Eloise ran up the stairs and pushed open the door to the front of her house.
Her feet stumbled as she walked in, and her vision was blurry as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
She was absolutely determined to find that letter.
"Eloise are you okay?" she heard a voice say. She turned around and was greeted by her younger brother, Gregory. "What happened?" he questioned, noticing her disheveled appearance. Her hair was in shambles, her dress was covered in dirt and her cheeks were stained with tears. "Where's Mrs. Wilson?"
Eloise didn't even bother going back to the market and finding Mrs.Wilson so they could head back home together.
Instead, she ran all the way to her house from the lake, the moment she realized what had happened.
The memories of the last few minutes continued to replay in her mind.
Who's Colin? And who's Penelope?
The voices began to spiral around in Eloise's mind, and she shook her head trying to rid herself of them.
"Eloise? Are you okay sister?" she heard her sister, Hyacinth's voice now as well.
the envelope was addressed to me, but the letter was meant for someone named Colin
The voices in her head continued, and Eloise clutched onto a table and shut her eyes, feeling dizzier by the second.
I don't understand, If Penelope's letter is here, then where is mine?
Eloise opened her eyes and they flickered around the room, looking for any sight of the letters.
Shortly after, the housemaids came to the front foyer, joining her siblings, all of them clearly concerned for Eloise's wellbeing.
"Are you okay, miss?"
"Eloise, what's going on?"
"Sister, are you unwell?"
Eloise drowned out all the voices she heard as her chest began to feel heavier and heavier with every passing moment.
She gasped for air, but nothing seemed to make its way in or out of her body.
She closed her eyes tightly, as her breath began to hitch and her head started to spin, causing her to almost lose balance.
She opened her eyes again and saw her younger siblings and the servants speaking to her, clearly worried.
But as she breathed heavily, her ears began to ring and she couldn't hear their voices anymore.
I don't understand, If Penelope's letter is here, then where is mine?
I don't understand, If Penelope's letter is here, then where is mine?
I don't understand, If Penelope's letter is here, then where is mine?
The letter.
She had to find that letter.
"Eloise, are you okay?" one of the maids asked again.
"Letters? Where are today's letters?" Eloise gasped loudly, making the women flinch in response. She pointed to the study, her eyes wide open in shock.
Eloise staggered towards the study and slammed the door shut as she locked it, making sure no one would follow her.
She supposed after making such a dramatic scene outside, it wouldn't be long until they called her mother, so she figured she only had a few minutes to find the letter.
She made her way to the desk and shuffled through the pile of letters on the table. Her eye landed on one addressed to Colin Bridgerton and she picked up the envelope, recognizing Penelope's handwriting.
Eloise held the envelope to her chest, taking a deep breath as she sighed in relief. She found it.
She grabbed the envelope and was ready to rip it apart but to her complete surprise, it was already opened.
She peeked through the lid of the envelope, and placed her hand through; the letter was missing.
Where was it?
"Eloise," she heard a gruff voice call behind her.
Eloise winced as she stood, terrified to see who stood behind her.
With a deep breath and with all the fear in the world, she turned to see her older brother, and in his hand, he was holding the letter.
Eloise gulped, feeling like this was truly the end of her life.
"Eloise, who's Mabel?"
~~~~~~~
Eloise didn't dare look her brother in the eyes.
Instead, she focused her gaze on the piece of paper in his hand. It was definitely the letter she wrote to Mabel.
"Eloise," her brother said again, sternly this time.
Eloise took a deep breath, "Benedict, I can explain."
But she really couldn't.
She wanted to say it was simply a joke, that it was just a trick she was playing on her brother.
But it was far too late for that.
She already practically had a panic attack just mere minutes ago, and here she was standing in front of her brother, her face red and puffy from all the crying. There was no way now that he would believe she was simply joking. She had made it very obvious that she cared deeply about the letter that he held in his hand.
Eloise opened her mouth to speak. But nothing came out. She just couldn't bring herself to say the words she desperately never wanted to utter out loud.
She looked back down at the ground, her face burning red with complete shame and embarrassment.
"Dear Mabel," her brother began.
No No No Eloise pleaded in her mind.
He continued, "I think about you all the time and I just don't know why. When you're not around, I find myself feeling blue."
