･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.
For the better part of an hour, Johanna had been standing against the wall with a scowl directed at no one in particular. She hated these parties, she hated the dresses, she hated the people.
Over the years, most people stopped talking to her. Instead, they stared and pointed and whispered. They were almost afraid of her, just not enough. She preferred that over pink and blue-haired people trying to talk to her. Sometimes they still tried. Johanna knew she should at least attempt to hold a conversation, get a sponsor. That part of her brain was insignificant compared to the one that yelled about arson and rage and the audacity. She had given in to that and was comfortable with the isolation that came with it.
The opening ball was always grand; the big building decorated with greens for the arena of the year, rich people mingling with servants and clinging to victors, hoping for even a small nod or smile. Most of all, it was hot inside. Johanna had found a spot near the entrance, already several drinks in. People walked past her constantly, getting out for air or coming in fashionably late.
No one even looked her way. Perhaps skillfully ignoring her, perhaps she'd simply hid too well. It didn't matter much, just a few more hours and she could leave. She wouldn't have to attend any parties until a new victor was announced.
"There you are!" She looked up to see Finnick turning her way. She doubted he'd been looking for her, but any excuse was good enough, she knew. "Looking grumpy as ever, thankfully."
His grin was a bit too big, his eyes a bit too bright. It was easy to tell when he'd been drinking. Rolling her eyes, she pushed herself off the wall, stepping out of the dark spot beside the dark green curtains. Most of the time, Finnick was tolerable, tipsy (or drunk) Finnick was not. "You don't know when to leave a woman alone."
It was meant as a joke, but it came out sharp. The long night and previous events had hardened any soft edge left. Finnick didn't notice. He slung his arm around Johanna's shoulder, pulling her against him as he slurred a laugh. "You just looked like you needed some company."
She tried to push him off; he was sweaty and stank like alcohol and was too close. "I don't, go annoy someone else." She ducked under his arm, he pouted, sighing more dramatically than needed.
Finnick opened his mouth to reply, slower than he normally would. "There he is!" His mouth snapped closed as he focussed on the source of the noise.
She turned around as well, seeing Coral and Odette almost running towards them. "What did you do?" Johanna asked. Coral looked livid. Odette didn't, her eyebrows pulled together as she nearly jogged over. She reached them before Coral.
"Are you alright?" Odette said, her hand wrapping around his bicep. "I know how it feels. Maybe we should step outside for a bit, I'm sure they won't-"
"Are you out of your fucking mind?" Coral joined them, hissing at the drunk man. Johanna's eyebrows shot up as Coral stepped closer, poking a finger at his chest. "That was immature and not good. You can't just run off when you see someone you don't like. You're a grown man, act like one."
He seemed to shrink under her words while Odette seemed to grow. "Coral, he's allowed to go away. He's not some pet monkey. I think-"
"Don't baby him," Coral snapped, visibly growing red under her makeup. "We have two tributes out there who need you to help them survive. Getting them money is the most important task."
"As if this is going to help," Johanna interrupted. "You're yelling at a drunk man at a shitty party for an even shittier event."
"That doesn't change-"
Johanna rolled her eyes, taking a step forward so she was just a bit in front of Finnick and Odette. "They're not going to like you more, Coral," she sneered, interrupting her. This was why she didn't like the careers, they tried to please the Capitol, even after everything. "Stop being a fucking asshole to please the people who almost killed you and wouldn't stop there."
"Johanna," Odette said softly, glancing around. People were staring. Coral's mouth was pressed shut, her lips thin as she tried to hold back. She had everything to lose and Johanna nothing. For a moment, there blazed a challenge in Coral's eyes, one Johanna wanted to take. She had plenty more ugly and cruel truths to throw around. But Odette placed her hand on her side. Awkwardly, afraid to do something she wasn't supposed to while still clinging to Finnick.
Then Coral's face clicked into a smile. "Alright, I'll see you later." And she turned around, smiling at the few people who heard. Johanna shook her head. She felt Odette release a breath beside her, squeezing her side before letting go.
"Thank you," she said, her smile bright as she turned fully to face Johanna. "I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for you."
"That's twice today I saved your ass," the tension easily rolled off her when Odette didn't seem worried. Not about what she'd said, not about what people had heard. "What happened?"
She sighed, turning back to Finnick. He was pale and uncharacteristically quiet. "Someone he knew was talking to him. He's had a lot to drink, I just heard him talk loudly and run off. I should get some water and take him out."
