It was actually just a smudge on my glasses I was still very much in my ordinary human world.
I walked down the street and cleaned up after the dog. I walked down various streets before starting to return home. Then I crossed the street. It was past midnight so I didn't bother to look before I crossed the road then a vibrant light glimmered to my left and smack. I was a pancake.
My last thoughts were these:
If only I was popular naturally without even having to say anything.
If only I had the ability to improve myself with just the click of a button
If only I could adapt better to my situation.
Then I lost consciousness.
Until My mind slowly plunged into blackness.
I was no longer thinking.
Feeling.
Breathing.
Hearing.
Silence.
Darkness.
Nothing.
It was all over...
I didn't feel
I didn't see
I didn't smell
I didn't hear
I didn't even think
Complete and utter nothingness
Forever
Nothing
Indefinitely
Indefinitely?
Then I heard something.
It was a strange voice. Like a text to speech bot.
CONDITIONS FOR REINCARNATION MET
FORMING NEW FORM
WISH "If only I was popular naturally without even having to say anything." COMPUTING SOLUTION...SOLUTION OBTAINED...CREATING EASILY LOVEABLE BODY
WISH "If only I had the ability to improve myself with just the click of a button" COMPUTING SOLUTION...SOLUTION OBTAINED...RPG STAT AND SKILL SYSTEM INCORPORATED
WISH "If only I could adapt better to my situation."
COMPUTING SOLUTION...SOLUTION OBTAINED...SKILL GRANTED...SHAPESHIFTER...SKILL PROVIDED GUIDE
WISHES COMPLETED.
STARTING REINCARNATION PROCESS.
Back to silence
Still, nothing to see
But this time I felt like I was seeing nothing instead of not seeing.
I felt like I was in the dark instead of blind.
Then a vibrant flash occurred.
And then I started to feel. I could feel rocks under my feet. I could feel the air entering my lungs. I could hear the tapping of feet on the rocks. I still couldn't see though. It was almost pitch black around me. The only light source was a clump of very dim blue lamps.
Only they weren't lamps. They were crystals!!
I walked over towards them to get a better look. But that was when I realised it. My body seemed weird. For one my legs were very short. For a second point, I didn't seem to be able to feel my arms. And for a third, my sense of hearing seemed strangely keen.
But I didn't know what was going on. Without arms, I couldn't tell what I looked like or anything.
I had been reincarnated. But into some sort of armless short-legged creature. I wasn't sure what but I knew I had to find out. I walked around and searched the area. There didn't seem to be much around. Just bare rock and glowing crystals.
I could hear the flow of water and many scurrying creatures not particularly far away. Although I feared for my safety I was confident I could beat them. After all, I had been reincarnated. These characters were always op right?? I was sure I'd be able to obliterate a few scurrying creatures.
As I came closer I started to see them. The dark made them very hard to make out but they looked like giant spiders. Each spider must have been as tall as me but 5 times wider. They were huge!! And what's more, there were hundreds. All running in the same direction... Towards me!!
I ran but my short legs meant I was slow. I waddled away as fast as I could but they were rapidly approaching. Then they reached me. They trampled all over me. They didn't attack like I had expected and instead acted completely as if I didn't even exist? To them I was nothing. So insignificant they could straight up walk all over me. Un the completely literal sense.
The wave of spiders passed and I tried to get up off the ground but my lack of arms made it near impossible. I rocked and rolled until eventually, I managed to flip myself after rolling to an edge of the cave and pushing off with my feet. I waddled on. Confused lost and feeling completely defeated.
Of course, I couldn't win a fight against them. I wouldn't even be able to fight 1 let alone 10 dozen. I sat down on a small rock and sighed. I seemed to have a strange recollection of hearing a voice while I was dead. Perhaps it was the voice of a goddess? I thought to myself. But that seemed too convenient. Too typical of an isekai, after all this was the real world. And I wasn't Japanese. So it seemed more likely that it would be some kind of Lovecraftian deity. Playing with life trying to find fun in tormenting my life. Although it seemed more likely they would just kill me...
I didn't know and there was nobody to ask. I just sat down and hoped I could remember something. Then I thought it might have been a command panel or something.
"Open command pannel" I called out loud for the whole cave to hear.
Nothing occurred.
"Help please???"
"Where am I??"
"YOU ARE IN A CAVE" a bizarre voice distinct from the voice during my death recited plainly.
that surprised me dearly and caused me to jump in the air in shock I had hardly expected an answer. And especially not one so useless and obvious.
"Where is this cave??"
"UNDERGROUND"
"Why are you so fucking useless!?"
"I AM A GUIDE DESIGNED TO HELP YOU ADAPT MORE EFFICIENTLY TO SITUATIONS, NOT TO TELL YOU WHERE YOU ARE"
"Surely knowing where I am would help me adapt to my surroundings."
"INCORRECT"
"What do you mean incorrect??"
