(Jesse's POV)
The car ride to the hospital is hell; I have so many thoughts going through my head. I don't know what to feel. Am I sad that she is dying? Am I happy that this is happening to her, that she finally got what was coming to her? I just don't know. I really don't feel anything, but how can I feel sad when for the past year this woman had turned into a monster and ruined my life?
"Are you okay?" Adrian grabs my hand.
God what would I do without him here with me right now. He is my rock. I might be strong right now but I think that will all change when I see my mom. "I'm not sure. I don't know what I should be feeling right now."
He leans in and kisses my forehead. "I don't blame you, this woman basically tormented you for the past year. I get she is your mom and might have been different, but if the bad outweighs the good, it just makes you realize maybe it wasn't all that great to begin with." He leans on me and rests his head on my shoulder.
I think about everything and the more I think about it, my life really wasn't all that great when my mom was around. Holly and my dad were the ones that had made it great. Now I know why my mom had just snapped like she did, she was never happy with her life. We were nothing but burdens to her I guess. If she was so unhappy, why didn't she just take off on us?
"You're right, now that I think about it, she really wasn't a happy person. Well unless it was with my dad, she would get happy. I guess when he told her he wanted a divorce, she realized she was losing the one she loves. It turned her into a bitter cold hearted person and she took it out on me because I look like him. I was just a reminder to her of what she was losing."
"That's horrible. It wasn't your fault that your dad just didn't love her anymore. Some people just fall out of love or maybe they just weren't ever in love." Adrian says.
I wondered that a lot, maybe my dad never loved my mom and stuck around just for us. Then, when Holly went missing and there was no sign she was coming back, he didn't see the need to stay with my mom when I would be heading off to college soon as well.
"I guess that's just something I'm going to have to ask my dad."
Do I want to know the truth? Am I ready to find out my dad never loved my mom but stuck around because of Holly and me? The cab finally pulls up to the hospital. I had told them I wanted to see my mom by myself, but Adrian wouldn't let me and I'm glad he is stubborn, because I can use the support right now.
"Well here we go," I get out and pay the driver, Adrian grabs my hand and we walk inside.
"Excuse me, I'm Jesse Logan and I'm here to see my mother, Cindy Logan." I wait while the nurse looks up in what room she is in.
"Okay she is in ICU, but only family is allow to go in there." She looks at Adrian while she says that.
"Well he is family, or will be family when we get married one day." I smile back at her and she smiles back.
"Go down the hall and turn left, you will see another nurse's station and they will tell you where your mother is. By the way, you two really do make an adorable couple."
I turn to Adrian to see he is blushing. I lean in and kiss him on the cheek. His face grows even redder as he looks at the floor. "Don't you think he is so adorable when he blushes?"
The nurse chuckles as she nods her head.
"Well thank you for letting him go in with me. You have no idea how much he means to me and how much I can really use his support right now."
The nurse just smiles bigger, "god you two really are adorable. You can really see the love between you two."
"When you have a boy that is willing to put your safely before his, you can't help, but fall deeper in love with him." Adrian stares at me with adoration; it makes my heart skip a beat. "He literally saved my life and I will always be grateful for that and I will love him forever for it."
The nurse's eyes start to water "don't let this one go. You don't find very many guys who would do that."
Adrian smiles, "I know and I don't plan on ever letting him go."
He surprises me by kissing me on the lips, this time I blush.
"Thanks again," Adrian says as he pulls me we down the hallway to the next nurse station and head to the room my mom is in. We stand outside of the room, "are you ready?" Adrian squeezes my hand, "I'm right here for you, don't forget that." He kisses me on the cheek and we walk in.
When I walk up to the bed, I thought I would be able to handle what I see, but I am not. My mom lies there covered in cuts and bruises. She is thinner than when I left. I guess without someone there to make sure she ate, she didn't bother with food, but stuck with alcohol. The part of her that isn't cover with bruises, her skin has turned a sickly pale. Her eyes sunken in with dark circles, it saddens me to see that she has become this. That she was so unhappy with her life she turned to drinking. I am not even angry at what she did to me. I pity her.
