Come on Nina, deep breaths.
I felt as if my lungs were on fire as I desperately tried to gulp for air. My chest was pounding, my palms were sweaty and the blood was rushing to my head, making me feel lightheaded and dizzy.
She's going to kill me, I'm going to die.
Oh god, oh god, oh god.
"Nina, hey!" Warm hands grasped my shoulders and I was momentarily snapped out of my daze as I looked up into Caden's worry filled eyes.
I blinked and tried to open my mouth to speak, but all that came out was a ragged breath. My eyes slowly drifted away from Caden's, my vision becoming blurry as I stared up at the grey sky behind him.
I felt weak, nauseous, like my stomach had lunged and the feeling remained. My breaths were coming out short and harsh and if it wasn't for the warmth of Caden's hands on me I would've thought I was drowning. Just like that night.
I gulped for air.
"Nina, look at me!" Caden's shout sounded distant with the constant ringing in my ears and I had a hard time focusing on his face, or faces actually. Why were there two of him?
Was I fainting? Was I going to die?
Not if she kills you first.
My mother. She was going to kill me.
I felt the bile rise up in my throat and I began dry heaving in between deep breaths.
"Nina, please look at me." His voice sounded desperate, he was pleading with me.
I couldn't move or speak. My body was functioning on auto pilot and the feeling wasn't an unfamiliar one.
It was the sole reason why I needed control over everything in my life; why I needed to make sure to avoid certain things. Things like violence, things like failing, things like Rose firing me, things like dragging my father's dead body onto the shore after watching him drown.
"Make it stop." I begged, finally finding my voice, though the noise that came out of my mouth sounded strangled and unfamiliar.
"I'm trying." Came the response, voice thick with desperation before I felt something warm and soft press against my forehead. Then against my cheek, and my other cheek. Against my nose, my chin, my eyes, my hands and my head and I realized that I was being pampered with kisses before warm arms engulfed me and pulled me into a hard yet comforting chest.
Caden's scent surrounded me and I found myself calming down as I took deep breaths, inhaling his scent and allowing my body to relax under the warmth that his provided.
It felt safe.
"Shh, you're ok." He soothed me as his hands stroked my hair and his fingers drew lazy, calming circles on my back.
Deep breaths, Nina.
"You're safe."
You're going to be alright.
"I've got you."
He's got you.
"Water." I choked out.
Caden seemed hesitant to let me go, but finally pulled back to look at me, his face filled with concern. "I can't leave you like this-" he began, but I quickly shook my head and rasped "my bag."
Understanding dawned on his face and he finally released me, picking up my bag from the pavement beside us and retrieving my water bottle from it. He handed it to me before sitting down next to me. I gratefully took it, unscrewing the lid before letting the cold soothing liquid run down my throat.
He watched me in silence as I downed half the bottle in one go before closing my eyes and letting my head rest against the school's stone wall in exhaustion.
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in- "Are you alright?" Caden asked me softly.
Breathe out "Yeah."
We sat there as my limbs grew tired and my breathing slowly went back to normal.
"Thank you." I finally murmured, gathering the courage to look up at him just to find him already staring at me. He shrugged "It's no big deal."
I shook my head "It is. No one has ever been able to calm me down like that, you-" I hesitated, searching for the right words before softly asking "How did you learn to do that?"
"I just..." He hesitated and averted his eyes from me, the color on his cheeks becoming evident as he scratched the back of his neck "My brother used to have panic attacks." He explained "I was too little to know what was going on so I would just comfort him the way my mother used to comfort me... I guess when I saw you I kind of panicked and did the first thing that came to mind. I-" he struggled with his words before awkwardly chuckling "God, I'm sorry that must've been weird for you."
I looked at him curiously as I could feel the heat beneath my own skin, reminding me of all the places his lips had been only moments before. Gone was the confident Caden. Gone was the cocky jerk who I'd been yelling at only minutes ago. In his place sat the same guy who I'd fallen for on the beach that night, the vulnerable one who looked like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. I swallowed away the lump in my throat and laid my hand on his knee "Thank you."
I could see his adam's apple bob up and down before he nodded and smiled at me, opening up his mouth to speak when he was interrupted by a voice coming from behind us "There you are! I've been looking all over for you."
I quickly retracted my hand and glanced up, being met by Jenna's familiar pink locks as she plopped down next to us, hitting me in the face with her hair in the progress. I sputtered out the strand of hair that had managed to get caught between my lips and turned my head away from Jenna.
She looked at me curiously and frowned "Wow, you look like death. What happened?"
I coughed in surprise at her words and could feel my cheeks burning up "Geez, thanks." I muttered sarcastically and glanced down at my feet in embarrassment.
Jenna ignored my remark and directed her next question at Caden "What did you do to her?" she asked him suspiciously and he quickly put his hands up in defense "I didn't do anything." He said before pointing at my phone which was still tightly clutched in my left hand "She got a phone call from some woman named Rose and next thing I know she's having a panic attack."
Jenna nudged my arm with her elbow and scooted closer to me "You alright?"
I swallowed and nodded "I think so."
"What happened?"
I glanced back and forth between Caden and Jenna hesitantly and Caden seemed to get the hint as he quickly stood up and wiped the invisible dirt off of his jeans "I should probably get to class..." He muttered not so subtly and I nodded at him.
"Thanks again." I said softly and he granted me a small smile before turning around and walking away, disappearing behind the school's large swinging doors as they closed behind him.
