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[3. Awkward]
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The bathroom stall's wall is cold against my partly bared back and arms. The sounds of girls giggling and talking to one another, toilets flushing and water being turned on and off are all around me, yet I can barely hear any of it. There's a ringing in my ears that only grows louder and louder, shutting everything else out.
Why does he have to be here, now? The gods must hate me. Why else would they punish me like this?
I simply wanted a new start, but I can't even get through one week of university without seeing him, despite the fact that we're supposed to be in completely different areas on campus.
The most popular hangout of the university students... of course he would be here. He's always been the center of attention. Why wouldn't he be here? I'm stupid.
A part of me knows I'm acting ridiculous. Hiding in the bathroom... I'm not a little girl anymore.
"Y/n?" A few soft knocks smatter on the stall wall from the other side. It's Yeeun.
I try to collect myself, taking deep breaths, and the ringing thankfully decreases. I nod, then realize she won't be able to see it. "Yes?"
She's quiet for a few seconds. Probably assessing the tone of my voice, knowing her. "Can I come in?" She then asks.
I turn the look and slide the door open just a crack. Yeeun slips in. She doesn't say anything else, just slings her arms around me and pulls me in for a hug. I know she must've seen Jungkook, too.
"The first time's rough, hm?" She whispers into my hair. She's right. It's the first time seeing him after our big breakup.
I refuse to cry. I don't even feel sad, or angry, or upset. Just numb. I don't know what to feel or think.
We stand like that for another minute before she draws back, still holding my arms, and looks into my face seriously. "I can drive you home right now and we'll order some pizza-"
"No." I shake my head. "I won't let him ruin our night."
She purses her lips and squints her eyes, examining my face. "Y/n-"
"I'm serious. I don't want to leave." Truth is, I want to. I really want to. To go back to the dorms and bury myself under my blankets, strip out of these clothes that suddenly feel so ridiculous, like they're not me anymore, like I don't fit in them or their extravagance... I want to wash away the makeup painting my face into a lie and brush the fake locks out of my normally straight hair.
I'm supposed to like it. I used to love dressing up in pretty clothes and going out with my best friends. But I don't feel like that anymore - I feel like I'm just doing this to please them, not myself. Like telling them I'm fine when I'm not okay at all.
I just don't want them to worry.
But Yeeun seems to believe my lies. The corners of her lips quirk up into a smile. "He won't ruin our night," she repeats, squeezing my arms. "That's right! Now let's go show him what he's missing."
"Wha-"
She drags me out of the stall and past girls painting their lips and fluffing their hair in front of the mirrors. We go back out, and that's when I realize-
"Where's Sana? Did you leave her alone out here?" I yell through the loud music.
"No, she's with Mark."
And that's right. At the bar, Sana is sitting at the same stool as just minutes ago, a drink in front of her and chatting happily with Mark who's right next to her. I look around for Jungkook, but he's not at the bar anymore. A sigh of relief escapes me.
We sit at the bar for a while and I have three drinks, starting to feel a little tipsy. I try to drink slowly though, in comparison to Yeeun who's already on her fourth one along with two shots. When she gestures the bartender to come over once again, Mark holds her waist and draws her back a bit, telling the bartender that she's good. Yeeun immediately snorts and starts bickering with him about whether she's drunk or not.
I chuckle at the slurred profanities that rain from her mouth at her boyfriend's amused face. I'm actually happy that he's here to look after her, so I don't have to, for once.
Sana pokes me in the ribs, "Let's dance!"
I mentally groan, but comply. It's probably the slight tipsiness that wins me over. I let her drag me onto the dance floor, leaving the two lovebirds behind.
"Here's to being single hotties for the rest of time!" Sana laughs and start moving her body to the beat. I follow along with her, dancing together just like old times. It surprises me that's it's not all that boring, that I actually have quite a bit of fun. I almost forget that Jungkook might still be here.
Almost.
Because I'm well reminded when I spot him not too far away, dancing closely with a beautiful brunette. His lips are attached to her neck, and she's laughing into his ear. The softness of his black locks of hair that I can still feel against my palms and his faint scent of his coconut shampoo that I can still smell in my nose enter my mind. I can feel his kisses on my own neck and hear his whispered promises made under the stars.
