P.S : If you haven't heard this song yet, then do give it a try! 👆
(Imagine the pov of the guy from Raqeeba's side and the girl's from Nuraan's. Hehe)
. . .
I'm sorry, don't let me go.
I'm sorry, I'm fucked, I know.
Please.... I'm sorry, don't let me go.
. . .
. . .
Chapter dedicated to : choco_chip19 thank you so much for your comments babe! Really really appreciate them!❤
<< nuraan's p.o.v >>
"--I tell you, when you love someone you let them go and you agree. Not even thinking once that maybe just maybe what the other person wants is for you to fight for them. Be there with them. Understand them. Open up and put your faith in them."
I couldn't help but take in those beautiful grey orbs as they shed tears of pain and neglect. Her nose red from all the crying and her lips puffed.
I always thought that I did a great job in hiding my pain behind the cold exterior I carried little did I know how difficult it must have been to hide your pain behind a smiling face.
So what if she didn't have a past to mourn about.
At least I know how pathetic it feels like to be unwanted. And yet I made her feel that way.
I know she has a loving family and she would never relate to me or understand my past but that doesn't give me the right to make her feel stuffs she isn't bound to.
"Love them. The way they love you."
I froze the moment those words escaped her mouth.
The way they love you...
My eyes searched her for any generalised pun intended but no. Everything and every word that escaped her mouth seemed personalised. Like she really meant them from her point of view and not just in general.
I think I just forgot how to breath.
She finally looked away while I couldn't take my eyes off her.
No. It's not over yet.
A chuckle escape her lips as she shrugged.
"I guess we'll never know." She whispered before slowly wiping her tears away.
"I'm going to Mom's"
Was all she said, not bothering to look up at me again as she simply turned around giving one last look to the room and slowly reached forward towards the door.
Have you ever been in a situation in life where in you stop caring. You stop feeling. Be it happiness or anything. You don't feel anything whatsoever. Where in you're just giving the basic reactions the society expects you to. A situation in life where you don't care if someone stays or leaves. A situation where you just wanna maintain a distance from everyone and mourn yourself to death by not giving a fuck about life itself. Where in you're just intentionally wanting to exist and not live the life you're given.
Where in nothing matter. Or should I say no one matters.
That's exactly the mood I had been in for the past four months.
Even after marriage. I didn't care. I didn't care about my wife nor did I care about the expectation she might have had from this marriage.
Humans are funny.
Our insecurities always managed to get the most of us. To a point where we ourselves start pushing people away from us like plague for our own sanity and if they don't leave... we call them trespassers, annoying and blame them for the unwanted ruckus they creat in our lives. Make them feel terrible for intruding and not giving up on us.
However, when it's time and you've finally managed to pushed the buttons of your person and they decide to leave. We play the victim card.
Selfish much? It's the truth though.
How could you leave me? Do you not care?
That's exactly what I thought this evening when she said 'let's get divorced' at that moment all I wanted to do was scream a 'NO' but what rights do I have to say it when it's me. It's me who had always been pushing her away everytime.
When she said she wanted to end things the only thought that registered in my brain was. Why? I thought you cared? But here you are already giving up on me.
However what I didn't realize was that had she not cared she wouldn't have bothered coming here to look after me. She wouldn't have bothered staying. She wouldn't have bothered taking the pain to be right here with me crying for me to let her inn. Her eyes pleading me to not push her away.
She didn't leave me alone to mourn like everyone else does not because she didn't want to give me space but because she knew I've had my fair share of alone time all this while.
She knew that my time of being a loner was done and now I had her.
And even though she never imposes our relationship status upon me, she still came. Just to make sure to make me aware of the basic fact that I do not need to face this alone.
To make sure that I know that I have her. With me.
A sharp breath escaped my lips the moment I saw her slowly lift her shaking hand up, bitting onto her bottom lip as she reached for the door knob but before she could completely get a hold of it my hand bet her to it, grabbing her by the wrist before pulling her back with utmost force, making her back press hard against my chest as I instinctively sneaked my arms around her in a tight grip as I realeased a breath of relief.
"You're going nowhere."
I didn't know nor did I care about how hard my grip on her was getting because all that I could think of at that moment was that I can never afford to let this person in my arms go.
How could I not see it?
It's her. It's always her. No matter what. No matter how. Every time I feel misguided I always end up coming back to her. I come back home.
I could feel her shift under my hold but I didn't bother loosening it.
