JAE ▪︎ POV
Smack!
I yelped loudly, curling up against the front door with my arms raised to cover my head. "Mom!"
The rolled up newspaper swung again, connecting with my stomach and making a loud thwacking sound ring out around the hall. I was trying not to laugh at the fierce glare my small mother had on her face as she beat me. "What did I do?!"
"Why do I have to find out from Aerin's parents that you went on a date at their restaurant with a good looking white man? Why didn't you tell me you were seeing someone?!" Smack!
"Going on a date doesn't mean I'm seeing someone seriously!" I cried out, dodging her outstretched arm. "Why are you listening to gossip about the good looking white man?!"
"So you're not in a serious relationship?" She paused, titling her head, her perfectly styled, black bob of hair flopping to the side.
"Ummmm, yes, yes I am," I chuckled, squealing when she jabbed me with the paper like a spear. "You wanna meet him?!"
"Yes." Then she spun around and stomped away, leaving me ruffled and attacked, giggling on the floor. That was all she wanted, jealous that Aerin's parent's had gotten a good look at Ezra before she had. Moms. I rolled my eyes, tugging off my shoes and coat before skipping down the hall to find my dad.
He was in the living room, a stack of crinkled papers on the coffee table in front of him where he sat cross legged on the floor. My father looked up, pushing his square glasses up his nose. "Jaemin," he greeted me, patting my back when I sat beside him.
"Hey dad, what're you doing?" I asked, spying the printed words on the papers. Water bills and insurance, rent and visas.
"Paperwork," he hummed, rubbing his slightly stubble jaw. "I have to file these and make sure everything is paid before we leave. I'm not a man who'll allow debts to ruin this family. You shouldn't be to."
I nodded, rubbing my knees. Once I was old enough to start providing for myself, they made it very clear the importance of keeping debts to a minimum. I bought what I could, when I knew I could afford it. I kept up to date religiously with my payments and dad always made it clear that if I ever got into trouble, I needed to swallow my pride, tell him and he'd help me out before it grew into something bigger and out of control than it needed to be.
"Let me help you," I offered and he smiled, showing me the different folders he had been sorting into. Mostly everything had been paid years ago, but he kept the documentation as proof regardless. There were a few stray payments here and there that dad spent the day taking care of and I could tell he felt more at ease and calmer as we went through and organised everything.
Mom joined us in the living room, carefully wrapping her ornaments and china plating in newspaper before placing them in cardboard boxes. There were already a few lining the back wall beside the TV. We made small talk about what they planned on doing when they left. They promised to call often, send me pictures and gifts from our motherland. It was something I guess... but it wouldn't be the same as having them near.
"Tell me about the man you're seeing," mom demanded, placing a bowl of black bean noodles and chopsticks down on the coffee table in front of me. I thanked her, picking up the wooden sticks and stirring the hot noodles around the bowl.
"His name is Ezra, he's a business man," I hummed around a mouthful of food. I crossed my legs, staring at her and smiling. "I met him at work."
She pursed her lips, obviously feeling conflicted. Being a business man meant he had a somewhat respectable career, right? But I met him at the club. Maybe he's a trouble maker just like her son. I inwardly chuckled. She'd have a heart attack if I admitted I'd taken him home drunk to fuck me the first night we met. Oh, the horror.
"He went to school?" She finally asked.
"Yep. He has a degree or two. Amazing, right?" I couldn't help the small hint of sarcasm from seeping into my voice. Degrees weren't the be all and end all. I mean, you can have a degree and still be homeless, or even a criminal! I was doing perfectly fine without one!
My mother narrowed her eyes on me and I quickly averted my gaze to my noodles with a small cough. "He's a great man and well, things are getting serious. But he has a situation right now that needs his attention so, we're taking our time," I shrugged.
"Situation?"
"Responsibilities."
"Like what?"
"Life."
"What are you hiding?!" Smack!
"It's his business! No, he's not in trouble, no I'm not in danger, no, it's not life threatening. If things go further and you meet him, then he'll tell you himself," I reached out and squeezed her hand with a reassuring smile.
I wasn't purposely trying to make Ezra sound mysterious, but it really was his business and I didn't have his consent to share his home life situation with my parents. He was married, he had a kid, it happens. But, it's not my place to tell.
"You're happy?" My father finally spoke up, watching me carefully as he tipped a cup of coffee to his lips. "He treats you well?"
