The Story of Lukas and Beau
April 21, 2006, Tennessee
Sharp spring air bubbled around the moving van as a small, copper-haired boy watched people move in and out of his grandmother's old house carrying furniture and boxes. Today was going to be his first day in his kind of new house. Shelby had inherited it from her mom and she wasn't going to pass an opportunity as nice as this one.
The old antique house was a fixer-upper but they would learn to love it, at least that was what Shelby always told Beau. And Beau didn't mind. He always loved visiting grandma. The nice fresh air, the horses, and the never-ending array of sweets.
Beau couldn't be more than three, maybe four when he first remembered meeting Lukas. A tall and stern-looking man had approached them with a beautiful woman at his side. She was slender and had gentle features, heart-shaped lips, and the same blonde hair as the boy in her arms.
"Hello, we just wanted to welcome y'all to the neighborhood" The man spoke up. He extended a hand to David and he gladly took it. Shelby on the other hand had been gushing over the boy in the woman's arms.
"Is he your son? Isn't he such a cute Lil' thing? How old is he? My boy Beau could use some friends here" Shelby rambled. The woman looked startled by Shelby's friendly nature at first before letting out a light and angelic laugh.
"This is Lukas, he's just about to turn four" She smiled down at the boy who was hiding in her hair. "He's a little shy, but I'm sure he'd love to meet a new friend. Won't you, Lukas?"
Beau stared in amazement as she set down the much bigger kid, despite them being the same age and Beau even being six months older. He had round chubby cheeks and the prettiest blue eyes Beau had ever seen. A bright smile erose on his face and he quickly dug through his pocket for something to give him... Beau always loved giving gifts at the age.
"Here!" Beau chirped as he handed the boy a button. Lukas only stared at him wide-eyed for a moment before smiling.
"You look like a flower..." He decided as he excepted the button.
"Lukas-" His mother tried to correct him, but he had already sparked Beau's interest.
"Like a daisy?" He asked excitedly. "Or a rose?"
"No... Like a sunflower" That was the day Beau learned what a sunflower was. He had been dragged all around Lukas's farm to look at his mother's garden only to find that the sunflowers were dead. So instead, Lukas had shown him a photo and given him a daisy to make up for it.
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August 18, 2006, Tennessee
The world seemed so gray for the second time in Beau's life. The first was his grandma's funeral, although he didn't remember much from it besides how sad Shelby was. But this day was completely clear. First, there was the screaming, then there was an ambulance. And now Shelby was walking inside their house with a crying blonde boy.
"Hey, Beau. Lukas is having a tough time... Do you think you could take him into the kitchen to get a popsicle? I have to call your dad" Shelby mumbled. Her eyes were glazed with tears. Beau understood she was sad but he didn't know why, nor could he understand.
Beau nodded and Lukas was set down. He followed Beau into the kitchen where Beau easily pulled out two popsicles. One red and one blue. He cut off the tops and handed the blue one to Lukas with a bright smile.
"Here" He squeaked. Lukas sniffled again and took the popsicle but didn't eat it. He only stared at it when another tear trickled down his pale face. "Are you okay?"
"Momma is dead and it's your fault" Lukas mumbled. He seemed as though he was repeating something. Something he had rehearsed a million times in his mind. But little Beau was too naive to understand that.
"Your mom isn't dead, silly. My mom plays dead all of the time. She's just playing you goofball" Beau giggled as he nudged Lukas. Then Lukas started to cry. Beau's eyes widened. He didn't understand what Lukas felt. He still hadn't grasped the full concept of death. So instead, he just wrapped his arms tightly around the blonde boy until his sobs turned into sniffles.
"I love you, Lukas. It's okay"
"I love you too" Lukas sniffled.
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September 13, 2008, Tennessee
"Are you scared?" Beau mumbled as he glanced up at Lukas. He shuffled nervously on his feet as he waited for the bus to pick up the two boys for their first day of kindergarten. Beau wasn't sure how he felt about meeting new people. He had Lukas, how many more friends did he need?
But of course, Shelby told him that sometimes friends grow apart and that was why he needed to have an abundance of friends. That way he would never feel lonely. Beau had decided that her logic wasn't awful, only Lukas and Beau would never grow apart. But he didn't argue.
"No" Lukas looked at him confused. "Are you?"
"Never" Beau huffed. If Lukas wasn't afraid, then he surely wasn't going to admit to his own fear. Instead, he'd let Lukas think he was brave just like him. Because Beau wanted to be just like Lukas, and nothing was going to change that.
"Oh... Well if you are scared you can sit with me on the bus" Lukas offered.
"I will... But I'm not scared" Beau assured him. Lukas only laughed at Beau's obvious lie before Beau let out another huff. "Okay maybe I'm scared"
"Why?" Lukas asked as his head cocked slightly to the left.
"Because you might find a new friend... One you'll like more than me" Beau stared at the floor while Lukas stared at Beau looking more confused than ever.
