authors note
do your best not to cringe—
itll be hard
think of it as a challenge :)
enjoy ur reading
i love you <3
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015
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Cold, blue moonlight shone through the old castle's window onto the rough stone floors of my temporary bedroom. I couldn't help but feel sick to my stomach with the anxiety of joining the Special Ops Team so quickly, and for no reason other than to assist in the caretaking of my lifelong friend, who could wipe out humanity if he wanted to. Hanji had tried telling me it had a lot to do with my skill, but I couldn't bring myself to believe her. My heart ached with the guilt of knowing Mikasa would always be able to protect Eren better than I ever could, and I stood no chance of winning over his heart. Not that that was mg only intention, but in the past week on the Levi Squad, I'd become more in tune with my sudden attraction to him.
Or maybe it wasn't as sudden as I thought. Surely our nights at the picnic table meant more than friendship... right? And even if they didn't, it only made me hurt more when I pondered again on whether Eren would ever feel the same. My heart lurched when I remembered the rainy night around graduation. What was even happening then...
Tap, tap, tap.
As if on cue, I heard rain begin to tap against the window, calming me down slightly. To my horror, the 'rain' stopped suddenly to reveal that it hadn't actually been precipitation, but something else. Taking a deep breath, I pushed aside the flimsy blanket that lay across my chest and swung my knees over the bed. I stepped quietly across my room to the window, not wanting to break the delicate silence that let my neighbors sleep. Who knew what Oluo would do if he was awoken at such a late hour by the newbie? It certainly wouldn't be pretty.
When I reached the window, I noticed three light scratches in the foggy glass, likely from pebbles or rocks being thrown at it. I gently tugged at the lever to open the window, praying it wouldn't creak. I cringed when the hinges squeaked slightly, but thankfully it only happened once.
I peeked my head out of the window and couldn't help but notice how bright the moon was. It looked huge that night, lighting up whole fields surrounding the former Scout headquarters and filtering through the leaves of the forests to the West. I studied the far-off craters, leaving a mark in my retinas where the dark spots lay in the moon. I'm sure I looked ridiculous, engaged so much in a simple planet a million miles away.
"Hey."
I was jerked back to Earth by a low voice coming from below me. I whipped my head downwards, mortified that I'd gotten so distracted. "Eren?"
He stared up at me, blinking slowly before smiling a little, "Can't sleep?"
"You woke me up," I lied, not feeling like talking about my emotions.
It was hard to tell in the dim light, but it looked like he blushed, embarrassed, "Sorry... go back to sleep then." He looked back down and started towards the front door of the headquarters, probably going back to his room.
"Wait," I thought, hesitating as I started closing the window, "isn't he meant to be locked in the basement?"
"Eren?" I asked nervously, not wanting to sound desperate or get caught. He stopped and looked back up at me, "How did you... uhm... escape?"
He smirked slightly, "Someone left the door unlocked." I inhaled sharply, remembering that I had in fact been the last one to see Eren before everyone went to bed and had probably left it unlocked. If Levi caught him, not only would Eren get in trouble—I'd certainly be in for it, too. "You don't seem like you were sleeping," Eren said thoughtfully, catching me off guard.
"And why is that?" I was almost aggressive, frustrated that he'd figured me out so quickly.
"You seem pretty awake." he pointed out. He hesitated for a moment before finally saying something, "Were you thinking?"
I started to panic a little, slightly creeped out that he was guessing so much accurately. "Why?"
He let out a quiet laugh and smiled, "Yeah, me too."
I sighed.
"Wanna talk about it?" he asked, seeming slightly hopeful.
"No."
"Are you sure?"
I paused, leaning out the window and looking at him under the soft moonlight, unsure of how to reply. No, I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about it or not. I didn't know if I was in any place to burden others with my emotions and qualms, much less Eren Jaeger. On top of that, this was sort of strange for Eren. For the most part, he definitely treated me differently than the rest of our friends. He acted as though he was more interested in me specifically, including what I was thinking about most of the time. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that we had the same end goal—to eradicate all the titans—but I doubted it was anything else.
A small smile crept across my face and I shook my head, thinking about how badly I was torn between telling him everything and telling him nothing. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to find a middle-ground, but I didn't have the chance to anyway.
"It's fine," Eren said, walking into the headquarters, "Sorry to bother you, Y/N. You should go to sleep."
"Goodnight, Jaeger," I said, smiling. His answer wasn't audible, but I heard a faint response from downstairs, making my smile more genuine. I closed the window quietly and lied back down in my bed. The second my head hit the pillow, I regretted everything.
Why didn't I talk to him? Was it a good decision? What could I even say? Was I being a jerk?
Thoughts filled my mind and I jumped up, shaking my head in frustration. One idea stuck out from the others, and I froze.
Eren said he'd been thinking too.
That simple notion gave me a sudden burst of confidence, and I couldn't sleep anyway, so I decided to go find Eren. Besides, I'd never sleep again if I just ignored his offer.
As quietly as I could, I changed into my clothes for the next day, noticing that the moon was sinking lower in the sky. I guessed that less than four hours remained until dawn, and I didn't plan on getting any sleep, so I'd just wear whatever clothes I could wear the next day. I chose to leave my jacket in the wardrobe but brought my dark green cloak for warmth.
