The next day I sleep in again, taking full advantage of my last week of summer vacation, being that I start at Full Sail next Monday. After my mother and I decide not to go out, and I suspect Carter is home from work, I call Sarah's house later on in the evening, and Jesse answers the phone.
"Hi Jesse, it's Haley, is Carter there?"
"Oh hi Haley. Um he's not available right now," he answers.
"Oh ok, can you just let him know I called then," I ask.
"Sure," Jesse agrees before we hang up.
An hour later, when I haven't heard back from Carter, I start to get suspicious. I draw two conclusions as to why he hasn't returned my call: (1) Jesse never gave him my message; or (2) he had but Leah is in town, and Carter can't call me back because technically I don't know she's here, because he never told me. Convincing myself of the worst-case scenario, I notice an anger brewing inside of me... I mean he had the opportunity to tell me last night and didn't. And now he's just going to ignore my phone calls because she's here, and not even explain why.
Deciding to go for a run to burn off some steam, I get changed into running clothes. Before leaving, I call Sarah's house again, simply intending to leave a message for Carter, explaining that I'd talk to him later since I was planning on staying in tonight. But this time, Sarah answers and with the sound of her voice, all my anger disappears. After catching up for a couple of minutes and her making me laugh, I wish her a happy early birthday before she hands the phone over to Carter, who's just walked in the door.
"Hey you, what are you doing?" he asks with ease, and it seems he's in a good mood.
"Nothing, are you just getting home?" I ask with confusion as I would have thought it was too late for him to be getting home from work.
"Yeah, I was out riding my motorcycle," he explains.
"Oh ok. I called earlier but Jesse said you weren't available; that he'd tell you I called," I confess, and I instantly feel silly for overreacting and for maybe being a little jealous.
"Jesse didn't tell me before I left, he does that a lot," he admits with a hint of annoyance. "I actually drove by your house, but it didn't look like anyone was home, so I didn't stop," he adds lightening his tone, and it makes me smile when I realize he was just here. "I was going to see if you wanted to go for a ride on my motorcycle?" he finishes.
"When right now?" I ask, a little thrown off guard being that I'm still in my running clothes.
"Yeah, if you're up for it," he insists.
"What about the movie?"
"I can come pick you up on the bike, and we can come back here and finish the movie, then we'll see," he invites, and when I weigh my options, I realize that if I decline, I'll regret it the rest of the night.
After changing into some jeans, a t-shirt, and flip flops, twenty minutes later, Carter's helping me onto the back of his little red motorcycle. From the bullet-like shape, it appears this thing can easily go as fast as he wants it to.
"I didn't bring helmets, so you might want to tie back your hair," he suggests.
"Aren't helmets required?" I ask as I pull my hair back into a ponytail.
"Not in the state of Florida," he explains. Once I'm done fastening my hair, he helps me onto the back of the bike. "Keep your feet on these pegs ok," he says, moving my feet to where he's referring, so he can put his feet where they need to be. "And just hold on to me as tight as you need to," he instructs as he pulls my arms around his stomach. Once again, I notice my palms start to moisten at the close proximity between us. With my body forced forward because my seat is higher than his, it's as if he's wearing me like a backpack. With the adrenaline surging through my body, a shiver runs down my spine before I can stop it. "You ok?" he asks over his shoulder when he feels it.
"Ye-ah. Just don't break me, I'm my mom's only," I manage to joke despite my growing fear. He instantly laughs at my words and nods, letting me know he heard me. He starts the bike with a push of a button, and slowly moves the vehicle into motion. The short ride to Sarah's feels longer than ever before. The wind and air rushing all around us makes it hard to hear and sometimes hard to breathe. When cars pass to our left, I realize that Carter is going slowly for me once again, but this time I'm thankful rather than apologetic for it.
Pulling into his garage, he cuts the engine, and the sudden silence is almost shocking. I try to lean back to give him room, but my whole body is still tense from holding on so tightly, that it doesn't allow me the option to change my position right away. He helps me down off the bike before getting off himself.
"So what'd you think?" he asks looking down at me, as I start to pull my hair loose, letting it fall down my back.
"It was fun," I answer, and he smiles.
"That's not very convincing," he accuses.
"No seriously, it was. I just think next time I'll be more relaxed," I assure, and he smiles bigger at my insinuation that there will be a next time.
