"We need to get you a boyfriend," Paisley stated while laying across Hadley's back on the bed.
"Why's that?"
"Because it's sooo much fun."
"Mmmm it didn't seem so fun last week when you came over here in complete mental anguish over your boyfriend," Hadley retorted.
"Well, sometimes couples fight. We don't always agree and sometimes I overreact, but for the most part, it's fun. And the sex is an added bonus."
"I'd rather not think about you and Beck having sex, thanks though," she said sarcastically.
Paisley laughed and rolled off Hadley's back. "Seriously though, we should find you a man."
"I'm good," she replied. Which was very true. She had no desire for a boyfriend. Sure boys were cute, but she never wanted to date one or kiss one. There was nothing special about them that made Hadley feel like she wanted to share any part of herself with them, sexually or otherwise.
"Ugh, Hadley. You're 16, there's nothing wrong with testing the waters, even if you don't sleep with them."
"I just don't want to Paisley. I've never told you to stop sleeping with boys or to stop dating them. So why are you so persistent with the idea that I have to start dating?"
Paisley looked shocked at Hadley's attitude. Hadley had never spoken to her so intensely before.
"I'm sorry, Hadley. I didn't realize it bothered you so much."
Hadley shook her head. "It's fine, I just don't want to talk about it."
In reality, there was a boy that she thought about frequently. One boy who occupied her mind 24/7. Except, he was not a boy. He was a man. A fully grown man who she shouldn't have these feelings for. That man would be Clay.
She knew she should not hold those feelings for him. He was her caretaker, her guardian, a man with mature tastes. Whereas, she was a 16-year-old human girl. It was radical and inappropriate to develop a crush on a man much older than her and he was her provider, nonetheless. But she couldn't help it.
She wasn't even sure why she developed these feelings. He would most definitely never be attracted to her. He was a mature man, attracted to mature and established women, the antithesis of herself.
Hadley looked up when the front door opened, seeing Clay walk through. He took his jacket off and laid it on the back of a chair. Then he walked into the living room toward Hadley who was laying on the couch.
"Hi baby," he greeted when he came close to her. Then he gripped the back of the couch and laid down on top of her.
"Mmmm," She groaned when his entire body weight pushed down against her. "Are you trying to kill me?"
"Definitely," he replied before picking himself up off her, sitting down on the couch, and placing her legs over his lap.
"What do you want for dinner?"
"I was thinking we could go down to the dining room. They are making a turkey dinner tonight."
"Alright," Clay said while nodding his head. "You have to promise you'll finish writing your essay when we get back, or else we will be staying here and I'll make you brussels sprouts for dinner."
Hadley wrinkled her nose at his words. Brussels sprouts were the worst. "I promise," she said, not wanting to tempt him in any way.
On the way down to the dining room, Hadley leaned into him more than usual as they walked together. She was almost obsessed with being near him and maintaining a physical touch. She was hyper-aware of his arm and calloused hand resting across her back. She was essentially hyper-aware of him.
She wasn't sure when this attraction began to make an appearance. She supposed she's always had a slight crush on him ever since she was younger. But more recently it has turned into more than a crush. Her feelings toward him are far more intense than a silly crush.
Her feelings for him are so intense that it's almost alarming. She didn't know why she was feeling such a strong attraction to him. She didn't know why was practically obsessed with even his slightest touch. She didn't know why she was falling for a man who didn't want anything to do with her in a romantic sense. In her mind, she knew he saw her as a child he was the guardian of and he would never think of her as more.
"What's wrong?" Clay asked, noticing a sour expression on her face.
"Nothing," she answered. "Just thinking about the essay I need to write. I don't know how to finish the last paragraph."
"You'll figure it out, baby," he said.
Her insides erupted in a warm delight at the nickname he called her. He'd called her 'baby' since she was a child, but now that she's older, she'd been hoping he would call her that in a more romantic sense one day.
Hadley's eyes followed a woman she had seen around the castle multiple times before. She was walking toward the table she and Clay were sitting at. The woman was beautiful. Her deep brown hair and tanned skin brought out the rest of her features. Hadley could see the looks she got from the men in the room as she approached their table.
When the woman made eye contact with Hadley, instead of stopping at the table like she was originally going to do, she side-stepped and walked away. That was strange, Hadley thought. She most likely wanted to speak with Clay.
"Am I still babysitting Emery tonight?" Hadley asked.
"Yeah. They said they will be over around 6 to drop her off."
