"The kheer is delicious, Sulabha," Kunti said. Vidura's wife beamed from the compliment and offered more to her, glancing at the others as they enjoyed the wonderful dessert that she had prepared for them with much love. Arjuna smiled at her.
Sulabha had always been so gentle with them. So warm and humble. Different from what he and his family were used to ---- the world of kings and queens, their faces filled with pride, chests puffed with conceit, eyes gleaming with arrogance. Trying to outdo one another by indulging in meaningless mind games that did no good.
"Bhima, take some more." Sulabha coaxed the second eldest Pandava. Bhima's mouth was set in a line, but nonetheless, he did what he was told. Arjuna knew, as did the rest of his brothers that Bhima had significantly reduced his intake of food following Mahabharata. Of course, to a stranger, the mountains of vegetables and meat that the servants served him every day would make them question his claim but Arjuna who had lived with his brother his entire life had noticed the stark difference that was getting more and more noticeable with time.
Arjuna glanced at his kids who were laughing heartily watching Shrutasena mock Shatanika over some old, forgotten, childhood mischief. He was so glad they had each other. He prayed that they would never be parted from each other. In life and in death.
"How are things in Indraprastha?" Vidura asked.
"Improving. We received the reports yesterday and thankfully it is not that bad anymore. The administration is still in shambles, but these things always take time." Yudhisthira replied.
Arjuna sighed. Yudhisthira. The dogged optimist in the family.
Although when compared to other kingdoms, Indraprastha was indeed doing a good job.
A knock on the door sent a wave of silence over the Upandavas and Sulabha hurried to let in the newcomer. Lakshman Kumar bowed at them, greeting them with elaborate words that were both polite and pointless, not coming from a place of love and affection but from obligatory propriety. He didn't understand why Lakshman bothered being so courteous to them considering his father had never so much as glanced at them with anything other than pure, unadulterated condescension.
"Lakshman, sit with us. Sulabha has prepared kheer. It is delicious."
The manner in which Vidura addressed him had a hint of genuine affection for the boy. Arjuna wasn't surprised by this. He had heard that while Hastinapura had been struggling under a wearied king, his depressed sons, and a disputatious administration, Lakshman had stepped up to tackle problems that would have made the wisest of kings spend their nights in constant worry. Somehow with a clandestine grace, astute vision, and a piercing intellect that no one knew he had, the young prince had managed to effectively put a hold on the ruination of Hastinapur, ensuring that the kingdom would not be submerged under the tide of poverty, depravity, and profligacy.
"I am already sold on Mata Sulabha's cooking, Grandfather. You need not try to convince me." Lakshman smiled.
"If that is the case, then why not sit with us and partake in the desert?" Sulabha asked, gesturing to the empty spot near Abhimanyu.
"I would love to, however," Lakshman's face turned grim "I am here to deliver this to His Majesty."
Lakshman offered an official letter to their elder brother and Arjuna straightened when he saw the seal of Magadha on it. Yudhisthira read through the letter's contents and frowned.
"What does it say?" Nakula asked.
"King Somadhi has sent an offer of peace. He doesn't wish to fight us and hopes that Indraprastha and Magadha can work together towards mutual cooperation and prosperity."
"What? That is absolute nonsense! He never liked us." Bhima exclaimed.
"He is a cunning man looking out for his kingdom. If he sees an interest in becoming our allies, then old squabbles would not be a problem for him." Sahadeva responded.
"The king of Magadha has sent a similar request to a few other kings as well," Lakshman said, seemingly unfazed by the new development.
"And he sent it to Hastinapur. He's trying to create a divide between our allies!" Sahadeva deduced, taking the letter from Yudhisthira's hands and scanning its contents.
"Yes. He is trying to make them question their allegiance to Hastinapur when Magadha has far more to offer." Yudhisthira mumbled sadly.
"I think he wants to avoid a war," Nakula said.
"But why? Magadha is already in an advantageous position with scores of kings supporting it already." Arjuna questioned.
