Janis Sarkisian wasn't one to express her emotions. In fact, Damian had to (playfully) threaten her to get her emotions out. He'd sit her down in her room and take her phone away from her until she would express some sort of emotion to him. Even if it was just a small, 'I guess I felt a little sad yesterday.' or a 'I pushed back an anxiety attack this morning.' it would do it for him. Janis knew that Damian could read her easily, and knew her emotions before she did ninety-nine percent of the time, but Janis was pretty sure he did this to keep her human and to make sure she didn't turn into an "emotionless robot. " (As Damian occasionally said.)
Janis really did have a lot of feelings. She just never talked about them because she felt bad about dumping her problems on Damian. She would think about that one day when she was twelve and how he pulled her away from her locker that had a slur scratched into it, and from everyone laughing and making fun of her. She'd think about how he pulled her into the gym locker room when no one was in there that same day, and how he promised to stay with her until she could calm down. She would think about how she cried to a total stranger who she barely knew about the ongoing issue that had started that morning. Everything that happened until that following year, Damian had been right there with her through it all, no matter what. Now it was approximately five years later and the two were almost inseparable. They knew everything about each other, and could read each other better than anything else.
She was so thankful to have Damian in her life, and for being her rock when she had emotions she didn't know how to express, but right now she didn't know if she really loved having that connection with him.
"You really like her, huh?" Damian said to Janis as they stood on the side of the gym watching everyone. It was actually more Damian watching everyone, though. Janis had her eyes on one person who shined like a star in the middle of the room.
She quickly snapped out of her trance and had just realized what he had just said to her. She had been watching Cady dance around in her North Shore mathletes letterman jacket for a good amount of time now.
"I do not." She said quickly, not making eye contact with him, and quickly playing with the edge of the plastic cup she had in her hand that was filled halfway with punch, but she was convinced that one of the guys in her grade (Shane Oman, probably.) had spiked the punch and it was now punch and vodka. Which didn't really bother her, but she didn't exactly want to drink and then accidentally tell every emotion that she had to everyone. She was an emotional drunk on the very few occasions that she had actually gotten a little drunk. All she remembers is crying to his cats about all of her issues.
"That's a lie, I see the way you stare at her. And don't think I forgot about your breakdown after we left Cady's house that night. I ain't forget, Sarkisian. " Damian joked with her, nudging her in the ribs with his elbow.
"I wasn't sad. I was simply trying to figure out what to do with my life! And it wasn't a breakdown. It was a small spiral that we aren't going to talk about." Janis replied, turning to face him now making eye contact with him.
"Yeah, what to do with your life because Cady wasn't in it anymore." Damian joked with her, taking the cup that sat in her hand as she anxiously swished around the cup and it's contents over and over again. "And now I'm taking this from you because if you swish this anymore, you're eventually going to spill it down the front of your white shirt, and this is red punch and I'm not willing to watch you breakdown over punch right now. Sorry, baby girl." Damian said jokingly, placing the cup on the table next to them that had been covered in a bunch of different snacks and tickets for games that were scattered across the gym.
"That's probably for the best because if Regina does that annoying little head turn with her spinal whatever one more damn time, I'll end up pouring that punch on her head and her little goose dress." Janis said, looking over at Regina who had been talking to Gretchen and Karen. she observed the three plastics laughing together, and then watched the newest ex - plastic walk over to them. "What is she doing?" Janis blurted out to Damian, not realizing that she was staring at Cady again, and definitely not realizing that everything she said made her sound more in love with Cady than she already was. but nobody knew that, except for her and maybe Damian.
Did everyone know she was a lesbian? Yes, of course. That first day back to school after the one day in seventh grade, she came in wearing fishnets that had a little floral pattern on them, with a pair of jean shorts, an army jacket with pins all over it with a band tee that she had gotten from her aunt from the ninety's, and her first pair of Doc Martens that she had not separated from since she had got them. The thing that had really put the whole outfit together for her was the little rainbow pin she had put on the little pocket of the jacket. It was her pride and joy, and she made sure to not care about what everyone thought about it. So yeah, everyone knew by the time she had come back to school that next year. But then during junior year, her pride fell away and had quickly been stolen from her with those similar words that came out of her ex best friends mouth just years ago. Now she didn't want to admit that she was, even though everyone and their mother knew that she was.
