Betso kept massaging lotion onto her legs as she sat absentmindedly on the bed. She never saw Muzi enter and stand by the door. In the room, there was chilly, cold air circulating and buzzing into her skin. The goosebumps and frisson of her hands was more than enough evidence.
"Can we please talk about this?", he said in a gently pleading voice. She never raised her face, neither did she stop what she was unnecessarily doing. He stepped closer. She got up and went past him, straight to the closet. He followed her and watched as she pulled down her fresh fleecy pyjamas and her warmest night gown. A stack of her t-shirts came tumbling down on her head and as she tried to stop them from unfolding, the white towel around her naked, moisturized body fell down.
" Arg dammit!", she bellowed in complete annoyance.
"Let me help you", he hastened to reach her. He bent to the floor to pick up the scattered pile off the floor.
She dropped her hands and heaved a sigh.
"There was no need for you to kill him. No need at all", she mentioned. He stopped for a moment before patiently getting up. She looked away.
"I am sorry you had to witness all of that. I am sorry for putting you through such a mess when I made a clear promise to myself that I'd never", he apologized as he tried to take both her warm hands into his. She wasn't comfortable. He let go.
"Khumalo, let me get this right. You are only sorry for subjecting me to you killing a whole man in cold blood, but you're not sorry for the actual murder in itself?", she was appalled, and her face was proof. He sniffed and scratched his nose.
"You killed a man in our children's home and you're unapologetic about it. I hate this side of you. I hate it so much!", her eyeballs were wet and glossy.
"Betso..."
"No. You need help. If I didn't love you this badly, I would've been you in jail. That's where people of your calibre belong but—", she took a moment to breathe. Not only did she need some clean air in her lungs, but she also needed as much of it around her. All that bad energy felt like carbon monoxide. The more breaths she took, she more she felt she couldn't. She was standing in front of him, naked and bare.
"I am booking you into therapy", he informed him of her decision in its final form and he raised his face to argue. She cut him very short.
"No. You are going to do this and you're gonna do this for me, for our family. YOU ARE ANGRY MUZIKAYISE AND ONLY HELL KNOWS WHAT YOU WILL DO NEXT!", she exploded – emotionally.
"You want me to go tell an entire stranger about the details of my life?", he wasn't having it.
"You need it. You need to! You have a lot of things bottled up and once there's a trigger everyone's life is suddenly in danger. Killing is natural problem-solving skill in your eyes and you see nothing wrong with it. How is that normal?", she stood there and waited for an answer. Her question wasn't rhetorical. She genuinely felt he owed her answers.
"Ma?!", Lwandile yelled as he peeped through the door after knocking close to a million times. She locked her jaws and loosened her chest.
"This conversation is over, and you are going to therapy", she stated with absolute certainty, with no grain of doubt in her voice. He walked over to the ottoman and took a seat. She picked up the towel and wrapped herself with it, then walked out with the widest, fake smile ever known to be mastered.
"Hey baby", she greeted Lwa as she approached him for a hug.
"Sawubona Mrs K. I've been knocking on this door since yesterday", he playfully exaggerated. She laughed.
"I was trying to get something to put on. How's you friend?", she asked and gave him a wink. He laughed shyly before giving an answer.
"He's fine, ma"
"Just fine?", she angled her chin sideways in suspicion.
"Yes. Just fine. Where's dad? I was expecting to see rose petals on the floor, empty champagne bottles and the works?", he teased and stopped smiling when he realized that her mind was on a train.
"Ma?", he shook her once. She gasped and almost jumped.
"Are you okay? You look stressed, he noted. She let out a pretentious giggle.
"Stressed? I have no idea what you're talking about"
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you killed someone the way you're going on", he said jokingly and laughed. She felt a thin drop of cold sweat travel roll down the side of her face. Her tongue was taut and tangled.
"Cheer up ma I'm just joking. Now I'm really worried about you. Are you okay?"
"I'm... I'm really fine. I'm just worried about Liwe. She seemed to be coming down with a fever earlier", she mentioned.
"Kids get sick all the time. She'll be fine. Please stop stressing", he tried to quieten her nerves with a hug. She received it and sighed heavily.
