Mature content
In this chapter there is also a mention of self harm scars. It will be handled with respect and delicacy. I will write a note before and after the section so you can read the rest of the chapter in peace if that topic is triggering for you. Xxx
Derek loves me. He loves me. Nothing has ever felt like this. I am whole at last.
I am still in Derek's arms, close and protected. "You really love me?" I breathe, needing to check just once if it's true or a cruel game. But there is nothing in his eyes to convince me of anything but the truth.
Derek smiles softly and walks us back towards the bed. My heart is thudding in my chest, I can barely swallow with excitement and anticipation, there's a burning between my legs, a fire I've never felt before. A hunger.
I'm placed on the bed and the face I've grown to know and love fills my eyes. "Baby... talk to me." His hand reaches up and cups my head, fingers trailing through my hair. My cheek is stroked lightly and feathery kisses brush over my skin. I arch into it and sigh in contentment.
"I-I want you Der..." I flush with embarrassment, the fear of rejection tingling over my skin and clouded my bravery and desire with a numbing terror that I'm going to lose him.
He chuffs a laugh and pulls me from the bed to straddle his kneeling form. "Baby, I can feel you doubting yourself. You want you... all of you. Whatever you want to give me, I'm here for it."
"Nnaaww baby." I snuggle closer to his chest and press my face into his T-shirt. "I want you too." Derek's lips descend onto mine and he pounces. I squeal into the kiss and he takes advantage, plunging his tongue into my mouth and exploring me. Breathlessly, I pull away and pant and Derek trails kisses up my neck as his hands snake over my sweatpants, closer to where I want him.
Somehow, Derek lifts me from the floor and drops me on his bed, he's crouching over me. Dominating and claiming.
His hands fumble under my top leaving smoking tracks of desire on my skin. Out of breath, we both pull back and stare into each other's eyes, giggling lightly in surprise and magnitude of what's about to happen.
Shaking, I pull back and kneel before him, mirroring his position. His hands reach out for the hem of my T-shirt and I meet them, together we expose my chest to the cool air of the room. I shudder as the temperature drop and Derek chuckles at my fragile body when it came to the cold.
"You really thought Canada was a wise choice did you Elle?"
I can't believe it, I'm topless save for my bra before a man and we're making jokes. But I don't feel insecure, there's no pit of embarrassment clawing it's way out. It feels completely right.
"I guess something was pulling me here." I tease and wink at him, Derek pounces before I can even make a judgement as to whether he understands what I'm insinuating. That he's what pulled me here.
Derek pulls his top off with one hand and I almost moan at the sight. I'm forever envious of men and their ability to do that. My boobs would never let that happen.
Warmth covers my exposed torso as Derek's bare chest lays on top of mine. We kiss again, hungrily. His lips leave mine and start once again on my neck, nipping and sucking at the skin. I groan and buck up against him, searching for a friction to ease my ache.
Gasping in surprise, I look down at Derek with glazed eyes as he begins to pay attention to my exposed cleavage. He devours the soft mounds, nipping and kissing until I'm whimpering. His thumbs brush over the flimsy lace of my bra and my nipples harden into his touch.
He tugs at the lace and looks up at me with dark eyes, begging for permission.
"May I?" He asks huskily.
I nod frantically and he begins to reach around my back for the clasp.
"Wait!" I have to tell him before this goes any further.
He immediately pulls away from me, my body cold and crying out for his touch, but at the same time I feel safe in the knowledge he will stop anything if I ask him to. Something Elijah never did... even if I screamed.
"Di-did I hurt you?" His voice is trembling with fear and guilt, his eyes widening at the prospect of hurting me.
"No. No baby, never." I say reassuringly, reaching out and gripping his hands in mine. He lets out an exhale of relief and squeezes my hands.
"I... I just need to tell you something before..." I trail of and flush slightly. "Before anything else happens."
Derek nods in silent understanding, his hands never let go of mine, his eyes looking deep into mine. He sits back on his heels and reaches to the floor, picking up his discarded T-shirt and offering it to me.
My heart melts at his consideration but I shake my head, I don't want this fire to leave us- I just need to get everything out in the open.
Mention of self harm scars coming now.
With a deep swallow I pull my hands from his and reach for the waistband of my sweatpants. As I pull them down, I almost expect a lewd comment to come from his mouth, but it doesn't.
He stays silent and respectful. His eyes never leaving my face, even despite the fact I'm sitting before him in a lacy set of underwear.
Clearing my throat, I shift forwards so our knees are brushing. I take his hands in mine once again but place them on the very top of my thighs, letting his fingers traces the grooves and indentations that lie there. Hidden from everyone but myself, and now Derek.
He sighs deeply and pulls me onto his lap sideways, his hands still on the scars. Tracing them slightly.
"Beautiful girl. I'm so sorry. So sorry that you went through this. So sorry that I wasn't there to help you. So very very sorry."
I nestle into his warmth and the light speckling of hair on his chest tickles my cheek slightly.
We don't speak for a moment. I'm absorbing Derek's words, he seems to be lost in thought. His hands are yet to leave my thighs, I can feel his eyes on them. Looking at them.
"Can I ask about them, Elle? Or should I leave it."
I smile at his consideration, forever amazed and surprised at how gentle this man is.
"You- you can ask about them." I place a kiss to his skin and try to rein in my nerves.
"When? Only these two look fresh." He points to two less healed lines, one on each leg. He was right. They were fresher than the rest.
"Save for those two," I explain, "it was when I was still with him. It felt like taking back control, he had taken everything else from me... but not my pain. Not that."
A kiss is placed to my forehead and I curl deeper into his arms.
He sighs deeply and rubs my legs, his hands feel cooling and safe.
"A-and the other two?" His stutter shows how careful his words are, how thoughtful and cautious he is being.
"You remember the first night you came round to my apartment?"
"Of course baby, the first time I knew you were meant for me."
My smile is unable to be contained, his romantic words never cease to surprise me.
"It was that night, moments before you knocked on my door. I'd had a nightmare about him taking me back again, I- I just needed a release. And then you knocked on my door, it was like you knew I needed someone."
Trigger warning over
My body is pulled around to face Derek, straddling him as I did earlier, this time with a lot less clothing. His hands stroke my cheeks and his eyes gaze into mine, deep and searching.
"I love you Elle. More than I ever thought it was possible to love a person. I can't imagine a life without you, and I'm immeasurably relieved that I came round that night, that I was there for you."
I turn my face to look fully into his eyes, they search my face.
"I love you Der, and when that knock at the door sounded it was like a bell calling me home. Thank you for loving me."
His smile matches mine as he kisses my lips softly, not claiming like before, but lovingly. Showing me how much he loves me and I him.
Hello my lovely readers,
Sorry I haven't updated for a few days, I have been reading some amazing books which I will gladly recommend to anyone! Hopefully this longer chapter makes up for it xx
Hope you liked the chapter