As soon as the words tumbled from your lips, a stunned hush fell over the lab. Even the beeping and buzzing of Tony's various machinery seemed to fall quiet as the room took a collective, confused breath. Gaze darkened, Tony grabs your arm and starts guiding you across the lab, away from the others.
"You're positive?" Tony asks in a hushed voice. He's pulled you inside his office to speak privately.
"Yeah," you say in a weak whisper.
"You're certain?" he urges, shuffling his feet, pacing slightly.
"Yes, Tony," you exhale, tears brimming in your eyes.
"Okay, but, you're absolutely sure?"
"For God's sake, yes!" you exclaim, a tear falling down your cheek. "I know what I saw. Please, Tony, you have to believe me. I need you to believe me."
Tony casts you a doubtful glance, but he's running his hand through messy brown hair - something his vanity only allows him to do when he's distressed enough not care about his perfect cut.
"You do," you whisper. "Don't you?"
"I don't know, Squirt," Tony says gently. "Tell me what you saw."
"Phil was dead," you say, lip trembling. "H-he was on the ground, bleeding. They eyepatch guy - Fury?"
"Director Fury," Tony nods. "Damn, of course he's a part of this. Go on, kiddo. What did he do?"
"I don't know, exactly," you say. "But Agent May met up with him and they were at this...this vault? And there was a beach inside and-."
"A beach?" Tony interrupts. "A beach inside a vault?"
"I think so," you sigh. "I don't understand it either, but...when the vault opened he was there. He was standing right there. Alive. It was him," you say. "Phil is alive."
Tony catalogues your face, scrutinizing it as he thinks deeply. "I don't know about this, Squirt. Could you be confused? Could you have mixed up a memory? Combined or twisted them somehow?"
"No," you say staunchly. "Memory shards can be broken. Scattered out of order but the actual memories inside of them? They're raw. Untouched. They're whole. That's why all I have to do is put them back in the right order. I did that, Tony. I saw Phil. Alive. And-," your words evaporate as Phil's face in your head starts to morph. Dark hair and green eyes take its place, and your heart lurches painfully as if being torn in two. Tears flow more freely as a bitter confusion plays tug of war in your chest. On one side anger and detest. On the other...longing. Hope. That unexplainable sense of desperation to just be near the raven-haired god.
"What's wrong, Squirt?" Tony says, watching the emotions play out on your face.
You open your mouth to answer - to try to explain what you're feeling - but the emotions are too strong. Too confusing. You let out a pained sob as you push back the desire to use your Perception to Bleed someone - anyone - to get rid of the pain in your chest.
I hate him because he killed Phil. But...he didn't. He didn't kill him, the thought pops to the forefront of your mind.
"Squirt, you're freaking me out," Tony says, placing a hand on your shoulder and guiding you to his office couch. "What's going on in there?" he asks, tapping your temple with his finger.
"I-I don't...I don't know," you stammer, salt-laced lips catching the tears rolling down your cheek. "I think I have to find him, Tony."
"Okay," Tony says, brow creased in worry. "All right. You know what? I'll, uh, I'll call Fury and figure out if we can -."
"No. Not Phil," you interrupt weakly. "I-I mean yes, we have to find Phil. But...that's not what I mean."
"What?"
"Loki. I have to find Loki."
Tony stares at you in silence before wedging his pinky finger into his ear. "I'm sorry," he says. "I thought I just heard you say you're going to go looking for the homicidal psychopath who killed your mentor and who's been on the run for almost three weeks?"
"He's not dead," you urge. "Loki didn't kill him. I know it. I saw him. He's alive, Tony."
Tony sighs, and takes off his tinted hexagonal glasses, setting them down on his desk as he leans against the edge. He grips the lip of the wood tightly, lips pressed together in a thin, frustrated line before finding your eyes again - his gaze softened. He extends a single, long arm to you. "Come here, Squirt," he demands softly.
You hesitate, confused by the outstretched arm. But as you walk over to the brunette billionaire, he pulls you into a hug without flinching. Without doubt. His other arm wraps around your waist bringing you in snug as your cheek lands on his shoulder. You're surprised, but allow it, nestling the top of your head in that space between his neck and collarbone as his chin rests on the top of your head. It doesn't take long for the dam to break, and for your shoulders to shake in silent sobs.
"It's gonna be okay," Tony whispers gently. "Get it all out, kid."
Your let your tears fall for a few more minutes until the skin of your forehead on Tony's neck is uncomfortable - calling too loudly to your Perception. You pull away, but as you do Tony flicks a tear off your cheek with one finger, pulling a tired and weary laugh from you.
