MILLIES POV
"Millie, you look terrible."
Those were the first words that I heard from Ron as I sat down at the Gryffindor table for breakfast.
"Thanks, Ronald," I said sarcastically, pulling a bowl of porridge towards myself. I leant my head on Harry's shoulder, who pressed his lips against the top of it. My eyes darted up and down the Hall - it looked slightly emptier than usual. "Where are the first and second years?"
"Most of them are gone! It's the first day of the holidays, remember?" Ron exclaimed happily, watching me. "Where have you been, more importantly?"
"Ermm...couldn't sleep," I replied, spooning the porridge into my mouth and shuffling closer to Harry. I wasn't lying - I hadn't slept a wink last night.
I slumped my body further into Harry's side, as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, breathing in his familiar scent. Snow was falling from the magical ceiling overhead the busy hall - this was the most amount of students I had ever seen stay for the holidays, which I deeply suspected was due to the New Years party.
"You don't look too well either, Harry," Mione said, peering anxiously between us.
"I'm fine," Harry mumbled, running his finger up and down my arm. "Where did you go, Mills?"
"Er - f-for a walk," I stuttered stupidly, straightening up and facing him, deciding that I might as well get to the point. "Harry listen, you mustn't go doing anything stupid," I began, thinking of what Lupin had said.
Harry frowned. "Like what?"
"Like trying to go after Black," I said sharply. Harry looked at me for a moment, before leaning his head in his hands on the table. "You won't, will you, H? Black's not worth dying for."
"Mills," he whispered, so that only I could hear. "D'you know what I see and hear every time a Dementor gets too near me?" I shook my head apprehensively. "I can hear my mum screaming and pleading with Voldemort. And if you'd heard your mum screaming like that, just about to be killed, you wouldn't forget it in a hurry. And if you found out someone who was supposed to be a friend of hers betrayed her and sent Voldemort after her-"
"There's nothing you can do, Harry," I hissed, shuffling closer to him so that he could hear me. "The Dementors will catch Black and he'll go to Azkaban and - and serve him right!"
"You heard what Fudge said," Harry whisper-shouted. "Black isn't affected by Azkaban like normal people are. It's not a punishment for him like it is for others!"
I scoffed. "So what are you saying? You want to kill Black or something?"
Again, Harry didn't answer. I shook my head disbelievingly, exchanging an exasperated look with Mione and Ron, who both looked very tense.
"Malfoy knows," Harry said quietly. "Remember what he said to me in Potions? 'If it was me, I'd hunt him down myself...I'd want revenge.'"
"Oh, so you're going to take Malfoy's advice instead of mine?" I hissed angrily.
"Listen," Ron interrupted, staring at Harry furiously. "You know what Pettigrew's mother got back after Black had finished with him? Dad told me - the Order of Merlin, First Class, and Pettigrew's finger in a box. That was the biggest bit of him they could find. Black's a madden, mate, and he's dangerous-"
"Malfoy's dad must have told him," said Harry, ignoring Ron completely. "He was right in Voldemort's inner circle-"
"Say You-Know-Who, will you?" Ron interjected angrily.
"-so obviously, the Malfoys knew Black was working for Voldemort-"
"-and Malfoy'd love to see you blown into about a million pieces, like Pettigrew!" I said, slamming my hand down onto the table, which made Harry finally look at me. "Get a grip, Harry, Malfoy's just hoping you'll get yourself killed before he has to play you at Quidditch."
"Harry, please," Mione said, speaking for the first time with tears in her eyes, "please be sensible. Black did a terrible, terrible thing, and to Millie's dad too! But d-don't put yourself in danger, it's what Black wants..."
"Harry, look," I said, in a softer tone than before. His eyes met mine and I hesitantly put my hand over his on the bench, "you'd be playing right into Black's hands if you went looking for him. Your mum and dad wouldn't want you to get hurt, would they? They'd never want you to go looking for Black-"
"I'll never know what they'd have wanted because, thanks to Black, I've never spoken to them," said Harry shortly, pulling his hand from mine and placing it on the table instead.
There was a silence, in which I bit my lip anxiously, staring at my porridge; my appetite had completely disappeared.
