Kasalukuyan akong nagbibihis ngayon dahil papasok na ako sa trabaho after ng tatlong araw na leave ko.
Habang nagbibihis ay nakita ko ang panyo. Nang magising kasi ako kinabukasan after ng party ay nakita ko to. Tinanong ko kung kanino to kaso sabi nila hindi raw sa kanila 'yon kaya dinala ko.
May hangover pa ako that time, ayaw pa sana akong papauwiin ni Lily ehh kaso kailangan ko pang puntahan si papa sa hospital. Buti nga maagang tumawag si mama na lalabas na si papa.
Ang ipinagtataka ko lang ay kaninong panyo to?
Wala akong matandaan kung sino ang naghatid sakin sa kwarto noong nalasing ako. Pero panaginip ko ay natatandaan ko, ano ba naman at naghahalikan daw kami ni Anthon? Jusmeyoo, pati sa panaginip ay naroon siya ayaw akong tantanan. Tapos nag level up pa, naghahalikan! For pete's sake! It seems like it's true, parang totoong nangyari ang lahat ng iyon at hindi ko alam kung bakit.
Tinanong ko si Lily kung siya ba ang naghatid sakin kaso hindi raw. Ang tanong sino?
"A.D? Ano naman ibig sabihin nito?"- bulong ko. May nakasulat kasing A.D sa panyo. Marahil ay may kahulugan iyon at siguro ay mahalaga ito sa kung sino man ang may ari nito.
And for sure, kung sino man ang may-ari nito ay siyang naghatid sakin sa kwarto.
"Good morning mga Yads."- masayang bati ko sa mga bakla.
"Hoii, bruha kumusta pudra mo? At bakit ang saya mo ata? Anong nangyari sa party madami bang fafa 'don?"- bungad sakin ng mga bakla.
"Ok na si papa nakalabas na siya last day thanks to God. AND guest what, nandon siya sa party."-napapakagat labi kong sabi.
"Seryoso?"- nanlalaki ang kanilang mga matang tanong nila kaya tumango ako. "Gosh, mukhang destiny mo na 'yan dae!"- sabi ng isa. Nawala yong ngiti ko. Kay hirap pag hindi nagkakasundo yong puso at utak mo. They are battling.
My heart told me that I should be happy because finally he noticed me. Finally, I got a chance to talk to him. And it seems like it's destiny who find ways for us.
But my mind contrary to what my heart wants. My mind told me not to because if I did I will get hurt in the future.
"Hooi, anong nangyari sayo?"
"I have a question."- kapagkuwa'y sabi ko.
"Oh, ano etyy?"- Jessie asked. Buti walang customer.
"What will you choose, your heart or your mind when it comes to love?"- tanong ko bago ako umupo at tiningnan sila na parehong nakatingin sa akin.
"C'on guys, wag niyo akong tingnan ng ganyan."
"Well, listening to your head may lead to more tangible success, but not following your heart increases your risk of regret, so if you want to lead a more satisfying life, follow your heart."-sagot ni Jessie.
"Besides, we live for the moments and not for regrets." dagdag niya.
"Agree ako kay Jess bakla, I rather laugh myself for the things that I did than regretting things I didn't do. Napakahirap ng ganon no, you can't move forward kapag ganon. "- sang-ayong sabi ni RJ.
"Gaya naming mga beke, our minds tell us not to because everyones don't like it but our heart told us to do so and it's our happiness. We enjoyed and that's all that matters and that we will never regret anything in the future."- sang-ayon ding sabi ni Ry.
"The mind can be like the angel on your shoulder telling you the right thing to do, while the heart is like the devil on your shoulder telling you to do the thing that might not make the most sense but might bring you the most happiness. Choose wisely bakla, after all it's you who can decide what's best for you."- natatawang sabi niya.
Napapaisip naman ako. Tama naman silang lahat, ngayong alam kong magkikita talaga kami, pag-iiwasan ko siya ay nasisiguro kong magsisisi ako at masasaktan ako. Pero pag hahayaan kong mangyari ang dapat mangyari ay kahit masaktan pa ako ay wala akong pagsisisihan sa huli.
Lahat sila sinasabing sundin dapat ang puso so there will be no regrets at the end even though you'll get hurt. At least you tried.
"I was torn between my heart and mind. I mean, what the heck is that anyways? How is it
even possible to feel so divided within the same body?"- natatawa kong sabi. Buti nalang talaga walang customer at nakapag-usap kami. I am truly grateful for having this kind of circle of friends. Beke friends are the best, indeed.
