*tw: slight mention of abuse/assault
V E R A
━━━━━━━━━━
The rest of the day had gone by way too slow for my liking.
In an attempt to speed up the time, I started to organize my desk and anything that had been out of place. Based on the fact that I hadn't gotten any sleep last night, I was starting to feel myself go downhill. My body started to ache and I could barely stand for more than five minutes without feeling the need to sit back down.
Or maybe, Vera, it was the fact that you had just gotten your mouth fucked and your insides rearranged a few hours ago.
Sudden flashbacks of a certain man filled with my head. Sitting in awe, I still hadn't come to terms with the fact that Damien had just taken me in the middle of his office, on a work day when the museum was almost at full capacity.
Snapping me out of my thoughts, a knock sounded at my door, causing me to look up.
"Ready to leave? You promised me dinner, baby." Cordelia joked.
Ah, fuck. I completely forget that I had promised the woman standing at my door a night full of catching up with each other. Not the kind of person to fall through on my promises, I nodded and gave her a smile.
"Let's get out of here." I said, standing up from my desk and grabbing my bag.
As I walked towards the door, I had to force myself to remain balanced as my thighs were on fire due to recent events.
"Are you okay, my love?" Cordelia asked, giving me a funny look.
"I-I'm fine—just all of this sitting down has gotten to me." I explained, knowing well off that that wasn't the case.
A hint of both curiosity and confusion was still present in her face.
Shrugging her off in an attempt to act normal, we walked out of my office and headed down the steps of the museum. Stepping into a cab and driving further away, I looked back at the building and thought of the man that had begun to show me everything I was looking for.
❦
Showing herself around my little chateau, Cordelia sat on the floor next to the stack of books I had yet to look through.
"You read?" She asked, picking up one of the books and dusting the cover.
"I do but those aren't mine. They were left by the previous owner," I said, grabbing two bowls from one of the pantries. "What are they about?"
"There's some brilliant classics in here," She exclaimed, tracing her fingers over the spines of each book. "Bronte, Austen, Wilde." She named off a few authors.
"Oh," She let out, pulling out one of the books at the bottom of the stack and walking over to me. "They've even got some of Freud's philosophies. Here—listen."
Grabbing the pot off of the stove, I turned around to face Cordelia and started pouring the pasta I had made into each of the bowls as she started to read.
"Freud's take on the pyschosexual stage—puberty, is based on the sexual cravings that are awakened and are aimed towards partners of the opposite sex, with genitals as the primary source of pleasure. Those who completed the earlier stages successfully become well-adjusted, caring and secure individuals." She recited word for word, looking up at me.
"I know Freud's well-respected and all but I can't seem to agree with everything he says." I explained, pushing the bowl of pasta towards her.
"Please, continue."
"Well, he's basically saying that if you were brought up in a positive manner, your sex life was sure to be purely innocent, vanilla-like—you know, because you have no trauma or whatever," I continued, taking a bite of my food. "I mean, I don't think I've endured any real trauma growing up and look at where I'm working."
It was the truth. Maybe my parents had been too harsh on me at times and them constantly yelling at me found its way into the things I craved, that would explain the degrading kink. But it wasn't like I had been physically abused or experienced assault as a child so his philosophy at times, made it unclear as to why exactly I felt pleasure through pain.
If anything, his theories made me feel out of place.
"I see." She said, setting the book aside and prodding at her pasta with her fork. "I feel like you're referring to the life of BDSM. You're interested, correct?"
Throwing me off, I slightly choked on my food as I was reminded that she was the first to take me to the museum's interactive exhibit.
"Uhm, yes—I am." I responded, honestly.
"I definitely can see why you might not agree with his theories, I think sex can feel like too complex of a subject at times to really narrow down why exactly you crave these kinds of things," She explained, taking a bite of her food. "Can I ask you something, Vera?"
Standing up to grab two wine glasses and filling them up with a cheap pinot noir, I nodded.
"He might kill me for involving myself but I have to know," She paused. "Has Damien taken you to that room?"
My body instantly froze up and my mind ran blank. How did she know? Turning around, I slowly placed the two glasses onto the kitchen island we were sitting at. Debating whether or not I should open up to her, I sat down and started to fiddle with my fingers.
"Once." Was all I let out.
A smile appearing on her face, she let out a laugh. What was so funny?
"I don't think you realize how special you are, Vera." She explained, staring at me.
Taking a sip from her glass, she cleared her throat and continued to speak.
"I have been working with both Damien and Nicolas for the past five years. The three of us have a very specific kind of bond that not too many would find charming," She confessed. "There's a chance that Damien might very well end my life for telling you this, due to this spilling into his personal life, but as you might already know about him—"
She paused, a look of contemplation settled on her face. She was wondering whether or not she should continue.
"Both Nicolas and I are dominants as well."
Sharply setting my wine glass down, all I could do was stare at her.
"Surprising, I know. Especially seeing that I'm a dominant. Not many women take on this role but those who do, are some of the strongest people I know," She expressed, making me feel like she was silently referring to herself. "Most people look at female dominants and instantly throw misogynistic rhetorics our way—telling us that we're not fit to play this role."