"Attached much?" Damian asked her, taking a sip of his punch. "Oh yeah, you're right. This is definitely spiked. Also, Fetus Plastic walking over here." Damian told Janis, quickly handing her the cup he had taken from her, and then heading off in another direction to a few of the kids Janis had recognized from the drama club.
"Hey, Janis. Can we talk?" Cady asked, as she walked over to her. Janis didn't say anything to Cady, all she did was hold her pointer up in her face signaling to give her a second as she took the plastic cup and took a sip of it. But that sip ended up being the rest of the drink. She wasn't exactly ready to hear what Cady was going to say but this way she could have a second to take in the moment that was about to happen, not caring how much she hated the taste of the drink she just basically chugged.
"That drink is absolutely disgusting. What's up?" Janis asked, throwing the plastic cup into the trashcan that was close by, and for her luck, the cup had made it in.
"Can we talk about... you know?" Cady asked her a little more quietly, getting closer to her. This made Janis' heart race. She wasn't sure if it was in an anxiety way or 'I love you but you love someone else and I don't know how to tell you' kind of way.
Janis didn't know how to answer. She didn't know if she was ready for Cady to fully apologize to her. She had already apologized in a way during her speech, but it was more to everyone, instead of an individual apology. This was something Janis had wanted and had thought about for weeks, but she didn't think it would happen so soon. She dreamed that Cady would come to her, practically begging for forgiveness and then eventually confess her love to Janis, but seeing that kiss with Aaron only minutes before made her realize that dream had officially become a fantasy.
She still wasn't sure on how to reply. So, all she said was, "Not here. Not right now." before taking off and going to find Damian.
Janis sat on the floor of her kitchen with Damian. It was around four A.M., and neither of them could sleep so they decided they would share a container of cookie dough, not caring about salmonella or anything. This was something they had always done, ever since their first sleepover when they were twelve.
"I can't believe you told her no." Damian snickered, digging his spoon into the container as Janis rested her head on his shoulder.
"What else was I supposed to say?" Janis groaned, slipping the spoon that she had held in her hand into her mouth.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe, 'Hey, Cady. I'm in love with you but you screwed me over so maybe let's talk about that!' instead of saying 'not right now'." Damian told her, observing Janis dig into the cookie dough with her spoon. She definitely struggled a little bit, considering the fact that the cookie dough was still half frozen.
"I'm not in love with her." Janis mumbled, twirling her spoon around in her hands.
Even saying it out loud sounded stupid. Janis knew she was, and so did Damian. She wasn't fooling anybody except for maybe Cady herself, but that was only because Cady was too busy being infatuated with Aaron to even notice Janis.
"Darling, you're fooling yourself. I think you should just talk to her." said Damian, mouth full of cookie dough. "But maybe don't completely attack her with movie lines. She still needs time to learn those before she's ready to experience your secret eighties and nineties obsession side." he joked, elbowing her side, making her laugh a little.
"I don't have an eighties and nineties obsession!" she exclaimed, taking a small scoop of the dough into her spoon and trying not to laugh as she did it.
"Oh, yeah. You're in major denial now that you're even denying the obsession." he smiled, handing Janis her phone. Right now, was one of the moments where he had tried to get those emotions out of her. It seemed to have semi worked if he had given her phone back to her. "Now, text Cady and tell her to meet up for lunch tomorrow, or something. Or I'll harass you into watching Gossip Girl with me again."
"Damian, it's literally four in the morning." Janis said, opening her texts with Cady, looking at the time before she had started typing out a message to her.
