Happy Valentine's day! This is my gift for all of you :)
Buuuuut,
So I got some news for y'all!
1. I changed my name on Wattpad since it was so cringy
(It is a softened version of my internet alias 'zevorin')
2. Expectations is now available on ao3!
You can go read (or download) the book on ao3 now
You'll find me under the same name, aka 'zelouqin'
3. New cover
Since I changed my name I thought I might as well make a new one
Cover: Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan as Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian in 'The Untamed'
Warning: Chuuya pretends like nothing happened be warned, this is not because the author forgot okay shut up
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As if too soon the weekend was already over and Dazai was back to his regular routine; wake up, study, go to school, study, sleep. Rinse and repeat. Or so it would have been, had Chuuya not butted in.
When Dazai arrived at school on Monday, Chuuya was waiting for someone at the entrance of the school grounds. Or so it seemed. He stood there staring at his shoelaces, arms crossed and face filled with both embarrassment and grumpiness — presumably from it being early on a Monday
Chuuya looked up from his messy shoelaces and his eyes landed on Dazai. Chuuya's grumpy face was instantly replaced by a sunny smile. Dazai could feel his lips tugging up without his consent. He shook it off and walked over to Chuuya. "Hi", Dazai greeted in a hoarse voice. Yesterday he had called his parents to inform them about Chuuya coming over as well, and they had gotten into an argument.
If Dazai had to point out one of the 'few' things he like Chuuya, he would definitely mention the way Chuuya never pushed on things Dazai did not say anything about. At least most of the time. And this was one of those times. "Hey. What took you so long?" Chuuya had simply said back. No mention of Dazai's lost voice whatsoever. And that warmed his heart.
"I always come at this time. I thought Chuuya would already know that, but it seems he doesn't care about me at all!" Dazai said dramatically with a hand on his forehead, pretending to be wounded by Chuuya's words.
Chuuya shot him a cold glare — similar to his adoptive mother's — and smacked Dazai's chest. "Oi! Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" He said firmly, brows furrowed.
Dazai scoffed and mumbled: "Chuuya is so violent..." He had an obviously fake pout on his face. Chuuya rolled his eyes. "It's just... I've been waiting for like 10 minutes. It was humiliating!"
Dazai froze. All movements and thoughts were halted. Hell, even his heart skipped a beat. Chuuya waited for... for him?
Was this what it felt like to have a friend? That was the thought which occupied Dazai's mind for the rest of the day.
When Chuuya kept laughing at Dazai's stupid jokes even after getting yelled at by the teacher or when Chuuya shared his lunch with Dazai after finding out he did not bring any, was that what it felt like to have a friend?
Chuuya's friends appeared to disapprove of their friendship though. At lunch when Chuuya had pushed a sandwich into Dazai's hands, one of Chuuya's friends had almost dropped his juice box. Dazai could recall Chuuya referring to him as Tachihara. "Chuuya never shares his lunch with us when we forget!" Tachihara had proclaimed loudly. He looked betrayed. Or jealous. Maybe both.
So? Dazai doesn't eat enough anyways. He needs to stop skipping meals." Chuuya had said serenely while looking at Dazai with worried eyes. Dazai's face had heated up slightly after hearing that. Tachihara was left at a loss for words.
After school when Dazai was taking his leave, he could hear someone calling for him. "Dazai! Da — Dah... — Zaih!" A disembodied voice yelled, clearly out of breath. Dazai turned around and curiously searched for the person calling his name. He spotted Tachihara jogging towards him. His forehead was damped in sweat and his uniform looked wrinkled. He clearly did not exercise much. Either that or he had been running around looking for Dazai for a long time. It must have been a very serious matter for Tachihara to go all out like this.
"What is it? Is something wrong?" Dazai asked once Tachihara was panting before him. The fake-ginger looked like he had just run a marathon. He must be one of those people who sit at their computers all day.
"Chuuya..." He managed to breathe out. Dazai flinched at the mention of Chuuya's name. Had something happened to him? Was that why Tachihara had run after Dazai?
Tachihara had to catch his breath before he could speak, or he might have passed out from the lack of oxygen. Once he did he finally stood up straight and took a deep breath before loudly asking: "What's your relationship with Chuuya?" His eyes were squeezed shut and his lips tightly pressed against one another. Suddenly Dazai could feel his words getting stuck in his throat. Was this really it? Was this the reason Tachihara had run after him? Dazai did not know how to feel. Relieved? Possibly.