"I didn't know you were that close,"
Odette glanced back at her, the smile over her face teasing. "Jealous?" Johanna rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Odette giggled, shaking her head at last. "Close enough. Especially when it comes to these things. Who else is going to take care of us?"
No one would. Everyone was on their own, responsible for picking up their own pieces. It had never occurred to her that Odette was trying to pick up the pieces of others. It wasn't until then that Johanna realized she'd picked up some of hers, too. "You're too good to be here."
It slipped, eased out by a few drinks and words and thoughts she kept safely bottled up. Odette blinked, her face remained still too long. Then she smiled; her soft, real smile. It only lasted a moment. When she glanced back at Johanna, she looked over her shoulder, then stepped forward to kiss her cheek. "I'll see you later."
It was soft and gentle and different than screaming at someone at a party. It was this that left her flustered.
***
The knock was soft, much different than the loud, desperate sniff that followed it. She knew who it was before she pushed herself up from the bed.
Normally, Odette waited until Johanna spoke or pulled the door open. That night, she pushed herself inside. Her breathing was labored, her eyes red and brimming with tears. Her hair hung In strange waves, still clinging to the shape it had been forced in earlier.
"I can't do it," she whispered, pushing the door closed and leaning against it. The only light came through the bathroom door. Her head was tipped back as she blinked away the tears. Finally, Johanna stood. "I tried, but I can't. I-" she interrupted herself with a soft sob.
"You can't do what?" Hesitantly, Johanna stepped closer. One step, two. She'd never quite seen her this upset.
Odette took in a shaky breath, pushing it out loudly before she looked back at Johanna, a tear rolling down her cheek. She was so pale. "I don't want to be alone tonight."
She took a moment to let it all come in. Of course she wouldn't want to be alone. Despite how well she pretended she was doing, the day had been fucked up and it was going to catch up with her sooner than later. "Is there a question in there, or..."
Despite the teasing tone and the way Johanna took a few steps closer, more tears rolled over Odette's cheeks. "Please, Johanna."
She frowned, taking the last two steps to reach her. Odette threw herself at her. Holding her so tightly Johanna wondered if Odette was being pulled away by invisible hands and was fighting against them. "Of course you can stay," Odette's fist caught Johanna's shirt when Johanna hugged her back.
She hated this. This wasn't something she could fight, something she could scream at until it went away. She knew this would cling to Odette forever, and there was nothing she could do about it. Odette made it seem like she could. Holding on to her like Johanna could suck the pain right out of her heart. She would, if she could.
So Johanna held her close, her fingers running through her dark hair while neither said a thing. At least for a while. Odette seemed to collect herself as the minutes passed, though her grip didn't falter.
"Can we sit, maybe?" She asked eventually, letting go of one arm to wipe at her cheeks.
"Yeah, I'll get the light," Johanna walked to the bathroom, the lights were automatic so she closed the door. The stupid changing wall shone a soft light over the room. Enough to navigate herself to the bed.
Odette was already under the duvet and was pulling the second pillow from under the bed. When her eyes found Johanna again, she smiled softly at last. "Thank you."
Johanna sat down on the bed. "For what? You're too damn polite."
The woman sank against her pillows. A least one would end up on the floor by the time morning came. "For letting me stay. I know this isn't... what we normally do."
She wasn't certain if Odette meant her crying or sleeping together without having sex. "It's not so different. Doesn't have to be a big deal."
It wasn't. It was. Odette was sharing a raw vulnerability. She'd come to look for Johanna, specifically. Odette looked at her locked hands when Johanna pulled out her pants. "I suppose not. I appreciate it anyway."
"Why did you even come to me?" Her pants landed on the floor before she joined Odette under the duvet. "I bet Cecelia is better with... You know."
Odette chuckled at Johanna's expression. "You mean crying," she chuckled again when Johanna nodded. She didn't like crying. Didn't like other people crying either. "I don't know, they're just so worried and she tells me it will be alright."
"But it won't be," Johanna knew all too well. "You lost family. It won't ever be alright again."
"That's a bit dramatic," Odette turned on her side. "It won't be alright for a while, let's say that. I don't need her pretty words now."
"Better cruel truths than kind lies," she remembered the words Odette had whispered years ago. Before whatever they had happened. She'd asked Johanna if it ever got better. Easier. She'd said no, and Odette had clung to her own response in a way that had stuck to Johanna.
Knowing her now, she found it hard to believe Odette actually believed it. She was all soft edges and words like honey. Most of what left her mouth were the kindest lies, accompanied by the gentlest touch.
Odette's mouth curled, clicking in a gorgeous smile that looked too happy for her swollen eyes. "I love it when you quote me."
