The prison was eerily quiet this gorgeous morning. Rick and I had stayed up for almost two nights in a row, discussing our plan for the incoming attack. We knew it would happen soon, especially after Merle went rogue and tried ending matters himself. Merle sacrificed himself trying to do something good, even if it was just for Daryl's sake; I felt eternally indebted to him.
Judith stirred in my arms, soft snores emitting as I continued to rock her. I've been packed up since Daryl returned without Merle, so I spent some time with the baby until everyone was ready. Rick and I agreed that Hershel, Carl, Beth, and Judith would take a car and park somewhere in the woods, away from the fight.
Carl was not happy—not one bit. He'd been moody for the past week or so, but when Rick and I broke the news to him, he threw a fit. Since knowing him, that was the first time I've seen him behave like that. He cussed up a storm, taking both of us by surprise. Rick had to snap into parent mode and quickly put Carl back in his place, but that didn't mean he wasn't still mad at us. He'll soon understand that we're doing it for his own good. We can't let him lose what little innocence he has left – not yet.
I walked down the stairs, taking each step slowly as I watched the rest of the group pack up their things. Carl stormed out of his cell, his beautiful blue eyes landing on me with a scowl on his face. I couldn't help the frown that spread across my lips. I'm not too fond of this new attitude; I can't imagine how Lori felt every time he snapped or flashed her the same look.
He hitched his bag higher up his shoulder as he turned the other way, his sheriff's hat finding its rightful place on his head. Beth came to me, her arms extended for Judith. I handed the baby over and felt a pain in my chest as her warmth left me. I hope those two are safe out there in the woods. The squeaky door leading outside shut loudly, signaling Carl had already left the building.
Not wasting any time, I ran outside to catch up to him. I caught up to him near the cars, a few feet away from Rick, and grabbed him. He frowned deeply and angrily shoved my hand off him as he continued forward. I balled my hand into a fist, feeling dejected with tears threatening to well up in my eyes. He's outraged, but he has to see that we're only trying to protect him. Michonne walked up to me, seeing the interaction between the fuming boy and myself, and placed a hand on my shoulder. Her lips tightened into a straight line as she patted me before walking ahead. Rick frowned and grabbed his son, attempting to talk to the boy. Carl shrugged him off and stalked towards the car they would use to hide out.
Daryl approached me, his eyes hard and his angel wings vest zipped up. I frowned at him and sighed, seeing my pack slung on his shoulder with his own and his crossbow. Michonne and Rick approached us, their hands stuffed in their jackets. We gathered and watched as the rest of the group poured out of the prison with their things. I looked toward Michonne and frowned, still feeling guilty about the Merle ordeal.
"I'm sorry," I broke the silence, my eyes still firmly on her, "For putting you through all that bullshit." Michonne smiled slightly at me and nodded, her eyes lighting up.
"I get it," She spoke, her eyes darting to Rick as she also talked to him, "You were trying to take care of your family,"
"You're a part of that family," I stated, watching as her smile widened, "You're stuck with us now, gorgeous," I chuckled as I threw in the compliment. She snorted and shook her head, knowing I was right – about both things. Slowly, the group gathered around us, their eyes on Rick and me as we shared a look. "Let's head out,"
~*~
The building vibrated and shook as bullets pierced the walls. An explosion echoed throughout the tombs, making me cast a worried glance at Daryl. My grip tightened on my machine gun, fear striking my heart. The blackness of the tombs put me on edge. We risk being attacked by walkers from the rear, which made me uneasy. A hand squeezed my shoulder, trying to help me relax. I looked back at Daryl and nodded at him, my way of thanking him for trying to calm me. He shifted slightly and gripped his gun, paying attention to the shouts outside the prison.
The metallic clanging of our locked gate echoed throughout the tombs, letting me know that they were on their way inside. I lifted my hand and made a fist, preparing Daryl for our counter-attack. The familiar squeaking of the door made me stiffen as boots clamored inside our cell block. It's a good thing we cleared out early this morning! I can't bear to imagine us being stormed while packing our stuff. I felt sweat trickle down my neck as the faint conversation among our invaders hit my ears. The prison squeaked and clattered as stray walkers roamed throughout. Footsteps drew near, and I let out a determined breath, knowing that it was either them or us. Daryl reached behind him and gripped a few flashbangs, his finger toying with the pin as we listened intently. He passed me a smoke grenade as the whispers became more distinct.
