(Minor TW later on. Skip to the next bold text that appears after the TW, to avoid reading.)
When I got to my room, I went straight to work.
I grabbed a clean pair of clothes and made my way to the bathroom.
My mind was in execution mode, I was going to get things done.
As I walked into the bathroom, I locked the door behind me and turned the shower on.
With a sigh of acceptance, I stripped my clothes from my body.
Only my bra and underwear left, I looked at myself in the mirror.
(TW: self deprecation)
I'd never felt more disgusted by the sight of my own figure. But there I was, standing in silence as I slowly began to hate myself.
The voices didn't even need to speak up this time, this was my own hatred.
No tears ran down my face when I looked at myself, I wasn't saddened by the wounds, I was sickened by my shape.
I removed my bra and underwear, my eyes not leaving the reflection in the mirror.
It was just me and my mirrored image, staring back at one another.
Eventually, I got into the shower.
The warm water hit my bare skin, but it did nothing to relieve the pain.
Standing for a minute or so, I swayed back and forth.
Listening to the sound of the water hitting the ground and me.
There was no music like usual, just silence.
At some point, I grabbed the bar of soap and began to rub.
There was tension as I waited for my wounds to sting, but I barely flinched when it started to burn.
It was as if I wanted the pain to be awful.
I anticipated the hurt because it seemed to be all I've felt recently.
~~~~
Then, as I turned the shower off, I reached for the towel and dried myself before wrapping the cloth around my body.
As I took the clothes from off the counter of the sink, I studied myself again.
Unwrapping the towel, and revealing my body once more.
I shook my head as I tried to ignore the emotions setting in.
~~~~
When my clothes were on, there was the slightest bit of relief.
I began to brush my wet hair.
Once the tangles were out, I sat down the hairbrush and picked up my toothbrush, before running it under the water.
~~~~
Finally, I was cleaned up.
Staring at myself in the mirror, the feelings came over me.
After slamming my fists on the counter, I bent over, sliding my hands up the marble.
I threw my head down in defeat as my body began to wobble uncontrollably.
The voices followed...
.Look at you.
I scoffed as the tears formed.
.You dumb bitch.
I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to force the tears back.
.It was about time shit caught up to you.
Despite my best wishes, nothing stopped the inevitable.
.You've never looked more pathetic.
Choking on my own sobs, I felt weak.
.Such an ugly sight.
I gasped for air as the tears swallowed my sight.
Trying not to scream, I rammed my side into the wall behind me.
Stumbling, and eventually falling to the floor.
The voices seemed to cease, which was a relief.
To comfort myself, I started rocking back and forth as I wept.
When I felt somewhat better, I began to wipe away the tears with my knuckles.
(END of TW)
I stood up, feeling like the ground wasn't there.
Then, I smiled at myself in the mirror. Giving a grin, I nodded to the person looking back at me.
I couldn't even see me in the mirror anymore. All I saw, was a stranger in what was supposed to be my reflection.
The smile never left my face as I studied the stranger in the mirror.
Or maybe I should say...
The smile never left her face as she studied herself in the mirror.
She kept her 'happy' expression, as she looked towards her body. Putting her hands on her hips, she gave a grin to her reflection.
The girl sighed in 'satisfaction' before unlocking the knob and opening the door.
She walked out of the bathroom, dirty laundry in her arms.
Still, the smile would not wipe from her face.
Walking towards her room, she accidentally dropped something.
When reaching down to pick up the article of clothing, the smile started to crack.
If you squinted hard enough, you could see the corner of her mouth twitch downwards before suddenly curling back into a smile.
Now, her expression seemed artificial all of a sudden.
Forced, Animated, Intentional, Planned, Purposeful, Staged, Anticipated, Illusory.
She grabbed the hoodie and placed it on the top of the pile she carried.
The hoodie seemed too big for the girl's small stature, but for some reason ,it was in her keepings.
She seemed to try to ignore that particular item as she made her way to her room.
Putting everything -besides the hoodie- in the hamper, she then walked over to, and sat in front of her vanity.
She widened her smile as she looked at herself in the mirror.
Then, she uttered four -bluntly stated- words.
"Hello, Mary-Kate Carter."
Followed, by a hollow sentence.
"What a lovely day it is, isn't it?"
She nodded her head and sighed.
Her name was Mary-Kate Carter, and she was currently at home, she was at home...
(A/N- THIRD PERSON? Did the author just do that? Did she just switch it up on us readers? Yes, yes I did. Get ready for these next few chapters after these next six chapters. You people are in for a heart wrenching read in a few chapters. Love you ❤️)
(I'm just tired, my motivation is so low, that this A/N was written on the day of the upload. The next few author notes will probably be written on day of the upload so my whole metal health status is going to sound wacky. So if I sound like I'm doing okay in one chapter and then the next I'm really struggling, chances are, that those author notes were not written around the same time.)
(Hamster Fact: The European hamster is actually the size of full-grown, adult Guinea pig.)
(-Hamster)
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