"Really well," I confirmed, slurping up some noodles and licking my lips. "He's sweet, he takes care of me when we're together and we have fun. Couldn't ask for more."
"That's good," my mother sighed, fisting her trusty newspaper - turned weapon - in her lap. "I just want to make sure... you'll be okay when we go." I looked up and the worried expression on her face surprised me. Not because she wasn't usually expressive with her feelings, but they'd been so caught up in moving and being determined to go, that well, I thought she didn't care.
"I'll be fine, I have Ezra and Aerin's back from collage now, so I'll have company. Of course it won't be the same without you here..." I whispered, averting my gaze. "I'll miss you."
My father sighed before shuffling closer to me across the floor. I put my chopsticks down and turned, just in time for him to embrace me. He wrapped his lean arms around me and I had to bite my lip to stop myself from bursting into tears like a child. But, who could blame me for being upset? Unlike some adults, I was close with my parents and they meant the world to me. This was going to be a huge change. They weren't just moving states, no, they were moving half way across the fucking world.
I didn't have the money for plane tickets back and forth from Korea to see them as often as possible. I'd probably see them twice a year at best and that was just too depressing to accept. I was about to loose my family... and.... here comes the waterworks.
My father patted my head, allowing me to cry against his shoulder like a baby. I could hear my mother sniffling a few meters away. I closed my eyes, letting him sway me softly. My intentions weren't to make them feel guilty and I internally berated myself for being overly emotional and losing control.
I sat up, squeezing my dad's shoulder and smiling, wiping away my tears. "I'll bring Ezra around one day so you can meet him."
"We'd love that."
...
EZRA POV
After I reluctantly left Jae's apartment and returned home to reality, the peaceful, happy, content feeling's I'd experienced immediately drained away. I spent maybe five minutes inside my own home before I had to exit the house again.
Sinking down to the porch steps and clutching at my hair in irritation, I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my phone. I couldn't fucking deal with this today. I had my important meeting with Gina Porter and I had to go into work later as well.
"Ev, I'm about to loose my shit," I growled down the phone, covering my exposed ear to drown out Ollie's screaming paired with Renee's failed attempts to calm him down and my mother's constant, condescending narration from the sidelines. Why she was even here at ten o'clock in the damn morning, I had no idea, but I seriously hadn't wanted to face her today - not after my amazing night and morning with Jae.
My heart was beating so hard in my chest it felt like it would burst out at any second and I had to bounce my leg in an attempt to let out the raging energy boiling inside me before I exploded. I was getting worked up, but I couldn't calm down. "Will you please come over. Now. I can't deal with this shit anymore." I snarled desperately down the line.
Self sabotage. I learned my lesson, I couldn't let my anger get the better of me again.
"What is going on?" Evan's deep voice asked in surprise when he finally answered the phone. His usually soothing tone did nothing to help me. "Is that Ollie? Why is he crying like that, is he hurt?"
"No he's not hurt, he's-"
"DADDY!" Ollie's scream, paired with his choked sobs and another coughing fit, made me snap. I launched to my feet and rushed back inside the house, slamming the front door shut behind me.
"Don't do anything stupid!" Evan's panicked yell went in one ear and out of the other.
Ollie was flailing on the couch, held down by my mother's hands while Renee attempted to wrestle him out of the Doc McStuffin's costume Jae had bought him. He must've found where I'd hidden it under his crib and attempted to dress himself without his mother's permission. My son's face was red and there were fat tears streaming from his wide green eyes as he continued to scream and kick his legs. His nose was snotty, his fists balled, the veins on his forehead straining with each heave, each cry.
I'd never seen him so worked up before in my life and I was equally shocked and heartbroken at the sight of my usually calm and docile baby boy throwing such a fit. My muscles bunched, my chest heaving as the protective paternal instincts inside me urged me to grab Ollie and run.
"This is on you, Ezra!" Renee spat over her shoulder at me, yanking the pink leggings roughly down Ollie's kicking little legs. "He wouldn't be acting like this if you didn't spoil him so much! I told you to put it in the bin!"
"Why would you buy that for him? A little girls outfit no less. We're going to be late to the function. I can't have my grandson turning up in such clothes. Don't just stand there! Calm him down and help take it off!"
