It has been three days since Taehyung is at home barely coming out of his room. Jimin and Jin tries to talk to him but Taehyung doesn’t even look at them his eyes only towards the window either watching the stars or the daylight, sometimes he would write something in his journal, would eat a little of what is served and sleep there, Jin sighs watching Taehyung sleeping, covering him and looking at the way he was torturing himself again but he was helpless, Taehyung was not talking much, he was not even going to his work.
On fourth day Hana calls him telling him of the passing away of Mr.Jeon. He asks her if she informed Jungkook about this only to hear that he was not picking up the phone, he himself tries but gets no response, tired, frustrated and defeated with everything Taehyung also leaves the situation as it is.
Day after he looks at the calendar lazily walking towards it, his eyes moves to the date reminding him of the letter that is kept in his office desk drawer stating He did his job well, the company is more than happy for him being the part of it but his contract is ending and they would not stop him from achieving his dreams and wishes him best luck for future endeavors. Taehyung was not surprised when he received the letter, expecting it one day but now when the day is so near he wishes to have some more time, but as if God likes to see him in pain, lost in his thought he doesn't notice when the door to his room opened only until he feels something touching his legs and looks down to see Yeontan rubbing his head on his master's leg, looking up at him, full of energy. Taehyung sits down on the floor picking him up, bringing closer to his face, Yeontan starts licking his face as he gets the chance sensing Taehyung's sadness, trying to cheer him up. Taehyung smiles as the little fur ball rubs itself on him. It felt like Yeontan missed him very much and also felt his pain. Taehyung chuckles seeing him settle on his lap, his tears starts falling again as he rubs the dark hair of the Pomeranian, he takes off his glasses wiping his tears but cries more trying to hide his face in his arm. Yeontan makes a sound like a whine trying to jump and gain his attention not wanting his master to cry or be in pain, the dog whines again licking on the hand. Jin and Jimin watching the scene from the small opening of the door couldn’t contain their emotions too, they thought it would be good to send Yeontan there but who would have known it to be so devastating to watch, Jin wipes his tears too while Jimin just leaves the place not able to look anymore, sobs leaving his mouth, they just pray for things to get better for Taehyung.
Next day, Taehyung gets up early, takes a shower, wears a suit, does his hair and walks out to meet his brothers having breakfast with them, he even feeds the two apologizing for making them worry for him, they smile and talk like they used to do, with Taehyung mostly listening, he then leaves for the office.
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Jungkook knocks on the door before entering in Taehyung’s room, and gets in as he is called, he had his hair untied falling on his shoulders, wavy and dark, he looked just like the time when Taehyung first met him, acting cool with no care of world and people around him, he sits crushing the cigarette butt on the desk. Taehyung looks at the cigarette the back at Jungkook, sighing internally “How are you? Didn’t receive any of my calls” he asks, starting the conversation.
“Doc Jung told me I have improved, as for other things” He makes eye contact with Taehyung “ You must be calling me to tell the news of my father”
“It was not only this that I wanted to say” Taehyung says tired of giving reasons for everything he does.
“I want to get over with it, just do whatever tests you want to I know I will be fine” Jungkook looks away playing with the ring in his finger. Taehyung says nothing, he opens files taking out some sheets and bundling them up. Jungkook watches him, sees the dark circles under his eyes and not a hint of smile which used to be present there often during the past few months, the dull face and no enthusiasm in talking to him, he feels something is off and a sting occurs in his heart but Jungkook says nothing. He looks at the questionnaire as Taehyung hands him the sheets explaining him what to do.
“Fill them up with whatever is your first instinct and then we will move to some other test before I give you a go, Jungkook” He pauses making eye contact with the artist “Good luck” Jungkook remains quiet looking back at the papers and playing with his pen in his fingers. Taehyung watches him, the love pushing its roots further in his heart, he tries to calm himself looking away “If you feel doubtful about any question you can ask me” he says bending to take out papers from the drawers. He finds the letter from the company tearing it and throwing in the dustbin. Jungkook looks up at Taehyung seeing him busy with something, he goes back to what he was doing.
