I wrote this story when I was fourteen. I am just now, slowly, starting the editing process. Feedback is always welcome (I love your comments)! Thank you all for your support-- you are all so amazing. (Currently edited through Chapter 24- please refresh the story each time you read in case there are updates).
One
When I was a little girl, I used to pull the grass out from my lawn and expose the soil that was underneath. I'd take my hands and shove them into the dirt, loosen it, and let it fall through my fingers slowly. I was disrupting whatever was living there, coming into its home and leaving it unrecognizable. But now, when I think about it, maybe it needed a disruption. Maybe I was doing that home a favor.
"John, I'm sorry, I really am, but don't pretend like you didn't see this coming," my mother said, standing next to her suitcases. She wore a white sundress and her hair was straight with her front bangs slightly curving.
I sat on the top step of the porch and watched as her red suitcase dipped in and out our cracked walkway.
"I can't believe you're bailing on your husband and daughter. For Diem's sake, I won't yell for the entire neighborhood to hear."
My dad stood in front of my mother and ran a hand through his hair, and then rubbed the back of his neck. He turned toward my mother and sighed. I could see it in his eyes that he wanted her to stay. He was happier with her, even though all they did was fight, even though she was never here, even though she had been sleeping with her boss for the past year.
Apparently, they were in earth-shattering love. The kind of love that makes it easy to leave your other life behind. I say other because I don't think my mother was ever fully here. I don't think this was the life she ever wanted to live.
I once overheard the two of them arguing, as couples who shouldn't be together normally do. My mother had accused my father of robbing her of her life. Having me wasn't a new chapter that she had been eagerly waiting for. Having me had no meaning, or, I guess it meant that her life and any future she envisioned for herself were over.
Relief washed over me as I watched their final fight through to its end. Normally kids wanted their parents to stay together. With every divorce, it felt like the child was left with the unbelievable burden of choosing which parent to stand by. And if parents truly believed there was no favorite child, then it was totally unfair for them to make us choose a favorite parent.
But that wasn't really a problem for me. My dad was my favorite parent by a long shot. My mom wasn't really a parent at all, and this marriage desperately needed to end.
"Our marriage fell apart years ago, John. This isn't anything new! You're never home. Do you even remember the last time we had sex?"
Oh, I'm sure you've gotten enough from your boss, mom.
"I have to work, Rene! I know you don't know what that's like since you spent all your time screwing your boss." So much for not screaming for the entire neighborhood to hear.
"A woman has her needs, and you weren't fulfilling them." She twisted her suitcase around and began walking toward the cab. The driver was in the driver's seat with his windows rolled down. He kept looking forward, but there was no doubt that he could hear the entire exchange.
"You're a pathetic example of a woman," I muttered. I wanted my words to sting, but I doubted that she heard them at all. If anything, I was a constant buzz in her ear— easy to ignore until someone else pointed it out.
She turned around and ran towards me.
"Oh, Diem! Give your mother a hug. I almost forgot!" She stood at the bottom of the steps with her arms spread out. I stayed seated with my chin resting against my palm.
"I'd rather off myself right here," I said. My mother scoffed and turned back around. She grabbed her suitcase and walked over to the cab. In a matter of seconds, she was out of my life. I felt a funny feeling in my stomach, the kind you get when you're just about to drop on a rollercoaster, or when you see a string of missed calls and know that bad news is waiting for you. I pushed the feeling away and took a deep breath.
I didn't know if I was happy or upset at the thought of her leaving. I only knew that this was a shitty summer and there was a week left of it
"Honey, you okay? I'm ordering some take out. Want to come inside?" My father crouched down beside me.
"I feel like just chilling out here for a bit."
"Alright. Don't be too mean to her," he said, kissing the top of my head. I looked up and grinned at him.
"That was me being nice."
I sat outside for almost an hour, watching the sunset. The delivery man started walking towards the door and I stood up to meet him halfway. I handed him the money my dad gave me and took the bag. I walked back inside and set the bag down, taking out its contents.