I dropped my hand, signaling to attack. Daryl and I pulled the pins on our respective grenades and threw them. The loud bang of the flashbang forced us to retreat as smoke started to fill the corridor. We raced towards our designated positions, anxious to start helping the rest of the group with our enemies. Shots from inside the prison echoed as screams ensued. The alarm above us blared, letting us know that Rick could safely pull the switch in the generator room. Our flashbangs were the signal for us to start. Daryl and I were able to run to the westside walkway and ducked next to Maggie, who was dressed from head to toe in riot gear.
I jumped from the safety of the palettes, shooting at the flock of people racing outside the prison. I ducked as bullets started to pierce our reinforced metal slabs and let out a huff of air. My nerves were frazzled, and my heart raced in my chest. Did I want to fight? No, but it was necessary. They tried to take what was ours and kill everyone here—I couldn't allow that. I rose to my feet and fired again, my finger firmly on the trigger as I focused on our intruders. A triumphant smile spread as I watched the cowards retreat into their vehicles.
This must be driving the Governor crazy! He talked a big game about how he and his people would kill every one of us, and here they are, retreating. The last gun sped away, a gun waving around frantically out the window as they pulled away from the prison. I shared a bright smile with Maggie and rose to my feet, watching Glenn emerge from his cage in riot gear. Daryl lowered his weapon and looked at me, his eyes full of excitement as he looked back toward the front of the prison.
"We did it?!" Maggie asked, shocked that we could scare that many people off. Glenn answered her question with a gleeful look. We hurriedly rushed down the walkway and pushed through the prison to the outside, joining Glenn, Rick, Michonne, and Carol. They were our backup if we were overwhelmed, and I'm happy we didn't need them. I gripped my gun firmly as I saw the torn fence and abandoned vehicle with a standing machine gun in the back.
"We did it," Rick announced as he looked at the carnage. It was better than I expected. Sure, we lost two guard towers, but I expected more destruction. "We drove them out,"
"We should go after them," Michonne said, breathing heavily. Daryl and I nodded, agreeing with her. It's only a matter of time until they come back.
"We should finish it," I agreed.
"It is finished," Maggie argued, "Didn't you see them hightail it out of here?" I shook my head and gripped my gun tighter.
"We can't take that chance," I told her, "He's not going to give up. He will be back, so we need to finish it."
"They're right," Carol agreed, to my surprise, "We can't keep living like this."
"So we take the fight to Woodbury?" Maggie huffed, clearly not liking the idea, "We barely made it back last time."
"This isn't like the last time," I argued. She knows we have to finish this. "Let's check on the others," Rick nodded at me and led us back towards our cellblock. Upon entering, I smiled as I looked around. They didn't bother picking through this place. It looked exactly how we left it. A coo forced me to turn my head, making me smile as Beth walked into the cellblock with Judith. Carl trailed behind her, his eyes firmly on the ground as Rick and I rushed towards Judy. I let out a small whimper as I looked at the boy, my arms rushing ahead as I pressed him against me. My hand stroked his head, and my throat suddenly felt tight. Rick pushed the two of us into him as he embraced us, a sigh of relief escaping his lips.
"Dad, June, I'm coming to Woodbury," He announced as Beth handed me Judith. I frowned at him and started to rock the baby, unsure how to respond. He was stating that he was coming; he wasn't asking.
"Carl," Rick sighed, not liking the idea. It was purely Rick's decision since he was the parent. Carl shook his head, that familiar flash of anger in his eyes.
"No, I did my job out there, just like all of you. Took down one of the Governor's soldiers," He argued. I looked at Hershel, seeing his head nod to confirm what Carl was saying. I held the baby close to me as I felt sadness. Carl shouldn't be forced to kill another human. He's just a kid!
"One of his soldiers?" Hershel questioned, "A kid running away? He stumbled across us." I looked at Carl, confused. Did he gun down a scared kid? Did he kill this kid in cold blood?
