A/N
Hi all! You can go ahead and skip this author's note if you wish, but I just wanted to talk about something important before we start. Even though this is an X reader, this story is very inspired by where I am in my life right now. I just turned sixteen this past weekend, and I've been having a hard time facing the notion of growing up and coming close to reaching adulthood while still feeling like a child.
It's been a rollercoaster of emotions for me these past couple months seeing myself as a kid just wanting to have fun stuck in a woman's body and increasingly carrying more adult burdens like looking for a job, thinking about college applications, and learning how to spend money smart and manage finances.
I know there are other teens and young adults who feel the same as me, so I hope this story makes you feel like you're not the only one feeling this way. We're growing up together.
This story was also inspired by the song Ribs by Lorde, which perfectly sums up how I feel. Please enjoy.
WARNING: This story contains mildly mature themes, such as use of adult language, mentions of sex and sexual innuendos, and usage of drugs and alcohol.
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"Damn it! Shit!"
You stared down at your breakfast burrito splat on the concrete sidewalk, the potatoes and eggs spewed like guts, and the spilled iced coffee on the ground next to it. It was only twelve in the afternoon and your day had already gone more than sideways.
You had accidentally overslept your morning lecture, which was crucial to the test you have next week. Your professor always had a vendetta against technology, thus never posting shit online for you to utilize. You opted to ask your roommate, Mikasa, for her notes, since luckily you both shared a morning lecture. Unfortunately, she left a note on her bed saying she'll be gone for the week due to a family emergency. You're not too surprised she didn't tell you herself; you and her never really talked that much.
Coffee will make this better. Coffee and burritos always make things better. You had thought as your feet carried you through your dorm hall and out into the crisp morning air, your skin meeting the prickly beginning on Autumn. Nonetheless, it seemed the universe has had it out for you, because now you're on your hands and knees in tears over your late breakfast on the sidewalk.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
You wail, your hands covering your face so no standby would see your face contorted as tears slipped.
To most people, your grievances would come through as a standard human mistake and nothing much to be so incredibly upset about. However, life here had been difficult, and it felt like every day you pull the extra short end of the stick compared to your peers.
"Hey, are you okay?"
You look up at the person holding such a soft and melodic voice. Her hair was dark and frizzy, curtain bangs framing her face and accentuating her tired dark eyes. She had a lazy smile just barely reaching her upper face, and she was slightly bent down to be more at your eye level.
"Rough day, huh?" she asked. "I totally know how you feel, but we just gotta get up and dust off."
The young woman extended her thin arm, holding out her hand and smiled with her teeth while tucking stray hairs behind her ear with her other hand. You wipe your hands, damp with salted tears, on your sweatshirt and take the young woman's hand to help balance as you stood up.
"Wow, crying on the sidewalk is really not how I wanted to spend my Friday afternoon. Sorry you had to see that." You give a laugh of self pity coming from your chest. "I guess I'll have to buy a new breakfast burrito."
You let out an exasperated sigh as you flip through your tiny wallet that was kept in the pocket of your sweatpants. Nothing. Not even a penny. Great, I left my card in my dorm. You thought.
"Hey, I could help you clean this up here and buy you breakfast. I just got my paycheck today so I have more than enough for the both of us." The young woman said.
"Oh god, no. That's really sweet of you, but you don't have to do that. I'm sure I have some frozen fruit or something back in my dorm."
The young woman tucked her hair behind her ears again as she bent down to pick up the dropped burrito and coffee cup. Her hair seemed incredibly thick and difficult to keep out of her face and she seemed to not mind it being incredibly frizzy and slightly unbrushed. She looked up at you with her wide eyes adorned in deep set eye bags and smiled yet again with nonchalant cheer.
"I'm not letting you starve, plus, I could use a coffee friend." She stood up and went to toss the burrito and coffee cup in a nearby garbage can before making her way back to you. You heave a sigh, your shoulders dropping as you place your empty wallet back into the pocket of your sweatpants. Looking back at the young woman, she stares at you with that same lazy smile waiting for an answer.