"Look," Ron began, obviously casting around for a change of subject, "it's the holidays! It's nearly Christmas! Let's - let's go down and see Hagrid. We haven't visited him for ages!"
"No!" said Mione quickly, glaring at Ron. "Harry isn't supposed to leave the castle-"
"Yeah, let's go," said Harry, standing up, "and I can ask him how come he never mentioned Black when he told me all about my parents!"
I watched him guiltily; that was exactly what I had gone and talked to Lupin about. Further discussion of Sirius Black, however, plainly wasn't what Ron had had in mind.
"Or we could have a game of chess," he said hastily, "or Gobstones. Percy left a set-"
"No." I stood up next to Harry, sending him a timid smile. "Let's visit Hagrid."
Finally, Harry sent me his familiar lop-sided grin, nodding at me gratefully. I let out a short breath, before shooting Mione and Ron an expectant look. They both sighed, before pushing themselves up.
We made our way slowly down the lawn, making a shallow trench in the glittering, powdery snow, my socks and the hem of my cloak soaked and freezing. The Forbidden Forest looked as though it had been enchanted, each tree smattered with silver, and Hagrid's cabin looked like an iced cake.
Ron knocked, but there was no answer.
"He's not out, is he?" said Mione, who was huddled next to me and shivering.
Ron had his ear to the door. "There's a weird noise. Listen - is that Fang?"
Harry, Mione and I put our ears to the door, too. From inside the cabin came a series of low, throbbing groans.
"Think we'd better go and get someone?" Ron asked nervously, taking a step back.
"Hagrid!" Harry called, thumping the door. "Hagrid, are you in there?"
There was a sound of heavy footsteps, then the door creaked open. Hagrid stood there with his eyes red and swollen; tears splashing down the front of his leather waistcoat.
My eyes widened. "Hagrid!"
"Yeh've heard!" he bellowed, and he flung himself onto my neck.
Hagrid being at least twice the size of a normal man, this was no laughing matter. About to collapse under Hagrid's weight, I was rescued by Harry and Ron, who seized Hagrid under an arm and heaved him back into the cabin. I stumbled backwards, rubbing my aching bones.
"Are you okay?" Mione asked, helping me into Hagrid's hut.
"Yeah, thanks," I mumbled, dropping into a chair beside the boys. Hagrid was now sobbing uncontrollably, his face glazed with tears which dripped down into his tangled beard.
"Hagrid, what is it?" asked Mione, aghast.
I spotted an official-looking letter lying open on the table.
"What's this, Hagrid?"
Hagrid's sobs redoubled, but he shoved the letter towards me; I picked it up and read aloud:
Dear Mr Hagrid,
Further to our inquiry into the attack by a Hippogriff on a student in your class, we have accepted the assurances of Professor Dumbledore that you bear no responsibility for the regrettable incident-
"Well, that's okay, then, Hagrid!" Ron exclaimed, clapping Hagrid on the shoulder. But Hagrid continued to sob, and waved one of his gigantic hands, inviting me to read on.
-however, we must register our concern about the Hippogriff in question. We have decided to uphold the official complaint of Mr Lucius Malfoy, and this matter will therefore be taken to the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures. The hearing will take place on April 20th, and we ask you to presents yourself and your Hippogriff at the Committee's offices in London on that date. In the meantime, the Hippogriff should be kept tethered and isolated.
Yours in fellowship...
There followed a list of the school governors.
"Oh," said Ron casually. "But you said Buckbeak isn't a bad Hippogriff, Hagrid. I bet he'll get off-"
"Yeh don' know them gargoyles at the Committee fer the Disposal o' Dangerous Creatures!" choked Hagrid, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. "They've got it in fer interestin' creatures!"
A sudden sound from the corner of Hagrid's cabin made me whip around. Buckbeak was lying in the corner, chomping on something that was oozing blood all over the floor.
"I couldn' leave him tied up out there in the snow!" Hagrid cried. "All on his own! At Christmas!"
I caught Ron's eye. I had never agreed with Hagrid about what he called 'interesting creatures' and other people called 'terrifying monsters'. On the other hand, there didn't seem to be any particular harm in Buckbeak. In fact, by Hagrid's usual standards, he was positively cute.