"Dad, dinner is here."
I opened the cartons of Lo Mein, chicken, and rice and poured us two glasses of soda. I grabbed my cup and gestured for him to take his. We clicked our glasses together and shared a smile.
"To a new life," he said, and I nodded. It sure was going to be new.
***
The last few days of my horrifying summer finally came to an end, but with it came an even more horrific final school year. I dragged my feet across my floor and showered to wake myself up. I decided to wear a light dress with sandals since it was still too hot outside. I grabbed a small bag that fell to my hips and my duffle bag for soccer practice, the only part of the day where I wouldn't be bored to death.
Dustin, my boyfriend of a year, was already waiting for me outside. He insisted on taking me to school every morning. Sometimes he'd come even when I said I'd drive myself instead. He was leaning on the hood of his car, with his arms crossed over his chest. He wore a black t-shirt and slim jeans. I gave him a quick kiss and threw my duffle in the back before getting into the passenger's side.
"Ready to go?" He asked. I nodded and looked out of the window as we drove off to our first day. I avoided telling him about my mother, only because he already had too many opinions about her, and it didn't feel right to hear that come from anyone but me. He also didn't really know what he was talking about. Where was his experience? His mom and dad probably only fought about who would take the trash out and what level to keep the heat at.
As I walked through the halls to get my schedule, I noticed my best friend, Cassie, going the same direction. Just then she made eye contact with me and came charging at me. I cringed, hating that we were those people that acted as if we hadn't seen each other in years.
"Diem! I missed you!" she screamed. I dropped my duffle to hug her back and then fixed my dress. We decided to go to the lockers first so that I could put my duffle bag away and then we'd go to the office for our schedule. Normally they would mail us the schedules over the summer, but apparently there were some changes with the teachers, and they held it off until now.
Cassie snatched my schedule before I could read it and began to compare it with hers. "You lucky bitch!"
"What?" I asked cautiously.
"You have Mr. Livingston!"
"And? What kind of name is Livingston anyway."
"Dee, he's fucking hot, and he's the new AP Biology teacher. Now I regret not taking it with you. Give me all the fucking photosynthesis you want if it means I can look at him for an hour and a half. Apparently, some people already saw him. He's already trending and it hasn't been thirty minutes."
"It isn't that hard to become a trending topic in this school," I said, laughing, but I considered what she said. How good looking could this guy be? Either he was insanely hot, or people had really low standards.
Cassie kept rambling on and on about him as she walked me to my class so she could get a sneak peek at him. We approached the door and we both peeked through one of the square windows on the door and I let out a laugh clutching my stomach as I saw a short old man sitting at the desk. I bit my lip to try and regain control but once I saw Cassie's disappointed face, I burst out laughing again.
"Oh yeah Cas, he's a hottie. I'll make sure to get his number for you." I winked and walked into the class. I decided to sit in the front and titled my chair toward the door so I could see everyone's face fall as they walked in and saw the man in the front. Maybe this school year wouldn't be so bad after all, I thought as I fought back a smile. But then the teacher spoke and I felt the entire room nearly sigh with relief.
"Class, something came up for Mr. Livingston earlier this morning and he couldn't make it. He apologized and left us a video to watch on the basics of AP Bio." I leaned my head against the desk and slept for most of the period.
The rest of my teachers were alright. Some were boring and simply read word for word from the syllabus until the bell, and others had me on the edge of my seat waiting for the next hilarious thing to come from their mouth.
Before I knew it, I was making my way to the soccer field in my Adidas sandals and my cleats loosely held in my hand. I laid down on the grass and listened to the chatter of my teammates, some even talking about our new Bio teacher. I rolled my eyes.
"He had a sub today; you don't even know what he looks like," I said, interrupting them.
"He came back in the afternoon." One of the girls said. I was about to put on my cleats when my coach showed up.