"You're my best friend, Beau. I won't find another one" Lukas promised. The bus came and stopped in front of them. Lukas turned to the copper-haired boy with a wide smile and extended a hand. "Come on"
"Okay," Beau smiled and took it without hesitation. That was something Lukas and Beau always did during class or on the bus or even on the playground. They'd hold hands to show just how much they liked being around one another. That is until the teachers began to notice and called their parents. Lukas didn't even touch Beau for a long time after that.
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March 10, 2009, Tennessee
"I'm going to marry Jacob!" One little girl giggled.
"Well, I'm going to marry Paul!" Another one announced. Beau stared in bewilderment as each little girl took turns picking which boy was going to be their husband. Some of the boys were watching, others were more interested in pretending they weren't. But each little boy stared intrigued as they wondered which girl had a crush on them.
Beau was impartial. He didn't care who picked him as long as they were nice and didn't want to kiss him. Or touch him. Or talk to him. Actually, maybe he didn't want to be picked at all... Even if would be embarrassing to be the only one left out.
"Has Brittany said anyone yet?" Lukas whispered. Beau felt his heart drop like it always did whenever Lukas talked about her. He was jealous because she was taking his friend away from him. And he didn't want to be alone... He just wanted to be with Lukas.
"No" Beau rolled his eyes.
"I'm going to marry Beau!" Mary announced. Beau felt his cheeks redden as Lukas gave him a congratulations pat on the shoulder. Beau quickly shrugged him off. Mary wasn't bad. She was actually really nice and had helped Beau take care of the class pet - a bunny - on multiple occasions. But that didn't mean he wanted to marry her.
"What's wrong?" Lukas asked. "Were you hoping for someone else?"
"No" Beau mumbled although his answer felt wrong. It was true, wasn't it? He didn't want any of the girls to like him. So why did it sound wrong to say that?
"I wanna marry Lukas!" Brittany announced with a loud giggle. Beau wrinkled his nose slightly in distaste as Lukas smiled like an idiot beside him. And that was when it clicked. He wanted to marry Lukas.
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December 16, 2014, Tennessee
Beau stood beside Lukas, shooting up into the basketball hoop David had set up behind the barn for Beau. The ball went in and Lukas quickly caught it with a wide grin. It was basketball week in P.E. and Lukas refused to go in looking like an idiot. Something about impressing his crush of the month. Just another girl Beau was incredibly jealous of. Why? Because he liked Lukas. He liked Lukas the way he was supposed to like girls. And that just wasn't okay.
"Nice shot, Sunshine" Lukas teased.
"Sunshine?" Beau scoffed. "First happy, then golden boy, the sunny, and now Sunshine?"
"It's cute, ain't it?" Lukas chuckled. "And you can't blame me. You act like a happy little ball of fuzz... At least at school. Here all you do is bully me"
"I don't-" Beau went to argue before sighing in defeat. Okay, maybe he had been a little extra mean to Lukas lightly. But what if he was too nice and Lukas figured out he was gay? What if he said the wrong thing or what if Lukas decided to out him? So many things could go so very wrong... "Okay, maybe I've been a bit rude lately"
"Maybe?" Lukas chuckled.
"Yeah, yeah... I'm sorry" Beau sighed. "I'll get better"
"Don't stress out too much, Sunshine. It's all good" Lukas promised. Beau laughed and quickly jumped for the ball trying to get it from the much bigger boy.
"Stop callin' me that" Beau chuckled as Lukas began to hold the ball above his head.
"Alright... Sunshine" Lukas teased once again. Beau didn't know anything about love. But one thing he knew for certain at that moment was that he was in love with Lukas. And he was absolutely screwed.
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June 8, 2016, Tennessee
Beau groaned already dreading this day. The week after Lukas's thirteenth birthday and the week of football tryouts. If only Lukas was born two weeks later, then they wouldn't be old enough for tryouts and Beau could have put it off another year. He hated football. He hated getting tackled, he hated the texture of the ball... But Lukas loved it.
He had planned on just going to all of Lukas's games. Cheering him on from the stands and just enjoying watching Lukas do something he loved. But sadly, Lukas was very persistent. And after five minutes of staring at Eric Decker's face, his mind had grown fuzzy and flustered. That on top of the love of his life literally begging him to do something had ended up winning and he stupidly agreed to try out.
"You've got to be kidding me" Beau's smile fell as Lukas pulled open the door to the boy's locker room. His face instantly flushed as he spotted a shirtless upperclassman. There was no way he was changing in front of so many guys... It was one thing to change in front of Lukas and a couple of his friends. But this was just too much.
"What's the matter, Martin? Are you shy?" Jacob, one of his and Lukas's friends taunted as soon as he spotted the flustered boy.
"N-no" Beau lied. He kept his gaze low as some of the other boys gave him teasing looks and chuckles.
"Relax Beau" Lukas sighed as he led them toward two remote lockers, hidden away from all but a few boys. "Is this better?"
"Yeah... Thanks, Lukas" Beau awkwardly mumbled. He bit down on his bottom lip as he tried to ignore all of the sexual jokes and comments upperclassmen were making. He tried to ignore them because he knew Lukas didn't like them. Not to mention, Beau didn't see the appeal in talking about boobs.
"Hey... Are you alright? You've been actin' funny for a while now" Lukas mumbled as he changed his shirt. Beau froze as he dug through his duffel bag. He swallowed the lump in his throat glaring down at his bag.