We head inside, and I'm surprised by all the noise. Once we make our way through the kitchen, I see Sarah and her best friend, Jenny, sitting at the dining room table. It appears they're talking while watching Jesse and Jenny's son, Michael, playing in the pool through the sliding doors.
"Hey you two, what are you doing here?" Sarah asks as I follow Carter to the table.
"I went and picked Haley up on the bike, so we could finish that movie we started last night," he explains nonchalantly. Feeling my legs starting to relax, I notice they feel like Jello and I grab a seat next to Sarah before they give out on me. Following my lead, Carter takes the chair opposite me and next to Jenny. We spend the next half hour sitting and talking with them. When Mark walks in carrying two boxes of pizza, we all eat dinner around the kitchen island again. Eating at Sarah's is different than eating anywhere else. They have two dining tables, but every time I've been over for dinner, we usually stand around the kitchen island eating, with the exception of Thanksgiving. It's like no one likes to sit down and eat. Don't get me wrong, it suits me just fine. I often stand to eat at the kitchen counter or bar when I'm at home.
After eating and getting something to drink, Carter talks me into going back to his room to finish American History X. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to hang out with his family more often, but I get to see them more now than ever before, so I'm grateful for that. After he's opened the door and heads to turn on the tv and dvd player, I head straight for the side of the bed I've grown accustomed to, and sprawl out flat on my back, stretching my arms out over my head. It's the first time my whole body has a moment to fully relax after still fighting some of the residual tension from the motorcycle ride. When he turns around to make his way to the bed and he sees me, he instantly teases, "I think that's the first time I've ever seen you lay down and get comfortable here," he smiles, and I just shrug with a smile. I'm not sure but I think he likes that I've finally relaxed fully at his house. As the movie continues to play through some of the introduction scenes, he scribbles something down on a piece of paper and hands it to me, "Here, I wanted to give you this so next time you can just call my cell, and then I'll always get your calls and we won't have to rely on a message from someone else," he explains, and his words remind me of my overreaction just an hour ago.
"Ok thanks," I respond, knowing he already has my cell phone, and I suspect this will make communication between us run more smoothly.
We spend the next hour watching the rest of the movie. As it starts to get really good, and I'm getting really into it, we hear Jesse and Michael playing loudly in Jesse's room down the hall. When I ask Carter to turn up the tv, he does so, but then asks if I want him to close the door, and I agree.
"Wow that was an intense movie," I say when the movie finishes.
"You didn't like it?" he asks hesitantly.
"No I did, it wasn't what I was expecting, but it was good," I insist, sitting up from my still laying position, as he gets up to eject the DVD.
"Did you want to watch another one?" he asks returning the movie sleeve to his collection.
"If you want to. Or if it's too late, you can take me home, whatever you want to do," I reply, noting it's already ten thirty.
"What do you want to watch?" he asks ignoring my offer to go home, as he looks over his movie collection.
"I don't care, you pick," I demand, as I stand up. "I just need to go to the bathroom before we start the next one." As he continues looking over his movie titles, I make my way to the door. When I try to turn the handle and pull the door open, it doesn't budget. I try turning it the other way, and it still doesn't budge. "Are you trying to keep me locked in here or something?" I joke as I continue struggling with the handle, catching his attention.
He instantly jumps up with concern, "No the handle sticks," he swears, as he makes his way over to help, but before he gets to me, I finally manage to get the door open.
"Uh-huh, sure it does," I tease, and he smiles with defeat just before I turn towards the hall. When I come back to his room, he's laid out on his bed with the movie ready to go. As I make my way around the foot of bed, I can see the stars through his window. "Wow, it's so clear outside, we should've gone to the beach so we could see the stars," I comment before lying back down.
"You wanna go?" he asks without missing a beat.
"Seriously? It's already so late?"
"So, it's not like I have to work tomorrow, or you have school," he points out, reminding me tomorrow is the Fourth of July, not giving up on my idea. Taking a moment to consider this, I admit it sounds like fun, and before I know it, he's packing a sheet, a beach towel, a sweatshirt for me, and a long-sleeved shirt for himself in a backpack for us to take on the motorcycle.