I stop abruptly, swallowing.
Turning away from the couple, I yell into Sana's ear that I'm going to get another drink. Angrily, I stomp over to the bar.
I'm not mad at Jungkook. He has every right to be flirting with other girls. Heck, maybe that girl is even his girlfriend. It's myself that I'm mad at. How I can't stop remembering and reliving every single moment I had with him, wishing that I could turn back time. When had it all gone so wrong?
He was my first love. My first everything. Okay, not quite first everything. My first kiss I had with that guy Mingyu in my freshmen year of high school on the first party I ever went to, and my first crush was on the adorable junior Hoshi when I was a sophomore.
But everything else. Everything that actually matters.
I hate that the first time I see him again, it's with another girl.
I order another drink, standing by myself. I know Yeeun and Mark are probably around here somewhere, but right now I don't want to be with anyone. I don't think I have the ability to speak without growling at the moment.
As I gulp down the drink, I ponder about going back to the dorms early. It's not even midnight and I'm done with this.
I feel my mind starting to go fuzzy. I shouldn't have drunk the drink so fast.
"Y/n?"
My muscles stop working and I freeze. I don't want to look over my shoulder to see who's standing there. The voice tells me enough.
"Is that you?"
Would it be weird if I just, didn't answer? Or walked away? Most likely. There is no escaping from this. Perhaps if I walk away, he'll think that it wasn't me at all...
"It is you," his honey-smooth voice murmurs, as if in wonder. I finally dare to glance back. My breath hitches when my eyes meet his.
He's beautiful.
His night dark eyes sparkle in the flashing lights of the club as he directs his full attention upon me.
"It is," I say awkwardly, giggling. The alcohol is getting to me. "Surprise!"
What? I mentally face palm.
The corners of his lips quirks up into a small grin. He opens his mouth to say something else, but is interrupted when someone grabs his arm. I look to his left, where the brunette he was just dancing with now stands.
"There you are~" she looks up at him with big eyes as she whines. Then her brows furrow when he doesn't respond. "Hello?"
I look back to him, and find him still staring at me. This is getting uncomfortable.
"Excuse me," I murmur and decide to finally leave the awkward situation. Finally I've got some sense.
"Y/n-" he starts, but the brunette starts dragging him back to the dance floor, and I don't stop. I walk out of the club, feeling worse than I have in a long while.
🧹
It's the third week of classes, and the days since the club visit have been spent with endless studying. Adjusting to this new lifestyle has been different and difficult, but I'm glad that I have my friends with me. At the moment, we're all sitting at a cafe near Sana's building and studying. We've come here a lot recently, even though I have to admit I prefer Cups better.
We haven't had the time to go out again since that first time, and I'm only glad for it. After seeing Jungkook and hastily leaving the club, Yeeun had called me to ask where I went. She stayed at the club for a while longer with Mark, but they didn't want me to go home alone so Sana came out and we went to the dorms together. I felt bad for it, but she assured me that she didn't want to stay up too long anyways. She was tired and she had to go up early to study the next day as well.
I stare down at the textbook, bored out of my mind. I've been reading the same paragraph for ten minutes now and still couldn't grasp it.
I take a sip from my ice coffee and stare out the window. Countless students are walking around to and from classes, some lazily with friends and other sprinting along the sidewalk with a mountain of books in their arms.
"I better get going, my dad's expecting me to watch Yooah and Yumin," Yeeun mumbles and starts to pack up her stuff. I send her a sympathetic smile. It's Friday, and she's going to have to look after her nine years old, extremely talkative little sister and her seven years old mischievous little brother. I know she loves them to death, but I can imagine that after a full week of classes that's not how you want to spend your Friday night.
"Have fun," Sana snickers, looking up momentarily from her textbook before returning to it.
Yeeun gives us a little wave and leaves. The silence returns.
I'm going to be bored to death.
"Sana," I poke her with my pencil.
She doesn't flinch, concentrating on... I glance on what she's reading. Um... whatever that is.
"Sana," I continue poking her. "Sana. Sana. Sana."
She sighs, finally looking up. Only to glare at me. "What."
"Do you have another class?"
"Yes."
"Are you gonna do anything special after?"
"No."
"You wanna-"
"I'm going to sleep after."