Remembering back to the little research I had done on BDSM relationships in my freshman year of college, I recalled reading a bunch of misconceptions about female dominants not being capable enough to handle a man. While I was still learning myself, I knew better than to believe in something as silly as that.
Just like men, women who chose to take on a domineering role were equally as powerful. While many people had opposing opinions, I believed that gender roles were utter bullshit. A woman should be allowed the same right as a man when it came to exploring her sensual needs.
And if that meant she wanted to bring a man to his knees and degrade him, then so be it.
"A woman should be able to do as she pleases. Fuck whoever says differently." I assured.
"Preach." She agreed, raising her glass to mine, the sound of clink echoing throughout the room.
Taking a sip from our glasses, the room fell silent for a minute. Both of us, processing the conversation we were having. Setting her glass down, Cordelia clasped her hands together and stared at me.
"Has Damien talked to you about starting any kind of relationship? You know, the technicalities that come with everything?" She asked.
"No, he hasn't," I replied, wondering if I should tell her that it wasn't just a one time thing. "We've actually already crossed the line more than once."
"He did what? Oh my god," She breathed out, a small laugh escaping her lips. "This has never happened. What did you do to the man?"
A million thoughts ran through my head at that moment. Maybe I should've had that conversation with Damien before choosing to step out of line. Although, the consequences were quite enjoyable.
Based on what Cordelia was telling me, it seemed like all of this was out of character for him.
"What do you mean?" I asked, curiously.
"As you've been working for him for the past month, I'm sure you know he's a very regulated man. Damien doesn't just indulge in these kinds of things without laying down ground rules," She explained, rather seriously. "On top of that, he hasn't been involved with anyone in almost two years, Vera."
"Is that why you told me I was special?"
"That, and the fact that he doesn't bring anyone to the museum's valley—that's mostly something that Nicolas and I take part in." She blurted out, still in shock that Damien had crossed so many boundaries.
Jumping to conclusions, I assumed that Damien had taken many women to that room and that he took part in certain public endeavors with them. He was a sadistic dominant, there was no way that he didn't enjoy exhibitionism.
So, why was Cordelia telling me differently?
"Vera, while he's experienced everything you could imagine, in the past few years, he has become a very private person. Despite him creating everything in that museum, he still has his thing for keeping his extracurriculars behind closed doors." Cordelia told, circling the rim of her glass with her fingers.
Taking a minute to digest everything she told me, I was still trying to comprehend the fact that Damien had led a very different life than I had imagined. For some reason, I didn't take him for someone who liked to keep his sex life private, considering he was okay with the whole museum listening to me moan.
Hundreds of questions started to fill my head. Had the three of them experienced things together? Is this how he met Nicolas? Why didn't he have a submissive for the past two years? Why did he suddenly decide to take me upstairs?
Out of all people, why me?
Mentally keeping track of all of these questions, I saved them for later—when I was able to ask Damien myself.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked, hesitantly. Cordelia nodded.
"I'm not like Damien, I won't tie you up and gag you for asking me something, well not if you didn't want it," She laughed, causing my face to turn red. "I'm messing with you, Vera."
"Right," I laughed, awkwardly. "Wait—so the three of you? Have you guys...." I questioned, my words fading into an almost whisper.
"Have we fucked? No," She answered, bluntly. "But we have shared the same submissives before. As much as we respect each other, three dominants at each other's throats during a scene wouldn't be the best idea, we always had to soften it by adding in a fourth party—and yes, I go both ways."
Adding a submissive like myself.
"Interesting."
"Keep this conversation between you and I, Vera. While Nicolas is much more forgiving, Damien isn't. I suggest waiting for him to tell you these things on his own." She stated, to which I nodded.
"But like I said, I am your friend. Now that I've confided in you about these things, don't be afraid to ask me questions if you're curious about anything." She reassured with a smile.
"So the men in Toulouse?" I asked, wondering what she did with them.
"If you're asking if I treated them the same way Damien treats you, then yes."
Slowly nodding, I let out an exhale I had been holding since the beginning of our conversation.
"Am I supposed to ask Damien about—" I paused, not knowing how to explain our situation. "I guess, our relationship?"
"Despite him coming across as very cold at times, the one thing he is, is understanding. Based on my knowledge that you two have already indulged in each other more than once, I know that he'll be open to what you have to say. Just remember to not bring up this conversation."
Downing the last bit of wine from my glass, I let out a rather long sigh.
I'd be seeing Damien again tomorrow night at the Femme de Sexe opening and had absolutely no idea what exactly I was going to say to him. Tapping my fingers on the table, I looked up at Cordelia.
"Well, the reopening of the exhibit this weekend should definitely be an interesting one." Cordelia exclaimed, a smirk appearing on her face.
And she was right. I had made it a plan to ask Damien to have a real conversation with me regarding the technicalities of our relationship. While I was nervous to go there with him, the submissive in me who craved more of everything he had given me so far had overrode that anxious feeling by a landslide.
To put it simply, I wanted Damien and I was going to have him.