"I don't care. Jeez, she really was desperate. How many times did she text you?" Damian asked, peering over Janis' shoulder, looking at all the texts from Cady that she had never answered. There were twenty - three messages of just Cady begging her for forgiveness, or saying how badly she had messed up. The last message she had sent Janis deleted, so technically there were twenty – four messages. She still thought about that last message a lot and considered telling Damian about it, but she got too scared every time.
"Uh," she said, pausing, pretending to count the messages even though she had counted them a million times and knew exactly what each one said. "About twenty, I think." she told him after a few seconds of fake counting. She quickly scrolled back down and started typing out a message to Cady, even though she had no idea what she was going to say.
"What do I even say?"
"Tell her you are willing to meet up tomorrow. But make sure you tell her not before one p.m. because you, my friend, will be a mess." joked Damian, making sure she typed out everything besides the mess part, even though it was one hundred percent accurate.
"Tu es une chienne." Janis muttered under her breath. Her dad was French, so she grew up learning the language. One of her favorite things was to curse people out in the language, but mostly because it sounded pretty and no one knew what she was saying.
Although, Janis had used this term with Damian many times before, and he had also picked up the language pretty early in their friendship, considering he knew Spanish, the two languages weren't far off from each other. Not many people knew that Janis was borderline fluent except for Damian, her family (obviously), and her ex best friends – the plastics. Not even Cady knew this, but mostly because they had French class together and we're only in French III, so she let Cady help her with French work, even if she knew Cady was wrong.
"Did you just call me a bitch?" Damian laughed, as Janis sent the text to Cady. She looked up at him as he stood up to put their spoons in the sink, trying not to laugh but the smile that had formed on her face was basically her saying, "yeah, I did."
"Je m'en fous. Wait, did I say that right?" He asked as Janis snapped the cookie dough lid back onto the container.
"I mean, you said that you didn't care, but I'm pretty sure you were trying to tell me that you didn't give a shit."
------
Janis and Cady met up that next day. Cady didn't ask any questions on why Janis had never answered her twenty-whatever texts, or why she was up at four in the morning. Sure, she asked questions but none were about that.
"You looked pretty last night." Cady told Janis as they walked around the small-town that right outside the city of Chicago. Janis loved the small town, but mostly because of the little shops. There was a book store with a small coffee shop inside, an antique shop, a cute little edgy café that Janis had been obsessed with for years, and to top it all off, there was an art store that she loved. There had never been a trip she had made to the small town where she didn't end up at that art store by the end of the day.
Those five words made her heart race. She knew Cady was just trying to be nice, but hearing that from Cady made her world stop. Not in the bad kind of way, but in the way you feel when someone you love does something, or says something to you that just makes you want to spend the rest of your life with them.
"You didn't look too bad in that math jacket either, Heron." Janis replied as they sat down outside of that café. "I can't believe Regina never confessed to writing that book." she scoffed, taking a drinking from the straw of the iced coffee that she had gotten inside that bookstore, just down the street.
"She's been through enough, I'm okay with taking full credit of the book. Besides, I ended up at Spring Fling anyways, right?" Cady said, sounding like she was defending Regina.
That made Janis' blood boil. Yes, she felt bad that Regina got hit by a bus, and yes, that was a lot to go through, but she wasn't made fun of for years on end for just trying to live her life.
"I mean, I guess. All she did was get hit by that bus, though." she said, taking another sip of her coffee. She realized only seconds after she spoke that it came off a little harsh.
"Are you still mad at me? Because I understand if you are, and you don't have to-"
"I'm not mad at you. I'm just annoyed by the fact that you think Regina has gone through a lot when only one thing happened to her. There's just a lot of people at this school who have been through worse. Yeah, what happened to her was terrible, I won't deny that, but Regina's bounced back quicker than anyone ever could. She's badass, sure. But I'm just saying, she's hurt a lot of people. Moi included." Janis said to Cady, barely breaking eye contact with her as she did so. She quickly sensed that she might've made a mistake, because Cady quickly broke the eye contact the second Janis stopped speaking. "I'm just saying that-"
"No. You're right, that was stupid of me. Sorry." Cady said quickly, moving her drink from one hand to the other, looking up at Janis who was staring at her, but then quickly looking back down, pulling the eye contact away.