"War is a tedious business. Wouldn't it be a greater humiliation to have kingdoms who in the yesteryears been Hastinapur's staunchest allies, desert it in the moment of crisis?" Vidura answered, running a hand through his greying beard.
"Grandfather will hold a meeting in the royal court regarding this new development. He has requested the presence of King Yudhisthira as well. I hope by then you would have reached a decision. I will leave you all to continue your discussion." Lakshman nodded at them as a signal of departure.
"Wait a second. What do you mean reached a decision?" Bhima asked Duryodhan's son, who had already reached the door frame.
Lakshman turned around and walked right back. "I was referring to the Magadha's king proposal of peace. Whether His Majesty will choose to accept or reject it."
"Do you doubt our commitment to Hastinapur?" Yudhisthira questioned and Arjuna could see he was genuinely disturbed by Lakshman's implication. "Do you think we will side with Magadha in waging war against our homeland?"
"Why not? It won't be the first time."
While his brothers were shocked into silence by Lakshman's audacious reply, Draupadi, with her eternal fountain of rage, fixed Lakshman with a look that would have made all the Pandavas and Upandavas cower with fright.
"Do I need to remind you the reason for the War between my husbands and your father?"
"No aunt, there is no need for that. I suffered no injury to my head during the Mahabharata. Don't worry, my memory is still intact."
Arjuna's jaw dropped at Lakshman's reply and his audacity to talk to Draupadi like that. Arjuna would have suspected Duryodhana's influence behind his uncharacteristically distant behavior and his casual cynicism, but somehow he knew that Lakshman's words were not a manifestation of hate but of profound despair that had gradually turned to indifference.
"I apologize if I offended you, Aunt. I was only answering the question posed at me and considering that it has been barely a year since Mahabharata, the idea that I would have to face my uncles on the battlefield again did not seem like an impossibility to me. I sincerely apologize if I upset you. Believe me, it was not my intention."
Lakshman clarified in a monotonous tone that made Arjuna want to bang his head against the wall. His apology sounded genuine enough, but there was a hint of something else there.
"If you must know, we will naturally side with Hastinapur," Yudhisthira said firmly without the slightest bit of hesitation.
"I am glad to hear that." Lakshman Kumar smiled with no warmth. Arjuna didn't understand how or why Lakshman was so blase about the dire situation or the ramifications of Somadhi's calculated moves. He couldn't help but wonder what the hell was wrong with Duryodhana's kid. He just sounded so.......emotionless. Like nothing fazed him anymore. It was deeply unnerving.
"Will your father be present?" Sahadeva inquired in a casual voice, but Arjuna knew that he had deliberately asked that question to check Lakshman's reaction. Judging by the devious smile that played on his features, it was obvious that the kid had realized it too.
"Sure. If my father gets the time from training himself to death, he might come. He is no longer the Crown Prince so his presence is not needed. It's entirely up to him."
"But would you like him to be there?"
Lakshman's smile tightened. "Since when has what I want, ever really mattered?" He gave them all a sweeping glance "I hope to see you all there." He said and left quietly.
Arjuna sighed. He didn't understand Duryodhana's kid even a little bit.
"Abhimanyu" Arjuna turned to his son as mindless chatter filled the room again, "What do you think of Lakshman Kumar?"
"Father, I am not sure.....what do you mean?"
"Does he seem different to you?" Arjuna asked. Duryodhana often visited Dwarka to meet Balarama, his mentor, and a cherished friend, and sometimes Lakshman Kumar would accompany him on these visits. Of course, his cousin timed it in a manner so that he wouldn't have to come across Krishna.
"Well.....I guess....he has changed a little. For one, I would have never pegged him to speak in this manner. He had always been too painfully shy and deeply respectful of elders."
Arjuna nodded at him. He too had the same image of Lakshman from his older memories.
"Were you close to him? Or any of your brothers?"
Abhimanyu winced, and Arjuna guessed the answer was probably no.
