Alex: You feeling any better today?
"Who is it?" Tori asks me as she leans closer to the mirror in order to apply mascara.
"Alex," I respond as my eyes scan over the message.
"Ooh," Tori says while wiggling her eyebrows. I glare at my friend, before turning my attention back to my phone to formulate a response, tuning Tori out as she laughs softly beside me.
Me: Wow, you care!!
Alex: No.
Me: So you took time out of your day to send that text because you don't care??
Alex: I'm being held at gunpoint. No choice.
Me: Mhm.
Alex: Just answer the fucking question.
Me: I'm fine.
Alex: Oh shit how bad is it?
Me: No, I think I'm seriously fine.
Alex: Girls are never actually fine when they say they're fine.
Alex: Had to learn that the hard way.
Me: Would it be better if I said I was doing ok??
Alex: Slightly....
Me: Whatever. Believe me or not. I don't care. I gotta go help Naomi and Tori get ready for the dance.
Alex: Wow I take time out of my day to care for you and this is the thanks I get.
Me: I thought you were being held at gunpoint.
Alex: I still stand by that story.
Me: I see. Bye, Alex.
Alex: Bye. Have fun looking for Gracey.
Me: I actually found her the day you left. You're not very good at hiding her.
Alex: Bitch.
Me: Asshole.
As I lock my phone and tuck it back into my pocket, I can't help but think back to what I told Alex. I'm fine. I'm ok. Am I really?
I shouldn't be. Ivy's my best friend and such an amazing person. I shouldn't be able to get over her quickly. I should be crying right now. I should be locked in my room, not wanting to come down until Ivy comes back. And yet here I am standing in my room with my other two best friends, helping them get ready for a dance that I used to believe I would be going to with her.
As I hear Naomi call my name, I cast the thoughts out of my mind, not wanting them to consume me. And yet one thought still travels through my mind on repeat: why the fuck aren't you crying right now?
Yet it does nothing to actually make me cry.
"Are you sure you don't want to come? You could probably get a ticket last minute," Naomi offers, clearly worried about me.
"Don't worry about me, Nao," I try to reassure her as Tori is busy speed-walking around my room, seemingly on the search for something she misplaced while she's been getting ready for the dance.
"It's my job to worry about you," Naomi tells me, cracking a smile.
"No, I think you just make it your job,"
"Same difference," Naomi dismisses my comment.
"I just miss her. That's all," I reveal to Naomi. It's been a week since Ivy left me the note and Naomi almost beat her up when she found out. Since then, I've been hanging out with Naomi and Tori a lot. Tori still doesn't know exactly what's wrong, but I have a feeling that she can sense that something's off.
"Of course you do. You're probably still getting over her. That's completely understandable," Naomi attempts to comfort me.
"No, I.... you're probably right,"
I don't want to delve into those thoughts again, so agreeing is just easier. And yet I can't seem to differentiate if my heart aches because she chose someone else or if it's simply because I miss my best friend. Yet it could also be the worst option: both.
But it just has to be both. Or that's what I keep telling myself.
"Damn. I look hot. My date is a lucky man," Tori comments suddenly as she stands in front of the mirror, twirling around in her sparkling dress. I smile at her confidence as I shake my head.
"And who is your date again?" Naomi asks the girl.
"Well, it could've been you, but you said no, mommy," Tori responds to Naomi with a flirtatious wink, though she's clearly just trying to avoid the question.
"You didn't even.... Whatever. I'm gonna go to the bathroom," Naomi says with a sigh of defeat before walking towards the door to my room.
"There's a bathroom in here, Nao...." Tori trails off as she shoots the girl a confused look.
"I know," Naomi says before leaving my room and closing the door behind her.
"What was that about?" I ask Tori as I glance back and forth between her and the door that Naomi just walked out of.
"What?" Tori asks me and she stops adjusting her dress for a moment to turn and look me.
"Never mind," I say shaking my head before I look down at my feet.