"It wasn't stupid," Janis spoke, breaking the awkward silence between the two of them. "and I'm not trying to sound insensitive, either. She got hit by a frickin' bus. I just think that there's no good excuse for her homophobia." Janis said a little quieter than she had spoken the first time. She wasn't ashamed of being gay, but it wasn't something she had really talked about with Cady before.
There was another awkward pause between the two, so they just sat there in silence as people walked by them for a good few minute. Janis didn't know what to do, so she just awkwardly sat there drinking her iced coffee, which didn't even last long since she was a coffee addict and the coffee was gone in almost two seconds. She was about to say that she had to leave to help her parents, but Cady cut her off before she could even say anything.
"Oh my god," she gasped, sitting up and placing her cup on the table, looking straight at Janis. This really had caught her off guard, because she kind of just expected that they were done talking. "I did that. Oh my god, I nearly did the same thing Regina did, didn't I?" Cady said quickly, face going red and eyes wide.
"Are you just realizing this?" Janis blurted out, definitely coming off really strong.
"I-I thought – I thought you were mad about the party..." Cady said, stuttering over her words.
"Jesus Christ, Cady." Janis muttered underneath her breath. "I don't- I didn't care about the party. I cared about- No, that doesn't matter. I just didn't care about the party, okay?" Janis sighed, letting her face relax a little. She leaned back into her chair, opening the lid to the coffee, and pouring some of the ice into her mouth. "You turned plastic. Cold, hard, shiny plastic."
Cady didn't reply to this either. The two of them had just sat there in silence until Cady said her dad was in the parking lot, and she had to leave.
"Bye, Jan." Cady said to her, picking up her empty cup and throwing it into the trash that was nearby. Janis didn't say anything either. She just waved, gave her a half smile, and mouthed goodbye to her.
Only minutes later after Cady left, Janis got up and did the same. She was going to call Damian to come pick her up, but she had to make one quick stop first. She threw her cup into the trash, kind of annoyed that there wasn't a recycling bin, but headed in the direction of the art store. It was only about thirty seconds away from where she was before, so she got there pretty quickly.
Janis opened the door to the small store, the bells that were attached to the door jingling above her. She walked in to the smell of paint and canvases. She walked over to the back of the store to where all the acrylic paint was, the sound of her boots hitting the wood floor as she took each step.
"Janis?" a familiar voice exclaimed from behind her. Janis whirled around, paint bottle in hand, and turned to face a girl with purple hair, smiling at her.
"Oh, my god, Taylor!" Janis smiled, putting down the small bottle she had in her hand back on to the shelf. Taylor was girl who was around Janis' height, maybe not even an inch and a half shorter. She wore a navy-blue t-shirt that had Korean writing on it, mom jeans with rips in them, fishnets showing through the rips, a black belt, and black Doc Martens. The only reason Janis begged for those shoes in eighth grade was solely because of Taylor.
Back in middle school, Janis didn't like going to group art therapy, (they would show each other their art, do some art, and get to know people who have been through similar things.) but when she had met Taylor that first time she showed up, Taylor was one of the only reasons Janis enjoyed going. They didn't just hang out during group, but they had also were able to hang out, outside of group therapy.
It had been almost years since they had last saw each other. Their therapist who arranged the art therapy group had to be relocated going into Janis' freshman year, (Taylor was a year older) and Janis never ended up back at therapy after. She went back to school, and never looked back at her therapy days since she didn't want to remember the people who caused her to end up there, but her mistake was forgetting the person she had met there.
"It's been so long! How- oh my god, you're taller than me!" Taylor exclaimed as the two walked over to each other. "Jesus, what kind of water do you drink?"