Twenty minutes passes by, Taehyung leans on his chair taking off his glasses and pressing his digits lightly to massage his eyes, “Ah! This one will be easy just true and false” Jungkook says turning the page, Taehyung puts his spects back looking at him, then a thought occurs to him and he speaks up “You and Soomin-”
“Yeah, I met her yesterday” Jungkook says reading his mind making Taehyung speechless and look at is fingers instead.
“Where were you past days?” Jungkook asks, utting the pen down.
“Just resting” Taehyung scratches his nails unknowingly, buried in various thoughts “Will you forgive me?” he asks, feeling a bit of nervousness.
“Keep yourself at my place, what would you have done?” Jungkook asks, pain returning in his eyes thinking of that day. Their gazes meet and Taehyung feels more terrible.
“What I said that day was true, hating your father would have never let you move on, the pain would have always remained there” Taehyung tries to explain again.
“So you thought of making me hate both of them?” Jungkook asks exasperated.
Taehyung pauses then asks softly “Do you hate her?”
“I couldn’t, she always used to apologize I thought it was for our conditions but now I get it...what it really was” Jungkook looks at the sheet of paper he was filling.
“And your father?” Taehyung was cautious this time.
Jungkook looks away but the answer was evident on his face “I want them to rest now, whatever it was I am living a good life now, I just want to make more music, do new things and live life I still have so much to do, when I look at my past self I feel I was lost but now I am clear of most things and knows what to do I know those medicines are not as strong as my will and so I did what I did…..also...I forgive you” Taehyung leaves a shaky breath, his eyes waters but he blinks it away, he remembers the time when Jungkook wanted to harm himself, the scene that he saw when he entered the room or the times when he was always in fear for this artist, whether it was the bridge or his house, Jungkook was really living without any aim, there was no motive, no love for life but today these simple words showed he has healed, Taehyung succeeded. The emotions were unable to be kept hidden, it was really a time Taehyung was wanting to see.
He couldn’t control himself anymore and tears roll down his cheeks, he wipes it quickly but Jungkook notices it, taken aback with sudden burst of emotions and a feeling to protect surge through him seeing the tears not stopping in Taehyung’s eyes, he walks towards Taehyung pulling him in his embrace. Taehyung closes his eyes and bites down on his lips not to make much noise and stop them from trembling, his body trembles too with the way he was controlling himself.
“I…I am happy for you” he says shakily, Jungkook rubs his back, thinking of something to calm him down.
“I am sorry doc for giving you a hard time all this time” He manages to say.
“I…I am really happy for you” Taehyung hides his face on Jungkook’s shoulder. Jungkook has healed, he has Sia, it was really the time for Taehyung to end it here but keeping his feelings to himself was it a good idea, he musters the courage in himself “Will you remember me?” He starts.
“Yes…why?” Jungkook feels his throat going dry not able to speak much. He swallows hard making his adam’s apple move.
“Don’t hate me if I tell you something” Taehyung says breaking the hug and looks at Jungkook in the eye.
He holds Jungkook’s hands looking at the wrist that has the mark of Jungkook’s difficult days, he brings it to his lips pressing a kiss there, Jungkook just watches unable to speak or move. Taehyung keeps holding on his hand as if gaining strength from it “I don’t know when maybe it was during the time I saw you on the screen, or here when we first met and you acted all smug, or when we talked on the stairs of the theatre, or when I saw you crying near the stairs, you always had that look in your eyes and would always mock me on my methods and activities but I started to enjoy your company, the evenings we went out, listened to music, danced to cheer you up, laughed and drank, even though you punched me or pushed me away, I always found myself standing in front of you, looking for you, walking towards you as if you were my source of light and you are, you taught me be strong and I am trying so hard Jungkook I am but this heart, I ignored it but….” Taehyung sniffles, Jungkook too, both failing in stopping their eyes to tear up, the past they shared was the most beautiful and painful but taught them so much, brought them together “I fell for you, I tried to suppress it each time.. your music, your emotions, your presence, just you being you, it all made it difficult for me to suppress it, I know your pain, your confusion and I respect your decisions but I wanted to tell you every moment that I had with you were the best moments of my life, I wanted to make you love your life but in the process I too started to love things I overlooked, no music touched me more than the way yours did, no gardening is good until you are there to mock me or act childish, no free time was as happy when you would notice it and complain about it, no party was as memorable as the one I was with you, I wanted to tell this to you I want nothing from you but to just keep my memories with you, for you to treasure it like me, I am not selfish…maybe I am for loving you, but as long as you are happy I am too” Taehyung let go of the hands and wipes his tears, chuckling at himself “I am making a fool of myself but I had to tell it to you and it feels so much better now that I have” Jungkook pulls him in another hug and Taehyung melts, feeling things are going to be fine between them, Jungkook shares the same sentiments as him.
