Penelope and I walked up together with a large basket up the stairs to Spencers apartment. As we made it to the top, we noticed jj in a long dark blue trench coat waiting with a sad expression at the door.
" Hey." We said to each other.
She smiled and looked down at the various other baskets that were laid all over the floor.
" There all from Penelope." I said before she could ask.
The three of us sat by the door and waited for a response we all knew we wouldn't get. It had been two weeks since Maeve, the love of his life was murdered in front of him. Since then I had been to his apartment every day for an hour a day before work and all day afterwards. I'd worked at the Bau for almost three years and I immediately clicked with Reid form the moment we joined.
Because of our close relationship, when I found out that he had been secretly dating Maeve for almost ten months without my knowing, I was honestly hurt. But then again, I also fought harder to save her life than most of the team even thought they all tried their hardest as well.
The two of them kept knocking and talking, but I remained silent. I waited for them both to leave together before sitting down in my normal spot in the doorway and began talking to him.
" Good morning Spence. I hope your feeling a little better today because to be honest I'm not feeling to great today either. Garcia brought you nuts! She actually looked it up and discovered that they increase your serotonin levels. I mean I knew that and you knew that but I still think it's cute how she's trying." I rambled as I had for the last few weeks.
I looked down at my hands and let a single tear stream down my face. I continued to ramble about various scientific discoveries and topics for a while before I ran out of topics to cover as I tried to mask my sadness.
" I miss you Spence. I really really do and...I know that your hurting and I just want you to know I'm here ok. I want you to know that uhh... that it'll all be ok." I sighed.
I wiped the tears from my face and climbed up off the floor.
" Ok well I gotta head to work but umm...I'll be back later as always... if there's not a case that is. But if there is I'll make sure to call you and text as always, just in case you feel like talking. Bye Spencer." I chocked as I put a hand up to the door.
I held it there for a while, trying anything to feel the warmth he used to bring me. Then I started down the stairs and headed to the office.
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I decided to stay back at the office on this case, because I wanted to be close to Spencer. I called him once about the case and he actually answered, which was a huge shock.
A few minutes after the call, I saw Anderson grab one of the case files and head out the door.
" Hey...what are you doing?" I asked sweetly as I noticed it was a file for three case we were working on.
" Oh Dr. Reid asked me to drop this off at his place." He exclaimed in a similar tone.
I scoffed slightly at Spencer's sneaky methods and grabbed the file from Anderson's hand.
" Oh it's ok...I'll take it to him! Thanks anyways!" I bubbled as I rushed to the elevator and soon into the parking lot of the Bau.
When I walked up to the door of his apartment I took a deep breath in before knocking. I waited a long while before trying again.
" Spencer...I have the files you wanted!" I exclaimed as I knocked again.
I was about to leave, when I heard small footsteps from inside. My face lit up in excitement and I couldn't contain my smile. He crept open the door and peaked his head out with an emotionless expression.
" H-hi. I know you wanted Anderson to bring these but..." I exclaimed in awe as I saw the man before me.
He shot me the smallest of smiles and tried avoiding eye contact.
" Hello. And it's fine I guess." He whispered in a sad tone.
He looked at the case file in my hands and didn't take his eyes off of it.
" H-how are y-you?" I asked nervously.
His worried expression now changed into one of grief. He still didn't look up from the case file as he spoke.
" I'm fine. Better I-I guess...are you gonna give me that?" He asked as he nodded to the case file.
I looked at the file in my hand and back up at him. He had a pleading expression and those puppy dog eyes of his, ones I just couldn't resist. I reluctantly handed him the file and grabbed it just as slowly. He finally made eye contact with me and as he did so his eyes filled with tears.
" I'll call you later." He whispered as he tried closing the door abruptly.
I put my foot in the door frame to stop it form closing all the way.
" Spencer...come on....it's me. Just five minutes. Please..." I whimpered.
He let out a long drawn out sigh before opening his door more. I quickly slipped in before he could change his mind and shut the door behind me.
I tried to keep myself from gasping as I saw his messy apartment. There were books strewn everywhere and a whole bookcase was broken on the floor. I looked frantically for any small viles or needles. This whole time I had been terrified he would turn to drugs again, but I was greatly relieved when I didn't see anything suspicious.
He sat down on the couch and looked down at the book that sat there promptly. It was the only area of the entire house that was orderly and tidy. I saw the name of the book and my heart shattered. Thomas Merton I thought to myself. He placed a hand on the book and once again let a single tear down his face. We sat in silence as I watched him hold the book like it was going to suddenly be taken from him.
" I..." he started.
I moved over to the couch he was sitting on, and I plopped down beside him.
" I can't stop...seeing her." He whimpered.
I let out a shakey breath and turned to him with glossy eyes.
" You look just like her you know."
I placed a hand on his shoulder and watched as he looked at it with wide eyes. He slowly reached his hand up and placed it on top of mine, as if he were scared of it.
" Spencer...are you-"
" Y/n you look so much like her." He whispered.
I let out the saddest of sighs as I reached for a hug. He slumped into my arms and began to sob.
" It's not fair. I loved her and she'll never know that y/n. Why couldn't it have been me. Why didn't she kill me y/n" he bawled.
I began to cry along with him as he slowly broke down.
" I know baby. You don't deserve this and I'm so so sorry." I sobbed along with him.
He was sitting in an odd position, so his head lasted on my chest and sat next to me. I gently ran one hand through his hair and
Another held him tightly. He clung to me tightly, as if his life depended on it.
" It hurts so much. I can't do it anymore...I just can't." He wept.
" I know it hurts right now but you have to be strong...it's what Maeve would want." I quivered as I tightened my grip on him.
" It'll all be ok Spence.... it's all gonna be ok." I whispered.
His eyes slowly started closing and I could tell he was beginning to drift off. This was good, because from the bags under his eyes I don't think he'd slept since that day. To be honest I haven't either. We all had horrible nightmares of that night, and Spencer weeping over his lost love. That memory would haunt us all forever and I could only imagine what it was doing to his pour soul. But I knew that over time, the pain would lessen for him and he'd be able to remember the good. But until that day comes, I would sit right here and weep with him; for however long it takes.
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Hi my swaggy babes!
I've been rewatching season 8 and it's still soul crushing as ever.
Also this one isn't romantic I know but I think it's ok to just have some comforting friendship right?
I've always wished that someone was there for Spencer in those two weeks after she died, and like just tried harder to be there for him.
So as I do with all my trauma, I wrote myself into the criminal minds universe.
Anyways sorry I've been so inactive school is kicking my ass😌
Make sure to vote and comment and i love u all so so so much💕💕💕💋