"Okay. I hope she's in a better mood today than she was last week. She was so grouchy last week." Emery was Amaryllis and Ulric's youngest child. She was two years old and very rambunctious already. Most of the time she was pleasant and happy, but the last time Hadley babysat her, she was in an extremely sour mood.
"Well, I'll be home around eight, so even if she is grouchy you won't be alone with her for very long."
"Do you have to go?" Hadley practically wined
"Yes, I promised Ace we would go hunting tonight."
"Ugh, fine. Even though you've been gone all week staying late to finish work," she said with an eye roll.
"I'm sorry, baby. I'm trying to finish everything this week so I don't need to rush next week."
"I'm just teasing, Clay. I know your dad has been putting a lot on you."
"I promise next week I'll be all yours."
"Was she better for you this time? I know she was in a mood last week," Amaryllis asked when she and Ulric stopped to pick Emery up.
"She was great this week. No grumpiness to be seen!"
"I'm glad, Hadley. Thank you so much for watching her. We really appreciate it."
"It's no problem. I like watching her and you guys deserve a night out occasionally."
"We better get going, love," Ulric said, wrapping his arm around Amaryllis's waist. "Thanks again, Hadley."
Hadley closed the door after they left and turned around to view the empty house. It was 9:30 and Clay wasn't back yet, even though he said he would be back around 8. While she was upset with this, she didn't want to voice her feelings about this to him because he has spent the last 13 years with her. He was allowed to have free time apart from her, even if she would rather he spend all his time with her.
She didn't wait long after 9:30 when Clay pushed the front door open. "Hi baby," he greeted, walking into the living room.
"Hi," she replied, going back to watch her show. While she was curious as to where he was, she didn't want to attack him with questions and appear clingy.
"When did mom and dad come to pick Emery up?"
"Not long ago. About 15 minutes ago."
He sat down next to her on the couch and she caught the faint scent of perfume on him. Her stomach knotted as she realized where Clay was. He was with a woman.
"How was hunting with Ace? Did you catch anything?"
"Yeah, a few deer. We drained them and then gave them to the nearby wolf pack."
"I thought you said you were coming back around 8. You must've been out hunting for a while," she said, prompting him to tell her about the woman he spent the evening with while crushing her heart at the same time. She liked to sabotage herself.
"Oh fuck. I forgot I told you that. I'm sorry baby. Ace and I went down to the bar after we finished hunting."
Her stomach felt less acidic. If he was at a bar, then he just smells like perfume because he was in a crowded space with women, not because he was sleeping with one.
"Oh," she said, sucking in a deep breath.
"Something is wrong, Hadley. Tell me what it is."
"Oh, uh, nothing. Never mind," she said, not wanting to tell him her childish, immature thoughts.
"Tell me."
"Clay I don't have anything to tell you," she snapped. She didn't want to tell him her assumptions. It was embarrassing.
"Okay Hadley," he said, his voice dark. She hadn't really 'spoken back' to him since she was a young child.
They sat in awkward silence on the couch. Hadley could tell Clay was peeved by her refusal to speak to him. Clay could tell Hadley was upset about something, but wouldn't tell him what.
Clay moved his arm to rest along the back of the couch and Hadley caught another whiff of the perfume. It was extremely sickeningly sweet-smelling, too. The scent of roses, something Hadley despised.
She moved her eyes back to Clay's face, seeing him staring at her intently. He wanted her to tell him what was plaguing her mind.
"You smell like perfume, like a girl," she said, succumbing to his stare.
Clay shifted slightly in his seat to face her. "But I realize it's because you were at a bar."
"You thought I was with someone," he said, stating it, not asking.
Hadley nodded her head, feeling embarrassed by her teenage immaturity and jealousy.
Clay cleared his throat. "I was. I lied to you about the bar."
"Oh." A lightning bolt of pain radiated throughout her heart and stomach. Why had he lied? Why did he need another woman's company? Questions brushed past her mind like a rainstorm, flooding away any other thoughts.
She cleared her throat. "Why did you lie?"
"Because I was trying to avoid this situation. Though now I realize we would've avoided this situation had I told the truth."
"But... why didn't you want me to know that you were with... a woman?"
"I told you I would be home at 8. I assumed telling you I was with Ace rather than telling you I blew you off to be with another woman would've stung less."
"You were right about that," Hadley said through the lump forming in her throat. She cleared her throat again, feeling awkward, humiliated, insecure, immature, stupid, foolish, and a plethora of other adjectives.