I looked between the three of them. My mother's long, brown hair was pulled back in a tight bun, a bead of sweat forming on her forehead from holding Ollie's arms. She wore a light blue suit, a string of Pearl's bouncing on her wrinkled neck. Her green eyes were glaring at me like my very existence was disappointing in itself.
Renee was dressed in a tight, pink dress that showed off a bit too much cleavage, her blonde hair curled down her back but ruffled with all of the struggling. They were obviously dressed up to impress at whichever stupid community function they were attending this time.
Renee was glaring down at Ollie who was still screaming and I blinked, stuck in an almost tunnel vision, focused right on her fingertips digging carelessly into the pale flesh of his thighs.
Don't do it. Calm down. Don't, damn it! I sucked in a deep breath to gain some composure.
"Leave him be. I can take him into work with me while the two of you go to the function. That way, you don't have to fight with him over fucking clothes - you're hurting him. Just let me take him." I grunted, my voice deep and raspy.
Mom let out a tut of disbelief. "Language! And you're giving in? To a two year old?! What has parenting come to?! My grandson won't be a brat, Ezra. No means-"
"JUST FUCKING LEAVE HIM!" I roared, my cool shattering to pieces. Ollie was not a brat. He loved that costume and here they were, ripping it carelessly from his body as though it meant absolutely nothing when it clearly meant something. He never got this upset, why couldn't they see that they were fucking traumatizing him?!
I stormed towards Renee, ready to rip her hands off my son, when suddenly two, strong arms wrapped around my biceps and yanked me back. I didn't have to turn around to know that Evan was behind me. I hadn't even heard the door open but I was so relieved he was here.
"Everybody, just calm down. You're scaring Ollie," my older brother took immediate control, his voice harsh, full of command against my ear. He squeezed my upper arms in warning.
Mom let go off Ollie's arms and Renee seemed to realise that she was being a bit too rough. Her blue eyes widened in realisation and she cursed under her breath, releasing Ollie who was coughing, his voice hoarse and broken. I wrenched myself away from Evan and rushed over to the couch, hooking my arms under Ollie's armpits and lifting his small body quickly to my chest.
His skin was hot to the touch, saliva trailing from his lips as he continued to cough and gag. His face was still red, he still screamed and the tears kept coming. I patted his back, trying to calm him down with soft words, bouncing him gently, but nothing seemed to work. My heart was in my throat as I tried to comfort him him.
I cast Evan a worried glance and Renee stood, reaching out to touch Ollie's cheek but he yanked away from her, almost tumbling out of my arms. She flinched, dropping her arm, her face turning guilty, yet her eyes were still burning with anger she was quick to direct at me. As if this was my fault. It was always my fault.
"Take him, we'll talk," Evan grunted and I walked away, my body tensing as Evan closed the living room door behind me and I heard my mother begin the reprimand me in front of them both.
I could hear her high pitched voice telling Evan that I'd left my wife alone at home all night and that I was an irresponsible and insensitive husband and father. Then she went off on a tangent about the wrongs of boys in little girls clothes that made me grind my teeth.
If only she knew that she was ranting about the horrors of her grandson turning out to be gay, because he liked to dress up like a fictional, female child doctor on Disney channel, to her very homosexual son. The fucking irony.
I shook my head and sighed, hugging Ollie tightly as I headed for the kitchen. He stopped screaming, burying his face against my shoulder, his whole body heaving. "Calm down baby, it's alright," I spoke gently, pressing a kiss to his forehead and stroking his blonde curls, feeling sick to my stomach.
I tried to sit him on the counter but as soon as I moved him, he screamed. So, instead, I wet a paper towel and ran it over his face to wipe up the spit, snot and tears there, holding him on my hip with one arm. "Shh, you're going to make yourself sick."
With another sigh, I looked around, trying to figure out what I could do to calm him down. Fuck, his bunny and pacifier were back in the living room and there was no way I was going back in there while my temper was still running high.
I opened one of the cupboards above the microwave and pulled out one of Ollie's milk bottles. It had barely been a few weeks since he'd been weaned off bottles, but right now, I didn't have anything else. So, I worked with one hand to fill it with milk from the fridge and then set the bottle in the microwave. It was the best I could come up with.
In less than a minute, I had Ollie in my lap and pressed the teet of the bottle into his mouth. He resisted for only a moment before sucking eagerly and gulping it down. The warm milk must have felt great going down his sore throat and he instantly began to relax. I had to hold the bottle since he wouldn't release the tight grip he had on my shirt, but he slumped against me, humming and hiccuping as the last of his sobs died down.