"We got some things to discuss," Tony says, an unusual tone in his voice. One you've never heard before. A gentle scolding. Something almost...paternal. "I've refrained from asking you a ton of personal questions, right?" he says, pointing toward the couch.
In obedience to his silent demand, you back up and sit on the couch, looking up at him warily. "Yeah," you answer suspiciously. "I guess."
"But I think we're past due for a little chat."
"Tony, come on," you say. "I...can't do this right now."
"No, I'm serious, squirt. Believe it or not, I feel somewhat responsible for putting you in this situation to begin with. So I also feel like I need to make sure that you're...you know...handling this okay."
"Please, Tony, can we just-."
"Nope," he says. "Listen. I'm willing to believe Phil's alive. I'm even willing to use my one 'get out of jail free' card with Fury to ask the question for you. But you need to fess up, Squirt, and tell me what the hell is going on here."
You cross your arms in resignation and lean back into the cushions of the couch - defeated. "Fine. What do you want to know?"
Tony steps forward and sits on the edge of the coffee table. "You and the little green man -?"
"Yes," you answer, cutting him off before he has to actually ask the question. Before you have to hear the words aloud. You know what he's asking.
"Shit," Tony sighs. "And you...?"
"Yup."
"Damn," he lets out a groan and brings his hand to his forehead, rubbing his temples. "For how long?"
"Is this really important, Tony?"
"Y/n - how long?"
You mumble under your breath.
"I'm sorry? I didn't catch that."
"When I seized, okay? The first time I seized. That was the first time we...," you trail off, letting Tony's imagination fill in the blanks.
"Oh sweet mother of mercy," Tony says, standing and beginning to pace.
"It's not like we were together the whole time," you say, exhausted. "We had our ups and downs. I mean, we went an entire month once without speaking."
"A month?" Tony asks, realization sparking in his eyes. "Goddamnit, Y/n," Tony huffs. "Could that month possibly have anything to do with the time you wouldn't leave your room and requested to leave the Avengers to return to S.H.I.E.L.D.?"
You feel your face grow hot, and you look down at your toes.
"You have got to be kidding me," Tony says. "Over a boy?"
"Technically, he's a God," you mumble under your breath.
Tony shoots you a look before leaning once more up against the front edge of his desk, and letting out a long, aggravated sigh. "Well, that explains his little meltdown that night. I mean, I would have rather continued fooling myself into believing was just pissed because you were getting to go to Asgard and not him."
"Not exactly," you frown.
"Clearly," Tony says. "So what happened? You were...together when Thor took you to Asgard," Tony says, grimacing at the word 'together'. "But not when you came back? Why?"
"In Berlin," you say. "I saw what he did to Phil. I saw him do it in Agent May's memories."
"Hmm - so that's when you find out, huh?" Tony questions, gaze darkening. "And so I suppose he decided to pull this little disappearing act because...what? He's heartbroken?"
"I don't know why he does what he does, Tony," you frown. "But...he did overhear me telling Thor I could never be with him again. Not after learning what he had done," you say regretfully.
"But for some incomprehensible reason you've changed your mind?" asks Tony.
"No!" you say, exasperated. "I hate what he did, Tony. I hate that he purposefully hid what he did, even though he knew what Phil meant to me. I don't...I don't know if I can ever forgive him for that."
"Then why chase after him?" Tony demands. "It's a bad idea, Squirt."
"Because I have to know," you say. "I have to know if he knows Phil's alive. I just...I have questions, Tony. And I have to get them from him."
"And what if you don't like the answers he has to give you?" Tony challenges. "Or, more importantly, what if you do? What then? Are you planning on leaping back into his little green arms?"
"N-no," you stammer, stomach churning. "No, I...I don't know, Tony. All I know is Phil's alive."
"But you do realize that Loki still did what he did, right? Just because Phil might be alive, that doesn't change the fact that Loki tried to kill him in the first place."
"I know," you say, exhausted.
"So then why are you so desperate to find him now?" Tony argues. "Why invite him back into your life after everything he's done?"
You look up at Tony. The answer is in your eyes. You don't need to say it aloud. He can see it.
"Really?" he asks. "In spite of it all?"
You remain stoic. Stock-still. But Tony can read and understand your silence. He shakes his head, but reaches forward and grabs a file folder, handing it to you.
"Let me go on record saying I think this is a bad idea," he growls. "But if you're determined to find our escaped convict, then there's something you need to know," he says as you take the file and flip open the folder to see an intel report.