"Fine, but I promise I'll pay you back."
"Come on, let me be nice." She lets out a laugh, smooth and high pitched like a morning bird.
You and her begin to make your way down the sidewalk back to where you had bought your late breakfast, the warm October sun and crisp wind swirling through the atmosphere. It smelled of wet soil and pine trees after the heavy rainfall last night, but the clouds had long cleared and left a vast cobalt blue stretching above your head endlessly. October was always beautiful and calm in small towns like these, you appreciated it compared to the city life you were used to in high school.
"I'm Pieck, I'm pretty sure we're in the same dorm building. Building B, right?"
"Y/N," You state your name and bringing up an unconvincing smile upon your face. You had given away your lack of thrill with the whites of your eyes being red from rubbing the tears away with the sleeve of your sweatshirt. "And yeah, I'm in building B. I just moved in since I'm just a freshman."
"Awesome! I'm so glad someone new is in the building. I'm just a sophomore but I've heard from upperclassmen building B doesn't get much fresh meat, it's usually sophomores and juniors from years before. I'm on the third floor; above Mikasa. You know her?"
"Mikasa Ackerman?" You inquire rhetorically. "She's my roommate! But she's out of town right now. Something happened with her family I'm pretty sure."
"Oh, well at least you have your dorm to yourself, right? Do you know if her and Eren are still together?" Pieck asks as she pulls on the metal handle of the glass door to the breakfast venue, a little bell ringing as she opens it. You step through and thank her quietly before continuing with your conversation.
"Honestly, I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. We're not super talkative." Another self pitying laugh leaves your lips, but before Pieck could respond, an elderly man with sweet wrinkles around the corners of his eyes asks for your order.
"Say, weren't you just here?" He asks you.
"I dropped my food, it's been an interesting day." You said as you stuffed your hands into the pockets of your old sweatshirt, letting your shoulders bounce into a shrug with a guilty smile to match.
The elderly man nods. "On the house for you ladies, then." he says with a toothy smile, despite missing three of his teeth in the front.
You and Pieck place your order before taking your food from the pickup counter. You were thanking your newfound ally and on your way out when she tugs at your sleeve and offers you to sit with her. You stand there for a moment, lips parted in hesitation. You want to leave, your feet want to slip out the door and carry you to your bed to sit and eat alone, but you also want to stay. You've been desperately chasing after the chance to solidify a friendship, but you had been stuck in isolated misery for so long it was becoming a comfort.
Eat alone. It's been your usual routine since you came to university. Mikasa was often either studying in the library or...or...actually you didn't know where she was otherwise. Most of your days were spent eating and studying alone before laying in bed. No, you didn't indulge in some Netflix or paid much attention to your PC on your desk, many games remaining unplayed. You hadn't found yourself doing much of what you used to lately.
It's been a while since you've sat down to eat with anyone, let alone consider someone a friend. It's been difficult here. Despite the calm aura, the town was small and everyone seemed to know everyone, making it feel like high school all over again. Even for the students who were from out of town, they at least had friends they knew that lived here, but not for you.
"Sure, why not." You say.
You and Pieck sit down outside on tiny uncomfortable wooden chairs at a small, round, white marble table, peeling away at the paper wrapping around your new burrito with a content expression. Pieck crossed her leg over the other and sipped happily on her hot coffee in a mug with cursive written across it reading "but first, coffee". Very 2016. You thought.
It was quiet at first as the both of you indulged in your meals together. In the silence, you shifted in your chair here and there and made mindless eye contact with Pieck every once and a while, but you'd quickly look away.
Sure you enjoyed spending time alone, but you had never been painstakingly shy in the last two to three years. You taught yourself to suck it up and go through with life. However, with the lack of intimate social interaction, you found yourself grasping as straws sitting across from Pieck.