There was a moment of silence, which lasted until it was broken by laughter. Tachihara slowly opened his eyes. He felt perplexed. Had he said something funny? Perhaps, he had mispronounced a word while asking his question. That theory was quickly debunked when Dazai spoke up: "Sorry, I just thought you were going to say something serious." He wiped away some water that had gathered up by his eyes.
Tachihara looked at him with chagrin. His question was utterly serious. He huffed disappointedly and looked away. "I was being serious. Why does Chuuya like you anyway? You're so weird." He said, sotto voce.
"Huh?" Dazai asked in confusion as he had not heard Tachihara.
"I was being serious," Tachihara repeated, this time orotund.
Embarrassed, Dazai mouthed an 'Oh'. He bit his lip nervously and his eyes drifted to the ground, not capable of looking at Tachihara. "Sorry." He murmured before looking up. Tachihara turned his head back as well. Dazai put on a small smile and said: "We're just friends." But with the way he said it he almost sounded hurt. And he definitely was. The moment those words escaped his lips it felt like a needle piercing through his heart. Tachihara nodded. He didn't say anything. Just bowed and left.
For a good minute, Dazai stood there, dumbfounded. He was only brought back to reality when he felt someone tug at his sleeve. The sudden touch startled him. "Wha — Huh? Chuuya?" He said in a croaky voice. His voice had kind of healed during the day but it seemed to have betrayed him again at that very moment.
Chuuya's eyes stared straight through Dazai and no doubt he knew something was not right. "You okay? Why are you just standing here alone?" Chuuya asked, clearly concerned but he didn't let that show on his face.
Dazai shook his head. "It's nothing. I was just about to leave." He managed to say with a shaky voice and a fake smile.
Dazai turned around and tried to walk away but Chuuya's grip on his shirt tightened and he was kept in place. "Wait! I actually came to invite you..." Chuuya said quietly.
Dazai blinked. He turned to face Chuuya again. "Invite me?" Both his voice and face were filled with fondness.
Chuuya nodded. "We're going out for coffee. Wanna come?"
Never in his life had Dazai been invited to go out for coffee with someone. Or well, that's not entirely true. Some girls have asked him out before but he would always decline. Never before reminding them that they're pretty. Then he would claim to not like coffee and walk off.
"Like..." Dazai swallowed. Every inch of his body felt stiff. He reconsidered whether he should speak his mind or not. In the end, he couldn't stop himself. "Like a date?" He asked and looked away in embarrassment. It felt like his insides were on fire. It had never been a problem for him to tease Chuuya like this, why did it feel so difficult now?
Chuuya finally let go of Dazai's sleeve and crossed his arms. "Tch. You wish. There's gonna be other people as well so don't get the wrong idea." While that's the part of Chuuya's thoughts that he voiced, with the way that his cheeks burned red it was hard to believe that Dazai was the only one who kind of wished it was. Obviously, the answer was to be expected. Dazai had been joking after all! But why did he still feel kind of let down?
With a pained face, Dazai forced out a chuckle. "Of course. I was just kidding, I'd never want to date someone as loud as Chuuya." He lied. Of course, it was a lie. Even though he hadn't been in terms with his feelings for very long, he still knew it was completely untruthful.
"And I'd never want to date anyone as annoying as you." Chuuya shot back. But it didn't look like he was being honest either. Nonetheless, the words dug deep into Dazai like knives.
"Hah! I should be saying that to you!" Dazai said with a grin. Chuuya's face dropped. He looked genuinely hurt by the words. They joked around like this all the time. Why did it hurt him now?
Before he could stop himself Dazai reached his hand out to Chuuya's shoulder, gently rubbing it with his thumb. "Do you mean it?" Chuuya asked. Unlike when they were playing around, his words were softly spoken and held real emotions. Dazai stared into Chuuya's blue eyes and bit his lip to stop his mind from ruining the moment. He gently shook his head and his lips curled up into a warm and reassuring smile. This seemed to make Chuuya feel better as he smiled back.
But then Dazai decided to ruin the moment. He leaned back to stretch out... well his back. "Why are you so short? Looking at you hurts my back." Dazai complained.