"Le-leave me, Nura--" she didn't complete her sentence as a gasp escaped her lips. I don't know why nor did I even bother knowing about it as I continued to hold her tight snuggling my face on the crook of her neck as I inhaled her signature coco and almond smell. So rare.
At that moment I knew. That life is no more the same. Not after her. Not after my little ball of happiness.
Not after Raqeeba Nuraan Khan.
For it's time. It's time that I finally let go.
Because as much as I want to deny that love has dropped by...
I know the heart doesn't lie.
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<< raqeeba's p.o.v >>
"Le-leave me, Nura--" I stopped breathing the moment I felt some wet moisture touch my skin making me gasp as little and freeze.
His grip around me tightened as he shoved his head closer to the crook of my neck and sniffed.
I-is he crying?
"I'm sorry." My heart broke hearing the always authoritative voice turn into a vulnerable one making fresh tears form in my eyes.
"I'm so sorry,baby. I'm so sorry. Pl-please don't leave me."
I always wanted him to let me see his other side, the less guarded and vulnerable side but I never, never ever imagined him to be this way. For him to ever be this transparent.
My heart thud loud at his words as I tried to come out of his tight grip. Which he didn't let me.
"Pl-please I'm sorry, I'm sorry baby. Please don't leave me." He kept chanting the same words again and again like a child making a heavy feeling settle inside my heart.
Something about his behavior seemed familiar. Like there's something way more to his soft voice. Like he has finally managed to open up the huge piled up hurdle he had been keeping locked up inside him. Like he was finally bracing himself to let something deep deep within him go. And at that moment it hit me. The desperation and vulnerability in his voice...
It reminded me of someone. Someone I knew perfectly. Someone who might have gone through something similar.
It reminded me of Me...
A shiver ran down my spine as I recalled the n number of nights I had cried my eyes out, for both blessing me with the best parents and for not having my own blood around. Except for the fact that I lost my elder sister from the dirty hands of the man I used to call my father. I remember staying up all night and crying in my mother's arms, telling her everything and letting her heal me.
It's a shame how I'm still not over everything completely...
But I try....
Panick rushed through my veins as I hurriedly tried to free myself from his tight grip but since that seemed impossible I finally settled with turning around within the circle of his arms instead, making my face, face his.
"Please don't leave me--"
I didn't let him complete as I cupped his face with my hands pulling him away from the crook of my neck and making him look at me.
"Shhh...shh baby...shh, calm down." He didn't bother listening to me as he simply shook his head.
"No... I know."
"Nuraa---"
"I know i-I always fuck up I---"
"Nuraan--"
"I just...I'm sorry...i-I was scared, Raqeeba... I-I wanted you t-to be saf---"
"Nuraan shhu baby calm down please..."
This time my voice was louder as tears ran down my eyes looking at his behavior making me simply wrapped my arms around his neck while his face rested on my chest and arms tightly wrapped around my waist, lifting me up.
"I know I asked you to leave b-but I don't want that"
This time his pure glistening blue eyes met mine and I nodded.
"I kno--"
"No. No no no. I-I really d-dont Raqee--"
"I know Nuraan calm down--."
"Im just afraid." This time I stopped speaking.
Afraid?
"What if he takes you away from me as well? Wh-what would I do? H-how would I face myself I-I I would die---"
This time I pressed my index finger right on his lips making him shut up. I could feel the loud thudding of my heart as I looked into those orbs and all I could see was a small child,a lost and small child who seemed to be running away from someone, hiding afraid and scared.
Giving him a small smile I slowly kissed the trails of tears away from his cheeks
"I'm going nowhere." I said making him slightly loosen his hard grip on my waist, and slowly land my feet on the floor. His eyes closed and I could feel the way his shoulders relaxed but his hand still held me close by my waist.
Getting on my tiptoes I placed a soft kiss on his forehead as my hands played with his hair in an attempt to calm him down as much as possible before I rested them at the back of his neck, pulling him closer making our foreheads rest against each other and the tips of our noses touch.
His blue eyes finally opened and his gaze stopped at me, boring into my eyes before the landed on my lips and then back to my orbs.
"I don't deserve yo---" I didn't let him complete.
"Shh. No talking." I whispered as I soothingly let my thumbs trace his cheeks while he tightened his grip upon me making my eyes meet his.
Taking a deep breath I slowly leaned forward capturing his lips onto mine and as if that's all what he needed he immediately deepened the kiss nibbling onto my bottom lip and sucking on it before giving his undivided and equal attention to my upper one. I could feel the way our tears mixed together while our lips moved in sync.