"Not water, coffee." Janis joked, as Taylor hugged her.
"That would be my impact, oui?" she asked, adding a little bit of French, and obviously knowing that she was the one who introduced Janis to coffee in the first place.
"Oh, you remembered." Janis smiled, remembering the days when they used to hang out in this exact store.
There were memories of the two walking down different isles, Taylor reading off labels because they had nothing else to do while they waited for somebody to pick them up. There was one specific time that Janis remembered clearly where Taylor would read off labels, but some of the words from a certain paint brand were in French and she didn't know the language, so Janis taught her the basics.
"How could I forget? You were the only good teacher I had." Taylor told her as she grabbed something from a shelf.
"You know I managed to teach Damian too?" Janis asked as she went over an isle and looked through the sketch books, trying to find the one she liked the most.
"Oh yeah? How did that one go?"
"His favorite hobby is cursing me out in French, so I'm going to say pretty good." she smiled, grabbing two sketch books off the shelf.
Janis and Taylor talked for what had seemed for hours. They had caught up on everything, except the one topic Janis had purposely avoided each time they got close. She even avoided talking about Cady, which was specifically hard since most days she was all Janis wanted to talk about. Taylor knew about what Janis had been through in the past. She had been through something similar, and it was what had brought them close.
"Damian's outside, so I got to go, but do you still have the same number? Because I'll text you whenever, I really miss hanging out with you." Janis said as the person at the register put her things into a bag.
"Been the same number for like, four years now, babe." Taylor smiled, leaning against the counter at the register next to Janis.
"Great, I'll text you." Janis took the bag from the register as he handed it to her. She gave Taylor a quick awkward side hug, before heading for the door. She was half way out the door before Taylor said one last thing.
"Hey, did you ever sort things out with The Barbie Doll?"
There was a long pause between the two as Janis stood in the door way of the shop, looking down at the ground. Barbie was the nickname they had given Regina. Taylor was also the reason Janis and Damian referred to Regina, Karen and Gretchen as, "The Plastics". Janis almost didn't answer and just walked out, but she didn't want to lie, especially to Taylor.
"No. No, we didn't."
----
Avoiding people was easy. You could go into work, school, anywhere really, and just ignore a specific person. Janis was good at this. In fact, she's been an expert since that day in middle school. It was almost a talent to her. Every day she would go into school, planning on avoiding the same three people. She didn't care about the other people who yelled mean things to her anymore, all she cared about was avoiding the same three people, but due to recent events those three people had turned into four.
It's Monday morning, which means it's Janis' day to pay for gas and coffee. Every morning, Janis and Damian would drive to school together, Damian driving since Janis was a chaotic mess and had only gotten her learners permit a few months ago.
She felt like everything happened too quickly. Only two days ago she had sort of reconciled with Cady, yesterday morning she was sitting on her kitchen floor eating cookie dough with Damian, and that same day she nearly told Cady about how she really felt about her, and on top of it all she ran into someone she hadn't seen in years. It wasn't that she had a problem with any of this. She was glad she got to reconnect with Taylor, but something about the entire situation made her feel a little weird inside. It made old feelings and memories come flooding back.
She quickly got ready for school, trying not to step over her two-year-old Jack Russell terrier who followed her around everywhere she went, even if it was one room over, and then back to her own.
"Oh god, is your paw okay? Are you okay boosh?" Janis asked her dog as she accidentally stepped on his paw. She sat down in the middle of the hall, toothbrush in hand, making sure her dog was okay. He looked up at her, trying to give her puppy kisses, so she took that as a yes. "Aww, I love you too, Apollo. Yeah! I love you too." she smiled, holding the tooth brush as far away from him as possible.
"Hey, Jan?" She heard her mom call from the office down the hall.
"Yeah?" she replied, standing up and heading into the bathroom to spit out the toothpaste she still had in her mouth, proud of herself that she didn't accidentally get any toothpaste on the carpet or anything.
