Ailbhe went to the usual spots she would usually find Finn but she couldn't find him. He wasn't with Charlie and Curly in the stables, he wasn't in the betting shop nor the old Shelby house on Watery Lane. Uncle Charlie had been glad to see her and even gladder to see she had come back from New York in one piece. It was a long shot but she went to the offices, hoping to see if Jade knew where he was.
"Jade?" She called out, shutting the office door behind her.
She heard shuffling and moving around but they didn't sound like the movements of one person.
"Jade?" She called out again, coming around the corner and finding Jade at her desk. She looked a little flustered but nothing too much out of the ordinary.
"Ailbhe!" She exclaimed, glad to see her best friend after so long apart. She stood up and came to meet her, squeezing her around the shoulders in a tight hug.
"Thomas said you were back" She stated, holding her by the arms before grinning again. It was good to have some more young people around, more women too.
"I'm actually looking for a different Shelby" she told her, craning her head to see if Tommy was back in his office or if Finn was in there by any chance. He wasn't but the office wasn't empty either.
"Bonnie?" Ailbhe asked, not sure if her eyes were deceiving her or if Bonnie Gold was in Tommy's office signing papers as he stood over the desk.
His head snapped up, noticing his old friend in the hallway and an easy smile spread across his lips.
"Well, Ailbhe Kennedy! From beyond the grave, it would seem"
He laughed, throwing down his pen and closing the distance between them. He pulled her in for a hug, having missed her around the place. He wasn't sorry to see her home in the slightest. With Ailbhe gone, Finn was well and truly off the rails and hopefully, with her return he would be the old Finn, the real Finn.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, stepping back and realising he was dressed like a real peaky blinder now, proper suit, peaky hat and hair cut. It looked good on him. Power suited him.
"I have a fight coming up and Tommy needed me to sign some forms" he explained, his eyes darting from Ailbhe's to Jade.
There was a lie in there somewhere. Ailbhe could feel it. But she didn't see any malice in it so she smiled and nodded, pretending to swallow it. If she was a betting woman, she would be putting money on it, that should she not have knocked and announced her arrival she would have caught Bonnie in a very compromising position with Jade. Ailbhe tried not to smile.
After all of Jade's social climbing and high-class partying in London. She was back in Small Heath, shacking up with the gypsy boy who promised he would one day, rule the world.
"I better get going" He admitted, pulling his peaky cap back on and nodding in goodbye to the two young women.
Ailbhe waited until the door shut behind him before she turned and gave Jade a knowing look.
"What?" Jade asked, feigning innocence with those big doe eyes that had made sure she had always gotten away with murder.
Ailbhe just narrowed her eyes at her.
"How long?" Ailbhe asked, curiosity getting the better of her and a smile tugging on her crimson painted lips.
Jade's eyes lit up, Ailbhe's smile being clearly contagious. Jade should've known she couldn't hide anything from Ailbhe.
"I don't know what you're talking about" she tried to deny but the smile on her face exposed her.
She shook her head laughing. Nothing got past Ailbhe anymore.
"Well then I'll have to have a word with Bonnie because red lipstick just isn't a good look on him" Ailbhe joked, raising an eyebrow at her friend whose lipstick had stained Bonnie's shirt collar and the pale skin of his neck.
Jade rolled her eyes, busying her hands with the flower that sat on her desk. It was a single daffodil and she ran her fingers over the delicate petals, a pensive look on her face. Ailbhe knew that look, it was the look she was sure she got when she thought long and hard about Finn.
"It's nothing, it's just a bit of fun" Jade promised her, taking her seat back at her desk but Ailbhe didn't believe her for a second.
She didn't believe her, not because she knew Jade well enough to know when she was lying. But because that single daffodil from Bonnie was capturing Jade's undivided attention whereas the bouquet of flowers and diamond bracelet sent from her suitor in London sat unadmired and unnoticed in the corner of the room.
Ailbhe tore her eyes away from it, checking around the office but it was just her and Jade now. Finn was nowhere to be seen and she seemed to have lost her nerve to talk to him. She didn't know what she was going to say but the little displays of love she saw from Bonnie and Jade made her reconsider. It really was that simple sometimes.
"What about you?" Jade asked, sitting back and resting her hands on her stomach.
She really was quite beautiful, with golden skin and almond-shaped eyes the colour of honey. She wore lipstick that was a bright crimson always and lined her eyes with black so they stood out even more. But it was more than her body and her face, it was the air of ease and confidence she had, a certainty about herself that she carried so easily. Jade had an endless amount of confidence and belief that she deserved all the best in life if she was willing to work for it and she had. It was just ironic in the sweetest of ways that after everything, she found herself wanting the life Bonnie Gold could give her.
Ailbhe snapped out of it, leaning against the doorway.
"What about me?" She asked, shrugging her shoulders and hating how the tables had turned on her so quickly.
Jade rolled her eyes dramatically.
"Don't give me that" she snapped "What about you and Finn? He's been a mess since you left and I know for a fact you've barely spoken since you got home!"
Jade heard everything. She was better than the morning papers for news and heard everything that was worth hearing first. Ailbhe didn't know how but she seemed to just know everyone's business.
"I don't know Jade" she sighed, resting her head against the door frame and closing her eyes, wanting a moment of quiet. But Jade didn't know how to be quiet no more than Ailbhe knew how to speak Japanese.
"Oh, for fuck's sake" Jade exclaimed, throwing her pen onto the desk in front of her dramatically.
"Do you love him Alv?" she asked bluntly.
Ailbhe opened her eyes, seeing that Jade wasn't going to take silence as an answer.
