It took Clay 3 days to even start to mentally deal with the events of New Year's. The first day was spent battling a grand old hangover, brain fuzzy on far too many paracetamols and protesting every thought that ran through it. The second, he did his usual busying himself with far too much to even stop and think why, he just passed it off as concern about his role in the election. It was only on the third day when he caught himself checking his phone for the seventh time in the past half an hour that he came to terms with the fact that he wasn't just looking at the time.
"Hey- um Floris, can I talk to you for a second about- like about something private?"
Clay had decided that the best way to deal with these feelings would be to talk about them. He wasn't gonna say what happened of course, that would be too much, but Floris had always been so open about his bisexuality so he seemed the perfect person to come to.
"Oh yeah of course! Come on, shall we go to your room then?" He responded, a little concerned but just as welcoming as usual. He jumped up, grabbed Clay's hand and pulled them all the way until they both were sat down on Dream's bed, leaning haphazardly against the wall and propped up pillows. "What's up?"
"I- well..." Clay stuttered and stammered, trying to gather the right words to form a coherent sentence.
"No rush! You know you can tell me anything, right?" he reached for Clay's hand, squeezing it gently.
"Thanks, Flo... How do I say this- how did you know you were bisexual?" Clay shuffled in his seat as he asked earnestly. He wasn't used to being this open, this vulnerable, and it felt strange. It wasn't that he kept things to himself; he would take any opportunity to talk about himself! It was just rare for him to reach this level of emotion, to be this raw.
"Oh-" Floris started, brushing a few white-flecked brown strands out of where they were laying dangerously close to his eyes as his concern dropped, "Oh! So I'm guessing you've been doing some thinking lately, huh." he grinned, turning to face Dream fully, legs crossed.
"Yeah, I guess you could say that." Dream smiled nervously, visibly releasing some of the tension he had been holding. He cracked each knuckle methodically; something he often used to keep him grounded, to keep him sane and found comfort in the encouragement of Floris's expression.
Floris's eyes lit up, and he leant forward like gossiping teenagers at a sleepover might do "Did something happen then? Oh, I bet something happened didn't it-"
"Yes okay something happened." Clay sighed playfully, but he wouldn't meet Floris's brown eyes. He knew if he did he would say too much.
"Are you gonna say what?" He laughed but Dream's eyes stayed fixated in his lap.
"No, I don't think I can."
"That's okay, don't worry about it. So how did I know? Honestly, I'm not that sure. It wasn't that I just woke up one day and knew it was more a... long term thing I guess? It took a while for me to process my feelings, realise that I did like both guys and girls and - you know - come to terms with it and settle on the label so... yeah."
"Yeah?" Dream mumbled, looking up to see a rather deep in thought Floris.
"Yeah... although I guess the fact that you're asking means that you're probably not straight!" He laughed, shuffling a little closer and resting his head on Clay's shoulder. The contact was slightly surprising but not unwelcome, and Clay rested his head atop, enjoying the comfort it brought with it.
"Probably." Clay was surprised at how honest he was being with himself.
"Didn't you date Nick back in highschool though?" Floris sat up, turning to face him after he spoke.
"Date? No we didn't date! We just kissed a couple of times and cuddled every now and again and- shit that does sound like dating doesn't it." The realisation hit him rather hard. It wasn't something he'd ever really considered.
"Yeah. Maybe you should think about that- you know what? You haven't spoken to him in a while, have you? You should call him!"
"But I haven't called him in like a year!" Clay exclaimed, shifting over to lie flat on the bed, his legs in Floris's lap, "he probably hates me now."
"No he doesn't you idiot! I'm sure if you call him you will catch up and be back to how you were in no time!" Floris started to fidget with the fabric of Dream's trouser leg, rolling it between his fingers. "Maybe that will help you figure out some stuff too."
"You think so?"
"I know so. Think about it okay, Clay?"