"Don't get used to it," Johanna turned on her side, unable to look away from Odette. Her skin was too clear and soft for the scars she should bear. Even in the dim light, Johanna swore there was a familiar blush on her cheeks, her smile lingering, burning the sad turn of her eyes away.
She should always look like that, Johanna thought. Gentle and soft, her hair not done quite as well as during the day. She should look like Odette instead of a dressed-up victor. "I think I could get used to all of this."
Odette had whispered it, fallen back into the sweet tone she reserved for calming Johanna down and the bedroom. Johanna didn't know what she meant, but her heart skipped a beat anyway. It was exciting and terrifying.
***
After another hurried morning of Odette's smiles and thanks, Johanna was dressed up again. She hated being paraded about, dressed up like some prize.
Blight was waiting for her, looking more like a show pony than her. "You look terrible. Didn't know they could make your hair look even worse."
He rolled his eyes as Crystal summoned the elevator with a sigh and mumbled 'not this again'. At least she stayed out of it. "Got any sponsors last night?"
"No," she never did. People were afraid of her, disliked her, or she messed it up even when she tried. After years, Blight knew that. She hated how cocky he sounded.
"Figures," he said, stepping in the elevator. He hesitated for a moment. "Why do you even come each year? You don't do anything except being a bitch."
Johanna snorted, shaking her head. His sharp tone didn't go unnoticed. "It's not like I have a choice, do I?" She snapped back at him.
She knew that was what everyone thought of her. Useless. A bitch. It was true, but it still stung. She'd rather be at home, too. No, you wouldn't, the tiny voice in her head cut in. She loathed the Capitol, but sitting in a house filled with emptiness and the memory of her family's laughter and 'movie nights' made it hard to be there. In seven, she was all alone. There were times where she liked that, other times the silence was too loud.
"I wish you did," he said as they neared ground level. "I'd do better alone. We all would."
Crystal sighed behind them, speaking up. "Blight, I doubt you're helping-" she snapped her mouth shut when the doors began to open. "Alright, smiles on. Go mingle and try to look happy."
Johanna scoffed, walking into the hot sun. She crossed her arms at the edge of the group and waited. She didn't want to admit it, but Blight's words struck home.
Before she could ponder more, Finnick walked up to her. She couldn't fucking use this right now. "Thanks for yesterday," he said, sounding less cocky than he normally did. He sounded truly genuine. She hated it.
She shifted her weight, looking over his shoulder at nothing in particular. "Yeah, don't get so drunk next time." It came out sharper than she meant, but Finnick gave her a small smile anyway.
"Great advice, thanks." Less his cheery self, Finnick moved into the crowd again. she followed him with her eyes. He'd really not been himself last night, and Johanna hoped he was okay. She knew he wasn't. She'd seen how Odette would freeze when a certain someone looked at her, or how she avoided people. She never talked about it, but Johanna knew. Just another reason to hate everyone there.
Her time alone was short-lived. Odette left the crowd, coming to a halt next to Johanna, looking out over the people with her. "You look like you needed some company."
She never looked like she needed company. "Are you nervous?"
Odette glanced down, chuckling softly. "Is it that obvious?" It wasn't, Johanna just knew. She supposed a few years of sleeping together was a good way to get to know someone. "After yesterday I don't know what to expect. I don't want to talk about him anymore. Or about yesterday."
"If they have any sense, they won't," she glanced at Odette. She was chewing on her lip. "But we all know they don't have any fucking sense."
"Very reassuring," the woman glanced back with a grin. "Maybe you can rescue me again."
Despite herself, Johanna felt a smile tug at her lips. "Count on it," the people before them began to split. The interviews were about to start. She heard Odette suck in a deep breath. She remained unmoving.
For a moment, Johanna hesitated. There were a lot of eyes and cameras. Odette seemed nailed to the ground. She never got quite this stuck, no matter how bad things got. Things had never been this bad. She reached out, her hand grabbing hers. Odette turned her head, teeth releasing her lip. "You got this," Johanna said, squeezing her fingers. "If they say anything bad, I'll beat them up this time."
Odette smiled at that, perhaps relieved, perhaps something else. "How romantic."
Johanna let go of her hand, looking back at the others again. "You got some lipstick on your teeth, I'll see you after, yeah?"
Before she walked away, she saw Odette run her fingers along her teeth, but she swore she looked slightly more relaxed now. Johanna hoped she was. Either way, she wouldn't stray too far from her, just in case.
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.
(a/n): well here we are again! i love odette so much oh my god. i can't wait for this to go further.