"Put your sneakers on ladies, I'm in the mood for a mile run," she said. We all rushed to put them on, a couple idiots groaned loudly and I already knew this would provoke my coach. "Did I say a mile? I meant two." She smirked and I smiled. I loved my coach and found her personality quite charming. She was super friendly, but she also didn't take shit from anyone. I tied my shoelaces and put my hair into a high ponytail before stepping out onto the red track in my sports bra.
After a two-hour practice, I went back into the school to grab my books from my locker. I walked in, still in my sports bra and shorts. My duffle bag slapped against my thigh as I walked through the halls. I grabbed the lock in my hands and started to turn the knob, when I heard a voice next to me, startling me.
"Is it normal for students to be walking around in sports bras in this school?"
"Is that any of your bus--" I was about to finish my sentence but stopped once I laid eyes on the person standing beside me. I got lost in the bluish-green eyes that quickly scanned me over and then locked with mine again. His hair was blonde and curly and a neatly kept beard covered his strong jaw. My heart pounded in my chest rapidly and I felt my mouth go completely dry.
I shook my head, reminding myself that I had a boyfriend. Dustin was a good-looking guy, but honestly, this guy was... I scanned his body as well and silently approved of the suit that complemented his lean but muscular frame.
"Wow, people here are so nice." He finally spoke again, sarcastically I might add. He grinned and I tried to ignore that he had nice teeth, too.
"If you must know, I came from soccer," I said. I opened my locker, but his eyes on me kept me on edge. I dropped all the books that were on my top shelve and felt my cheeks burn. He bent down and picked up my AP Bio one.
"AP Biology, huh?"
"Yep." I took it from him, ignoring the brief contact as my fingers brushed against him, and put the book back in my locker.
"I hear the new teacher is a good-looking guy."
"Wouldn't know or care," I said as I closed my locker. I turned toward him and crossed my arms. "How do you even know he's attractive?"
"I just do."
"Good answer," I said.
I didn't even notice that we were walking out of the building together. I leaned against one of the cars in the parking lot as I waited for Dustin to pick me up. His football season hadn't started yet, so he went home after school. If I had just brought my car, I could've been on my way home already. I closed eyes and dropped my bag on the floor.
"Mind getting your sweaty ass off my car?" the familiar, almost annoying voice, said. I quickly moved away from the car and grabbed my bag.
"Hey! You're a teacher, aren't you? You aren't allowed to say that!" I tried sounding angry, but it was hard to fight my smile.
"Do you need a ride?" He asked.
"My boyfriend's coming, and I don't get in cars with strangers," I said, looking him over and he smirked. Instead of driving off he leaned against his hood and stood with me. His eyes again wandered my body and I grew self-conscious and found my T-shirt to put on. He just chuckled and scratched the facial hair on his jaw.
"So, what's your name?" He asked.
"Anonymous," I said, ignoring his smile. "What do you teach?" I asked.
"I guess you'll have to find out," he said. Before I could say anything else, Dustin pulled into the lot and I quickly began walking towards the car.
"See you tomorrow!" The guy called out and I turned my head. He stood in the same spot looking at my direction.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"It's a small school. I'm sure I'll see you again. Shame if I don't."
I quickly looked away and ignored the heat that crawled throughout my body. Shame if I don't. I had never had a conversation like that with someone before. So quick and light, and flirty? I shook my head. No, no, you wished it was flirty. I got into the car and blocked out most of my conversation with Dustin, finding myself thinking back to the guy and how close he was, how good he smelled.
The next morning, I felt a rush with every corner I turned, hoping to see the guy from yesterday. I decided not to tell Cas because she would have forced me to check every hall and room so that I could find him, and I wouldn't have wanted to be late for first period. I walked into AP Biology and decided to sit back in the front. If I sat in the back, I'd be tempted to fall asleep or go on my phone, and I heard this class was going to be hell.