"So Mikasa and Eren are back together?" Pieck opened back up the previous conversation as she shoved a spoonful of granola and strawberry yogurt into her mouth.
"I mean I guess, like I said before, we don't talk too much. She's a little scary if I'm being totally honest."
"Understandable, Mikasa's a little...intense sometimes. I kind of can't believe her and Eren somewhat get along."
"It doesn't seem like it since from what it sounds like they're pretty on and off. I mean, at least you insinuated that." You add on.
"I'm not super close to them, my boyfriend is just friends with Eren so I am around them here and there, but they've always had this weird vibe around them. Like they're always angry with each other, and when they're not it's because they're on another break."
You nod slowly as you take a bite out of your egg burrito. It was still warm and the cheddar cheese inside stretched as you pulled your mouth away.
"Anyway," Pieck begins. "We're not here to talk about your roommate. What's your major?"
"Game development, actually. I've always been a pretty avid gamer most of my life, and my dad took programming classes with me when I started middle school so it just kind of felt like the right path." You let your shoulders sway with a shrug while gulping down a mouthful of iced coffee.
"No way, you too? My boyfriend is super close with this guy that's been doing game development in the neighboring university. He's really smart, pretty sure he has a paid internship with a company right now." Pieck's dark eyes lit up, so much so you could have sworn they legitimately turned lighter. "I think you guys could totally get along, I should introduce you!"
You let out a laugh and wave your hand about in the air like your were swatting a fly.
"Oh no, you don't have to do that. You've done more than enough being this nice to me and offering to eat with me today."
"Come on, you're making it sound like this it's a chore to spend time with someone new. My boyfriend is hosting a party tomorrow at his fraternity, I'm pretty sure his game developing friend will be there."
"I don't know..." You set down your half eaten burrito, already wrapped back up to save for later, and leaned back in your chair still sipping your coffee through the cheap electric pink plastic straw. "Frats kind of have a bad rep anywhere."
"Y/N, how old are you?" Pieck crosses her arms over her chest, the short sleeves of her black shirt creasing in her armpits.
"I just turned nineteen, why?"
"I don't know you very well, but from what I've seen today you seem miserable." Pieck was neutral for a moment before her eyes went wide and she slammed her palms on the tiny table, shaking it as she did so. "No offense, please don't be mad. Just...I got this feeling from you. What's the word? Melancholy? I don't know, my English professor uses that word a lot."
"You're nineteen," Pieck continues, gesturing her hand to you. "You should be making stupid college memories and spending time with friends."
Your smile drops and you look away from Pieck, instead opting to stare intently at the electric pink coffee straw. Pieck catches on, your body language screaming the truth, and her eyes droop with pity. She stands up and throws away her empty yogurt and granola container, then waving you over.
"Come on, let's go."
"Huh? Where?"
"Retail therapy on a college budget, of course." Pieck smiles at you as you stand up to join her with slightly raised eyebrows.
Winding down a couple blocks indulging in casual conversation with Pieck, you felt a warmth bloom in your chest. It was vaguely familiar and enough to excite you. You discussed everything from your favorite color to your romantic type within the short walking span.
Floating in conversation, you hardly noticed Pieck had stopped at the entrance to a Goodwill and grabbed your wrist, pulling you in with her. Immediately, your eyes landed on the rack of bags, purses, and jewelry next to the doorway. A small white crocheted handbag with little pink heart charms hanging off of it had caught your eye.
While you shifted through the jewelry and bags, Pieck went to the sweatshirt rack just a few feet away and was already frantically picking sweatshirt after sweatshirt from the racks.
"Hey Pieck?"
"Hm?" She hums in response as she holds up a knitted forest green sweatshirt to her body. It was incredibly large, and would most certainly drown her out, but nonetheless she'd probably look gorgeous. She seemed to have the appearance and demeanor of someone who could pull off anything.
"Why are you hanging out with me? I'm not complaining, but you honestly don't have to. Honestly, I don't like when people hang out with me out of pity and treat me like a charity case, it feels insincere and like a load of bullshit to make the other person feel better about themselves.