"You'll have to put up a good strong defence, Hagrid," said Mione softly, sitting down and laying a hand on Hagrid's massive forearm. "I'm sure you can prove Buckbeak is safe."
"Won' make no diff'rence!" Hagrid sobbed. "Them Disposal devils, they're all in Lucius Malfoy's pocket! Scared o' him! An' if I lose the case, Buckbeak-"
Hagrid drew his finger swiftly across his throat, then gave a great wail and lurched forwards, his face in his arms.
"What about Dumbledore?" I suggested, anxiously fiddling with the end of my sleeve.
Hagrid groaned. "He's done more'n enough fer me already. Got enough on his plate what with keepin' them Dementors outta the castle, an' Sirius Black lurkin' around..."
I looked quickly at Harry, half-expecting him to start berating Hagrid for not telling him the truth about Black. But Harry met my eyes, placing his hand gently on my knee under the table. I sucked in a breath at the sudden touch, and Harry's lips curved into a small smirk, before turning back to Hagrid.
"Listen, Hagrid," he said. "You can't give up. Hermione's right, you just need a good defence. You can call us witnesses-"
"I'm sure I've read about a case of Hippogriff-baiting," said Hermione thoughtfully, "where the Hippogriff got off. I'll look it up for you, Hagrid, and see exactly what happened."
"Buckbeak will be okay," I said, smiling as I felt Harry's thumb rub my knee gently, "we'll make sure of it."
But Hagrid howled still more loudly. Harry elbowed Ron to help us.
Ron's eyes widened. "Er - shall I make a cup of tea?"
I stared at him.
"It's what my mum does whenever someone's upset," Ron muttered, shrugging.
At last, after many assurances of help, with a steaming mug of tea in front of him, Hagrid blew his nose on a handkerchief the size of a tablecloth and said, "Yer right. I can' afford to go ter pieces. Gotta pull meself together..."
Fang came timidly out from under the table and laid his head on Hagrid's knee.
"I've not bin meself lately," Hagrid admitted, stroking Fang with one hand and mopping his face with the other. "Worried abou' Buckbeak, an' no one likin' me classes-"
"We like them," I said at once.
"Yeah, they're great!" said Ron, crossing his fingers under the table. "Erm - how are the Flobberworms?"
"Dead," said Hagrid gloomily. "Too much lettuce."
"Oh, no," Harry mumbled, his lip twitching.
"An' them Dementors make me feel Rudy terrible an' all," said Hagrid, with a sudden shudder. "Gotta walk past 'em ev'ry time I want a drink in the Three Broomsticks. 'S like bein' back in Azkaban..."
He fell silent, gulping his tea. I watched him breathlessly. I had never heard Hagrid talk about his brief time in Azkaban before. After a short pause, I said slowly, "Is it awful in there, Hagrid?"
"Yeh've no idea," said Hagrid quietly. "Never bin anywhere like it. Thought I was goin' mad. Kep' goin' over horrible stuff in me mind...the day I got expelled from Hogwarts...day me dad died...the day I had ter let Norbert go..." His eyes filled with tears. "Yeh can' really remember who yeh are after a while. An' yeh can' see the point o' livin' at all. I used ter hope I'd jus' die in me sleep...don' know how yeh Dad even visits there, Millie, I'd go mad...he visited me a couple o' times while I was in there...great man, Jake Donovan...he was the one that came an' let me out...it was like bein' born again, ev'rythin' came floodin' back, it was the bes' feelin' in the world. Mind, the Dementors weren' keen on lettin' me go."
"But you were innocent!" said Mione.
Hagrid snorted. "Think that matters to them? They don' care. Long as they've got a couple o' hundred humans stuck there with 'em, so they can leech all the happiness out of 'em, they don' give a damn who's guilty an' who's not."
Hagrid went quiet for a moment, staring into his tea. Then he whispered, "Thought o' jus' letting Buckbeak go...tryin' ter make him fly away...but how d'yeh explain ter a Hippogriff it's gotta go inter hiding? An' - an' I'm scared o' breakin' the law..." He looked up at us, tears leaking down his face again. "I don' ever want ter go back ter Azkaban."