"When will you be home today?" Her mom asked, standing in the door frame as she finished brushing her teeth and put the toothbrush in the holder.
"Around six. I'm staying after for art stuff and then Damian and I are going to go out for food. Why?"
"Oh, I was just going to see if you could be back earlier? Your aunt is coming tonight, and I kind of want you to be home when she shows, if that's okay?" her mom asked her as Janis she ran her hairbrush through her hair. Janis stopped. She had four aunts; her dad had two sisters, and her mom had two sisters. Janis had an okay bond with her mom's youngest sister, but the middle sister was who she adored, and didn't get to see often. They didn't really see her dad's sisters often, either. They lived in Seattle.
"Which aunt?" Janis asked, trying to not let the smile tugging on the corners of her mouth form on her face.
"Veronica. She's going to be here for a few weeks for a work thing, so she'll be staying with us."
That smile that she tried so hard to not let take over her face eventually ended up taking over. Veronica was her mom's sister, and she was basically Janis' role model for as long as she can remember. This news made Janis ecstatic, since she hadn't seen her aunt in almost three years. She was with them when the Regina thing first happened, but since her work requires her to travel it had been hard to meet up with her. Janis knew her aunt was bisexual, but her aunt didn't know she was a lesbian. She had been so excited to tell her aunt for almost two years now and wanted to do it in person, and now the time has come.
Eventually, Janis and her mom made a compromise. She would get released from school early, along with Damian and they would help around her house, preparing for her aunt. Damian was all for this since he adored Veronica, too.
She was excited for the day. Janis and Damian talked about her aunt almost the whole ride to school, and gas prices were cheap so she didn't have to pay Damian that much, and on top of it all, someone in front of them paid for them at Dunkin, so yeah. It was a pretty good morning.
It was a pretty good morning until the two sat down in homeroom. They sat there, joking with each other, talking about memories they had with her aunt, and somehow ended up talking about their memories with each other. Janis nearly forgot Cady was in their homeroom until it was seconds after the bell rang, and she came rushing in repeating, "Sorry I'm late, I'm so sorry. I'm here." to Ms. Norbury over and over again.
"So much for a good morning." Janis muttered to Damian, pulling out a pencil, and grabbing Damian's white hydro flask that was decked out in stickers and little drawings that Janis would sometimes draw on it,
"Hey, guys." Cady said to the two of them, sitting down in her regular seat which was in front of Damian's. They sat in the very back of the left side of the classroom, Janis in the seat closest to the wall, Damian in the desk directly to her right in the second row, and Cady in front of him, being diagonal to Janis.
"Good morning, Caddy." The two of them echoed at the same time, Janis a bit more monotone than Damian, also not looking up from the drawing she was currently drawing on.
She heard the two of them say a few things to each other, but Janis wasn't really interested in having a conversation right now. At least not with Cady. She was fine talking with Damian, but with Cady is when those avoiding skills took place. She didn't want to avoid her, and in reality, she couldn't. Cady literally sat right in front of her, breathing, talking, and living like a person. She couldn't avoid her just trying to live her life and being completely oblivious to how Janis really felt about her.
-----
Janis didn't ask for this to happen. All she wanted was to get through the day acting like everything was okay. All she wanted was to go home and hang out with Damian, attempt to do their homework but get distracted by tiktok. All she wanted was to help get ready for her aunt to come so she could fill her in on everything. All she wanted was to go one day without her feelings for Cady to take over all of her emotions. That didn't go well for her when Cady showed up at her door after school.
Janis and Damian lay on the floor of her basement, flipping through notes, trying to quiz each other for an upcoming chemistry test. They didn't get far, Janis was busy sketching on the side of her study guide, and Damian was busy scrolling through his for you page. There was a small silence between the two of them, the only noise coming from Damian's phone. It wasn't a bad silence, though. It was the kind of silence you enjoy when you're with your favorite person and you're just happy to be with them.