I took my seat and rested my head against my arms. I then heard an all-too-familiar voice and my head shot up. He stood in the front of the room in a light blue dress shirt and dark gray tie. My stomach tightened at the sight of him, and then it clicked. The conversation from yesterday, my book, his cockiness, him seeing me tomorrow. He knew all along. That asshole.
"Hi everyone, I'm Mr. Livingston, and I'm sure you've all heard that I'll be your new AP Biology teacher."
"How old are you?" Ashley asked, and Mr. Livingston laughed.
"I'm twenty-four. So hopefully I won't be too out-of-touch with you all."
"Are you single?" she asked. I wanted to be annoyed with her, but a small part of me wanted to know, even if it didn't matter.
"Yes." His eyes met mine for a brief moment and I nearly snapped my pencil in half.
"Would you ever date a student?"
"Okay, now it's getting a little desperate," I muttered and the kid next to me chuckled. Ashley turned toward me with her perfectly shaped eyebrows bunched together.
"What?" she said, squinting her eyes and looking around the room after bursts of laughter spread through the aisles. "I obviously meant after we graduate."
Mr. Livingston was also holding back his smile. He walked around the classroom and began handing out a sheet. When he reached my desk, he finally answered. "My dating life is private," he said. He looked down at me and winked. What a cocky ass teacher.
"Well let's take attendance. When I call your name stand and tell us something about you." I groaned lowly, hated these stupid games. Everybody in this room already knew me, or, they at least knew all they needed to know.
"Faith Evans?" He asked
"Here." She chirped. "Well I'm captain of the cheer squad, so if anyone wants to join let me know." She looked around the room and smiled. She then turned toward Mr. Livingston, "And I just turned eighteen a couple of months ago." My mouth dropped open and I shared a look with the kid next to me. We smiled and then began laughing.
Mr. Livingston looked at me and smirked.
"Something amusing?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at me.
"Just the fact that anyone would be remotely interested in you," I retorted.
"I've never heard any complaints."
"That's hard to believe," I said, scanning him over, knowing it was a lie with every word that came out of my mouth.
"The red color of your cheeks says different," he said, pointing at my cheeks. I blushed deeper and looked down at my desk when everyone turned around to look at me, laughing. I gripped my pencil tightly and continued looking down. This was the most embarrassing moment in my life.
Thankfully, he moved on from the topic and continued with the attendance. When he got to my name he said, "Um I'm not even going to try the first name. Reynolds?" He asked scanning the room.
"Diem(dee-um), and here," I said, raising my hand. My name isn't that hard to pronounce and yet everybody has trouble with it.
He checked me off his list and smiled, but there was a mischievous look in his eyes. "Such a pretty name, too bad the face doesn't match."
I was shocked at his inappropriate comments, but I wasn't going to let him win.
"That's not what your eyes were telling me yesterday," I muttered under my breath and he seemed to be the only one that heard. His mouth fell open for a second, and then he quickly recovered.
"Well, are you just going to sit there or tell us something about you?" He asked, and I pretended to think for a second.
"I'll take the first option." I was never like this with teachers but I guess this arrogant asshole brought out the worst in me, huh?
"Detention, Ms. Reynolds." He said in a sing-song voice.
"For what!"
"For disrupting class and interrupting the education of your peers. Oh, and 'cause I feel like it." He smirked.
"I'm not going. I have practice." My coach would kill me if she found out I got detention for mouthing off to a teacher.
"Oh, you are going, but you'll go to practice first and come to detention after. If you don't, I'll have a talk with your coach."
I groaned and rolled my eyes. "Who was dumb enough to give you a teaching license," I muttered.
"What was that Ms. Reynolds?" I could feel the smile in his voice and knew he heard me.
"Nothing," I muttered picking my head up from the desk and faked a smile. "I just know you're going to be a great teacher. We're a lucky bunch."
"Why, thank you." He chuckled and finished the attendance and introduced us to the class.
