Haley
It's awful, but I go the whole day without hearing from Carter, although he never leaves my thoughts. Actually, I fulfill my need to have him close by spending the day with my mother and his. It's as if because Carter is part of Sarah, and I can see him in her, that being around her somehow fills the hole in my heart that exists when he's not with me. Needless to say, being around Sarah not only makes me feel less lonely, but her ability to make me laugh also makes me temporarily forget about missing Carter.
While shopping, I decide to pick up Carter's birthday present, a pillow top mattress pad that's like the one on my bed which he seemed to like. Then after eating, we go back to Sarah's so I can leave his present, a rose, and a card in his room for when he returns. While there, my mother gets to see his room, and can't believe how clean he is.
"Wow, no wonder you guys like to spend so much time here," she comments looking around.
"What do you mean?" I ask with confusion.
"Because it's more private than your room, and he's as much of a neat freak as you are," she explains, and it makes me laugh because even though I never thought about it, she's absolutely right.
After spending the afternoon with Sarah, my mother and I head home. I'm in the middle of changing the sheets on my bed when my phone rings, and I'm thrilled to see it's Carter.
"Hey you," I answer gleefully.
"Hey," he responds and if I had to guess he's smiling as brightly as I am. "What have you been up to?" he asks, so I fill him in on my day spent with our mothers, conveniently leaving out the details that I left him a surprise in his room for when he gets back. He fills me in on where he's at in his drive, and even though he acknowledges that he wishes he could have left sooner, he also admits that the delay was well worth it. "I miss you like crazy," he confesses when he finishes.
"I miss you too," I confess, feeling that hole in my heart starting to mend.
"No, I mean I really miss you... I don't know that I'll be able to make it a week without you," he elaborates, and his words make me so happy, especially because I know when he gets there, he probably won't be able to call me again, and if he does, he likely won't be this honest and unfiltered with others around.
"Well I'll be here when you get home... whenever that will be," I insist, smiling to myself.
Because he's driving, we keep our conversation short, and after we hang up, I feel like I've already won. Having him call me like it's totally normal, and then outright confess that he misses me and is already considering coming home early, just makes me think that he obviously wants me. I can only hope that he'll use this week to make a clean break from Leah, and come back to me fully.
If I thought Saturday was hard, today's been even harder with absolutely nothing to distract me from missing Carter. After not hearing from him for twenty-four hours, and constantly wondering what he's doing, I can't stand it anymore and decided to call him after dinner on Sunday. When he doesn't answer, my heart breaks just a little but I leave a message on his voice mail anyway. At nine thirty he calls me.
"I only have a couple of minutes but I wanted to hear your voice... I miss you," he says instantly.
"I miss you too... bad," I confess, and I realize I'm quickly getting used to Carter vocalizing his feelings towards me this way. "Thank you for calling me back."
"What do you mean? Did you call me?" he asks with confusion.
"Yeah a while ago, did you not get my voice mail?" I question.
"No... That's weird... It must be because my cell phone reception up here can be spotty depending on where I'm at," he explains, and it makes me smile to know that he called me on his own free will. Just then I hear someone in the background, and he responds to them, "Ok I'll be in in a minute," he says. "Sorry," he says into the phone, "Leah's giving me a hard time for coming outside to call you," he confesses. And when I realize he's not alone, but that he left her wherever they are so he could call me, I'm surprised by his boldness. It's the first time Carter's outright admitted that Leah knows about me, and that he's not attempting to keep me a secret or hide me from her. When I try to recall if he's ever done this to me, I realize I've only ever heard him take her call once while we were together, and that was yesterday morning, when we were sleeping, and he was supposed to be driving.
"Oh ok, sorry, I didn't realize you weren't alone," I insist, feeling the guilt and sadness returning.
"Don't apologize, I wanted to talk to you, she can wait," he insists, and again I feel like I've already won. He asks me what I've done all day and if I'm excited about my new class schedule starting tomorrow. I quickly fill him in before asking him what he's been doing and if he's having fun. "Yeah I'm having fun with my cousins and family, but I wish you were here with me," he admits, and again it makes me smile.
