----------!!TW!! memories of abuse, self harm, self hate---------
--Lisa's pov--
I woke up at 5:45 and i used those 15 minutes to get ready for school before i had to go wake Felix up.
I knocked on Felix's door just incase if he was awake, then i opened the door and I saw him laying in his bed sleeping. I went to go and wake him up but when i pulled the blanket off of him, i screamed since Felix wasnt there. My mom came running in and saw why i just screamed, no Felix.
There was a note on one of the pillows, and it said:
𝘣𝘺𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩, 𝘣𝘺𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘢 𝘪'𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶
-𝘭𝘪𝘹 ☀︎
~~~~~~~~~
Mom and I started panicking wondering where Felix went. We searched the whole house but when it was time for me to leave for school I was worried as fuck. Did he run away? what happened? he could have gotten killed..
That whole day at school i started asking people if they knew anything about Felix until I asked that Jisung kid Felix was talking about yesterday, maybe he knows something.
"Have you seen my brother Felix?" I asked Jisung.
"I havent seen him since yesterday" Jisung told me.
"What do you know??" I asked him.
"Well i'll start from what i know that he told me. Kevin Moon has been harassing him and all that good shit up until Felix gave him his boyfriends phone number instead of his when Kevin asked for his number. Next thing I know he was paired with Kevin for a project then he got put with me and later that night he texted me telling me he was doing it and he was sorry to leave me to do the project by myself." Jisung explained
"wait- do what???" I asked, not even caring about him saying boyfriend since i figured they were together.
"Well..." He showed me the texts.
------------
--Felix--
Felix: so i was texting with Hyunjin and well he's gonna fight Kevin and then we're gonna do it
Jisung: wait- do what?
Felix: run away together, we planned it earlier
Jisung: so thats who you were texting in class??
Felix: yup and sorry for leaving you to do the project alone
Jisung: eh i'll find somebody else to do it with
Felix: anyway i hope to see you sometime in the future
Jisung: me too
-----------------------
"So you didnt try and stop him???" I asked slightly annoyed
he didnt answer me
"whatever, do you know anything about where he might be?"
"No i dont, sorry" Jisung said
"Well thanks, im going to ask around some more" I told Jisung as i grabbed my bag and got up to leave
"Youre welcome, i hope you find him soon" he told me as i got up to ask more people, but sadly lunch break was almost over and Jisung was my only lead.
...
school was over and i didnt get anymore information so i decided to try the obvious, text and call Felix.
I sat on my bed spam texting and calling Felix, praying he would answer.
and then, before i was going to give up he answered one of my calls.
-----------
Felix
Lisa
------------
are you okay?????? ive been so worried
yeah, im fine
(he sounds tired..)
are you sure?? you sound tired..
yeah, Lis im fine, i got to sleep at 4- what do you expect me to be awake?
its 2 in the afternoon...
my point still stands
hey, are you coming back home?
probably not, and please dont tell mom and dad but im officially dating Hyunjin
speaking of Hyunjin, i want to tell you both im sorry, i shouldnt have told them about you two hooking up or none of this would have happened...
its alright, mistakes are made
but i dont think this one is fixable
...
i mean, you cant come back without getting disowned and i'll never forgive myself for making you run away
Im sorry but i have to go, we'll see eachother sooner or later
wait lix dont go..
-------------
he hung up...
i felt some weight lifted off my shoulders after hearing Felix's voice but i felt worse too. The more i thought the more i kept blaming myself for him running away.
~~*•°flashback*•°~~
I ran over to Felix crying as we watched our older sister get dragged out of the house by her biological dad.
"LET GO OF HIRAEITH" my mom yelled as Felix hugged me as Hiraeith's biological dad let go of her and came in and pushed our mom against the counter, causing her to knock over the kitchen table as she fell, i waited for the table to hit me but i felt myself get pushed back as it fell over on Felix. it all happened in a second i had no clue what just happened. My 5 year old self tried to lift the table off of Felix as it was on his legs, he couldnt move. I sat down next to him and i hugged him as i cried i hated the violence, Hiraeith saw us and tried to help us but as she ran over she got grabbed and dragged out of the house. Our mom could barely get up, she hit her head so hard.
~~*•°end of flashback*•°~~
The memories suddenly came back, all of them of Felix protecting me from getting hurt, Felix comforting me when i was upset, and him always being there for me.
