Church: Well uh, welcome to Blue team. I guess we should give you uhh, some kind of orientation or something like that.
Church and the new recruit were still outside their base.
Church: So this is the uh. . . This is the base here. This is the outside of the base. Inside's on the inside. Go through the door right there, to get to the inside. Ummm, there's a ramp over here. There's another one on the other side. It's kinda smaller, does the same thing though. Uh, it's got a basement. There's the middle part and there's the top part. Got some. . . You know, blue flags here, on the outside. Those come in handy when you're. . . You know, trying to identify the color of the base. It's blue. Anyways, that uh, pretty much covers the base, so. . . Anyways, yeah that's it.
Kaikaina: Cool.
Church: I'm Church, I'm the leader. Everyone looks up to me. Pretty much the only rule on the Blue team for rookies is, don't kill the leader. That's me.
Kaikaina: Thats it?
Church: That's it.
Kaikaina: Sounds easy.
Church: Yeah, well, we're still waiting for someone to follow that rule. So anyways uh, tell me about yourself. What's your training?
Kaikaina: Training?
Church: Yeah, what have you been told so far?
Kaikaina: Oh right! That's the base, and you're the leader, and I shouldn't kill you. Ever. Did I pass?
Church: No, I mean what kind of military training do you have? Weapons?
Kaikaina: Eh, sounds violent.
Church: Operations?
Kaikaina: I don't even know how that works.
Church: Communications?
Kaikaina: Say what?
Church: *sighs* Intelligence?
Kaikaina: Uhhh. . . Uhuh.
Church: *facepalms* Great.
Kaikaina: Yeah, sorry. Doesn't sound like I have any of the skills you need. Unless you want to see my ping-pong ball trick!
Church: Yeah. . . Wait what?
*With Grif and Simmons*
Grif: Slow down!
The two were sprinting towards their base!
Simmons: There's no time! Sarge is gone! I was digging a hole, and I kept digging, but there was no Sarge. And finally, I dug deep enough, and I found another hole.
Grif: You dug a hole, and found a hole. Isn't that what a hole is?
Simmons: Nonono, I mean a hole at the bottom. It opened into some kind of big cavern.
Grif: A cavern? A cavern like a cave? A cave with bats?
The two stopped moving.
Simmons: I don't know. Why, are you afraid of bats or something?
Grif: Afraid of bats? No, why would I be afraid of bats? And why would you even ask that question? Were there bats or something? That's kind of a weird thing to ask for no reason.
Simmons: I didn't see any bats, okay?!
Grif: Did you hear any bats?
Simmons: No.
Grif: Did you smell any bats?
Simmons: I don't know what bats smell like!
Grif: Then let's hope you never find out.
He looked up the sky hesitantly.
Grif: Is it getting dark? We should get inside.
Simmons: It hasn't gotten dark here in three fucking years, asshole.
*With the Blues*
The Blues were outside, now with the baby as well.
Church: And this is Tucker.
Tucker: Sup?
Kaikaina: Hey.
Church: Tucker's job is to do. . . What? I guess nothing.
Tucker: I'm just chillin'. That's the only rule on Blue team rookie, be cool.
Kaikaina: I thought the only rule was don't kill the leader.
Tucker: Yeah, but we break that rule all the time. That's what makes us so cool!
Kaikaina: Awesome, on the Red team, the number one rule was don't piss off the la-
Baby Alien: Laargh aargh.
Kaikaina: Oh cool! You have a dog!
Tucker: Uhhh, that's not my dog, that's my kid.
Kaikaina: Oh cool! You have a kid that looks like a dog?
Church: Nice save.
They then spotted Caboose heading towards them.
Church: Oh hey. You know what, I think I have the perfect tour guide for you! Hey Caboose! Come here!
Kaikaina: I thought about havin' a kid once.
Tucker: Oh really? It's a lot of work.
Kaikaina: Yeah, it seems like it would be hard. But I thought, you know, who wants to be known as the girl whose had seven abortions?
Tucker: Heh, yeahah. . . Wait what?!
Church: Alright! This is Caboose, he can tell you everything you could possibly need to know about Blue base.
Caboose: *whispers* Is she a mean girl like Tex or a regular girl like Ruby?
Church: Caboose, what did I tell you?
Caboose: That there are no regular girls.
Church: Exactly. Alright, so just stick with him, ask him any questions you have, and don't bother me or Tucker.
Caboose: What do I tell her?
Kaikaina: Well, I already know the rule.
Caboose: I hate that stupid rule!
Tucker: Go show her Doc and Sheila.
Caboose turned around and pointed at where they resided.
Caboose: The purple one is Doc, and the big one is Sheila.
Church: You know, I was really hoping that would take longer. . . and further away.
Kaikaina: Who're the black and light purple ones?
Church: The black one?
Tucker: Light purple?
Kaikaina: Yeah, the ones in the black and light purple armor! The ones standing RIGHT behind you guys!
Church and Tucker looked at one another. . . .
Church/Tucker: Aw shit.