"I'm not sure how much Leah would appreciate that," I joke.
"I don't care," he asserts. "Hey, I'm sorry but I need to go," he announces abruptly.
"No of course, I'm sorry for keeping you."
"Stop apologizing, it's not your fault," he demands with a chuckle, "I'm just getting dirty looks right now," he sighs. "I'll try to call you tomorrow ok?"
"Ok, have fun."
"Thanks, I'll try," he says before hanging up. And when the silence returns, so does the emptiness.
When I wake up Monday, the first thing I think about is Carter. Luckily, with a new schedule starting today, I'll have a full day of classes to help distract me. At lunch time I decide to call him simply to wish him a happy twenty-first birthday. I'm not too surprised when I get his voice mail, so I leave a message expecting he'll get it later and hoping it will make him smile when he hears I was thinking about him and tried to reach him.
After not hearing from Carter all day yesterday, I decide to call him after I get home from classes on Tuesday. Half expecting to get his voice mail, I'm surprised when he actually answers.
"Hey you," he greets in a light-hearted tone.
"Hey, happy belated birthday," I announce.
"Thanks," he says with a chuckle. "And thanks for my message yesterday."
"You're welcome. I wasn't sure you'd get it."
"No I did. I would've called you, but Leah's been giving me a hard time for calling you Sunday night," he confesses, and it hurts to know that he's letting her dictate whether or not he's going to call me. "So how's it been going?" he asks, seemingly eager to change the subject.
"Good. My classes are hard this month," I answer, preferring not to spend whatever time we have talking about her. "But how's it been going up there? Are you having fun?" I ask, hoping he's been able to spend time with his cousins and that he had a good day yesterday.
"It's been ok. I went four-wheeling with my cousins yesterday, so that was fun," he answers.
"Did they at least take you to get a drink now that you're legal?"
"Yeah," he says with a chuckle at my enthusiasm. "But it wasn't anything special, you know me."
"I know, I know, God forbid they make you the center of attention," I tease, and he laughs.
"I miss you," he says when there's a moment of silence.
"Still?!" I joke, pleased that after a couple of days, his affections for me haven't wavered.
"Yes," he insists firmly. "More now than when I left," he elaborates.
"Well, I miss you too... When are you planning on coming home again?" I ask with exaggerated flirtation, causing him to laugh.
"Well, if I leave Sunday morning, I'll be back Sunday night. Will you be there when I get home?" he asks sweetly.
"If you want me to be," I insist.
"Are you kidding, I don't want to wait a minute longer than I have to to see you," he flirts, and it makes me giggle. "Man I miss that giggle," he continues, and it makes me laugh. "And that laugh... Yup, I'll definitely coming home early," he teases.
We don't talk much longer because he has to leave for dinner with his family. He insists he'll try to call me tomorrow, but that it looks like they're going camping for a couple of days.
While in class on Wednesday, I get a call from a number I don't recognize. Being in the middle of taking notes, I let it go to voicemail. After I see there's a message, I begin to wonder if the area code is from Virginia. So once there's a break in the class, I step out to check the voicemail in the hall.
"Hey it's me," I hear and instantly recognize Carter's voice. "I was hoping to catch you before I left, but you're probably in class. Anyway, I'm leaving soon, and I won't be back until Friday. So if you can, call me back real quick. Otherwise, I'll call you when I get back in the area and have phone reception. But if I don't talk to you, then I hope you have a good rest of the week, and...I miss you... Ok bye."
I instantly try to call him back, hoping I haven't missed my window of opportunity, but when I get his voice mail, my shoulders slump with disappointment, so I leave a message anyway. "Hey it's me, sorry I missed your call I was in the middle of class. Anyway, thanks for calling and I hope you have fun. I guess I'll just talk to you when you get back, and I miss you too. Kay, bye," and I hang up knowing it's going to be a long two days as I anticipate his next call.