Eloise flinched at every word her brother spoke as he read from the letter in his hand.
"What will even be the point of entering next season? Honestly, Mabel, I should just marry you. Signed, Eloise Bridgerton."
Eloise continued to stare at the ground; she truly had no idea what to say or do that would make any of this better.
"Eloise, what is this?" Benedict asked quietly.
Eloise looked back at her brother whom she admired so much. He had always been there for her, listening to her when no one else did, always making jokes even if it was at her own expense. But as she looked back up at him, he seemed completely ..... disappointed. Disappointed in her.
And Eloise's heart broke into a thousand pieces.
If she couldn't depend on Benedict, then she truly had no one else in her family to find some sort of solace in.
"Benedict," she started, her eyes watering. But just like before, she couldn't seem to find any words.
"Who is Mabel?"
Eloise glanced at the fireplace on the other side of the room. She honestly just felt like throwing herself in there and evaporating into thin air.
"Eloise, do you have feelings for this girl?"
A long minute of silence passed as neither of them spoke; the only sound coming from the crackling of the fire.
"Yes."
Benedict's eyes widened in response, his brows furrowed together in complete confusion.
Eloise wanted to tell him, "Yes, I like her. I like her so much. I do have feelings for her," without a single care in the world what anyone else thought.
But she couldn't. Because she cared about what others thought.
Because her family cared about what others thought.
Because in this ton, every single person cared about what others thought.
"Eloise I-," Benedict began, but his voice faltered, not knowing what to say either.
Eloise started to feel the tears burn in her eyes once more, and she fell to her knees, as she began to cry.
She buried her face into her palms as she sobbed, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Benedict," she said in between breaths. She looked at him, tears streaming down her face, "please, I don't know what's wrong with me."
Eloise absolutely hated this feeling. Having Mabel in her life made Eloise feel happy and sure about herself for the very first time, but were the consequences really worth it?
Perhaps, she thought. This is all just a mistake. Maybe I'm just broken.
She was still sobbing on the floor when she felt two arms wrap around her waist.
She felt a small kiss on her forehead, and she looked up to see her brother, hugging her tightly.
He pulled her closer, and she buried her face into the crook of his neck.
He slowly pulled away from the hug and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Eloise, listen to me carefully," he whispered. "There is nothing wrong with you at all."
Eloise looked back up at him, her face was swollen and her eyes were bloodstained.
"Eloise, I want you to know," Benedict continued softly. "I'm not angry or disappointed at you. And honestly, I have no right to be. This is who you are."
"What if I'm not?" Eloise blurted out in tears. "What if this is just a mistake, brother? What if I'm the only one that feels like this?"
Benedict paused for a moment, thinking back to his conversation with Sir Granville, that night at the opera. He understood that whatever Eloise was going through wasn't necessarily a foreign feeling and he understood even more that she was probably hurting from hiding herself from everyone around her.
"Eloise, this may make you different from many others in the ton, but certainly, not for the worse. In fact, it's actually the opposite," he murmured, brushing the hair out of her tear-stained face. "It takes courage to live outside the traditional expectations of the society. It takes courage to be the most honest and vulnerable of yourself."
Benedict lifted Eloise's chin up, making sure she was looking back at him, "Eloise, you are brave. Braver than anyone I've ever known. This is not a mistake. This is simply who you are. And I don't love you any less because of it. You're still my sister and that will never, ever change. No matter who you love, you will always be the 'annoying, know-it-all, never shutting up Eloise," he said, letting out a small laugh.
Eloise chuckled back softly as she buried her head in his chest, hugging him more tightly.
"I promise, your secret is safe with me."
"Thank you," she whispered faintly.
Perhaps, everything would actually be okay
~~~~~~~
A/N:
oh eloise, don't get your hopes up just yet
things are not as easy as they may seem 🙃
hey y'all :))
THANK YOU FOR 4000+ views
im honestly so thankful for everyone that's reading 🥺🥺🥺
THANK YOU :)
honestly i was gonna make anthony or colin find the letter
but that would have turned out wayyyy differently
and Eloise desperately needed to catch a break
i didn't wanna make it any worse
well at least not yet anyway loool
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byeeeeeee
yours forever
violet 🌚🌚
09/02/21