I walk over to her bed and sit down on the chair next to it. Adrian stands behind me and places his hands on my shoulder before he gives them a gentle squeeze. I reach over and take her hands in mine; her hands look so fragile I am afraid they will break in my hand.
"I had so much I wanted to tell you, tell you that everything you did to me I didn't deserve it. However, as I sit here and stare at you I realize I don't hate you as much as I thought I did. You were unhappy with your life and took it out on the one person you could."
I feel the tears start to spill from my eyes. Adrian rubs my shoulders as he kneels down. I should be yelling at her, telling her I hate her for what she did, but I can't. A little part of me wants to hear her voice one last time, just look into her eyes and know she really does love me and that she didn't think I am nothing, but a burden to her, to know that she once cared for me. However, I will never get that chance. She is dying and I will never hear her say any of that.
"Why can't I tell you I hate you? I should hate you. I should be glad this is happening to you but I can't. I hate that I can't hate you anymore." I break out into a full on sob as Adrian wraps his arms around me.
"It's alright," he whispers over and over in my ear.
Is it really alright? Can I honestly leave here without telling her how much she hurt me?
"You're the better person here; it's her fault for letting her bitterness take over. She is the one that is going to regret everything she did. The only thing you have to tell her is a thank you."
I pull away and look at him; he places his hands on the side of my face.
"Because of what she did, you're a stronger person who doesn't let life keep him down. Because if it wasn't for her, I would have never met you. I would have never met the boy that takes my breath away. The boy I want to spend the rest of my life with."
He holds on to me as I cry and let his words sink in, he is right. If things hadn't gone this way I would have never met him. My life would have been different; I would probably still be with Alyson, because I would have never had the courage to come out. I would have been unhappy. I kiss Adrian on the cheek, "thank you for being here with me." I get up from the chair and help Adrian to his feet.
I look down at my mom one more time, "despite what happened, I still love you mom and thank you because of you I am the person I am today. I guess things really do happen for a reason." I lean down and kiss her on her forehead. "Hope to see you again mom maybe you will find the happiness you always wanted."
I look at her one more time, this will always be the last image I have of my mom forever burned into my mind. It isn't the way I want to remember her but it isn't like it is going to be the only image I will have of her. I just know that she will be in a better place now.
We walk out of the hospital and decide to go for a walk before we head back to the hotel. I want to show Adrian around before we leave back to Portland on Saturday. This is the first time he has ever been to Miami. "So what do you want to see?" I hold his hand as we walk down the sidewalk.
"Take me to the place you loved going to the most."
There is only one place, but I hadn't been there since Holly went missing. It was our place. "Okay, I'll take you to the place I loved going to. It was mine and Holly's place to go to when we wanted to get away from everyone. I hail a taxi and have him take us to my old neighborhood. He takes us to the old park that Holly and I would go to after school. It was pretty much abandoned when a bigger and newer one was built a couple of blocks away. We walk over to the swings and sit down; we swing back and forth slowly.
"Is this where you and Holly played all the time?"
"Yes, even after they built the new one we still came to this one. We would always have so much fun here. I haven't been here since a week after of when Holly went missing. After that I couldn't bear coming here without her."
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked you to bring me here."
I stop the swing and look at him. "No, I'm glad I came back here. Sometimes I feel like I'm forgetting her. I need to come back to the place I used to have fun with her. It makes me happy to share all of this with you, to show you a piece of my past. Never think for one second anything in my life is none of your business. Everything I do or did, you have the right to know because you are my future now."
I get up from the swing and pull him up, placing my hand behind his neck and pulling him closer to me. I kiss him softly at first before I coax his mouth open and slip my tongue in. He moans against my lips as I pull him closer to me.
"Jay is that you?"
I stop and stare wide eyed at Adrian and then I hear it again.
"Jay is that you?"
There is only one person who called me that but could it really be that person? I let go of Adrian and slowly turn around. I come face to face with the person I least expected to see again.
"Holly is that really you?" I ask before my eyes start to water.
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