"Well....we rarely interacted and when we did it was more out of obligation than actual interest. And you know how they can be...especially Shatanika and Shrutasena. I don't think he liked any of us, but then again we never made much effort. There was no point."
Arjuna felt sad to hear this. While he passionately hated the Kauravas, Lakshman Kumar was a child and his nephew. But even as he thought of this he knew that if he had encountered Lakshman during the Mahabharat war, he would have killed him without hesitation. Emotions had no place in Kurukshetra. They had a war to win.
As evening approached, the Pandavas bid farewell to Vidhura and his thatched hut that was cozier and more welcoming than their glorious palace in Indraprastha. They walked in silence, but Arjuna was glad for this evening when they had been able to forget about everything and simply enjoyed each other's company. It had been three weeks since they had arrived in Hastinapur and the first time when he felt a little lighter than before.
Of course, such joys are short-lived.
As they turned the corner to the palace, they saw Mata Gandhari with one of her trusted aides going in the direction of Vidhura's hut. The maid noticing their presence stopped in her tracks and Gandhari stiffened, perhaps guessing who had blocked her path.
"Pranaam, Didi" Kunti greeted her as the Pandavas touched her feet. She raised her hand, mumbled her blessings in a low voice, and took a step back.
"How are you? I hope you are in good health." His mother gently reached for Gandhari's hand, who quickly snatched it away from her grasp.
"What kind of a question is that, Kunti? How do you think I am?"
Arjuna turned his gaze elsewhere. He couldn't even look at her. The pain in her voice, deeper than the ocean that cradled Aryavarta in its lap, smacked him in his face, and though he knew that they had been right in what they did during the war it did not lessen the overwhelming guilt.
"Didi..." Kunti faltered in a rare instance.
"It's alright, Kunti. I presume you are coming from Vidhur's place."
"Yes.....yes. Didi, please visit us sometime."
"I am sorry Kunti, but I can't. I am not that magnanimous. Never was."
"Didi.....what happened-"
"Happened for a reason. But a mother's heart doesn't care for trivial things like destiny."
"Grief subsides by sharing it with your loved ones."
"Not the pain of losing a child. Only the parents carry that burden on their souls for the rest of their lives." Gandhari's voice was heavy with blazing anger and bitterness.
"They were like sons to me too," Kunti stated desperately. An obvious lie.
"I wish you had said that to them when they were alive. They would have liked to hear that."
Kunti's face darkened from guilt and regret for words left unspoken. Arjuna wondered if those simple words would have made any difference.
"Don't despair, Kunti. Your offenses are nowhere close to mine."
"Didi-"
Gandhari continued, shaking her head. "My eldest is such a fool. Hiding in his tower, blaming himself for everything. He is wrong..........it is not he who is responsible but me and my husband."
"Didi...Please-"
"Oh Bhima, I wished you had killed him and the rest of my sons as well. Then I could have mourned them all collectively instead of watching the ones who remain, drown themselves in acute torment and unendurable guilt over the death of their brothers."
Arjuna couldn't believe what Gandhari had just said. He had never witnessed a mother wish death upon her sons. Arjuna turned towards Bhima and was startled at the devastation on his face and the insufferable agony that blemished his features into a portrait of misery. Bhima glanced at him, helpless and distraught, and Arjuna stared back uselessly, unable to quell the suffering that Gandhari's words had brought upon him.
"It's a worse fate than death, I suppose. A greater torment." Gandhari continued. Either she was unaware of the impact of her words or maybe she simply didn't care.
"Certainly you have fulfilled your oath and that of Draupadi's. Ah.......if only Vasusena hadn't ruined everything. After the death of my sons, the King and I could have retired to the forests and repented for our sins. But alas, now we must remain here for the sake of our remaining sons and the upcoming war. Maybe we can leave after that.......who knows" Gandhari shook her head slowly. "Another war. What a surprise!" She sneered.