***
"So how was it?" Cassie asked excitedly. She sat down at the lunch table beside me.
"How was what?"
"Don't play dumb Dee, I want details. Is he incredibly hot like everyone says he is? Would I sleep with him? I probably would." She rambled on and I slapped the back of her head.
"Cas! Get a grip!" I bit back my laughter and shook my head. Now that I thought about it, she probably would want to sleep with him, because a part of me also would. I was intrigued, even if I thought he was a jerk.
After practice, I dragged my feet against the floor on my way to his classroom for detention. Are teachers even allowed to keep students this late after school?
"Look what the cat dragged in."
"Ha-ha, you're hilarious," I said. "Why did I even have to come here?"
"Because I like to bother you. It's easy to get you mad." I rolled my eyes and sat down in the back. I started to get cold and goosebumps covered my legs. I looked through my duffle to grab my sweats and put them over my shorts. I looked for my hoodie and groaned when I remembered it was in my locker.
"Mr. Livingston,"
"You can call me Caden, as long as you don't tell the other students. I have a feeling some of them would abuse that a little too much."
"Mr. Livingston, can I go to my locker? I left my hoodie there."
"Nope." I hate this guy.
"It's freezing in here."
"Here, I have a sweater." He grabbed the jacket from his chair and walked over to me. I hesitated before putting it on. I liked how baggy it was on me and it smelled so good. I brought it to my nose and took a deep breath.
"Wow this smells good," I muttered.
He chuckled and went back to his desk. "Is that a compliment? Who would've thought?"
"Well," I said, tapping my fingers against the desk, "what the hell do kids do in detention nowadays?"
"You've never been to detention before?"
"Nope, first time." He grinned.
"I'm glad I'm your first." He said winking and I rolled my eyes at him.
That's the only 'first' of mine you'll ever be, pretty boy.
"Well, there's one thing I haven't done yet."
"Which is?"
"Number the textbooks." He grinned and leaned back in his chair.
"Have fun with that."
"I'm not numbering them, you are," he said, chucking a sharpie at me. "Come with me to the storage room." I followed him inside and groaned when I spotted nearly one hundred textbooks.
"I have to number all of those?"
"Yep, and then you have to put them on that rack. In order."
After nearly half an hour, I finished the books and set the sharpie down on his desk. "I'm done, I better get going, my dad already called me at least twenty times."
"Alright, I'll walk you out."
"That's fine, my ride is already here." I grabbed my bag and started walking to the door. I stopped midway and turned around. "Oh, crap I almost forgot," I said, unzipping his sweater.
"Oh, no it's fine. You can just give it back to me another day. It's freezing out." Oh, don't try with the nice-guy act now.
"Thanks, Mr. Livingston."
"Caden," He said, smiling. I nodded and left the room. Damn, I couldn't wait to get the hell out of here.
When I got into the car, I went to give Dustin a kiss but he pulled back, looking me over with a weird expression. He turned on his car and pulled out of the parking lot. His hand gripped the steering wheel tightly, turning his knuckles white. I ignored it and continued looking out the window until we got to my house. I didn't really mind if Dustin didn't want to kiss me. Our relationship had stopped being the same for a long time. A part of that was my mom and seeing how her relationship with my dad fell apart, but it was also because Dustin never gave me enough space. I saw him every day, talked to him every night, met with him between every class, and spent my weekends with him. I needed the space, but I could never say it because he would take offense.
He pulled into my driveway and took his key out of the ignition. "Whose sweater is that?" He asked, looking me over.
"Oh, just a friend's. It was cold and I couldn't go to my locker." He looked me over again and let out a breath. "It's a guy's?" I nodded, reaching for the door. What the hell was his problem? Did he only want me wearing his sweaters now, too?