I sulk. Sana goes back to reading. Well, looks like I'm going to have to find a way to entertain myself. I grab my phone off the table and search for a name in my contacts that I haven't gotten around to texting yet.
Hi! It's Kim Y/n.
This might sound odd, but
do you have any plans for
tonight?
I fiddle with my thumbs while I wait for an answer. She's probably going to think I'm a weirdo for texting her out of nowhere. We've only chatted occasionally in class and now I'm here asking her to hang out.
It doesn't take long for her to answer.
Jisoo: Hi! No, I'm just
taking my dog for a walk.
Want to join?
🧹
"He's adorable!" I exclaim as I scratch the white dog behind his fluffy ears. "What's his name?"
Jisoo smiles proudly. "Dalgom."
I tut at him. "Dalgom, huh? It suits you."
Jisoo asked me to meet her at a park not too far from her house. I'm happily surprised that she offered me to come with her on the walk; we aren't too close and I bet she has a lot of other friends she'd rather spend her time with. Nonetheless, I'm glad we could hang out for a bit. Since Sana is studying endlessly and Yeeun is with her family, I'd probably have spent the night in front of my computer otherwise.
We start walking through the park. I've never been here before, but if the houses I saw on my way here are any clue, it's a rich neighborhood. Makes me wonder who the girl I'm walking next to really is.
"Do you live with your parents?" I ask.
She nods. "Yep, as well as my brother."
"Oh, is he older or younger?"
"Older by a year. He's studying at the same uni as us."
I nod slowly. This is a real stiff conversation.
"So what do you do for fun?" I try to split the awkwardness in the air.
She smiles at me, "I like to dance, though only sometimes and for fun. My friends are really good at it too, they're almost always at the uni's dance studio since we started here. I mean, Lisa is majoring in dance so she can get into the place whenever."
"Cool! I wish I could dance, but I only ever do it when I'm out," I laugh. "Have you known those friends for a long time?"
"Yes, we've known each other for years! We never seem to tire of one another."
I can see how she lit up at the mention of them. "Me and my two friends, Yeeun and Sana, we're like attached to the hip. It's so nice to go to the same uni, I don't know what I'd do otherwise."
"Exactly! But wait, did you say Yeeun?"
I nod, confused.
"Hm, I feel like I just heard that name recently..."
"Well, I presume there are many Yeeuns at a uni this big."
She laughs. "Probably."
🧹
"The bathroom's over there."
"Thanks!" I hurry over towards the door. Jisoo and I walked for hours, but eventually Dalgom got too tired and we decided to retire. I had to use the bathroom, so Jisoo let me into her house to borrow it before leaving for the night.
This place is huge. That was the only thought in my mind as I walked through the front gates of Jisoo's mansion and into her home. When I say her parents must be rich, I mean rich rich. The bathroom itself is twice the size of mine and Sana's dorm room. It has a bathtub two people could easily fit in, a shower with golden handles and a marble sink in front of a mirror that covers half of the entire wall.
I relieve myself, wash my hands and go out before I can break anything. Impressive paintings are hung up on the wall, but I don't see any family photos. On my way to the front door, I pass the entrance to what I assume is a living room. A female giggle captures my attention. Those voices... they sound familiar.
I stop by just outside to hear them again, but it's quiet.
"Y/n?" Jisoo's voice greets me from the front door. She's washing off Dalgom's paws.
I unfreeze. "Coming."
I shake my head lightly and focus on something else. The awkwardness between Jisoo and I have disappeared since we bonded over the last few hours. I wouldn't hesitate to call her my friend now. I can't recall the last time I made a new friend. It feels nice.
"By the way, did you see the assignment Mr.Kwang posted? We're supposed to find partners to do it with. Do you wanna do it together?" Jisoo looks up at me and asks.
"Oh, I didn't see that," I mumble, furrowing my brows. I sigh. "Of course he gave us more work, but yes I'd love to do it together."
"Great! I'll text you later then."
"Do that!"
I give her a quick hug and leave her enormous house. On my way out, I can't help but look back at it, seeing the warm glow emanating from the lit up rooms inside. In the window to the left of the front door I can see a living room, and as I squint my eyes I swear I could glimpse a head of brown locks.