"Let me go take a shower yeah?", he said, and she nodded with a subtle smile.
She went back to the closet after he left and found Muzi still thoughtfully seated with his hands over his head. She took a conscious decision to ignore his presence and got dressed in her PJs, including sheepy socks. She tied the belt to her gown and left that room.
When she got to Liwe's, she found the Thandiwe, the nanny, piggybacking Odaliwe's tiny self with a towel.
"How are we doing today?", she asked with a polite smile. Thandiwe could see the emptiness in her eyes. She felt sorry for her.
"We were cranky just minutes ago, but we managed to sleep", she replied turned her neck, trying to see the small person on her back. Betso nodded and massaged her neck with one hand. The other was in the pocket of her gown. Thandiwe undid the front of the towel and asked Betso to help her with the baby. Betso seemed unsure and undecided for a moment. Her sense came back when she realized Liwe might fall if she didn't act as fast as she was asked. She quickly extended her hands to take her and she showed signs of wanting to wake up. Thandiwe stretched her body and Betso waited for her to take Liwe back.
"Don't you want to put her to sleep?", asked Thandiwe.
"Please just... just take her", Betso insisted. She remembered all the blood that was on her hands earlier and there was a stubborn thought in her head that was adamant that she was somehow making the baby's spirit dirty. Thandiwe quickly understood and took her. She placed her down and hushed her for a minute, then Liwe drifted off to her happy rainbow place.
Betso was about to leave when Thandiwe straightened her spine from the cot and called her.
"MakaLiwe?", she said in tone that aroused curiosity. Betso turned back and fixed the large hood over her head. Thandiwe asked that they take a seat on her single bed. Betso obliged. The nanny had to gather her thoughts into one basket before she could begin talking.
"See, before I came here... I was jobless for about six months. I've seen things at my previous workplaces that left me emotional and in deep trauma for days"
Betso frowned. Thandiwe was careful with her words. She walked on eggshells as she tried to convey this point.
"Do you know the Dingilizwe's?", she asked and never moved her eyes from Betso, who was trying to figure out where she had heard this Dingilizwe name. She was certain she had. Her brain was sure that this name once touched on its surface. It tried to remember while simultaneously trying to supress the trigger that came with the tail of that name.
"They were all over the news last year. The politician husband that killed his wife?", Thandiwe was determined to jog Betso's memory.
"Oh ja. I remember them", Betso recalled. "But where is this going?"
Thandiwe sighed as her buttxcks fidgeted around to get comfortable.
"I am worried about you, ma'am. I warned Mrs Dingilizwe so many times I'm hurt she didn't listen. I'm hurt I didn't try hard enough to get her to listen. She was so friendly, accommodating and so motherly. You remind me of her, and it stings my heart. I attract employers who are either in abusive relationships or who somewhat need some kind of deliverance. This man is going to kill you. I can feel it in my bones and I'm not going to ignore it", she blabbered anxiously without pause. Betso couldn't help but cry.
"Please don't say that Thandiwe. Muzi wouldn't hurt me"
"They all say that until they're dead. What the two of you share is beautiful when the sun is out but seeing him kill a man like that? Like he's squashing a pest? There is nothing he's incapable of", Thandiwe said and placed her comforting hand on Betso's shoulder. Both their eyes were captured by Odaliwe's innocent image as she slept her growth away in her cot.
...
Melokuhle abruptly woke up from his afternoon nap in his mother's hotel room, drenched in his own sweat and trying hard to catch his breath. Gugu was seated by the desk, setting up her website for her new clothing line. She turned back and noticed how freaked out he was. She then quickly stood up and poured him a glass of water. He took it and drank up. His mother was patient and waiting to hear what had been chasing him in his dreams. When he was done drinking, he gave a flat "Thanks" and lifted his legs off the bed. She lovingly placed her hand behind his wet and sweaty neck.
"Are you gonna tell me what's going on?"
He sighed and took a quick glance at her.
"I had a recurring bad dream", he enlightened.
"Recurring as in one moment repeating many times in a single dream?", she asked for clarity.
He nodded. Even a blind man would've been able to sense that he was troubled.