Carter insists on taking the motorcycle, and the already long drive feels like it takes even longer with him driving slow enough to make me feel safe. By the time we get parked, I check my phone and it's after midnight. We make our way to the sand and walk a little ways down the beach to find a spot away from the lights, dark enough so we can see the stars clearly. He then helps me out of the backpack I've been carrying, and reaches for the sheet. As he spreads it out for us to lie on, I pull on the sweatshirt being that I'm already cold from the bike ride. Eager to let my body relax from the ride, I lie down as he pulls on the long-sleeved shirt before joining me. We lay shoulder-to-shoulder on our backs with our feet towards the ocean, looking up at the stars. We spend a couple of minutes pointing out the constellations we recognize and then start talking.
"So, I wanted to ask you something?" I start hesitantly.
"What's that?" he asks looking over at me, as I continue to stare at the night sky.
"You never told me what happened with you and Leah," I ask, unwilling to let another opportunity go by without asking the questions that have haunted me the last couple of days... If you're not going to bring it up, then I guess I have to... "I remember you guys were together at Thanksgiving, but what happened when you moved down here, you've hardly mentioned her?" I try to explain the reason for my question.
He turns back to look at the sky when I look over at him, avoiding eye contact. When he doesn't answer right away, I start to get worried what that could mean, but I refuse to fill the silence for him, and instead await his answer. "Originally, we broke up when I first moved here," he starts, and I feel more coming, "... But lately, we've been talking a bit more... So now, I don't know what we are... We're kind of in a gray area at the moment. She's actually flying in tomorrow," he finishes.
With the truth of his words, I'm left speechless. Although I already know she's coming this weekend, hearing him admit it only makes the reality of it set in... and it stings. Besides feeling a little hurt, I'm a lot more confused than I thought I'd be when I anticipated his answer. "What are you thinking?" he asks, interrupting my thoughts, as he looks over at me.
Taking a minute to think about how I can get a clearer answer, I look over and make eye contact with him, "So you guys are still together?" I ask, and it comes out sounding like an accusation, not what I intended.
"Not exactly," he defends instantly, "It's complicated," he insists. He then looks back up at the sky and exhales. "Originally we broke up because we don't treat each other well... We don't respect each other much," he continues. "... And recently, I just started wondering if after four years with someone, is this really the person I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with?" he explains, sharing his inner thoughts. "... I began to think that maybe there is someone else out there for me," he concludes.
After hearing his take on their relationship and what they are, I really don't know what to say. I know that I've had a lot of fun hanging out with him, and the more I get to know him, the more I like him. I can't deny that the more time we spend together, it seems he's becoming more comfortable around me, as I am him. I enjoy that we're able to tease each other and play around so easily. I've come to appreciate his sarcasm and that we're always laughing when we're together. Unfortunately, I must also admit that I can feel myself starting to crush on him more and more each day... and that isn't a good thing... not if he's still taken. With this realization, I suddenly feel very disappointed.
As if he feels a change in my mood, he interrupts the silence, "So are you excited about starting school next week?" he asks, changing to a lighter topic as we both stare up at the dark sky.
Eager to forget the disappointment, knowing I'll have plenty of time for sulking when I'm alone at home, I commandeer the opportunity to change the subject, "Definitely. I know that sounds weird, but I'm ready to start learning my way around a studio."
"Not at all, it's probably going to be a lot of fun," he agrees. "So, what exactly do you want to do after you graduate?" he inquires.
"Well, originally I always thought I'd act, but now I realize I like being behind the scenes. Ideally, I'd love to have my own record label one day, and be the one responsible for making other people's dreams come true," I explain.
"Yeah I remember you said that."
"I just think it'd be awesome to witness someone living out everything they'd always wanted," I elaborate.
"Yeah that does sound amazing," he agrees.
"But we'll see, I mean I'll probably have to move back to California after graduation, since I don't want to move to New York,"
"Oh yeah, you think so?"
"Yeah... I'd love to work for Capital Records," I confess with enthusiasm for the future. When he doesn't say anything, I can't help but wonder what he's thinking. "What about you? If you could do absolutely anything in the world, what would it be?" I ask, looking over at him with a big smile.
"What?" he asks with confusion when he looks over at me.
"Come on... You could do any job, have any career, what would you choose?" I ask again, turning towards him and propping my head on my hand to stare at him.
He looks back at the sky and seems to be thinking for a moment. Then he looks back over at me with a shy smile and answers, "I always thought it'd be cool to be an owner of a NASCAR team," he confesses sheepishly.
"Really!?" I ask as I slap his arm between us playfully, excited he's actually playing along.