"I'm sorry, Hadley."
She nodded her head and stood up from the couch. "Well, I'm going to bed. Have a good night, Clay."
"Goodnight, Hadley."
As she walked down the hall to her bedroom, she felt some of the awkwardness between the two of them dissipate with the distance, but an awkward ambiance still compromised the house and her heart.
What happened, she wondered.
They never had a conversation like that before. Hadley might've been innocent, but she wasn't a naive idiot, she knew Clay was a whore. She knew he had many sexual partners and frequently visited them, but they'd never discussed it before until now. Why now?
She laid down in bed but wasn't tired. She only said she was going to sleep to avoid being around Clay, though now she wishes she would've just left and roamed the halls because all she can do now is replay the events that just took place on repeat in her mind.
The next morning, she crawled out of her bed, still tired from a restless night. Clay was gone by the time she got up. She breathed out a sigh of relief, happy to know she wouldn't need to see or speak to him first thing in the morning. She knew things were still tense between them and wanted some time to wake up a little bit before addressing what happened last night.
She made herself a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. She scarfed it down quickly before getting dressed for the day. Luckily she did her homework the night before, so she didn't need to worry about doing it today.
Hadley was a bit cool in the house, so she went into Clay's room in search of one of his flannels to wear. She found the flannel she wanted to wear. It was the smallest size flannel he had from almost two decades ago when he wasn't as muscular then as he was now. The flannel was still too big for her, but she liked it that way.
On her way out of his room, his unmade bed caught her eye. Clay always made his bed. He was a very neat and disciplined person, so neither his room nor the house ever become disorderly. The most his room was ever a mess was when a shirt and a few socks scattered the floor.
So, it was unusual that his bed was unmade. Hadley took a few steps closer to his bed and placed the pillows on his bedside table. She would make his bed for him. Perhaps he was stressed about something and simply forgot to make his bed because the stress was clouding his brain.
She pulled his sheet up to the top of the bed and tucked the ends underneath the mattress. Then she did the same with the two other blankets. She put the pillows back in their respective spots.
Then, because she couldn't control herself, she laid down on his bed and smashed her face into his pillow. Everything smelled like him. She just wanted to bathe in his scent. She missed sleeping in his bed right next to him every night. Yes, it was inappropriate, but she didn't care. She missed being so close to him at nighttime.
She sighed, wishing she could, as a 16-year-old, sleep in the same bed as him instead of her little 8-year-old self. She was jealous of her younger self.
"What are you doing, Hadley?" Clay's deep voice said, reverberating throughout her body.
She jolted hard at his voice and flipped over on his bed so she was looking at him.
"I just made your bed for you. And then it looked comfortable, so I wanted to test it out." Her heart was beating rapidly after having been caught being an absolute weirdo in Clay's bed.
Clay walked into the room and sat down on his bed next to Hadley. "I'm sorry for last night. I shouldn't have lied to you. Even more than that, I shouldn't have abandoned you when I told you I would be home."
"I wouldn't go as far as to say you abandoned me," She said, heat rising to her cheeks. She didn't want him to think she was some little kid who couldn't handle being apart from him. Even though, being apart from him wasn't the easiest thing for her. Nonetheless, he did not need to know that.
"No, that's what I did Hadley. I promised you I would be home at 8 o'clock, and instead, I chose to spend time with a woman. I broke a promise to you, and for that, I am deeply sorry. I've never broken a promise to you before."
Hadley nodded her head. It was true. Clay was an honorable man. He didn't lie or cheat or break promises. He was honest and always fulfilled his promises, well, until last night.
"I forgive you, Clay."
He reached his hand out and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. Then he moved his hand down to cup her cheek. He stared at her intently for several seconds. Hadley felt the blood returning to her cheeks again. His stare was so intense that she knew he read what she was thinking. She knew he was analyzing every thought and every move she made. His stare made her feel important like he was completely captivated by her as she was by him.
"Clay?"
"Yes?"
"I know that you sleep with a lot of women. I'm not an idiot. Please don't lie to me about it."
Clay shook his head. "I'll never lie to you again, Hadley." He pulled her closer to him and placed a kiss on her forehead. Hadley sighed and wrapped her arms around his back. She was happy the awkwardness between them was gone. She was also happy he didn't question her further about laying in his bed smelling his pillows.
A thought lingered in the back of his mind. He was breaking another promise of never lying to her again. He had been lying to her for her entire life about their mateship.