"Talking helps. I'm all ears"
He swallowed.
"I was dreaming of Busi falling into a very dark, bottomless pit and I was always late to save her", he morosely said. Worry dressed her face and she sat closer, taking him into her hands.
"Oh baby... I am so sorry", she had no idea what else to say. There was nothing more to say.
She wiped her sweat with her palms as he just sat there blinking incalculable times. This lasted for about seven minutes.
"Have you ever been to her grave?", she broke the silence.
He silently shook his head.
"You should go. Maybe it will bring you the closure that you need", she mentioned. He thought about it. He was considering it.
"I don't know where it is and her family is definitely not going to tell me", he said.
"You don't need them. You only need her full name and the date she died. The people who work at the cemetery will help you find it", she suggested.
"And what do I do when I get there? Talk to her?"
Gugu nodded. "You could also buy her flowers"
He huffed out a laugh.
"And a Lunchbar", he added. His mother smiled and asked if it was her favourite thing. He just nodded, lazy to explain that she left him a suicide note in the form of a video.
They both sighed and looked at one another.
"Can you accompany me there? I'm not sure if I can do this alone"
"You don't have to ask me twice my boy", she assured.
"Today?"
"Sure", she agreed and got up to change into clothes that were considered respectable to the dead – a headwrap and a skirt.
They took a detour to a convenience store first to go get the chocolate bar. A tiny thought in Melo's head felt this was silly but he did it anyway. From there they went to go buy a huge bouquet of white lilies. His mother took the wheel and drove to the community cemetery. They were both silent in the car, but it wasn't at all uncomfortable. They got there and she as the adult, spoke to the man who was gatekeeping the cemetery. He asked for the month when Busi was buried and R200 for his effort. They paid it without grief, and he went to look for her as they followed closely behind him in his washed-out blue work suit.
"Here...", he finally pointed at Busisiwe's resting place. They thanked him and he left. Melo turned to his mother for approval. She nodded and he then kneeled next to the dark grey tombstone. The soil there was brittle and 'sinky'.
"I'll be over there if you need me", she mentioned and left, heading to an old porcelain bench under a tree close-by.
He cleared his throat before placing the bunch of flowers on top of her. He felt himself getting emotional so he laughed instead, to compose himself. Needless to say, that was a complete fail.
"Sthandwasami. Ma wengane yami. Ngiyaxolisa for taking this long to actually come here and visit you. I was afraid. I was afraid that my being here would confirm my worst fear; that I had genuinely lost you and that I hadn't accepted it nor will I ever" (My love. The mother of my chid. I am sorry...)
A single drop raced down his cheek as he passively weeded out the grass on the sides of her grave to keep his hands occupied. Gugu watched all of this from a distance, with a breaking heart.
"Akekho ofana nawe Busi I have tried!", he confessed with as his chest heated up. "Baby I have tried searching for you in different places and I failed. You left and you left with your whole being and I will never forgive you for that. Ngiyakuthanda kodwa angiziboni ngikuxolela for what you did to my heart. I was prepared to take care of you. I was prepared to step up but the fact that you actually planned to kill yourself even after the million times I tried assuring you that I was gonna be there every step of the way is just—"
He got himself to calm down. Gugu could see that he was shouting. She wanted to get up but also, she felt he needed to let his emotions rip and spill onto those grounds.
"I waited for you. I waited for you to visit me in my dreams like people promised you would but you never did. Are you getting back at me for everything I put you through? If that's the case, then we're not even. You have won because the pain I'm feeling right now is immeasurable"
He was being honest. He had managed to suspend it all those times he chose distraction over confrontation. At that moment he sat there, next to her grave, he felt helpless. It was spilling over and he couldn't contain it the same way he couldn't contain his tears. He hugged his knees and cried it the fxck out. Gugu couldn't take it anymore. She wiped her own tears with the tail of her doek as she walked towards him. She got there and knelt by his side, tightly hugging him. He kept his head bowed onto his knees. In his head, it was embarrassing for a boy child to cry like that. After all, indoda ayikhali.
...