"Alam niyo ang gulo niyo, tsk."- sabat ng isa. Si Drew, si Drew ay isang lalaki. Yeah, nag-iisang lalaki. Bakit siya sa salon nagtatrabaho? Ewan ko lang sa kanya. Though lalaki siya ay hindi siya ganon ka masculine, his feature is much more like feminine grabe, inggit na inggit pa ako sa kutis niya.
Ang sabi niya ay kailangan niya ng dagdag trabaho coz' as the same time nag-aaral siya ng medicine. Yahh, crush ko ata siya pero secret lang.
"Ano namang magulo 'don? Minsan ka na nga lang mag talk diyan ayaw mo pa mag agree. Tseee!"- pairap na sabi ni RJ.
" I find it magulo kasi, coz' scientifically speaking-"
"Ohhh, here you go. His scientifically speaking ekek. Jusmeyoo."- sabi ni jess. Natatawa ko silang pinanuod. They made me realized that problems are just a piece of crap and that I should not let it ruin my entire being. I should smile no matter how I've been through coz' smile is the only way to escape from something painful.
Why society hate them? I mean, some people don't like gays. Some parents don't like to have a gay child. Yong iba sinasabing salot sa lipunan, bakit?
They are blessing.
It's too good to have them in your life. They are talented, they are hardworking and they love you whole heartedly. And they make you happy in any ways.
They must be appreciated not only to their families but the whole society, the whole world rather.
"Makinig ka kasing bakla ka, siguro hindi ka nakikinig sa science teacher mo noon noh?"
"Ge padayon."- sabi ni Ry. Nangunot naman ang nuo ko. Alien kasi siya kaya ganyan.
"Continue kasi, mygod! Arhggg!"- likramo niya dahil tiningnan namin siya ng sabay.
"So as what I've said, scientifically speaking the heart has nothing to do with love. The heart is just a strong muscle that functions to pump blood all throughout the body. Nothing more nothing less." - paliwanag niya.
"There are three functions of the brain kasi, we have an old brain or reptilian brain that is responsible for survival. We have an intermediate (limbic) brain that is responsible for emotions and love. We have a new (neocortex) brain
responsible for conscious decisions and at will actions."- dagdag niya. Tango lang ang naisagot ko. Ang talino naman kasi, para yatang wala akong naintindihan hayysss.
"The heart has nerves that mainly sense pain, and changes in rate and rhythm of the heartbeat and that is because of our intermediate (limbic) brain that is responsible for emotions and love. It releases chemicals that causes the heart to beat faster and stronger. In that case, our neocortex brain function and take action that is why we found to express our love to someone."- nakangiti niyang sabi.
"Love comes from the brain
and can manifest itself in the heart. We should be saying I love you from the center of my brain and not I love you from the bottom of my heart".
"So why choosing between mind and heart when you can choice your brain to function all at once?"-kapagkuway tanong niya.
"Kasi puso ang nakakaramdam ng sakit at saya from everything you do."- nagugulat kaming napalingon sa pinto.
" Ayy hala ma'am sorry, nag enjoy kami masyado sa pag-uusap di ka namin napansin. Halika ma'am pasok."-agad na lumapit si Jess sa dumating na customer.
"It's ok. Nag eenjoy rin naman akong panuorin at pakinggan kayo."- nakangiti niyang sabi. Siguro ay mid 50 na yata siya.
"Ay ito kasing chikagurl namin madam eh."
"You don't need to choose between your mind and your heart. Why choosing when you can choose both?"- nakangiti niyang sabi. Napakurap ako. She really heard us. So meaning from the very beginning, she was there watching us? How come we didn't notice her?
"Alam niyo kasi, love is very complicated but love is very powerful too. It makes two people become one. But then, the questions between heart and mind eludes many. Ano nga ba ang dapat sundin, ang utak o ang puso?"- sabi niya at tiningnan kami isa-isa. Napa ka mysterious naman niya.
"Choose both instead, hindi mo pwedeng piliin yong isa kung kinokontra ng isa. Alin man ang piliin mo masasaktan ka parin. In short, mind and heart should be compatible in accordance to your happiness and satisfaction kahit masaktan kapa in the end."- nakangiti niya paring dagdag.
"Ohhh, siya asikasuhin niyo na ako. Ayusin niyo buhok ko,attend ako ng party dapat maganda ako."- sabi niya kaya dali dali namang kumilos ang mga bakla.
" Your wish is our command madam."
Habang sila ay abala, ako ay nanatiling nakaupo sa kinauupuan ko kanina. Napapaisip, weighing things.
What the heck is that anyways? How is it even possible to feel so divided within the same body? So why are we drawn to people who we know aren't good for us and don't care about us? Will probably hurt us?
Ewan ko na lang.
To be continued,