And so as we settle into a comfortable silence, I decide to pull my phone out from my pocket and open up my messages with Margot. My fingers hover over the keyboard for a moment though I'm not entirely sure why.
Me: Are we still on for tonight??
As I click send, I let out the breath that I had been holding in and quickly lock my phone and shove it back into my pocket. However, it isn't even a minute before I feel it vibrate and I'm almost instantly tugging it back out again to see if she responded.
Margot: Depends on what we're doing.
Me: Movie night??
Margot: Sure what are we watching?
Me: You'll have to wait until you get here to see. ;)
Margot: What time should I be over then?
Me: I can kick Naomi and Tori out if you wanna head over now....
Margot: Eager to see me?
Me: Eager to get rid of these two idiots I call my best friends.
Me: Well.... Naomi's not an idiot but I think Tori covers the both of them in that department.
Margot: So you'd rather hang out with me than your two best friends? ;)
Me: ashfjebwpsic.
Margot: I didn't realize I was that important to you. ;)
Me: You're twisting my words.
Margot: I'm finding the real meaning.
Me: You're doing no such thing.
Margot: Denial.
Me: Truth!!
Margot: So you admit I'm telling the truth. ;)
Me: I- that's not....
Me: Just get over here.
Margot: Yes ma'am.
With a smile on my face, I lock my phone and then look up to find Tori on hers, fingers gliding furiously across the screen. I don't even dare thinking about interrupting her. And yet that's when Naomi hesitantly walks back into the room and closes the door behind herself.
"So, Tori," Naomi says after clearing her throat.
"Hmm?" Tori hums, not even looking up from her phone.
"You never actually told me who the man unlucky enough to be your date is," Naomi returns back to the topic that caused for her to feel like she needed to leave the room. However, this successfully catches Tori's attention as her head snaps up from her phone and her eyes widen slightly.
"And?" Tori challenges her.
"I'm your best friend! I'm just curious. Normally you would've told me already!" Naomi defends herself. Tori shakes her head before letting out a sigh, seemingly ready to give in to Naomi.
"It's Mason," Tori mumbles under her breath, barely loud enough for me to even hear it.
"Who?" Naomi asks her to repeat herself.
"Mason," Tori repeats, louder this time. It seems to take a moment for Naomi to register who Tori is even referring to, but as soon as she does, she starts shaking her head.
"That's the one you dated at the beginning of the year?" Naomi checks.
"Mhm,"
"You complained he was too clingy,"
"Mhm,"
"Then you're going to the dance with him why exactly?" Naomi questions her. I glance back and forth between my two friends as Naomi's level of irritation rises and Tori's persistence to seem like she doesn't give a fuck remains the exact same.
"Tori...." Naomi drags out Tori's name. As Tori shoots her a glare in response, I decide that it's time that I should interrupt the two of them.
"Guys. You need to get going so you aren't late. Could you possibly take your squabble outside of my house?" I ask them sweetly while offering a nervous smile. Naomi's irritated look almost instantly drops along with any anger that was building in Tori.
"Yeah. Sure," Naomi tells me before quickly gathering together the few things that she brought and then smoothening out her bubblegum pink dress.
"Yeah. Naomi needs to drop me back off at house so that I can be picked up by my handsome date anyways," Tori says likely to just spite her friend.
"Well, thanks for helping us get ready for the dance here even though you decided not to go. Are you still sure about that? It would be so much fun if you came along!" Naomi tries to rope me into going to the Coming Home dance yet again.
"Stop worrying and go enjoy the dance, dude," I tell Naomi as I push her along to follow Tori who's apparently already left my room.
"I'm just a call away. Yeah?" Naomi checks with me before fully cooperating with my decision to guide her out of my house.
"Yeah," I reply, offering Naomi a small smile filled with gratitude in response. As Naomi and I reach the front door, Tori is already there, tapping her foot as if to emphasize that she had to wait for us.