Chuuya's jaw dropped. Even in such a situation, Dazai was still Dazai. Chuuya sighed and threw another one of his 'friendly' punches at Dazai. Or at least he claimed that they were a sign of his love. "I hate you." He murmured.
Dazai smiled. "I know you love me." He teased.
"Pffft! Yeah as if!" Chuuya yelled.
"Come on, Chuuya. Don't deny it. You know you do!" Dazai continued. Chuuya grabbed Dazai by his collar. But before he could do anything a girl's voice stopped them.
"Are you two coming or not?" Higuchi yelled from around 50 metres away.
Chuuya immediately let go of Dazai's collar and instead grabbed his wrist. "Yeah, yeah!" Chuuya yelled back and started rushing towards his friends with Dazai in tow.
How long had Chuuya's friends been there? Who knew. They didn't mention the happenings between the two that had just taken place so it couldn't have been too long. But on the other hand, maybe they were scared that if one of them were to speak up, Chuuya would probably hit them the instant they opened their mouth. So with that said, it was not surprising when the walk to the local cafe was quiet.
The cafe was quite cosy. The walls were covered by wallpaper resembling dark wooden planks. The floor was made out of some sort of black tiling. And the best part was the tables. There was just the right amount of spalted maple tables arranged throughout the room.
The friend group settled down at a table next to the window, in the corner. Dazai sat down next to Chuuya since he didn't know the others that well. Chuuya's friend with skunk style hair sat opposite of him. Chuuya had said his name before but Dazai couldn't remember. Akako? No, definitely not, that was a feminine name. Akemi? No, not that either. But Dazai was sure the first syllable was A and the second some K syllable.
"What do you want, Akutagawa?" Chuuya suddenly asked. That was it! Akutagawa!
Dazai was so excited about remembering his name that he didn't even realise what the skunk boy had ordered or that Chuuya had asked for his order as well. "Dazaiiii" Chuuya dragged out with a pout.
Dazai snapped out of it and looked at Chuuya with a confused face. "Huh?" Chuuya sighed. He did that a lot around Dazai.
"What would you like?" Chuuya repeated.
Dazai didn't know anything about those special drinks they served at cafes — things such as caramel lattes with extra whipped cream or of the likes. "Just a black coffee, please." That was probably the most polite he had ever been to Chuuya.
Weirdly enough, no one had judged Dazai for his mundane order. He felt more comfortable in the group than he thought he would have.
When Chuuya came back with their drinks people started talking about anything and everything. New rumours at school, celebrity drama, etc, etc. Then the spotlight landed on Dazai and Chuuya. "You two are so close these days!" Higuchi said.
"I know right! Chuuya is always talking about him. It's so annoying." Tachihara added.
Higuchi gasped just like she had just figured out a government secret. "Are you two dating?" She asked as she firmly eyed the pair. She seemed to be very serious about her question.
Chuuya almost choked on his drink when he heard her. And judging by the look on his face he wasn't sure if he had even heard it right in the first place. "Wh-What?" He asked after coughing out the coffee from his windpipe. She didn't hesitate to ask again, the serious look never leaving her face. Dazai and Chuuya looked at each other and then back at her.
"No, of course not," Chuuya said in a husky voice, almost like he didn't want to say it out loud. "Dazai is very much straight. Honestly, Higuchi, just because I'm gay doesn't mean that I'll date any guy who comes my way." And that hit Dazai hard. Chuuya still believed he was straight. And to be fair he was very new to this side of his sexuality and had not said a word about it to Chuuya so he obviously wouldn't know. But the thought of Chuuya not even considering him as a bachelor because he thought Dazai was straight hurt him. Then again Dazai didn't even know what he was. It was all so confusing.
The rest of the afternoon was all a blur. Dazai remembers questioning if his fondness of Chuuya was just a teenage crush that would disappear as quickly as it had stepped into his life. Maybe it was just his hormones acting out because Chuuya was a pretty boy and there was no denying that, no matter your sexuality.
Everything else he remembered none of.
God, he really had to do something about this stupid crush. Maybe if he made a move he could get Chuuya to consider him as a possible partner. Even then it would not be assured that Dazai's feelings would be returned but he wanted to give it a shot, just to see if he had a chance at all. Otherwise, this could really start affecting his grades.
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I think this might be the longest chapter so far, and I finished it in one go! That only took 3 hours haha