I dropped my head, breathing out heavily in relief, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He was half naked, only the white and purple stripped top and the doctor's coat left on his small frame, his diaper askew. There were pink fingerprints on his thighs and I stared at the marks, the severity of the situation crashing down around me.
Renee might not have deliberately meant to hurt him, but if Evan and I hadn't stepped in, they probably wouldn't have stopped, no matter how hard he screamed. Ollie could've gotten seriously hurt, struggling like that. And for what? So that they could get him in a stuffy shirt and dress pants for some stupid community function?
My jaw was tight, my teeth grinding in irritation. It wasn't about letting my two year old walk all over me and letting him be when he said no. It was about listening to him, and knowing when to back off, especially if he was getting hurt.
I straightened out the rumpled white coat, pulling it back into place. Of course he would have to take it off again at some point since it would have to be cleaned. But I'm sure if Renee stopped to explain why she was taking it off, he would've understood. Not that her reasons were similar to mine. No, she and my mother were too selfish to think about what Ollie actually wanted. So what if he liked wearing pink? He was two for god's sake. He was a baby. Why were they letting their twisted ideology hurt him so young?
Ollie's troubled green eyes finally began to droop shut and I rocked him encouragingly, knowing sleep would do him some good and he was bound to be exhausted after exerting himself like that. But each time his eyes shut, he startled awake with a whimper.
"I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here baby, go to sleep," I whispered, running my lips along his cheek, since I didn't have a free hand to caress him with. Ollie stared hard, his cheeks pink and blotchy, his eyelashes wet.
He was unsure if he could trust me or not and that realisation made my heart hurt. The toddler pulled away from the bottle and I put it on the counter, lifting him so that he could bury his face against my neck, cradling his torso to my chest. Ollie whimpered once more and slumped against me. I hugged him tightly, gently rubbing his back and within a few minutes, he was asleep, dead weight in my arms.
I stood up carefully and walked through the house, gathering everything I needed for today and tonight. I could crash at Evan's place with Ollie and come back in the morning when things were a lot less tense.
It didn't take me long to gather everything I needed, from his diapers and pyjamas to my work briefcase and change of clothes. I carried everything in one arm, Ollie supported by the other. My healing arm was pretty much almost painless by now, but the weight of Ollie's body made it ache a little bit.
When I made it back downstairs and into the living room for Ollie's bunny, Renee and my mother were looking a lot less pissed off and much more regretful. I can only imagine Evan gave them a reprimanding of his own.
"Where are you going?" Renee asked me, her eyes on Ollie. She stepped forward, reaching out to take him, but I stepped back with a brisk shake of my head.
"To work. I'll bring him with me and stay at Evan's tonight. I don't think it's best for him to be near you right now after that," I told her bitterly.
Renee's cheeks turned pink and for once she was the one flustered and lost for words. "I-I... I wouldn't hurt him on purpose, you know that Ezra. I made a mistake, I shouldn't have been so rough but you shouldn't have-"
"Enough," Evan grunted, cutting her off with an icy glare. He grabbed my belongings to free up my arm. "Ez and Ollie can stay with me. Take the night to sort your head out and let your baby have some space. We'll be back in the morning."
I grabbed Ollie's bunny and his pacifier off the couch. After a sweep around the room, I picked up the pink leggings and his little sparkly medical kit off the floor. Then I left without looking back, Evan following behind me, leaving Renee and mom standing in the middle of the room, quietly watching us go.
The moment I was back outside, the fresh air felt like a blast of relief against my face and I sucked in a breath as though I'd been starved of oxygen. All of the warm feelings inside me from this morning were gone, as though someone had stomped on a previously lit fire and stubbed it out.
I felt shaky and unfocused as I watched Evan load his SUV and transfer Ollie's carseat from the back seat of my Range Rover, to the back seat of his Mercedes. When he was done, he motioned me over, gently taking my sleeping baby boy and strapping him in.
"Your phone?" Evan held out his hand and I didn't question him as I transferred my phone from my back pocket and into his hand. Then, I watched wide eyed as he took pictures of the pink fingerprints marring Ollie's pale thighs.
Conflicted. I felt conflicted. "She didn't... it was... She's a good mother," I choked out, feeling sick as Evan passed my phone back. His eyes grey were fierce like a storm.
