I watch as the raindrops glide down my balcony door, thankfully the rain isn't as heavy as before.
I tried texting Ian again but still, I got nothing in response. I turn and look at the time on my phone, it's only a few minutes past midnight so he'll be awake. I grab my puffer jacket and put it on, deciding that I'll go out and knock on his balcony until he opens up this time.
I open my door and step out, feeling the very light and small droplets hitting my head. I close my eyes and tilt my head back, letting the rain hit my face before taking a deep breath ready to settle things with Ian once and for all.
I open my eyes and turn them to his balcony only to see him already sitting there and judging by his wet hair I'll say his being there for a while now. He's sitting with his knees bent and his hands resting on them holding a beer.
What the fuck! Ian doesn't like drinking. Where did he even find beer?
"I was expecting you, " his deep voice startles me.
"Why didn't you let me know? I would've come sooner," I say, sitting down and mimicking his posture whilst tacking my jacket closer to my body.
"I wanted this to happen naturally, " he says, not even once glancing at me instead his gaze it's fixed on the night sky.
"Ian, we need to talk about what happened, " I say, playing with the ring on my index finger.
"I know, " he says.
"You can't keep avoiding me forever, " I say.
"I know, " he says again.
The lack of emotion in his voice is starting to bother me for the first time since we met.
"Well let me tell you something you probably don't know, " I say, twisting my body towards him and looking at his side profile.
"I really like you, Ian. As I started to get to know you better my feelings started blossoming for you and now with each passing day they intensified even more. That kiss was the best kiss of my life. I've been drowning in my thoughts about that and you ever since that day and you avoiding me isn't helping me. Did you regret it, is that it? Do you think it was a mistake?" I say, my voice shaking slightly at the end, I don't know whether is due to the cold or my nerves.
Confessing your feelings to someone takes courage, especially when it's a friend that you may lose by doing so.
I was expecting to see something on his face, maybe relief that I feel this way for him or worry depending on what he feels, but his face stays the same blank canvas.
He knows how to hide his emotions well.
"I didn't regret it neither do I see it as a mistake..." he stops talking, taking a swing of his beer.
"But, " I say, feeling my stomach clenching and twisting from the anticipation of his words.
"But I do think that it would be for the best if it never happens again, " he lets out the words I didn't want to hear.
"Why not? Do you not feel the same way? Friends don't just grab their other friends and kiss them like that for nothing, " I say, feeling frustrated with his lack of explanation.
"I don't know what I'm feeling for you okay?! I never felt this way before so I can't even explain it. I never thought that at this point in my life I'll have a chance at romance, is that enough for you?" He raises a bit his voice at me, taking me aback a little.
"No, it's not enough Ian! If you feel something for me then why not give us a chance? Why not try and figure out your feelings for me together? The closer we come physically the more emotionally distant you get from me why?" I say, raising my voice to match his, clearly, neither of us cares anymore if our parents wake up.
"Cause I have a fucked-up household life still! I don't even know how much worse things are going to get when they find out the truth about my studies or you. I'm officially 20 years old and still need to sneak out of the house whenever I want to go out for fucks say, Chloe! I can't give you what you want, besides I don't even know if what I'm feeling towards you is worth fighting for! What about now huh, is this explanation enough for you?" He takes another swing of his beer before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
My lips fail to stay pressed together at what he said, now that was a punch in the gut.
I can feel my eyes watering from frustration, anger, disappointment and sadness and I don't even know what else.
My mouth opens and closes a few times, trying to find the right words to say but I can't seem to find them.
I think he's tipsy right now, that's why he's behaving like this or maybe this is a side of him that I didn't know about.
Buying me some time to think, I leave silence to consume us for a little bit, hoping that it would calm him down.
I twist my body back to my original position, letting my head rest on the door as I feel the droplets falling on my face more frequently than before. It seems like rain is picking up again.
"Let me love you, " I whisper so softly that I think he might not have caught it.
"I don't think I want to, " his words make my eyes bleed.
"You can't love me, Chloe, because I can't give you the love you deserve, " he whispers.
"You don't know that, " I say, raising my voice ever so slightly as I try to blink away the tears.
"You have given me so much Chloe, you're showing me the world, you're giving me the time of your day. I can't give you anything back in return...I can't even let you love me, " he says, brushing his hand through his hair.
I open my mouth to answer back at that bullshit, but he has more to say.
"You have other options anyway. Jacob is probably a way better boyfriend material than me and he really likes you, maybe you should give him a chance. You said it yourself anyway he's a really sweet and caring guy," he says, scoffing at the end and taking another big swing at his beer.
I hate it when people think they know better than me what's best for me. I also hate it when people decide things for me and just like that my whole mood changed.
"You know what, maybe you're right! I should give Jacob a chance. I think he deserves it doesn't he, after all, he is really trying to show me just how much he likes me. "
I can now see how every word that leaves my mouth affects him as he lets his feelings be portrayed on his face.
"He actually asked me out on a date yesterday and I haven't answered him yet, but now I know what my answer will be. Maybe I'll even let him join me in my room, I have to check if we're compatible in the-"my breath gets cut out of me as he snaps his head towards me looking at me for the first time tonight.
The fire in his eyes is burning me.
"You're pushing it, Chloe," he says, slightly raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, am I now? As I was saying," he cuts me off again, jaw clenched.
"Finish that sentence I dare you, " he says, through grinding teeth.
I stand up and lean forward as much as the fence was allowing me never once breaking eye contact with him.
"I have to see if we have chemistry in the bedroom as well. Why that face? Don't you think sex is an important part of a relationship? Cause I think it is. Maybe he'll even feel so good, that I'll end up changing my mind about him!"
I know what I'm doing is not the right thing and that I shouldn't be adding gas to the fire, but I don't care. At this point, I want to hurt him just as much as his words hurt me.
"Yeah, your right sex is an important part, so you go ahead and do that with him but don't come crying to me later about how his dick wasn't satisfying enough, " he stands up facing me, leaving the now empty beer bottle to slowly roll on the floor.
"Or you never know, he might even cheat on you as he did once before to his previous girlfriend or maybe your pussy won't be good enough for him, " I raise my hand towards him, but he tightly grips my wrist and leans forward.
"You better watch where your hand goes. The only time you raise your hand towards me better be to wrap it around my dick. Night Chloe, good luck on the date, " he spats, letting my hand go and returning to his room, leaving me speechless out in the cold as the rain mask my tears.
I wipe them away harshly and rush back to my room. Getting rid of my jacket, I grip my phone in my freezing hands and quickly type a reply back to Jacob.
"I'll love to, how about we meet tomorrow? -C"
I didn't even have to wait 2 minutes to get a reply from him.
"Perfect, how about I'll pick you up at 6? Xxx -J"
"Sounds good! Goodnight Jacob xx -C"
"Sweet dreams Chloe xx -J"
Let's see how this will go...
A/N
Seems like Ian decided to push her away instead of pulling her closer...🙄
Do you think Chloe will now give Jacob a chance?
Will Jacob be getting a taste of that sweet heaven as Ian did?
Do you think Ian will regret his decision?
I hope you enjoyed this chapter and stay tuned for the next one on Wednesday, cause someone is going on a date...👀😬
Feel free to comment & vote, I really appreciate it ❤️
Hope you have a nice week! Xx
All the love - M ❤️