"No, he drew on us," Carl countered, turning to Hershel. Rick looked at his son and let out a shaky breath.
"I'm sorry you had to do that," He muttered, unsure who to believe.
"That's what I was there for," Carl shrugged, "I'm going with you." I watched as he walked away from us, a frown deeply etched on my lips. Who was telling the truth? Carl or Hershel? I closed in, forming a small circle with the two men as Carl walked back into his cell.
"That kid was scared," Hershel muttered to us, his eyes still on Carl's cell, "He was handing his gun over." I sucked in a shaky breath as I turned to Hershel, bouncing as Judith started to stir. This can't be true.
"H-he said he drew," I whispered as my throat became unbearably tight. Oh, Carl. The sweet and innocent boy I once knew was no longer there. He was morphed into this cold being by the new world, and he had no choice but to adapt. Hershel shook his head and looked at me, his eyes full of sorrow.
"Carl said it was self-defense," Rick protested, refusing to believe that his son gunned down another kid.
"I was there. He didn't have to shoot. He had every reason not to—" Hershel continued, recounting everything that happened.
"It may have looked like that to you—"
"Rick," Hershel raised his voice, "I'm telling you, he gunned that kid down." I bit my lip and mentally cursed at myself for letting a lone tear slip from my eye. Carl is cold; he's an entirely different person. Rick shook his head and looked at me, his eyes filled with worry. He wrapped an arm around me and pressed me to him, making sure not to crush Judith. I can't help but feel like I'm failing Lori.
~*~
We gathered in the courtyard, ready to take the fight to Woodbury. After my crying session, Rick consoled me, and we chatted about what to do about Carl. We agreed that he couldn't go with them and that we would have a serious talk with him when this was all over. Michonne and I stood by the truck, lowly chatting about what they would do when they reached Woodbury when Daryl started his motorcycle. Rick called out to us, handing his gun to Michonne as we walked towards Carl.
"How is he?" Michonne asked me, her eyes still firmly on Carl. I sighed, wrapped my arms around myself, and felt a pang of pain as I looked at the boy.
"He's angry again," I muttered, "He gunned down a boy. Hershel said that the kid was surrendering, and Carl shot him anyway," Michonne turned to me with surprise in her eyes. "He's cold; he's not the same boy he was."
"That's how the world is now," Michonne tried to comfort me, "I'm sure when this is over, and we have a chance to settle down, he'll revert to who he was,"
"'Chonne," I whispered, coming up with a new nickname for her, "I'm scared for him. I'm scared that he'll never be the same after this," Michonne frowned and placed a hand on mine, her way of comforting me. I looked behind Michonne and saw that Rick was coming back towards us. A sigh escaped my mouth as he stood next to me, gaining the attention of everyone around us. Glenn and Maggie had decided to stay, making a point that the Governor might return. If that happens, we need people here to defend our home and the kids. Rick squeezed my hand, letting me know that things would be alright. I couldn't muster up the will to smile at him and walked over to Glenn and Maggie.
"I'm staying," I croaked. Rick approached me with studious eyes and nodded, his arms circling my waist. We embraced for a few moments before separating, our eyes connecting briefly. I waved at Daryl, mouthing a quick 'be careful.' Daryl stared at me and nodded as he started the engine.
~*~
I sat in my cell with Judith in my arms. Rick, Michonne, and Daryl left three hours ago and have yet to return. Is everything okay? Did one of them die? I shook my head, stopping the negative thoughts before they could fully form. I bounced on my bed, trying to soothe the squirming Judith. Since they left, she has been fussy; it's almost as if she knew her daddy was walking towards his death. Stop it! They're fine! Don't be a Debbie Downer, Gomez!
Movement from outside my cell forced me to divert my attention from Judith. Carl stood there, his eyes on the ground and his sheriff's hat firmly on his head. Since they left, he's avoided me like the black plague. He hasn't as much spared a glance my way. I frowned at him and cleared my throat, catching his attention. His gaze wavered as he looked at me, regret washing over his face.