"Is this why dad moved out? He was also in on this? He knew? Ma, I'm a product of rape?", Mthokozisi asked in complete shock and devastation.
"No no no. You are not a product of rape my child please don't—"
"SHUT UP!", he yelled from the very top of his lungs. His mother shrieked and stepped back.
"You had countless opportunities to come out with the truth, but you always, always chose deceit"
"These people don't care about you son. If they did, they wouldn't have bewitched and cursed you with life-threatening seizures"
"Nobody bewitched him. He inherited that from his father"
"I hate you...", Mtho sneered in his mother's direction.
"See what you've done?!", his mother shot out at Manqoba before storming out of the house.
"You are not running away from this. Ma??!!", he called her back, but she proceeded to strut out.
Mtho was obviously vexed and frustrated. Manqoba just looked at him for another reaction. He just watched him trying to calm himself down.
"So...", Mtho said. MQ kept his silence, waiting for him to finish his sentence and also admiring how he didn't need a DNA test to confirm that that was indeed uMntungwa.
"You're my uncle?", Mtho asked. Manqoba nodded and extended his hand for a handshake. Mtho shook it without question.
"Yes I am, Mbulazi", he confirmed and tried to suss out how he felt about that.
"I'm a Khumalo?", the shock was expanding by the second.
Manqoba nodded. "You're royalty mfan'wam"
"Khumalo as in Melokuhle Makhosonke Khumalo?", he questioned, trying to wrap his head around everything. Manqoba raised his brow.
"Yes. He is your brother. You know your him?"
"We were friends in grade one. Then turned enemies since then"
Manqoba laughed.
"You cannot be serious..."
"I am telling you erh...", Manqoba realized Mtho had no idea what to call him.
"Call me MQ", he mentioned and Mtho gave a slight smile. Manqoba was chilled and it was pretty obvious.
"What the big deal? Nibangan?"
"A lot of things. Including the fact that he went after my crush and toyed with her heart, then she friendzoned me. I have never been okay ever since", he relayed and Manqoba couldn't stop laughing at his tone of delivery. Mtho was one of those people who'd tell a side-splitting joke and not laugh one bit.
"Aish hadee boy. Which crush is this?", MQ asked.
"Busisiwe", he mentioned with light sadness.
"Oh. For what it's worth and from what I've gathered, he really did love that girl. I don't know if this makes you feel any better or worse", Manqoba stated and shrugged.
Mthokozisi laughed.
"How am I even related to him?", he asked.
"You share a father. He is your blood brother. Straight straight"
"My life can't get any worse than this"
Manqoba laughed. They shortly sat down.
"So tell me son, are you accepting of us as your family?"
Mtho pursed his lips thoughtfully.
"I guess. I don't really have much of a choice. Speaking of which, now that everything is unfolding... my grandfather said something to me before he died"
Manqoba leaned in curiously
"And what is that?"
"He said, a man's identity lies with his true ancestors. He proceeded to say that I should always remember these words when the right time comes because he won't be there to advise me"
Manqoba sat back, digesting this information.
...
The whole family was in that house but Betso felt inexplicably alone. Her soul was sad and isolated. Muzi had locked himself in his study. She sat on the floor of her bedroom wanting to call someone. She and Tumi had somewhat grown apart. Their lives were becoming more distinct and separate as the years went by. They never exactly fought; there was no need – no reason. However, she knew he was there whenever he needed him to be. She wanted to dial his number and confess all the horror that had been happening in that house. She knew he wouldn't judge; he never did. He would be shocked yes but he wouldn't pass any judgement in her direction.
She took her phone and dialled, then cut the call before it could go through. She opted for calling her mother instead.
"My beautiful baby", Violet answered, sounding as if she was busy vacuuming the house. She had to be loud for Betso to hear her since she attended the call before actually switching off the machine. This gave Betso enough time to pull herself together and actually get a grip.
"Hi mama", she greeted back and heard the annoying vacuum sound in the background slowly die down.
"How are you? Yey fuseg!", she yelled and sounded as if she was running out of the house. The subtle echo of her voice inside did not sound the same as when she was outside. Betso heard dogs barking and her mother hyperventilating.
"What is going on?", she asked in concern.