"So?" Jenna looked at me expectantly when I didn't immediately say something and I sighed "I got fired."
Jenna's eyed widened and she turned her upper body to face me. "What? Why?" she asked with slight disbelief, and I couldn't blame her. Who the hell got fired after their second day? Certainly not any member of the Becker family. My mother was going to kill me. Disown me. Feed me to the sharks.
I shivered.
"Come on, tell me." Jenna persisted when I didn't reply, and I finally gave in and looked up at her "It's a long story."
Jenna frowned and said "Well I hate to break it to you, but sixth period started fifteen minutes ago. We've got a good forty-five minutes to kill."
Oh.
Thirty minutes later, I still hadn't quite wrapped my head around the fact that not only had I been fired, but I was also skipping class for the first time in my life. And strangely, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Jenna and I were laying on our backs on the grass field behind the school, staring up at the grey sky as the clouds drifted by and the wind blew our hair over our faces.
"You're seeing this the wrong way, Nina." Jenna stated.
I'd just spent the last twenty minutes telling Jenna about what happened at the law firm in excessive detail, from the type of sandwich I had eaten for lunch that day to the color shoes Paul the security guard had been wearing. Not that I thought it mattered, but Jenna claimed that the color of a person's shoes said a lot about whether a person could be trusted or not.
In this case, Paul could not. He had told me that the Ducati file was no longer confidential, while according to Rose it had been top secret.
Whatever top secret was supposed to mean anyway, it's not like she worked for the FBI or anything.
"I got fired after my second day at the job, stole and handed out a top secret file by accident, and my mother is going to kill me. Seems pretty straightforward to me."
Jenna rolled her eyes "That's not what I meant. Look at the bright side of this; now that you're no longer working at the law firm you can take that Veronica woman up on her job offer at the San Francisco Chronicle. It'll be like a dream come true."
"What part of my mother is going to kill me did you not understand?" I asked her incredulously.
"Who said anything about your mom needing to find out?" Jenna grinned and I frowned, urging her on with my eyes.
"Look, all I'm saying is that your mother doesn't have to know that you got fired. You know what they say right? Ignorance is bliss." Jenna stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world "It's a win-win situation. Your mother thinks you're off spending your Monday's and Tuesday's at the law firm, and you get to do what you really want to in San Francisco. Seems like a great opportunity to me."
I frowned, thinking over her words. I couldn't seriously consider lying to my mother, could I? She was bound to find out somehow. Hell, I bet Rose had already called to inform her of the news.
It just wasn't possible.
"That's ludicrous..." I muttered, dismissing Jenna's suggestion "There's no way I could get away with lying about something that big." Besides, I didn't want to lie to my mother, did I?
No, no I didn't.
I would just have to go home and face the music, I had no other choice.
And so I did. I hesitated as I slipped my key into the lock, slowly turning it and flinching as the door squeaked when I pushed it open.
"I'm home." I called through the house, my every nerve on high alert as I slowly dropped my backpack to the floor and hung my jacket on the coat rack.
Tick, tick, tick. The sound of my mother's footsteps resonated down the hallway, growing louder with each step she took and I knew that this was it; the moment I had been dreading all day.
I half expected her to walk in with a tear stricken face, or maybe a look of pure loathing and disappointed shining in those bright hazel eyes, but what I certainly did not expect was for her to have a bright smile on her face as she pulled me into her warm motherly embrace.
"Welcome home my little lawyer." She beamed proudly as she kissed me on my forehead, and I wondered briefly if she was playing the guilt card on me as I stood frozen in her arms.
No, even my mother wasn't that conniving.
"How was your day?" She asked me as she released me from her grip, turning back around and motioning for me to follow her into the living room.
I did as I was told and hesitantly sat down on the couch opposite of her.
What did I tell her? She obviously didn't know yet, and I didn't think 'It was great, except for the tiny fact that I got fired from the internship you worked so hard to get me" would go over with her so well.
"It's was good." I forced myself to stay, feeling stupid right after the words had left my mouth. Good? really? Was that how I wanted to start this conversation?
"Great." My mom smiled "Anything interesting happen?"
"Actually..." I swallowed away the lump in my throat as I stared up in my mother's eyes. She looked so happy, so proud of me, so ignorant.
I repeated Jenna's words in my head; ignorance is bliss.
My mother looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue.
Did I really want to break her happy bubble? Wasn't that the exact reason why I accepted the job at the internship in the first place? So she could be happy?
Maybe Jenna was right after all. This thing could potentially be good, a win-win situation as she had called it.
My mother lives her life happily thinking I'm working at the law firm, and I get to chase my dreams and become a writer in San Francisco.
Maybe, just maybe I could make it work.
"Actually," I repeated "I have a lot of homework. I should probably get started on that before dinner is ready."
My mother smiled and nodded "Oh of course honey, I won't keep you from your work." She got up from the couch and made her way towards the kitchen "I'll call you when dinner is ready." She said before disappearing around the corner, and I couldn't help the small sense of déjà vu I felt at the encounter. Though this time, things seemed to be looking a lot brighter.
I quickly got up from the couch and made my way up the stairs and into my room. There was no turning back now, I had made my decision.
With trembling hands and a racing heart I retrieved my cell phone from my pocket and looked for the familiar name in my contact list.
Veronica Cavallo
I held my breath and hit the dial button.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep-
"Hello?"