"im a terrible sister" i said to myself as i started crying as i realized Felix has always been there for me when all i did was make things worse. I made him get in trouble multiple times for nothing that should concern me, ive made us move all because i told mom about him and hyunjin, and i made him run away..
I couldnt help myself, i ran out into the living room crying and my mom immediately got up and hugged me.
"whats wrong?"
"its all my fault"
"no its not"
"yes it is! i made him run away!"
"no you didnt, what made you think that?"
"im a terrible sister thats why! he's always been there for me, even when Hiraeith was still around! not once have i ever been there for him. I hear him crying in the middle of the night but im too nervous to go in his room to see if he's okay, i dont want to make things worse when i already have made things bad enough."
"listen, none of this is your fault-"
"yes it is! i wasnt there for him that one night i heard him crying and that was last night before he left! if i wasnt such a bad sister i would have gone in there and comforted him likes hes done to me all these years! if i would of he wouldnt have ran away!"
"this isnt your fault, all we can do is hope he'll come back.."
"he said he doesnt plan on coming back!"
"wait- you were talking to him??"
"yes but he hung up on me"
"please go and try to talk to him some more, i need to go file a missing report"
"oh.. okay"
i sighed and let go of my mom as i went back into my room. I couldnt help it, i continued to cry, without thinking i grabbed my pocket knife and started cutting myself.
~~*•°flashback*•°~~
it was around 2 AM and i was crying in my room, Felix was up doing something when he heard me crying and came in my room to comfort me. He hugged me tightly and started telling me it was okay. he never asked me what was wrong but he was always there for me.
~~*•°end of flashback*•°~~
...Hiraeith...
...Felix...
ive lost them both
First Hiraeith gets dragged away by her real dad and we havent heard from her in 10-11 years
Now Felix ran away because of me not being there that last time to comfort him, or maybe he left to be happy..
and maybe thats why Hiraeith got taken away, to be happy too.
mine and felixs parents were grumpy, and strict, and didnt like us having fun, well maybe that was just our dad.
I ended up texting Felix
-----------------
--Lixie♡--
Lisa: remember Hiraeith..?
(read at 3:27PM)
Lisa: Lix please answer me
(read at 3:28 PM)
Lisa: why are you ignoring me?
(read at 3:28 PM)
Lisa: lixie please
(read at 3:30 PM)
Lisa: you left because you wanted to be away from me so you could be happier..
(read at 3:31 PM)
Lisa: first Hiraeith left and now you
(read at 3:31 PM)
Lisa: I feel like im the one tearing us all apart
(read at 3:32 PM)
Lisa: you seem to be too busy, its okay i understand, go and be happy, dont let me stop you
(read at 3:36 PM)
<5:32 PM>
Lixie♡: listen thats not whats going on at all..
Lixie♡: its just.. i knew you were awake last night before i left
Lixie♡: why didnt you say anything?
Lixie♡: ive stopped you from running away before
Lisa: I just didnt know what to say.. im sorry
Lixie♡: also what does Hiraeith have to do with anything?
Lisa: well after i called you all i could think of was how Hiraeith got separated from us and we havent seen her since
Lixie♡: if youre going to say something like you hope shes happy
Lixie♡: lets just both face the fact that she's probably dead. its been over 10 years since we've last heard from her and her dad is an abusive alcoholic.
Lisa: but we dont know that..
Lixie♡: of course you havent heard, not a lot of people know. just ask somebody at school about Hiraeith and Kevin Moon.
Lisa: what does Kevin have to do with her?
Lixie♡: just ask somebody about them, they will most likely know
Lixie♡: Hiraeith went to that school you go to now. Actually ask Jisung or someone, he's the one who told me..
Lixie♡: i have to go, heres Jisung's number if you want to ask him now
Lixie♡: XXX-XXX-XXXX
Lisa: bye, be safe with whatever youre doing
--------------------------
-------
[[𝔸/ℕ: ℕ𝕖𝕩𝕥 𝕌𝕡𝕕𝕒𝕥𝕖: 𝟘𝟚.𝟚𝟙.𝟚𝟘𝟚𝟙. 𝘚𝘰 𝘏𝘪𝘳𝘢𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘪 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦. 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵'𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 ]]