"Ase dimpsa tse tsakamo next door? They think my yard is a pet zoo. Bloody donor" (Is it not my neighbour's dogs?) she announced with irritation.
"O Polokwane?", Betso enquired. Her mother confirmed it affirmative. She refused to sell her house when she got married to Robert. She claimed it's a man's second nature to be annoying and she had to have a refuge when her husband's demons got drunk. Betso already knew they had a fight when she went there.
"Anyway, you don't sound okay. Are you pregnant?", Violet questioned as she sat down. Betso could hear it from her fluctuating breathing pattern.
"Mara mama..."
"A mother has to ask. Is he cheating? I'd deep fry his—"
"Yoh whoa...", Betso stopped that bus before it was ahead. She knew her mother well; she was about to go on a swearing spree.
"I'm just... I don't know mama. Have you ever felt like your soul is getting lost? Somehow lonely so?"
Violet took a lengthy second to worry about her child.
"Did something happen? Why do you feel like that?"
"Nothing happened. I just woke up like this. I also feel very tired emotionally"
"When last did you pray?", Violet asked.
"I don't even remember. I was never really a firm believer mama you know this"
"Well, I don't know what could be happening ngwanaka but it sounds serious. I can even feel that you're highly disturbed. Go see someone"
"As in, a shrink?"
"A shrink, a pastor, a prophet or even a sangoma. Whatever works for you"
"You? Suggesting an entire traditional healer?'
Violet laughed.
"You will grow and get to understand things better like I have", she simply said. Betso processed her advice, then fell asleep right on the floor.
Hours went by and she finally woke up, then she got up and walked to the kitchen to go make something to eat. When she passed by Lwa's door, it was wide open and she saw him sleeping on his stomach. Lwa never leaves his door open. She walked in and he got up.
"Hawu. Kere o robetse" (I thought you were asleep), she mentioned and he heaved an exhausted sigh.
"Since when do you leave the door open?"
"I couldn't sleep. I still can't. There's something in here", he informed and rubbed his upper arms, evidently feeling cold.
"Something... like what?", Betso asked as her heart began racing in fear. It was bad enough that a man was killed in that house but for Lwa to be feeling 'things" at that hour?
"Yeah, when I was asleep, I felt like someone was standing over me, a man"
Fast drums began playing in Betso's heart.
"Could you see his face?"
"No. When I try to open my eyes it feels like my eyelids are glued together"
"Ke segateledi. Don't worry about it okay?" (It's called sleep paralysis), she assured and hugged him. She tucked him in and sat there till he fell asleep. She then quickly walked out and went to her bedroom to change. She didn't bother letting Muzi know where she was headed. She drove out so fast even a madman was going to applaud her for her speed. When she got to the place, she parked outside and disregarded all the fear she had of the dark. Bridgette used to speak a lot about her sangoma and how he helped her get rid of ischito that she got from Mandla and his cheating ways. She remembered the route because she once had to fetch her from there. When she got to his doorstep, she knocked so frantically that he came running to see who was at the door at that time of the night.
"Excuse me. I am so sorry for arriving this late, but I really need your help. I am desperate please!", she begged and he wore a puzzled face.
"You will have to come back tomorrow..."
"Please help me. I am begging you"
He then scanned her face for a moment and stepped outside.
"Something dark is following you...", he mentioned. She stood and waited for him to spill all the beans. He continued scanning her, in the dark.
"Uke wadliswa?" (Have you ever been fed a love portion before?)
She quickly shook her head in disapproval. He stopped talking and waited for her to remember. It clicked. She then told the story of the handkerchief and the transferred spell in missing puzzle pieces. Her brain was too fuzzed up to construct a coherent sentence. He squeezed the sides of his head with the bottom of both his palms, in distress.
"You will honestly have to come back tomorrow. I can't see these things properly"
"Just tell me what you see...", she was too desperate to just leave emptyhanded.
"Idliso leli... the lady who was supposed to take your husband... I see her baby... your husband's baby", he said as he tried to pull all the puzzle pieces together.
"Bongiwe?", Betso was completely mystified. What was this man talking about?
UNEDITED.