"Ready?" Naomi asks Tori as she pulls on her shoes and then readjusts her purse on her shoulder.
"Just waiting on you," Tori retorts back. Naomi nods, clearly ignoring Tori's tone.
"Bye, Aspen," Naomi pulls me into a quick hug before rejoining Tori who just gives me a nod as her way to say goodbye. And after that, they both walk outside into the cold.
"Have fun arguing like an old married couple for the entire drive to Tori's," I tell them both as they step off my front porch and begin to walk towards Naomi's car. Naomi just shakes her head at my comment while Tori proceeds to flip me off without even giving me a second glance. A small smile slips onto my lips as a result of the two of them.
As I watch Naomi and Tori slide into the car, I quickly close the front door and then lean back against it, smiling to myself as a result of the excitement of Margot coming over to hang out.
However, my smile soon transforms into a frown when I realize what I'm smiling about. I shouldn't be this excited to see Margot, should I? Has it always been this way and I've just never noticed? Was it this way when Ivy was still around?
Ivy.
Her name causes for my breath to catch in my throat, and yet it feels different than it ever had before. The feelings of happiness to even think about her are replaced with feelings of guilt. It's only been a week and I'm suddenly feeling the type of happiness when I think about Margot that I used to feel when I thought about her. And yet, I'm also doubting if this is actually happening suddenly at all. Has it been this way and I just haven't realized till now?
No. Guilt floods into my chest as tears begin to well in my eyes. I'm just angry that Ivy left and now I'm just projecting the feelings that I had for her onto Margot. That's all it is. Ivy is hard to get over. Ivy is my best friend, my closest friend. I can't already be over her because she doesn't deserve that, because it would draw up more questions that might have answers that I dislike.
Tears roll down my cheeks as I slide down against the door so that I'm sitting on the ground. As soon as I'm there, I lose track of how long. The only thing that snaps me out of my trance is the sound of knocking on the door behind me and the relief I feel as a result of the sound which only begins to brutally eat me alive.
Standing up, I wipe whatever tears I can with the sleeves of my hoodie and tuck the fallen strands of my long hair behind my ears before unlocking the door and opening it to find Margot standing there, shifting back and forth between her feet.
A frown immediately overtakes Margot's face as her eyes fall on me. Without hesitation, she steps forward into my house, closing the door behind her, and wraps her arms tightly around me. Almost instantly, I hug her back. Resting my head on her shoulder, I can't help but wish that we could just stay like this. I scold myself for that thought.
"What happened?" she whispers into my ear, with concern clearly etched into her voice.
"Can we just watch a movie right now? I don't think I'm ready to talk about it yet," I tell her in response. How would I even begin to explain this to her? You know how I told you that I liked Ivy? Yeah, well now I might like you. But don't worry. Because it's probably just me trying to project my feelings onto someone else. Unless it isn't. Because then that's an entirely new problem.
And yet she's the person that I trust most right now. She's the person that I know I can find comfort in. And as much as I despise myself for feeling that way right now, that's what I need. So she needs to stay.
"Alright. Well, what do you want to watch? I don't know if comedy would make you feel better, or a Disney movie, maybe? You really can't go wrong with Disney. Or SpiderMan? Isn't he your favorite superhero for some unjustified reason?" Margot offers as she pulls away from our hug, leaving her hands resting on my shoulders. I wipe my eyes with the palm of my hand and smile at her suggestions, though her SpiderMan comment does make me roll my eyes.
It takes me a moment to respond because I didn't get a chance to get a good look at her until now. She left her dark curls down today and I can't help but want to reach out and play with them, not that she would ever let me. She's fidgeting with the hem of her sweatshirt and it's only then that I realize that the sweatshirt is actually the one that I let her borrow the first time we ran into each other. I can't help but smile slightly at the sight, but also be slightly astounded at the nerve she has for actually wearing that over here today.
"How about horror?"