“Tae…I…” Jungkook sniffles “I was scared and ashamed of my feelings towards you, I am not that brave to say it like you neither will I be able to face people, I am not like Hope or Suga either so I took the easy route” Jungkook takes a deep breath looking away in shame “I told Sia I will give her a chance while you were gone” Taehyung freezes, it hurts more being rejected than to never reveal your feelings, just when he thought Jungkook would say yes he proved Taehyung wrong. His heart aches, it was really painful how could he not see it, he was so lost in his feelings that he was not able to notice what other is seeing him as, he steps back not wanting to look at Jungkook, he knows what face other might be making.
Jungkook speaks again trying to approach him but is stopped by Taehyung "I am not like you, so clear about everything"
"You mean liking men?" Taehyung asks slowly still not believing his ears, he should though it was clear all this time, but Taehyung had hopes. Hopes that were now crushed with a reason he could hardly believe.
Jungkook winces hearing it "Don't look at me like that please it is not easy you think I didn't try, I did but...I….if it is easy why didn't you tell your mother of your sexuality" Jungkook's eyes widen listening to his own words "I meant that until you came in my life even after you were there I knew I loved a girl but then things changed, I started having these feelings but-"
“I am sorry I was too carried away” Taehyung says voice stiff cutting Jungkook's words and stabbing his heart “Let’s finish the test, I have other things to do too” Jungkook wanted to say something but knowing he is at fault steps back going back to his chair, he keeps looking at Taehyung but the therapist doesn’t spare him a glance. He tries to make a talk but doesn’t get anything in response, defeated he goes through all the test.
“These tests may be hindered by your fluctuating emotions I will consider the tests we done before as the base of the result, you can go now, you will know the result later after my scoring” Jungkook wanted to speak more maybe ask for forgiveness this is not how he thought things to go but Taehyung stands up going through his books having his back on Jungkook as a sign to leave, so Jungkook leaves not knowing of the tears that still keep flowing, he leaves behind a heart broken Taehyung.
Taehyung came with the clear motive of winding things up when he left his house knowing very well this was his last day here, he takes out the books from shelf putting them in the boxes and other important things he wanted to take back with him, looking at the room again holding so many memories for him he thinks again whether he won the battle or lost it. Jay had told him than he can rest assured his things will be send to him, he can just pack them up, so Taehyung double checks before his eyes falls on the potted Daffodil plant he kept on the table for a reason a small gift he choose to leave, he picks it, looking at it and walks towards Jungkook’s room, he doesn't knock or wait and just keeps it in front of the door with a note.
‘You passed, best wishes for the future :)
-Taehyung’
Taehyung looks at the beautiful yellow flowers again with love as if telling them to be by his side, he gets up walking back to report Jay, the last time and in few minutes’ leaves behind the agency he loves and hate and everyone he made friends with and spend good time, no more tears left to shed, he drives away.
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(Notes from Taehyung's Journal)
I still can't hate him, I was upset but that also can't last long. I have never been serious like this before for anyone else, I don't know how to move on, at this point I feel myself so unlucky, what to do of this broken heart...whom to tell….no books can help the lost case that I am for I am still thinking of the day we met, of the time we spend together, of the hand that I held, the warmth of the hugs, how to let you go Jungkook I...I can't you will always be in my heart, loved and treasured.
🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