"YOUR QUESTION IS INCORRECT"
"Ok then how about this... what is the best way for me to adapt to my situation?"
"CALCULATING....... YOUR NEXT STEP IS TO LEAVE THE CAVE"
"Urghhh! You really are useless"
"INCORRECT"
It was clear to me that if ever the guide would only be useful to me in very specific situations.
"Do I have stats or skills?"
"AT THIS POINT IN TIME THEY WILL NOT HELP YOU ADAPT"
"I'll take that as a yes"
"What is my level?"
"THAT IS IRRELEVANT"
"Ok better question...how long until I can level up and increase my stats?"
"THAT IS IRRELEVANT"
"How long until I level up and can therefore adapt by investing skill points."
"KEYWORD ADAPT DETECTED... YOU ARE CURRENTLY LEVEL ONE AND REQUIRE 35XP BEFORE YOU REACH LEVEL 2 AND GAIN 1 SKILL POINT"
"Thanks"
It seemed it could be very useful after all. The AI seemed to be very simple and instead of having any kind of logic circuit, it would search for keywords and then give premade answers.
"What do I look like. It's very important so I can adapt"
"THAT IS CURRENTLY IRRELEVANT"
"What am I. I need to adapt to my species??"
"YOU ARE A MONADA"
"What's that?"
It doesn't answer
"I can't adapt without knowing what the features of a Mona whatsit are."
MONADAS ARE SMALL FURRY MONSTERS THAT LIVE IN CAVES. THEY HAVE A KEEN SENSE OF HEARING AND POWERFUL NIGHT VISION. THEY ARE FAMOUSLY WEAK AS MONSTERS DUE TO THEIR SLOW SPEED, LOW HEALTH, AND PITIFUL ATTACK POWER. THEY TYPICALLY ATTACK BY BITING AND MAKE UP FOR THEIR WEAKNESS BY ATTACKING IN GROUPS OF 5-15 INDIVIDUALS. THEY DO NOT EVOLVE NATURALLY.
"Hmm I see"
It appeared that I was some kind of fluffy ball monster. But not just that. I was weak, and not just weak but famously weak. That implied that I was one of the weakest monsters that exist.
"Do other monsters have stats?"
"THAT IS IRRELEVANT"
"Do other monsters adapt by leveling up?"
"THIS DOES NOT AFFECT YOU"
"Give me the answer!"
"NO"
"I have the most useless guide."
"NO"
"But it won't tell me anything how am I supposed to adapt if you don't tell me anything"
"UNDERSTOOD, THE ANSWER IS NO. YOU ARE UNIQUE IN THIS TRAIT. NO OTHER MONSTER HAS THIS TRAIT."
"And humans"
"NO HUMANS OF THIS WORLD HAVE THIS TRAIT"
"So is it unique?"
"IRRELEVANT"
"Wow thanks"
"HAPPY TO HELP"
"That was sarcasm"
"I DISAGREE"
"What?"
"How do I gain XP?"
"BY DESTROYING ENEMIES"
"And what are the weakest enemies in here?"
"MONADAS"
"Wouldn't that be murder of my own kind?"
"IRRELEVANT"
"Of course it is. Whatever. Where can I find them?"
"YOU MUST ADAPT AND FIND THEM YOURSELF"
"God almighty. I have the most useless guide in history."
I decided to see if I was able to defeat anything in order to gain XP.
"Where can I find Monadas?"
"THEY ARE LOCATED IN THE UPPER SECTUM OF THE SINMAR CHASM"
"And how do I get there?"
"IRRELEVANT"
"How am I supposed to defeat the Monadas if I can't even get there"
"IRRELEVANT"
"I need it to adapt!!"
"TRAVEL NORTHWARDS UNTIL YOU REACH THE SHAFT. CLIMB UP 2 LEVELS AND IT OPENS UO INTO THE BASE OF THE CHASM."
"Which way is north?"
"AT 97° FROM YOUR CURRENT ANGLE"
"Ok thank you"
I sigh and turn myself about 90 degrees. And then waddle in that direction. I waddle for a very long time. The unchanging nature of the caves made it very difficult to tell how much time had passed but it must have been a few hours. Then I reached a sheer wall with two tunnels. The tunnels seemed mostly natural and one was angled upwards and the other downwards.
I waddled into the upwards angled one. The rock was loose and the edges were steep making it hard to climb with my 2 short legs and lack of being used to my body. Especially without having arms. The tunnels were narrow and probably couldn't fit anything much bigger than me.
As I walked I came across a shimmering green translucent wall. It read.
Somehow without having ever seen writing like it before I understood exactly what it read. It said, sinmar chasm upper layer.
I waddled up to it and then pressed gainst the barrier and somehow fell through.
Now that I was on the other side however it instead said.
Which meant sinmar chasm mid layers I tried to touch it again but this time it blocked me. I couldn't pass back through the barrier.