Margot rolls her eyes at my suggestion, but I can see a small smile playing on her lips.
"Seriously? You know I hate horror movies," she tells me, shaking her head.
"That's because you're a scaredy-cat," I tease her as we fall into our usual rhythm. And this, this just feels right.
"I am not,"
"Really? So the time that we watched Scream-"
"Oh, you promised never to bring that up again,"
"You threw the bowl of popcorn behind the couch because you thought you heard something,"
"I did hear something,"
"Nothing was there!"
"No. I heard something. It was just gone when we decided to look. Besides, you probably wouldn't be so offended right now if you weren't so popcorn-obsessed,"
"You think I'm offended that you threw popcorn behind the couch because I'm obsessed with popcorn? It was hard to clean up, dude. I was finding kernels for days!"
"No, no. I can see it in your eyes. Don't even try to play that with me," Margot says rather resolutely.
I roll my eyes at her, yet I can't help but smile. I quickly turn around and begin walking towards the couch though, so that she misses it. Letting out a sigh, I fall back onto the soft cushions and cover my face with the pillow that was lying next to me.
"Well, I'm pretty sad right now and I think that the only thing that's going to cheer me up is a good ole horror film,"
The pillow is suddenly snatched from my face and I'm whacked in the stomach with it.
"Ouch," I say sarcastically at Margot. She just throws the pillow at my face in response.
"Move over. We can watch the movie, but you have to make room for me on the couch," Margot says.
"What? You can't handle sitting alone during a horror movie? ....I suppose it would be a shame for any more food to suffer,"
Another pillow flies at my head and hits me square in the face. Seriously? I look back up and Margot and I can tell that she's trying to suppress a smile.
"Whatever," I say as I sit up against the arm of the couch and pull my legs closer to myself, leaving the other side of the couch for Margot. Once the movie's in, she begins to walk towards me, but I start to shake my head at her.
"Immersion!" I say loudly, motioning to the light above me. With a sigh, Margot quickly turns all the lights in the room off and plays the movie. She walks over to the couch and plops down in between my legs, leaning back into my chest.
"You know I left the entire other end of the couch open for you, right?" I ask her.
"Yeah, I know," she simply says as she pulls a blanket out and drapes it over the both of us.
I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me as I turn and focus my attention on the movie that just started playing. And yet every once and a while, I would catch the scent of her strawberry shampoo and be transported into my jumbled up mind all over again.
————
As the credits of the movie appeared onscreen, Margot begins to slowly lift her head from my shoulder which she was using to shield her eyes as soon as the movie began to transition into its more scary scenes.
"It's over," I tell her, quietly giggling at how scared she was.
"Don't laugh at me. That was totally scary," she says with a pout.
"Sure it was,"
"Whatever. I'm picking what we watch next. Remote?"
"I dunno. I was thinking that we could just watch that movie again. I feel like you may have missed seeing some of it, and I would feel terrible if you didn't actually get the chance to watch the full thing,"
"Aspen, remote,"
"No," I say holding the remote above my head and out of Margot's reach. Letting out a frustrated groan, Margot turns around to face me, sending me a quick glare before focusing her attention on the television remote being held out of her reach.
"What are you gonna do about it?" I tease her, causing for her cheeks to turn a light shade of pink.
"Don't worry. I have a plan," she says, tone suddenly filled with confidence.
"What-"
But I don't get to finish my sentence as her fingers suddenly attack the sides of my stomach, tickling me. I let out a loud laugh and consequently let my guard down just for a second. Of course that's all she needs. As she pulls her hands away from me, I notice that one of them is holding the remote that was just seconds ago in my possession. A smirk is etched onto her lips, but I quickly take a silent vow that it won't be there for long.