"Carl," I spoke, motioning for him to sit beside me. I watched him nervously bite his lip, debating whether to join me. I sighed and shook my head, tired of his attitude. Things are beyond brutal now, but he can't behave this way. I'm trying to be understanding, but there's only so much a person can take, "We need to talk," Carl nodded and slowly entered my cell, still refusing to look at me. "What's with the attitude?"
"What are you? My mother?" Carl snapped, "No, my mom is dead. You're just some woman who thinks she can boss me around," I flinched, surprised by his tone. I could feel sadness enter my heart as he glared at me.
"You can't talk to me that way," I countered, "I know I'm not your mom. I will never replace her, but you need to respect me. I love you, Carl, and I'm doing my best to look after you and take care of you, but you're making it hard to do that," Carl looked down and fiddled with his fingers, "I want what's best for you. I want to protect you as much as possible—I will die for you if I have to." I paused, the familiar slickness of emotion washing over me. "You have to understand that everything your dad and I do for you is to protect you. We can't protect you from everything life brings, but we can try our damndest. We had the benefit of growing up in a better world, and I'm sorry that you don't, but please don't shut us out." Carl looked at me with tears but refused to let them fall. He's been trying hard to be strong and tough, but he needs to understand that he doesn't have to try so hard.
"I'm sorry," Carl muttered, "I-I—" I shook my head and extended my arm, motioning for him to come to me. He rushed over to me and sat down, his arms circling my midsection as he embraced me. He doesn't need to apologize to me; he doesn't need to give me an explanation. I never expected him to be okay after Lori, and he should deal with his emotions—even if they're angry—rather than hold them in and shut down. The issue is lashing out at everyone; that isn't okay.
"I love you, kiddo," I whispered as I kissed his forehead. I held him, gently rocking the now sleeping Judith, and remained quiet. Carl is a tough one, something I won't deny, but he doesn't need to be tough around us. We're the people he can come to when he's having a hard time, and we'll always be here for him. Carl stayed with me the entire night, helping me with his sister and falling asleep with me.
~*~
I woke up before the sun came up and lay there. Carl slept soundly, his head on my chest and his arm lazily thrown across my stomach. I tried my best to keep still – I didn't want to wake him up. Rick, Daryl, and Michonne never returned last night—I hope they're alright. I don't know if I can take any more losses. I have to be strong for Carl and Judith.
Judith fussed in her playpen, making me gently pry myself away from Carl, trying my hardest not to wake him. Slowly getting up, I walked over to the playpen and lifted the baby, cradling her to me as I swaddled her in her blankets. It was chilly in the prison, so I can only imagine how cold it must be outside.
"Has she been up long?" Carl's voice cracked. I smiled at him and shook my head, turning to him and watching as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. It wasn't long after that the rest of the group woke up. We agreed to go outside and wait for the three who went out last night with worried hearts.
The wind bit into us sharply, making me unzip my sweater and hold Judith to my chest like a makeshift baby carrier, and zipped my sweater back up. Not long after we came outside, we heard the rumble of Daryl's motorcycle. Glenn and Maggie raced forward, opening the gate and allowing Daryl to pull inside. A large school bus trailed behind him, followed by the Chevy truck Rick and Michonne took with them. I wrapped my arms around the bundled baby and pressed her closer to me as I watched people come out of the bus—people we'd never seen before. Rick exited the truck, eyes scanning our small group as we looked to him for answers. A familiar burly man stepped out of the bus, his head covered with a beanie as he stared at me. He's that man who came into the prison with his group. Rick had scared them off.
"What is this?" Carl questioned angrily from beside me as his father walked up to us. Rick pursed his lips and looked at his son.
"They're going to join us," Rick explained. Carl stalked off angrily, obviously disagreeing with his father on this. I looked after him and sighed, knowing that this was another thing we would have to tackle. Judith cooed from inside my sweater, my hand rubbing the back of her head while my other hand supported her weight. Rick and I shared a smile, happy to see one another.
He approached me and zipped my sweater down, smiling as he saw his daughter against my chest. I looked toward the newcomers and smiled even more. I don't know the specifics—he'll fill me in later, but for now, I'm glad we could bring these people in and give them a home. Rick wrapped his arm around my shoulders, basking in the sun and holding me tight as we watched these people join our family.