A week or so had passed after that, and Dream had done a lot of thinking indeed. He didn't stray from the constant busying he had been doing before in order to occupy his brain, but he did find a good way of processing his thoughts, that being going on runs. Something between the biting cold, his aching muscles and the repetition of running the same route over and over and over really was the best solace, the best way of really thinking. But when he let his mind wander, it always settled on one thing, and he wasn't sure if he liked it. He found himself struggling to work as his mind fantasised about soft lips on his and cold fingers gracing his cheeks. It was hard to focus when George plagued his thoughts like some sort of addiction, craving something, craving more. At least, during the runs, he didn't need to force them away like they were dirty like they were wrong. He could actually think them through, indulge in the fantasies, let them flourish. It was on one of these runs that he thought back to his prior conversations with Floris and decided that he would call Nick after all this time.
It took him a while to hype himself up, to get himself mentally prepared to deal with this. He'd run through every possible scenario in his head; the call didn't go through, Nick had changed his number, he had blocked him, he didn't want to talk- in true Clay fashion, they were admittedly rather pessimistic. But before he gave himself the time to think of yet another depressing situation which would likely become reality in a second he took a deep breath and hit the "call" button. There was a ring. And another. And another. But to his surprise, the call went through.
There was cluttering amidst the steady hum of the phone line, and what sounded like background chatter.
"Hello?" A voice called out hesitantly, "Clay?"
"Oh- um hi, Nick." He responded, cursing himself for his awkwardness and wanting to hang up right there and then. "How are you doing?"
"I'm good- yeah..." he trailed off, there were murmurs in the background, "look- sorry dude but if you're just calling to catch up could we possibly do this later? I'm kinda on a date right now."
"A date?" Clay should have stopped himself but curiosity got the better of him and it slipped out before he had the chance to stop himself.
"Yeah, a date."
"You got a girl then?"
Nick chuckled, it was crackly across the line and Clay hadn't quite realised how much the distance between them hurt until that point. "Not quite, I've been dating Karl for a year now- you know, my friend I told you about last time we called..." It really had been a year, hadn't it.
There was a shuffling of sorts, and then a new voice across the line.
"Hi, Clay! I'm Karl- Nick always says how much he misses you, you should come down and see us sometime! I'd love to meet you!" The voice was enthusiastic and sweet, it reminded him of a puppy and he smiled knowing that this guy sounded just perfect for Nick.
"Hi Karl!" He laughed and waited until the scuffles settled before he talked again. "Nick is that you there again?"
"Yeah."
"Look dude, I'm sorry for not calling more often or anything- I really wanted to it's just I've been so busy-"
"-with the election and everything." Nick cut him off with a sigh, he knew Clay wasn't neglectful but he did curse his fucking overachieving tendencies sometimes. "Just- if you're ever down in Florida again, let me know and I'll come and drive to see you."
"But it's 30 hours!"
"I don't care, road trips are fun and I'm sure Karl wouldn't mind dragging along if you don't mind him coming- wait, our food is here, can I call you back or were you just looking for a catch up-"
"I just- sorry this is so dumb and you're on a date and damn- what we had back in high school, was that more than a friendship?" Clay was surprised by quite how timid his voice was.
There was another sigh across the line. "Look, Clay. what we had in high school, well, I think that's for you to think about by yourself. I'm guessing something's happened that's made you wanna call and talk about this but this- this is something you gotta do by yourself. I'll text you later okay but I really gotta go-" And the call went silent.
He sat there for 10 minutes or so just processing his emotions. Most were mildly positive; Nick didn't hate him, he was doing well - hell - he has a boyfriend! And he still wants to meet up with him. But he knew he had stuff to think about. And think he did. Because every day that passed was one day closer to the State Dinner that George was due to come to and he knew that he needed to have his shit sorted by then.
hello! sorry for the late chapter! for most of last week, i was working on a new fic with my friend! it's called Ouroborus, by @/jubilee_line and @/isychiae and it is a little bit darker than this, but a lot of fun! The basic premise is that George goes to visit Dream and quickly finds out about his rather murderous secret, and lots of fun ensues. We had such a great time writing it, it was for a joke competition our friend threw for cursed fanfics (which we might have taken a little seriously but we won so it's all good) and we wrote the whole thing in 5 days and so it's all done and a new chapter is coming out each day over on ao3! I'm pretty proud of it so go check it out if you want and tell me you came from here too! let us know what you think! speculate as to what is coming the next day!
(here's the link if it helps, or you can just search for it: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29496570/chapters/72462558 )
anyways, sorry this one is a little shorter and later than i meant it to be, i hope the new fic makes up for itArtio <3