I finally hear from Carter Friday night, two days later, after he's returned to his dad's house, "Hey you," he greets, and before I can say anything more than hi, he shares his new plans, "So I'm coming home tomorrow," he declares with excitement.
"Wait, what?!" I ask but I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. "... Why, what happened?" I ask.
"No nothing, I just miss you too much, I've got to see you, I can't take it anymore," he declares, and it's exactly what I want to hear.
"But are you sure?" I question because although I desperately want him to come home to me, I only want him to do this if he wants to, not because he thinks it's what I want. I know he has a tendency to do what will make others happy, even if it means he's unhappy, hence the situation we're in with Leah... he won't just do what I think he wants and break up with her so we can be together.
"Yes I'm sure. Don't you miss me?" he asks, and it sounds like my doubt has hurt him.
"No of course I do, I just don't want you to cut your trip short for me when I know you were looking forward to it," I explain.
"Well I'm not, I'm doing it for me," he reassures, and once I hear this I'm overjoyed that he's following his heart, and that I'm benefiting from it. "Besides it's already planned, I'm leaving Saturday instead of Sunday morning, and then we can have all day Sunday together before I have to go back to work on Monday," he explains further.
"Ok... I can't wait," I confess with a smile.
"Me neither," he chuckles, and in that moment if feels like we're both the happiest we've been all week. A part of me wonders if this is what it feels like to finally be the one he's picked. "Listen, I have to go, but I'll call you when I get on the road tomorrow, ok?"
"Ok, sounds good," I insist, and we hang up.
It's eight o'clock on Saturday evening when I hear from Carter again, after he's gotten on the road. "So I've left and I'm on my way to see you," he confirms and he almost sounds giddy, making me giggle.
"Good, I can't wait... Are you going to be ok driving thru the night?" I ask with concern.
"Yeah, if I need too I can pull off and take little cat naps" he insists. "Actually, I wanted to leave this morning, but everyone was giving me crap about it, so I had to stay longer," he informs me, and for the first time I get the sense that our desire to see each other is making it harder for him than I've realized.
"Really?" I ask, starting to feel guilty.
"Yeah, my dad and Leah were trying to convince me into staying the night since that's what I had originally planned... but I didn't want to... I just want to see you... I miss you," he reveals. "Can you be at my mom's when I get there?" he asks. Hearing how he's had to fight those closest to him just so we can be together, only makes me want him home sooner.
"Yeah, just call me when you're getting close, and I'll come over and help you unload the car," I agree.
"Good, and then we can just spend the day laying together," he says, illustrating my perfect day.
"That sounds good," I admit blushing to myself when I think about how we'll spend the day making up for the lost nights from this past week.
"Man, I can't wait to be able to touch you... and hold you... and kiss you," he imagines, and it makes me giggle because I can't wait for it either.
"Then hurry up and get here already!" I demand, eager to live out what we're fantasizing about over the phone, and this makes him laugh. We don't talk much longer being that he is driving, and he asks me to call him in an hour.
When I call him an hour later, he's still just as eager and verbal about seeing me, and I love every word of his confessions. When he asks me what I'm doing, I tell him I've been trying to finish up my homework, so I don't have to worry about it tomorrow. He likes this idea and knowing I'll be up for a while, he asks me to call him every hour to help him stay awake for the long drive.
I call Carter three times over the next three hours, as he requested. Although I notice his voice getting heavy with sleepiness, he seems to be hanging in there. He continues expressing his eagerness to see me, and I can't help but duplicate his enthusiasm with my own. Just before the fourth call (at one o'clock) I finally finish my homework. When I call him, he tells me he had to pull off and re-secure his motorcycle on the trailer because it fell over, but that it was ok and he's now back on the freeway. We talk a couple more times throughout the night, and I learn that just after two o'clock he had to pull off and take a thirty-minute nap because he couldn't keep his eyes opened any longer. After I talk to him in the four o'clock hour, I actually fall asleep myself, and that's the last time I talk to Carter while he's driving.