Taking another deep breath, I twisted the handle that lead to the dark hallway outside my room. I clutched the clasp of my cloak, shivering at the thought of getting caught as I stepped down the stairs to the basement. I had to walk slowly to stay quiet, trailing my free hand along the wall to keep myself from tripping. When I reached the bottom step, I double checked that no one had followed me by looking behind me at the empty staircase. I let out a sigh of relief when the door opened, as I half-believed it'd be locked.
"Hello?" Eren's voice echoed around the cold basement.
"It's freezing down here," I said, turning the corner to see Eren sitting on his bed in his cell. I saw his eyes widen when he saw me sit in front of the bars before he got up and sat in front of me. I felt butterflies in my stomach, and fought back a blush, even if he could hardly see me in the dark.
"Then why'd you come?" he joked resting his head on his hand.
"Because I was thinking," I mimicked him, resting my head on my own hand, though I used my left so our faces aligned between the bars, "and I didn't want to think alone anymore," I added boldly.
"Oh?" Eren raised an eyebrow, "What were you thinking about?"
"I'm just nervous about joining this squad," I sighed, "but it's nothing compared to what I'm sure you're feeling."
"I'm nervous too," he said, "but not really right now."
I felt my cheeks get hot, "and Captain Levi is pretty scary." I changed the subject quickly.
"Tell me about it," Eren laughed. I expected him to say something more, but he just gazed at me. It wasn't really awkward, and just brought me back again to the nights at the picnic table. We were both lost in thought, though I was pretty sure I was lost somewhere in his eyes rather than in my own head.
Eventually, I continued our conversation. We talked for hours about Trost, titans, the Levi Squad, Hanji, what Erwin said, Sawney and Beane, being cadets, and countless other things. I vaguely remember taking off my cloak to use as a pillow to lay on. Had I been in my right mind, I'd never have done it, but I guess I was so tired I didn't really pay much attention to it. Eren had tossed me his cloak to wear, which I reluctantly accepted after confirming that he wasn't cold. At one point, he grabbed the thin pillow from his bed and lied on the other side of the bars, still talking to me. I could tell he was growing tired, and so was I.
The last thing I remember is him telling me about a time him and his dad had gone to see a patient who claimed to have been attacked by a ghost. I must've fallen asleep, and I couldn't recall everything that happened after he gave me his cloak, so I didn't remember the key detail that would embarrass me so greatly later.
—
Hanji's POV:
"Gooooodmorning, Y/N!" I flung open the door to her bedroom, knocking something off of a table in the process. When there wasn't any response, I skipped over to the bed and checked the sheets, but Y/N was nowhere to be found. "Yo, Levi!" I called into the hallway. The captain responded with a grunt. "Have you seen Y/N?"
"No, but while you're looking do me a favor and bring Eren up here."
I said I would and made my way downstairs, checking with Petra about Y/N on the way down, but she didn't seem to know where the new Scout was, either. Slightly interested in what Eren was doing, I decided to enter the basement quietly, twisting the doorknob carefully so as not to make any noise. When I cane around the corner, not only did I see Eren laying on the floor near the bars, but Y/N was also asleep in the hallway outside.
And even better, I noticed that Y/N happened to be resting her head on what looked like Eren's cloak, making me grin with happiness. As I took another step towards them, I froze and gasped. Their hands were touching. Y/N's pinky finger resting atop Eren's as they slept peacefully. I snickered, trying to hold in a scream of excitement and sprinting back up the stairs to get Levi.
"Levi!!" I shouted, grabbing the short captain by the arm and dragging him towards the basement.
"Is something wrong?" he asked angrily, "what? what happened?"
"SHHH," I hissed, opening the door to the basement and pushing him in to see Y/N and Eren sleeping on the floor.
"Tch."
—
y/n's POV:
"Tch."
A quiet voice woke me up and I rubbed my eyes with my arm, letting my eyes adjust to the light. I yawned and sat up, but was horrified to see who stood in front of me. Levi looked furious, and Hanji was grinning widely. I jumped, remembering where I was and looked down at Eren. I saw that my hand was resting on his and I pulled it away quickly, embarrassed.
"You can't come down here in the middle of the night, L/N," the Captain hissed, waking Eren up.
"Oh, c'mon, Levi," Hanji nudged his shoulder, "Look how cute they are!"
"No," Levi said angrily, "Get up now, Hanji needs you for some shitty experiments." I glanced at a now awake Eren. He sat up quickly, probably remembering all that had happened.
"It's okay," Hanji said, taking Levi's arm, "Take as much time as you need!" she winked at me before pulling Levi upstairs. I stared at them in shock, realizing what they'd seen, and praying Hanji would keep her mouth shut, though I knew there wasn't much chance of that.
"Ready?" Eren asked suddenly, holding his hand between the bars to help me up. I took it and couldn't help but notice that he pulled me up himself rather than me standing up myself and using his hand for leverage. He swung the door to his cell open and met me in the hall, "You're lucky Levi didn't try to open that himself," Eren shoved me lightly as we walked towards the spiraling staircase that lead to the main floor, "Or you'd be in big trouble for leaving it unlocked." I rolled my eyes playfully.
"Yeah, but if I'd locked it then I'd probably have spent all night thinking by myself."