Terror grips the edges of your heart at what you see within.
A large, colored photograph of the exact alien sword Loki had used against Phil. The one you had seen slice through Phil's chest as easy as if he were made of paper.
"I received this report from S.H.I.E.L.D. twelve hours ago," Tony says grimly. "HQ was broken into. Only one thing was stolen. Loki's scepter."
"And they think it was Loki?" you ask, mouth going dry.
"They do," Tony says. "I've been wondering why he would go through the trouble to take it when its source of power no longer exists. Unfortunately, I think I've just figured it out."
"Figured what out?" you whisper.
"Whatever you've got going on between the two of you, it clearly goes both ways," Tony says. "And judging by how you're handling this whole thing - which isn't great, by the way - I can only imagine our resident fugitive is taking things to...well, godly proportions. And you're right. As much as I hate to give him this much credit, he is a God. Of sorts. I guess. Which means he's terribly difficult to wound. Even harder to kill."
"Kill?" you say in horror. "What the hell are you talking about, Tony?"
Tony frowns and taps on the picture of the scepter. "It's made of Chitauri steel - the strongest material on earth," Tony says. "Think about it, Squirt. Why would he want this?"
Your breath catches in your throat. "Oh God - you don't think...?"
"I think you need to find him. And I think you need to find him fast."
You realize what Tony is implying. "No," you snap. "No, he...he wouldn't."
Tony sighs and reaches for a strand of hair that's fallen in your face. Brushing it away, he pulls your chin back up to find him.
"I was kidnapped, Squirt," Tony says. "Tossed in a cave I couldn't escape. And I'd be lying if said I didn't think about taking the easy way out myself once or twice."
"But you didn't," you snap back.
"No," Tony says. "Because I could see the light. The whole time, there was just enough hope to keep me fighting. I hate the prick, but...his powers have been zapped, daddy doesn't want him coming home, and he isn't exactly welcome here. There's not a whole lotta light there, Squirt. And with this?" Tony says, tapping the picture of the scepter once more. "It wouldn't take much for him to turn our little drama here into a full-blown Grecian tragedy," Tony trails off. "And if that happens, you won't ever get your answers."
Panic whites your vision as you toss down the file and run from Tony's office. You dash past the rest of the Avengers waiting in the lab, ignoring their calls and jumping into the elevator, heading straight for the balcony.
There's only one person who can help you.
Bursting your way through, you look up to the sky. "Heimdall!" you call out, sending up a silent prayer that he was telling the truth, and can actually hear you. "Heimdall, you have to know where Loki is, right? Can't you see him?"
You get no response. No flash of light in the sky. No breeze across your cheeks. No birds or butterflies you could possibly interpret as a sign - not that you know how Heimdall would even try to communicate with you.
"Damnit! Why aren't you helping us?!" you shout, angry.
Again, there's no response. Anger gives way to desperation. And you beg. "Please, Heimdall. Please. I need your help. Or...or Thor's help, at least. I don't know if you can speak to him, but I know you can see him. And, God I hope you can speak to him, because if you can't help me, I need Thor here."
You wait, but again the skies remain quiet. So you open your heart to the wind, not holding anything back.
"Listen, Heimdall, Loki's going to do something really, really bad. And I have to stop him. Please - find a way to get this message to Thor. I need your help. He needs your help. The youngest Prince of Asgard needs your help. That's an Asgardian matter, isn't it?" you question, Thor's past explanation of Asgardian law resurfacing
You begin to pace, out of things to say as your thumb digs into your palm. Your mind races a million miles a minute, trying desperately to come up with another reason that Heimdall should help you when suddenly a great beam of light strikes the ground directly in front of you. When it fades, Thor is left in its place.
"By the Allfather...?" Thor says, looking around, confused.
"Oh thank God," you cry out, running up to Thor and giving him a hug. "Thank you, Heimdall!" You cry out.
"Lady Y/n? Heimdall?" Thor questions. "What in Valhalla -?"
"Listen, Thor I don't have time to explain," you say. "But Loki is in trouble."
Thor cocks one brow, clearly confused after having been transported from wherever it was he had been to Stark Tower. He glances around for a moment, orienting himself to his surroundings before catching sight of your expression, his own darkening as he places both of his large hands on your shoulders.
"My lady, tell me what you know," Thor says.
You take a breath, still shocked that Thor stands before you. So you take a moment to organize your thoughts. "Loki stole his scepter from SHIELD HQ early this morning," you say.