With barely a second thought, I push her down onto the couch, placing my knees on either side of her body and pinning her wrists down above her head. She struggles for a moment, causing a smile to appear on my lips because I know I've won this round, but then she suddenly stops moving and as I look down at her. The smile fades away. Her eyes flit around my face until they finally lock with mine. I glance down at her lips, but then look back up to meet her eyes again. She doesn't move, she doesn't do anything except stare at me. Almost subconsciously, I begin to lean forward, loosening my grip on her wrists. She doesn't turn away. She doesn't pull away. And it's in that moment, our lips only centimeters away, that it finally registers in my brain what I'm doing.
Almost instantly, I launch myself off from her and to the other side of the couch. My breath is heavy and my heart is racing. I can't help but wonder what I was thinking, and the problem is that I don't think I was.
"Well.... I guess I got the remote," Margot says quietly from the other end of the couch.
"I guess you did,"
Margot and I both stare forward at the TV that's broadcasting the main menu for the movie we just finished. It's almost as if our collective ignorance of what just happened could actually will it away. And yet it's all that I can think about. As my brain tries to dissect my reasoning behind my actions, I simply decide that I can't take it anymore.
"You wanna talk about what was bothering you earlier?" Margot offers, clearly trying to change the subject from what both our minds are caught on.
"I'm gonna grab a beer," I mumble under my breath as I push myself off of the couch and will my legs to walk over to the kitchen.
"Aspen, you really shouldn't...."
"Don't tell me what to do," I snap back at the girl as I grab the drink from the back of the bottom shelf before making my way back over to her.
"I wasn't. But won't your dad notice?"
"He'll just think he drank it. Why? You suddenly worried about me?" I open the can and take a sip of the beer, the alcohol burning in a rather satisfying manner as it slides down my throat.
"I always worry about you," she says quietly. I take another drink of the liquid.
I'm on my second beer by the time she speaks again.
"Are we going to watch something else or are you really finding the menu of this movie that riveting?" she asks me sarcastically.
"Smartass," I scoff at her, thought I'm silently relieved that she actually started a conversation. I have to keep this going.
"Dumbass," she replies as she usually does. My eyes widen with this realization and I begin to whisper the words back and forth to myself.
"What are you going on about?" Margot asks me, tilting her head in confusion.
"Can that be our always?" I ask her dramatically as I fall backwards into her lap, my head resting on her thighs as I look up at her to find that even this angle is annoying cute on her. Fuck that. I'd probably look ugly as fuck with twenty chins and no jaw line to be found. Gotta get a map for that one.
"What? Me asking what you're going on about?"
"No!" I exclaim dramatically as I slap my hand over my eyes. Margot laughs softly before pulling my hand away from my eyes.
"What? Or are you gonna keep me on my toes?"
"I always keep you on your toes," I remind her rather mischievously. She lets out a sigh as she shakes her head.
"That you do,"
I nod my head as I forget what we were talking about.
"So what is it?" Margot asks me.
"What?"
"Damn. You're drunk," Margot laughs to herself.
"No," I drag out the word as I deny her statement. Lies. Slander against my good name!
"Well of course you wouldn't admit it," Margot says with a smile.
"Nope! I plead the eighth!" I tell her.
"You plead that you not be subject to cruel and unusual punishment?" she asks me, a smirk on her lips.
I send Margot a wink before beginning to shake my head. Damn AP Government student.
"We're both AP Government students, Aspen. We're in the same class," Margot reminds me, completely ignoring my wink.
Shit. Did I say that out loud?
"Yes," Margot responds to my thoughts. My eyes widen as I decide to shut off my thoughts to preserve myself from further embarrassment.
"So. What did you mean when you said something was 'our always'?" Margot asks me, then it all floods back into my mind.
"Oh! Smartass and dumbass. That's our thing!" I tell her excitedly.
"Is it?" she asks me in a tone filled with amusement.
"Yes! When I call you a smartass, which is what you are, then you always call me a dumbass. It's what we do!" I insist to the girl.
"Ok, ok. I guess I can see where you're getting that from," Margot agrees with me though with slight reluctance. I accept it though as I sit up and then turn to face her.