Ignoring the wild beating of my heart, I let his hands move around my waist while I pulled him closer through his neck. This kiss was so much different from all our previous ones. For this probably held the most of emotions we had ever encountered together.
Even though I wanted to stay like that for ages right in his arms I just bit onto his bottom lip before retreating with heavy breathing and this time simply rested my head on his chest, while he wrapped his arms around me.
We stayed like that for wat seemed like ages before I finally pulled away. Grabbing on to his hand I guided him towards the bed making him sit down.
"Stay here." I said and was about to pull away only for him to grab my wrist and stop me. I just smiled at him before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on his cheek.
"I'll be right back."
. . .
"Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear me. Happy birthday to me. Yayy"
I whispered with crazy speed as I quickly cut a slice of my cake before taking it out on a plate.
I'm sure he hasn't eaten a thing for a while now.
Quickly taking a spoon from the rack I mini ran my way up to the room and stopped right in front of the door. Taking a deep breath I opened the door at an utmost slow speed like I just wasn't just running a marathon before.
I just don't want him to be alone...
A soft smile escaped my lips the moment my eyes landed on his figure with his back leaned on the headboard and legs stretched out. I could see the way he held onto a small passport sized photograph of someone but as if, sensing my presence he quickly balled his palm into a fist and looked up, before passing me a small smile.
I sighed softly smiling back as I climbed on to the bed, beside him.
His eyes widened a little the moment they landed on the piece of cake in my hand and he was probably about to deny but I didn't let him.
"N--"
Grabbing a spoonful of cake I shoved it in his mouth to which he initially passed me a glare but soon moaned at the taste making me blush.
Hehe. I say thank you I designed it.
"Wow" He said making me giggle as I cleared my throat.
"I'd like to thank me myself and I for being such an amazing bak--"
"You made this?" What's so shocking areh.
"You doubt?" I asked comically narrowing my eyes at him making him chuckle and shake his head.
"Nah. What's the occasion?"
"Oh! It's my b--- my baking day. I felt moody so..." He smiled at first but all of a sudden his eyes widened a little before coming back to normal.
"Oh..."
I didn't say anything else as I fed him the rest of the cake while he for not once moved his eyes away from my face. Having a few bites myself I threw my ever so narcissistic comments gaining self satisfaction at my bakery before simply keeping the plate on the bed side table once we were done and switched off the lights.
Yes I switched them off.
Because this isn't about me, right. Plus I think he feels calm in the darkness and I...
Well I feel peaceful with him...
with or without lights that is.
"Stop staring." I said consciously tugging a strand of my hair behind my ear.
"I've been trying." A blush settled on my face at his words before I finally looked straight into his eyes.
"Well try harder." I said trying to sound playful making him chuckle and shake his head.
"Nah. I like the view." I rolled my eyes at him before moving forward on my way crawl beside him. I was about to mirror his position of sitting with my back on the headboard but to my surprise he just caught me by arm before effortlessly pulling me up in his lap, making me rest my legs on either side of him on reflex.
"Perfect." He whispered before wrapping his arms around my waist and digging his face on the crook of my neck.
What's with him and my neck? Lol.
Ignoring the wild beating of my heart, I scooted closer to him before wrapping my arms around his neck and played with his hair. I could feel the way he relaxed at my touch making me tilt my face as I placed a soft kiss on his head and caressed his back.
"Let it out, baby." I whispered.
I don't know why but somewhere deep down I knew that's all he had been waiting for and I wasn't wrong. No sooner did the words left my mouth did I felt the same familiar wet sensation on the side of my neck. His sniffs and hiccups filled the room but I held him close not even moving an inch.
I looked at the clock, 9:30 to 10:30 to 11:30. The time didn't seem to stop but we did. Doing nothing but just holding each other, doing absolutely nothing but everything at the same time.
That night he cried like a baby. Like he had been waiting to do this for so long, pulling me as close as possible and letting his heart out as he kept on chanting and chanting just one thing on repeat.
"It's my fault."
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Freaking super quick update guysss!
Because I love you all!
Before I blabber!
THIS IS IMPORTANT! SO EVERYONE PLEASEEEE RESPOND
"DO YOU WANT SEX?"
lmaooo like do you want me to write it up.
lol 'awkward-er' than what I thought.
haha. But you get me rightt.
So lemme know!
Cool... Now!
Well!
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