How was he supposed to tell Lukas what was going on? That he was gay and terrified of telling anyone. He couldn't even tell his family... Nobody liked gay people in this town and that was a fact. They had gone over homosexuality a million times in church. It was wrong. It was disgusting and Beau needed to be fixed. And there was no way he was losing Lukas over his sexuality. So instead he turned to Lukas with a winning smile.
"I'm fine"
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July 16, 2016, Tennessee
Beau stared at the wall of his bedroom feeling exhausted. He was tired of being alone. He was tired of putting on a smile for everyone. He was tired of being his parent's happy little boy... Nobody even knew him. He wasn't sure Lukas knew him anymore... He was just done.
"Hey, Beau" There was a light knock on the door before it opened and Shelby came in with a sad smile. "You barely touched your dinner... So I thought maybe your favorite desert would cheer you up" She sighed as she set her famous blueberry cobbler onto her son's desk.
"Thanks, Mama" Beau mumbled. As much as he loved it, he didn't intend on eating the cobbler. Maybe he'd dump it out his window just to make Shelby think he had loved it. Just to make her happy.
"Beau... I- What's been going on, love? You've been in a funk for months... Is something happening at school?" Shelby asked. Beau's heart stopped and he quickly brought his gaze to the ground.
"I'm fine, Mama"
"I miss my happy little boy... Please just talk to me" Shelby sighed as she took a seat beside her son. They didn't look too much alike but they had the same thick hair, the same gentle and soft features, and the same ocean blue eyes. Beau had the coloring of his mom, but the same build and hair color as his dad. He was the perfect blend of the two but definitely acted a lot more like Shelby.
"Mama... Could you ever stop loving me?" Beau hesitantly asked. His body felt numb as he silently prepared himself for what was to come.
"What kind of question is that?" Shelby demanded. "You're my son. You can't do anything to make me stop loving you. Now, what is going on?" Beau broke down right there. A loud sob escaped his lips and buried his face into his hands.
"I'm gay" Beau's voice was barely a whisper as he tried to relax himself. But the fear building up inside him was just too much.
"I know" Shelby whispered as she pulled her son into her embrace. "I know, baby..." Beau's body relaxed for a moment before lightly shaking in a mixture of anxiety and relief.
"And I love Lukas" Beau mumbled, tears still staining his face. "And he can never love me back"
"It'll be alright Beau... Everything will be alright. Someday you're going to meet a nice boy and live happily ever after... I already have so many ideas on what we can do. I'll find us a new church, we can go to pride in Nashville, I have a friend who lives in Florida. Her son recently came out I think you two are around the same age-" Shelby rambled.
"Mama... Thank you,"
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Modern Day
Beau quickly threw himself out of bed the moment he realized Lukas was gone. He needed to find him. He needed to make sure Lukas didn't do something stupid. He rushed down the stairs not bothering to get changed or brush his teeth or even style his hair.
He grabbed his mother's keys and quickly took the car. He wasn't going to waste his time running through a giant field when Lukas could potentially be making a huge mistake. He climbed in and started it up before pulling out of the driveway.
His heart slammed in his chest and he nervously drummed on the stirring wheel. Usually, Beau was a careful driver because otherwise, he sucked at it. He couldn't just space out and enjoy driving without drifting off of the road. And that was exactly why he preferred Lukas doing all of the driving... That and Lukas driving was one of the most attractive things.
He sped down the road, taking a sharp turn into Lukas's driveway and rushing toward the front door. His heart slammed in his chest and tears threatened his eyes at the idea of Lukas being hurt... Or worse. He should never have let Lukas leave. Maybe then it would spare him all of this worry.
"Lukas!" Beau shouted as he banged on the front door. Mr. Edwards answered with a scowl causing Beau to freeze up. He was unable to move or talk. All motivated he had felt was gone as he met those icy blue eyes. He was furious. Angry for him hurting Lukas. Angry at him for driving Lukas into thinking he had no other options.
"What are you doing here? I told you you weren't allowed to be here" Mr. Edwards growled.
"Where's Lukas? There's something wrong. I need to see him-"
"Lukas is in his bedroom. Go home" Mr. Edwards snapped before slamming the door shut.
Beau wasn't sure how much time went by. He wasn't sure how long he spent curled up in his bed freaking out. He wasn't sure how to act or who to look for help. He just wanted Lukas to be here and with him. He wanted to be sure he had gotten those crazy thoughts out of his head... He couldn't bear the thought of losing him.
And that was when he heard the sirens. His heart dropped and for the second time the day, he rushed outside. From a distance, he could see Lukas's house with the paramedics rushing inside. His body fell numb and his mind went blank. He wasn't sure what was happening. He wasn't sure what he was trying to do or hoping to accomplish. But the world seemed to fly past him as he sprinted across the fields.
He was almost there. He was so close... He could almost make out the paramedic's shouts to one another... And then he fell. His strength left his body and the ground became his only form of comfort. Someone was screaming. He wasn't sure if it was him or somebody nearby... All he knew was that one sight destroyed him:
The face of the boy he loved disappearing behind a body bag.