"You're really pretty, Margot. Fuck. No. Beautiful? That doesn't flow as well...." I trail off as I reach out to touch a curl before quickly retracting my hand. Beautiful. Inside and out.
"You're beautiful too, Aspen," Margot responds quietly as she tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. I begin to shake my head at her words. This has happened before. She doesn't get it.
"No, no, no, no. You're beautiful, Margot," I repeat myself insistently. Margot gives me a confused look in response.
"How do you want me to respond to that?" she asks me, causing for me to go silent.
"You're beautiful too, Aspen. Why would I lie to you?" she asks me softly.
"It's not right. Not the same thing," I attempt to communicate to her exactly what I mean.
"What do you mean?" she asks me, concern seeping into her voice.
"No. I don't...." I trail off as tears begin to well in my eyes.
"Ok. Let's talk about something else?" Margot offers.
"You want to know why I was sad earlier?" I ask her hesitantly. She shakes her head.
"You didn't want to tell me when you were sober so I'd never ask you to do it drunk,"
"It might be the only way I tell you," I reveal to her.
"Then I guess I'll never know," she says with a shrug. With a grateful smile, I lean into her side and rest my head on her shoulder. She's amazing.
"Tell me a story," I request quietly.
"What kind of story?" she asks me.
"Whatever you want,"
"I'm afraid I'm not a good story teller," she confesses.
"Try," I urge her.
"Ok.... once upon a time, there was a princess named Aspen," Margot begins.
"Cliché," I interrupt her.
"You said tell a story!"
"I didn't mean for it to be the most cliché one in the book!"
"I didn't even get past the introduction!"
"And yet I already knew," I tell her, shaking my head.
"Fine. You try then," she challenges me.
"I will," I say resolutely before taking a moment to think.
"Got nothing?" she asks me, to sassily for my liking.
"Agent May didn't have much to go on other than a clear type among victims, but with a new body being found every other day, she knew it was imperative that she solve this case,"
"What the-"
"Agent May already made a press conference as a warning, but it clearly wasn't enough as abductions and murders were still occurring. With no clear MO, the only thing that connected the victims was their straight dark brown hair and dark eyes. Their bodies were always dumped in such a careful manner, their arms crossed over their chest. There was clear sign of remorse, and yet bodies kept showing up and Agent May continued searching as a result-"
"Where the fuck is this going, Aspen?"
"Shush,"
"This is so dark. Are you ok?"
"Let me tell my story," I demand before shaking my head.
"So. With this consistent type, Agent May figured that the victims may resemble someone who was either in the unsub's life or who had been in the past-"
"Jump to the end. You're freaking me out," Margot tells me quietly. I smile softly at her request before complying.
"Agent May was just in time to save the latest victim. Her name was Aspen and she was eternally grateful. They became best friends as a result and lived happily ever after,"
"At least it had a good ending?" Margot offers.
"My stories are amazing!" I defend myself.
"I should've stopped you once I heard the word 'agent'," Margot reveals to me.
"What? You aren't even slightly curious about the killer's motive?" I ask her.
"Nope,"
"Really?"
"Seriously,"
"Well, I'm gonna tell you,"
"Of course you are," Margot says sarcastically.
"The unsub wanted to kill his wife so he murdered women before and after her in an attempt to cover it up," I tell her.
"Well that's dumb," Margot states plainly.
"What?"
"Well, he just kept killing the same woman over and over again. Eventually, it would lead back to him," Margot tells me.
"Ok. So not my best work," I reveal hesitantly.
"Because you're drunk," Margot states.
"Says who?" I ask her.
"A breathalyzer, for one,"
"Smartass," I quip at her.
"Dumbass," she replies. She always makes me smile. And I don't want that to stop.
————
Author's Note:
Hey, guys. So, um, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and vote/comment if you did!! This chapter was.... interesting. Um, have a swell day/night depending on when you're reading this. :)
- Kayden_Mae