"Look at this, Jan," Damian said, sliding his phone across the wood floor to Janis. "I hate straight tiktok so much." he chuckled as Janis watched a video of one of the popular creators do a stupid dance with another one.
"Regina would love to be one of these people." Janis replied, shaking her head at the video and then sliding his phone back over to him.
"Regina would love to be Chris Hargensen." Damian corrected her, taking his phone back. Janis was about to go say something to him, but her mom called for her.
"Janis! Can you come up here?"
"Yeah, be right there!" Janis replied, placing her pen down. "I wonder if Veronica is here, you should come with me." she told Damian as she got up from the floor. He nodded and slid his phone into his back pocket as he got up.
The two of them headed upstairs, Janis holding Damian's hand. They walked into the kitchen, where there was one person neither of them had expected to see. There Cady sat, talking to Janis' mom, sitting at the table with her mom, talking to her about something, probably Kenya.
"Cady?" Damian and Janis both said at the same time. The two looked at each other with confusion, Janis releasing her hand from his.
"What are you doing here?" Janis asked her, walking over to where Cady was as her mom got up and left the room.
"You can ignore me at school, Janis, but you can't ignore me in your own house." Cady said slowly like Janis wasn't able to properly comprehend words or something.
"Do you want me to leave? Cause I can-"
"No, that's okay. You can stay." Janis said, cutting Damian off and taking the seat her mom was sitting in only seconds before. She awkwardly crossed her legs, and immediately uncrossed them, just to cross them once again. Her body was immediately filled with anxiety. She didn't want now to be the moment where she would accidentally freak out and tell Cady she was in love with her.
Damian must've quickly noticed her leg start bouncing shortly after her not being able to sit still, because the next thing Janis knew, Damian was sitting down next to her and squeezing her hand under the table.
"I know I hurt you. I know Regina hurt you, I know you're hurt." Cady said, sitting up straight, her elbows on the edge of the table. "But you have to tell me these things. I know we may not be as close as you two are, but I think of you as my best friend." she said, glancing over at Damian who was getting his hand squeezed off by Janis who was squeezing his hand harder by the second.
"Cady-"
"No, Janis. I'm still speaking let me finish. Please." Cady said, cutting her off. Janis slowly nodded, signaling that she could continue. "I miss my best friend. I miss when you wouldn't turn away when you saw me in the halls, I miss when we could talk in homeroom, I miss when we would hang out in your basement. I miss you. And Damian, I know I hurt you too. I never intended for someone to get hurt. I know neither of you did either, but I just really, really, miss you guys. Okay, I'm done."
Janis looked over at Damian who looked just as speechless as she did. She didn't know what to say, but she knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to throw her arms around Cady and tell her how much she loved her, but she couldn't. She wanted to kick herself for having the urge to do that, so instead she did something she avoided to do for a long time.
"I'm sorry, too." she spoke softly, not making eye contact and releasing her tight grip from Damian's hand. "I'm sorry for making you become plastic, you we're right. You shouldn't be the only one here apologizing." she added, still not making eye contact with Cady.
"Please, don't apologize. None of this is your fault." Cady said, grabbing Janis' hand. This made her heart soar; she thought her heart was beating out of her chest for a second. The butterflies in her stomach started fluttering around ten times the amount they were before.
"But it's partly my-"
"Even if it was, I still could've said no, and I didn't. None of this is your fault, Jan. Stop blaming yourself."
"That's going to be hard, considering she's the queen of blaming everything on herself." Damian chimed in as Janis went to hit his arm. "You know I'm right, babe."
"You do?" Cady asked, and Janis nodded. She still held on to Cady's hand who gripped her hand tighter, moving her chair a little closer to Janis'. "Please, please, please promise me you won't blame yourself for any of this anymore."
Janis looked over at Damian. It was a lot for her to promise. She had blamed herself for everything for as long as she can remember. She looked at Cady who was staring at her with a sparkle in her eye and a small smile on her face. Janis took a deep breath before answering her.
"Promise me, Jan."
"I promise."