She laughs. Despite not meaning to adjust your tone to sound more comedic with the last bit of your words, she was easily entertained. Her laugh rang through the store quietly, smoother than butter gliding on hot toast and lighter than a floating feather.
"Because I want to and I feel we could both use a good friend right now. I'm super glad I ran into you because thrifting alone is boring."
"You usually thrift alone?" You inquire.
"Honestly, yeah. I have a few friends, and they're fun to party and talk about recent hookups with, but you're the first person I've met in a while that seems more mentally stimulating. Sorry, I hope you don't feel bored like I"m dragging you around, I just think we could be good friends."
"Oh my god, no. I'm not bored at all. I actually really love shopping, but I just got fired last week so money has been a little tight." You say, laughing through your words.
"You're laughing about getting fired?" Pieck laughs with you half in concern and half in amusement. "What did you do?"
You clutched at your stomach as it started to hurt as you laughed harder thinking about how you got fired. You could barely slip a word through your laugh as you leaned your free hand on one of the sweatshirt racks.
"I was working at that one bookstore two blocks from the main campus, and my boss asked me to order Love and Lillies, but I accidentally order 600 copies of Love and Lollies."
Pieck's mouth slacked open as she laughed even hard.
"No way."
"Yes way."
"You accidentally order six HUNDRED copies of intense pickle erotica?" By now, multiple shop-goers were looking at the both of you leaning against each other in fits of laughter. The matching heart charmed necklace that came with the crocheted bag slipped between your fingers and onto the floor in your giggle fit.
"My boss was not understanding, and it sucks because I liked working there, but it makes a good party story."
Finally coming down from your high of laughter, you and Pieck make your way to the cashier with clothes gathered in your arms. You had spent at least a good hour there, flipping through every single article of clothing to find one of those thrifting gems. You had hit the jackpot with a couple of old band tee shirts, a few skirts, and some oversized zipper hoodies for layering since the weather was starting to shift into cooler numbers.
"Oh shit, I totally forgot. I don't have any money in my wallet. I left my debit card in my dorm." You pinch at the bridge of your nose.
"Don't worry, I'll pay."
"I'm not going to take your money for some clothes."
"Hey, it's okay. Like I said, I just got my paycheck today so I have a little more wiggle room to splurge. Plus, we're here to get your mind off whatever bad events happened today."
You smile, choosing not to protest against Pieck's kindness. You had already tried with the food (despite being lucky and getting it for free), and she absolutely would not take no for an answer again.
The two of you found yourselves back on the sidewalk, smelling the fresh October air, with a medium sized Goodwill bag dangling from your fingers. You had taken a moment with Pieck to trade phone numbers. She had asked if you had social media, as she preferred using those to text, but you had recently deleted your socials as you noticed how draining it felt on your already questionable mental health.
"You should really think about coming to that party tomorrow that I mentioned. I know you were worried about it being in a fraternity, but the frats here are actually much better than you'd expect. I'd also be there to punch someone in the throat if need be."
Pieck raises her fists and bounces on her feet, pretending to ready herself for a fist fight. You chuckle at her dramatism.
"I'll think about it, I actually might have stuff to do tomorrow. I have a test next week and I slept through my lecture this morning, so I need to find someone with the class notes."
Pieck nodded her head and let out an "ahhh" sound to confirm her understanding.
You make your way back along the streets through and few small blocks before you both reach your dorm building at around two thirty in the afternoon. Your conversations never ended with Pieck, and even when you said your goodbyes you promised to continue over text to finish what words you couldn't say face to face. It all felt comfortable, and for the first time in a while, everything felt right.
You found yourself ghosting your fingers over your face. It felt strange as you realized today had been the hardest you laughed in some time and the first time your smile made your eyes squint to tightly they almost shut completely in what felt like years. This is what college everyone said was supposed to be like.
Today wasn't so bad after all. You thought.