"If you want to win, you need to be smart. She's cunning and sly and you need to be too if you want to stand up to her Ezra. She might not have meant it, but this is about getting on even ground. She'll attack with everything she's got, so you have to have your own strong playing cards. She won't show mercy and neither should you. This shouldn't have happened, we both know that. If it means we need to use these pictures in court, so be it."
Evan cornered me against the car, out of view from the living room window. He cupped my face, gently running his thumbs beneath my eyes. "You feel guilty because you're a good man. But you need to stop leading with your heart and start thinking with your head. You're too good to her, that's the only reason why this has been going on for so long. Stop letting her control you and your emotions."
Then he hugged me, pulling me against his solid chest and holding me there with a firm grip. I closed my eyes, absorbing his words, a lump forming in my throat. It was easier said than done.
"I'm ready to come out, when you are. If we're gonna do this, let's go big or go home. No more hiding who we are. No more taking shit from our parents. No more letting others control us. It's time to take that step Ezra. I'm ready when you are little brother."
Evan kissed my cheek before pulling back and motioning that I should get in the car. I let out a shuddering breath of air. I told myself before that I was ready to take that step when I went to the lawyer's office, when I finally decided to cut my father-in-law's firm from ours and when I told Jae I loved him. But... there was still the underlying fear I faced.
I tugged at my hair, clenching my eyes shut. This was too much to deal with right now. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. God damn it, I hate this so much.
After a minute of fighting for composure, I stood up straighter and walked around the side of the car, silently sliding into the passenger seat. I didn't say anything and neither did Evan as he reversed and pulled out of my drive way.
I leaned my head up against the window, staring blankly out at the passing streets of the neighbourhood... wishing I never left Jae's arms that morning.
...
Gina Porter opened the envelope on her desk in front of her. She dipped her slim fingers inside and pulled out five printed photographs of Renee. In each picture she was in some sort of intimate position with five different men outside of bars or inside hotel lobbies. I wasn't surprised, I wasn't angry or hurt. I wasn't even happy I had my evidence. I was just numb.
Ollie sat in my lap, thankfully disinterested in the pictures since Mrs Porter, who had been thrilled to finally meet him, had given him a set of post it notes to play with. Like most babies, Ollie was thrilled with the simplist of things and he used his little fingers to peel the stickers, sucking on his pacifier and concentrating quietly.
"We have proof that she's been sleeping around. The private investigator you let me hire took these photographs of Renee. This is plenty evidence and should neutralise the blow of your own adultry in court. Have you managed to get any proof from Renee regarding the initial scam of her dating you?"
I shook my head, staring at the pictures. "Not yet."
The lawyer nodded, staring at me with concerned green eyes behind large glasses. The red-haired older woman shifted in her chair, leaning forward. "Is everything okay? You seem distant, Mister Carter."
I looked up, shaking my head and forcing a smile. "I'm okay. Just a lot going on right now. Thank you for this, you're proving to be a great help. I wouldn't have gotten this far without you."
"No problem, it's my job. Have you looked into any of the counselling services I recommend since the last time we met?"
"No, but I'm considering," I told her half-heartedly, though it had completely left my mind. I didn't have time for it, not now. Besides, what good would it do other than make me look weak?
"Well, this has been a successful advancement in this case so far. The investigator will continue working and I have faith you'll do your part so we can get this divorce rolling. Everything will work out for this little man." She smiled down at Ollie, making one of those sappy faces adult's always did around children.
I gave a small smile genuinely then, standing and lifting Ollie onto my hip. "Thanks again," I held out my hand and she shook it.
"We'll book another appointment for next week, see you then."
I left her office, meeting Evan in the parking lot of the building. He threw his arm around my shoulder, tickling his nephew under his chin.
"It's been a long day. Let's get dinner and go home."
I nodded slowly, allowing him to lead me back to his car. Home. Where was home? At my own house? Jae's apartment? Evan's place? Would I ever really feel content and at peace anywhere?
I held Ollie tighter, pressing my cheek to his soft head of hair. The answer should have been simple - home was wherever my baby was. But the raging, twisted, confused thorn bush of emotions inside my heart were yelling me otherwise. It wasn't that simple and I was frustrated with myself for making this so complicated.
Sometimes, it was just easier to be numb.
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