of me as he stopped.
i watched ricks figure stand frozen, holding a crowbar in one hand. "rick, everybody's worried about you." i called out, moving closer.
"you shouldn't be in here. come on out" glenn whispered, looking to me unsure on what he should do.
i held my hand to his chest, "let me talk to him" i whispered, causing glenn to send me an unsure look.
i left glenns side anyway, walking infront of rick, "rick. you don't have to do this all by yourself, okay? the cell block is cleared, we'll just close off all the doors again."
rick didn't move or say anything, only his eyes as followed my figure. "rick, why don't you just come on out with us? okay?" glenn asked, from behind, still rick never took his eyes off me.
i moved forward, placing a hand on his arm, "rick."
before i knew it, my body was slammed up against a wall, causing glenn to rush to my side, only for me to place out a hand, telling him i was okay.
rick held a hand against my throat, as he pierced my soul with his eyes.
"it's me" i whispered, earning a shove as he pushed me off the wall and into glenns arms.
i huffed, looking at rick being honestly terrified. we watched as rick walked away, leaving the two of us alone, speechless.
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it was now dark, me and glenn sat up at the tower with our legs dangling over the edge.
"don't worry about rick, he'll come around" glenn assured, holding my hand in his.
i nodded, resting my head on his shoulder, "it just surprised me, but i understand. i did kill his wife after all."
glenn huffed, "no, melanie. she wanted you to save her baby, knowing what the outcome was."
"i guess, we lost a life to gain one. it just feels wrong, i can still hear her screams. they've been haunting me all day."
glenn moved his head so it was resting on top of mine while fiddling with my fingers. "we're gonna push past this. you, rick, maggie, carl... we have to."
we both went silent, watching the stars light the sky. soon hearing a loud revving noise approach.
we rushed up to our feet, watching as maggie and daryl appeared through the woods. "guys, they're back!"
me and glenn climbed down the ladder, walking with them back into the prison.
maggie emptied the contents from the bag onto the table, revealing baby items galore. i grabbed a yellow bottle, mixing the water and formula inside.
i shook it as i walked towards daryl, who held the baby girl in his arms. "hear, try this"
he glanced my direction, giving me a small nod before taking the bottle, lowering it to her mouth.
i stepped away, moving back to glenns side to watch from afar, sending daryl a smile as he rocked her.
"she got a name yet?" daryl questioned carl, looking down to him. carl shook his head, "no, but i was thinking sophia."
he paused before continuing, mumbling out the names of all the women we've lost, causing me to frown.
"yeah... you like that, huh? little ass kicker." daryl started, making us all chuckle at the name, "right? that's a good name, right?"
i grinned, admiring how daryl easily put her to sleep.
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we will lose people we can't replace. suffer broken hearts that will never completely heal. the answers we want won't always be there in the moments we need them. it's from these moments we will grow into who we need to be.
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2/27/2021