"That fool," Thor growls, dropping his hammer and placing both hands on his hips. He paces for a moment, deep in thought, before returning his gaze to you. "But what use could he have for the scepter? It no longer contains its power."
"That's what Tony said too," you urge. "But...we think he's going to do something bad with it."
Thor gazes at you questioningly, brow creased in confusion. "I do not understand," Thor says.
"I think...I think he's going to hurt himself with it," you say quietly. "I think he's giving up."
"Giving up?" Thor questions. "Why? Simply because you no longer return his love? Ridiculous," Thor frowns. "Loki has had countless lovers over the centuries. To lose another should not break his spirit in this manner. 'Tis an extreme and insensible reaction - even for my brother."
You wince at Thor's words, but know he didn't say them to hurt you. So you ignore them, and try to reason with the blonde god. "It is extreme, yeah. But think about it, Thor. Is it really beyond consideration?" you say. "Even before his banishment he was upset about even being on Earth to begin with. Now he's actually been abandoned here. With no power, no magic...he's human. At least, he's human in all the ways he despises. And he will be forever. Forget about me, think about everything else that's happening to him. Maybe...maybe it's just too much."
"My lady, I appreciate your concern. But this is hardly the first time my father has banished my brother to another realm," Thor says.
"But has he ever taken away his magic like this?" you question.
Thor opens his mouth to answer, but a thoughtful look crosses his face. "Only once," Thor says darkly. "As a child, in punishment. He...did not take it well. Since that time my father has never again taken Loki's seiðr, despite his trespasses. My mother has never allowed it."
"But he did this time," you say. "And then I...I left him alone," you say, guilt rapidly rising and for the first time dwarfing the rage you've been holding for weeks. "I cut him out," you say. "He trusted me. He waited for me. He worried for me and I...I never let him explain. Or apologize or...oh fuck," you say, realization crashing down around you. "All those weeks in Asgard, Thor," you say desperately. "He didn't know that I found out. And I came back and he just wanted to know I was okay. But I yelled at him. Screamed at him. I walked away a-and-," your words get stuck as disgust at yourself blankets your heart.
"He made a choice to keep the truth from you," Thor says. "You cannot hold yourself responsible for my brother's actions."
"No," you exhale in agreement. "But I can hold myself responsible for my own."
"But you've done nothing wrong," Thor says.
"I thought I hadn't either," you say. "But the more I think about I realize...I made bad choices too."
"Such as?" Thor challenges
"I wasn't consistent," you say. "I knew he killed and slaughtered, but I told myself that was the past. That he had changed. Until it was someone I knew," you say. "When you brought me back, I never let him explain. Never gave him the chance to even apologize. Never asked him my questions or tried to understand what happened. I knew it wasn't him that made that choice - I saw his memories. I know he was being manipulated. And I still-," you cut yourself off as your emotions swell again. "I still have questions I need answered. Do you have any idea where he is, Thor?" you plead. "Have you found anything?"
Thor shakes his head. "I have spent every day searching his usual hiding places in this realm, my lady. I have found no trace of him."
You find yourself growing desperate. Frantic. "There has to be something you're missing," you challenge. "Are you sure you've looked everywhere?"
"My brother has, over the millennia, either purchased or swindled deeds of lodging out from under Midgardians he has targeted," Thor explains. "I have searched them all. None have been touched in recent years. Decades, even."
"Then he's hiding somewhere new," you urge. "Think, Thor, where would he-?" your go quiet as suddenly, a thought occurs to you, and an image flashes through your mind. A single play, clutched tightly to a broad chest and read time and time again. And a quote. One recited from the very same play only days before your failed mission.
"No sooner met but they looked," you whisper to yourself as your eyes grow wide with understanding. "No sooner looked, but they loved."
"My lady?" Thor questions.
"As You Like It," you stammer.
"As I like what?" asks Thor.
"No, no it's the title of a play, one that Loki's been reading and re-reading," you say. "He quotes it to me. He used to read it out loud to me when he was locked up on the secure floor," you say. You let out a tearful laugh as you remember how Loki's deep, soft voice had so often read passages aloud as you fell asleep on his chest - some he read so repeatedly you've almost memorized them entirely. "He told me once that Stark Tower was Frederick's court," you say. "And that someday we'd leave it behind to walk in our own forest, free to-," you cut yourself off as a thought leaps into your mind.
The Forest. He's going to the forest. Our forest.
"My lady?" Thor questions.
"The Forest of Arden, Thor," you glance up at him with wide eyes. "I think...maybe...he's going to Warwickshire."