Arjuna glanced at the pale faces around him, filled with pain and shame, with guilt and regret. Even Draupadi looked shaken as she clenched at her sari, avoiding looking at Gandhari. The woman who had always treated her as a daughter who was softer, kinder, and warmer than Kunti. Who had cursed her own sons when she had come to know of what had happened in the Dyut sabha.
"Ah! Shrishti, we must head to Vidhura's place. I have to return early." Gandhari said.
"Mata Gandhari-" Yudhisthira started but was cut off by Gandhari.
"No. There is absolutely nothing you can do except leave me be. It is not easy for me to face you, knowing that you and your brothers are responsible for the deaths of my sons. As I said before, I am not that magnanimous."
"But-"
"Sahadeva, have pity on an old woman." Gandhari pleaded and beckoned Shristi who took her outstretched arm and headed in the direction of the Prime Minister's house. Kunti watched her leave in dismay, barely able to control her emotions at witnessing Gandhari, who she considered her elder sister, in such agony. Nakul suggested going after her, but Yudhisthira shook his head sadly and put his arm around their mother.
Arjun watched as Gandhari and her maid moved farther and farther away from them. When he turned, he saw a tear roll down Draupadi's cheek.
Slowly, they made their way back to their guesthouse. Arjuna's heart felt heavy and he just wanted to crawl back to his room and cover himself underneath the sheets. A part of him wished they hadn't crossed paths with Gandhari just yet. To see what grief and loss had done to a woman such as herself was a terrible punishment. He could handle them all - the Kauravas, King Dhritrashtra, Karna, and Shakuni but not Gandhari. Not her. Not ever.
Arjuna was surprised to find Krishna waiting for them by the balcony and he desperately approached his friend knowing that he alone could make him feel better. When Bhima explained what had happened, Krishna's face turned grim.
"Let her be. There is nothing you can do for her. Her grief is unimaginable, you will burn in the fire of her wrath."
Sahadeva nodded in agreement.
"But Keshav, we must-"
"Such is the nature of war that it brings suffering even to those who don't deserve it. The wounds inflicted on the opposite side during the battlefield find their marks on the enemy's loved ones. There is nothing you can do for her, Parth. She is a wise woman. One day she will understand."
Arjuna closed his eyes and leaned forward against the metal railing that overlooked the vast expanse of the royal gardens. His stomach clenched when Gandhari's face flashed in his mind, demanding what was her fault in all of this.
"What is he doing here?"
Arjuna startled upon hearing Nakula's irritated sigh. He turned to the right to find Karna across the perimeter of the jasmine garden , that Duhshala had crafted and cared for as a teenager. He was circling the Peepal Tree following which he handed over a red dhaga to the priest who tied it around the tree's trunk. Karna joined his hands and bowed, before taking the path back to the gates of the palace.
"That fool! Doesn't he know that the dhaga must be tied by the devotee and not anyone else?" Bhima commented, his mouth twitching in annoyance.
"That tree was planted by your venerable ancestor, King Pratipa, father of King Shantanu and grandfather to Mahamahim Bhishma after his successful expedition down south. It stands as a place for Kshatriyas to draw strength and courage."
"I am aware of the history, Krishna." Bhima huffed, causing Krishna to burst out laughing.
"I just meant that he realizes it would be inappropriate for him to offer his prayers since he is not a Kshatriya."
"Since when has consideration for his caste ever stopped him? If it did, he would have never picked up the bow in the first place." Nakul intervened, cold eyes fixed on the Peepal tree.
"Maybe he finally his mistake now." Krishna smiled tightly at them. "Or he has finally given up."
Given up? Arjuna glanced back at the gates, but Karna was long gone. He remembered the Kala Pradarshan all those years ago when Karna had stood tall and defiant. He didn't think he would come to see a day when that same man would give in to the limitations that society had placed on him. He was now looking at a world where Duryodhan was a broken man, Gandhari was lost in her overwhelming grief, and Karna had surrendered to the system that he had spent his entire life fighting.
He wasn't sure if he liked the way the world was now.
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