His smile grows bigger as he turns onto his side to face me and rests his hand under his cheek, mirroring my position. "Yeah, I mean I love NASCAR, but I don't think I could be a driver, and I don't have the engineering background to be a crew chief, but an owner would be cool. You still get all the benefits," he explains with a now child-like smile and glimmer in his dark eyes.
"Then you should do," I encourage, feeding off his energy.
"What?" he asks, looking at me like I'm crazy.
"No seriously, you should try to do it."
"Nah, I couldn't do that," he dismisses as he rolls back onto his back to stare up at the night sky.
"Sure you could," I cut him off, staring at his profile. "I bet you could do anything you put your mind to," I declare all joking aside, and his eyes meet mine and hold them for a moment.
"Thanks," he whispers without breaking eye contact, and I can't stop a shy smile before I fall onto my back.
The minute I break eye contact he adds, "I guess I don't care so much what I do in life, as long as I'm happy," he insists looking back at the stars. And with his words, I'm reminded why I'm so intrigued by Carter. It amazes me that even with so much in common, he can still surprise me. I can't help but admire his humble aspirations because they're entirely different from my own. For years, I've known exactly what I want out of my future and how I want it, and I fear only that will make me happy; whereas, in stark contracts, Carter seems easily pleased. His point of view is refreshing.
As the wind off the ocean picks up, my body starts to shiver with each strong breeze. When he notices, Carter rolls over to face me, folding one arm under his head and extending his other out to me. "Come here," he instructs softly. Unable to stop my shivering, I turn into him, and when I feel his free arm wrap around me, I bury my face under his chin and curl up against him. Cocooned against his body, my shivering stops instantly, but we just lay there, eventually drifting in and out of sleep for what feels like hours.
Carter's shifting wakes me from a sleepy haze, "I wanna go check on my bike, I thought I heard something," he whispers when I pull my head back from under his chin. We gather up the sheet, and head back to the parking lot, only to see his bike is still there untouched. When we check the time and see it's after two o'clock, we decide to head back to his house. The ride home is long and cold, and by the time we pull into his garage, both our backs are stiff from being hunched over for so long. Feeling wide awake, he convinces me to stay to watch A Time to Kill for a while before he takes me home. Being three o'clock in the morning, and with everyone sleeping, we make our way quietly through the dark house. The minute I hit his bed, I curl up into a ball still cold from the bike ride. After he shuts the door and starts the movie, he comes to lay on the bed beside me. When he sees me shivering he pulls the comforter free, and throws it over me.
"Thanks," I say softly. "If I fall asleep, just wake me up when you're ready to take me home," I insist, not sure how long I'll be able to stay awake, and he just nods.
The next thing I know my cell phone ringing wakes me up as it sounds like it's coming from the floor. When I lean over the side of the bed, I see the outer display glowing, and I recognize my mother's house number, "Hello," I whisper still sleepy.
"Haley, it's mom, where are you?" she demands and I instantly feel bad for not checking in sooner, that's so not like me.
"We're at Sarah's, sorry I should have called," I confess, now whispering so not to disturb Carter who's also fallen asleep. When I look over at him, I see he's out cold.
"Ok, I just wanted to make sure you were back safe," she insists, and I try to recall if I told her we were going to the beach. I'm also surprised that she doesn't sound madder, "See you when you get home, bye," she concludes and hangs up instantly.
Before flipping my phone closed, I check the time and see it's after four o'clock. I try to nudge Carter's arm to wake him up and see if he can take me home, "Carter... It's four, can you take me home?" I ask in a whisper, but he wakes just enough to roll onto his side.
"In an hour," he replies, and I'm pretty sure he's still half asleep. Tired myself, I give up and fall back asleep.
At six o'clock Carter's alarm clock goes off, waking me up and eventually him, signaling this is normally the time he'd be getting up for work. Still sleepy, I convince him to take me home as the sky is starting to glow. Before I get my seatbelt unbuckled after he's pulled up to my house, he asks me to write down my email address, and hands me some paper and a pen. "Well thanks for last night," I say after handing him back the paper and pen. "I hope you have fun this weekend," I add before getting out of his car.
"Thanks, I'll try," he responds but it sounds sad, like he's disappointed. I shut the door behind me and after unlocking the front door, I turn to wave at him before going inside. Once again, he waits for me to close the door after I'm inside before driving off. Still feeling tired from the broken sleep, I immediately change into my pajamas and go to bed.