"Why the hell are you staying after 'til 5:30? Your practice ends at five, and then you come out in a guy's sweater? What did you do for half an hour? Whore around?" He asked through gritted teeth. My mouth dropped open and I looked at him.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Before I could even blink, he pulled his hand back and smacked me across the face. My hand went to my cheek immediately, but I stayed silent, the shock of it all numbing the pain. I tasted blood and knew my lip was busted from his ring.
"You're fucking crazy." I tried to get out of the car, but he grabbed my hand, his face turned softer and he cupped my cheek.
"Wait, Dee. I don't know why I did that. Please, baby, I'm so sorry. I know you would never cheat, sometimes I just get so mad. Just answer me right away next time, okay? Baby, I'm so sorry, you know I would never hit you." I looked at him with wide eyes.
"What the hell do you mean you would never hit me? You just fucking did."
"It'll never happen again, I swear. You can't be wearing another guy's sweater, okay? Do you know how embarrassing that is for people to see my girlfriend wearing someone else's clothes? You get that right?" He reached over the console to touch my cheek, but I pulled away.
"Dustin, I have to go, my dad is expecting me." I pulled my arm away from him and opened the door.
"Okay, I'll talk to you later babe. I love you." I ignored him and slammed the door. I stood outside for another minute, hoping that the cold would help with the pain and the redness.
I walked inside and dropped my bag on the floor. I started walking towards the kitchen. I smiled as my dad was finishing dinner, and I loved when he cooked.
"Hi, honey, where were you?" He asked giving me a kiss on the cheek.
"Practice and then I had detention."
"Detention?" He asked. The doorbell rang and he told me to watch over the food while he went to answer it.
"Yeah, you wouldn't believe the jerk I have for AP Biology. He is the cockiest, most annoying teacher and I just felt like strangli--" I stopped talking when my dad walked in the kitchen chatting with Mr. Livingston. My dad's arm was around his shoulder and he had a warm smile on his face. What the hell is going on?
"You just felt like what, Diem?" Mr. Livingston asked, grinning at me and I nearly dropped the spaghetti all over the floor in shock.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"You left your books in class, so I brought them." He said holding them in his hand.
"How do you know where I live?"
"School records." He said, shrugging. Yeah, that's not creepy at all.
"Diem, you didn't tell me Caden was your teacher," my dad said.
"I didn't know he was until today. Wait, how do you know him?"
"I work with his dad. He's Mark's son! I've known him since he was a little kid." My dad smiled and set the plates. I stared down at the three of them. "Stay for dinner, Caden. We'd love to have you." I choked on my drink and couldn't stop coughing. We?
"I don't want to intrude, Mr. Reynolds."
"Call me John, son, and we'd love to have you." Again, with we, dad. Where is this we coming from?
"Do I get a say in this?" I asked.
"Diem, go get the wine." I sighed and did as asked and grabbed a coke for myself. This definitely wasn't weird at all having dinner with my teacher that I couldn't stand.
I awkwardly ate as I watched them talk. Mr. Livingston kept looking over and smiling at me and I returned a fake one. I bet he only stayed because he knew it would annoy me.
"So, what's it like having my baby girl in your class?" My dad asked.
"Well, I've only met her today, but she seems like she's going to be a handful."
My dad laughed, "Has been that way since she was born." Yeah, talk about me like I'm not even at the table with you guys. Maybe I could sneak off without being noticed?
"Diem, what happened to your lip?" My dad asked. I straightened in my seat and started to panic. Shit, I forgot all about it and I didn't know what to say. I bit it trying to hide my panic and ignored the pain as my teeth grazed the cut.
"Oh, it was from soccer practice today, got elbowed in the face, nothing big," I said shrugging. I looked at Mr. Livingston and he was looking at me strangely, almost as if he knew I was lying.
"So how are the rest of your teachers? Any other cocky, annoying ones? Or is it just me?" I was glad that he was changing the subject and taking the attention off my lip, but for some reason, I had a feeling the subject would be brought back up.
"Just you," I said with a smirk on my face. Just freaking you.