"Yes" she admitted quietly. Of course, she loved him.
"But he's being such a prick, he won't even talk to me!" She snapped, her frustration building up again.
"Then put your pride aside and get through to him" Jade advised her, knowing that Ailbhe and Finn were both proud and stubborn people.
"He's a mess Alv! They all are" Jade almost laughed, throwing her hands up "But he's less of a mess when you're in his life... he needs you"
It was true. Finn was a mess since she left. They all were in some form or another. Arthur, Niall, Liam, Tommy, they were all a mess but they managed to stay on the rails. Finn was only human and the life he lived, he needed Ailbhe in it. Ailbhe kept Finn sane and in return, he made her happier than she ever thought she deserved.
Ailbhe felt the start of tears at the corners of her eyes. She missed him, missed how happy she could make him and how happy he could make her. She barely felt like herself anymore, not without him. But she would get through to him because if she didn't, she knew neither of them stood a chance.
*
"Come on, stop moping around. We're going to Polly's"
Ada had announced, marching into the kitchen where Ailbhe was sitting by the fire, reading a book. She had been trying to read but her mind kept wandering and her concentration couldn't last more than a few minutes. After her chat with Jade, she had gone to Charlie's yard, working in the quiet with Curly on the horses. It busied her mind for a while and tired her out so she could hopefully get some sleep but she doubted it. She still struggled to sleep, usually turning to booze or the drops Polly had given her once when her mother used to keep her woke throughout the night with her yells and nightmares. But mostly Ailbhe sat up, watching the street lights flicker and hearing the chaos spilling through the streets of Small Heath.
Ailbhe huffed, pulling herself out of her armchair and standing up, knowing that Ada wouldn't take no for an answer. Karl was with Arthur and Linda for the night and Ada was exceptionally bored, sick of sitting in the hotel room by herself. And she wanted company and the best she knew, was Ailbhe.
"What's the matter with you?" Ailbhe asked, looking Ada up and down seeing how defeated she looked.
"Aside from the obvious?" Ada raised an eyebrow at her, knowing that Ailbhe had already guessed she was pregnant. Secrets rarely stayed secrets among this family.
Ailbhe nodded, shrugging her shoulders as if to apologise for figuring it out, not that she could help it.
"It's not Liam's," Ada told her, avoiding her eyes and looking down at the flatness of her tummy where a baby somehow was growing. She was lucky, she wasn't showing at all.
"I know" Ailbhe replied, nodding.
"How?" Ada asked, narrowing her eyes. It seemed like everyone already knew her secrets before she even told them these days.
"Because if it was Liam's he'd have tried to marry you already" Ailbhe admitted, grabbing her coat and pulling it on.
Whatever Ada and Liam had, whether it had just been that one time or not Ailbhe knew that Liam cared for her deeply. She knew that Liam would do anything for her to protect her, and if that meant marrying her to protect her honour he would do so.
"So where are you coming from?" Ailbhe asked, noticing Ada's lipstick was freshly applied and her hair had been fixed.
"I had a meeting with Colonel Ben Younger" she sighed, smoothing down her coat and avoiding Ailbhe's eyes as she pulled on her coat.
Ailbhe nodded, Tommy had told her. Tommy's position as an MP was useful to the likes of the Special Branch and therefore, he reported back to them mainly about communist uprisings and talk of revolution. He reported these items to Ada who then reported them back to this Colonel, a member of the Special branch.
Ailbhe paused, putting the pieces together and turning to look at Ada. One look at Ada confirmed it.
"Oh fuck, he's the father, isn't he?" Ailbhe gasped, her hands freezing on her half buttoned-up coat.
Ada nodded, pursing her lips knowing that Ailbhe and Polly were always going to be the first to guess.
"You didn't tell him?" Ailbhe asked but she already knew the answer.
Ada sighed, fixing her gloves and nodding towards the door.
"Come on, Polly invited us for a drink" she sighed, heading towards the door.
Ailbhe drove, glad to see Liam had kept her car running while she was away. Of course, she hadn't improved much and despite her taking it slow for Ada and the baby's sake, she still left Ada swearing and grabbing onto her seat with every corner Ailbhe took.
Polly opened the door with an easy smile on her face and a cigarette in hand. She looked like she had already started drinking without them and this was confirmed when she pulled both girls into tight embraces as they stepped in.
"Well?" Polly asked, raising an eyebrow at Ada as they took off and hung up their coats.
"Not yet" Ada sighed shaking her head "I didn't tell him".
Polly rolled her eyes, a devilish smile on her lips.
"Him knowing or not knowing has no relevance to what we are drinking!" Polly replied, holding up a bottle to the two young women.
"It's vintage!" She told them, beckoning them into the room "Fuck it! This is for us! Let's drink to the baby" She announced, filling three glasses as they all took seats around the fire.
Ailbhe had missed them, missed being part of a family and she couldn't help the smile that pulled at her lips as she looked around her. They had come a long way from running an illegal gambling den in order to keep food on the table.
"Polly, do you remember when I was last pregnant? You were gonna take me to Cardiff. I was gonna get rid of it"
Ada reminded her. Ailbhe was too young at the time, being only eleven when Ada was pregnant with Karl but she remembered the panic, the hushed conversations and how Ada and Polly kept disappearing when they thought nobody noticed. Ada had told Ailbhe in confidence years later that she had considered getting rid of her baby when Freddie was missing. But Ailbhe knew Ada hated to even entertain the idea that she had almost deprived her and Freddie of their life with Karl but she understood what would make Ada make this decision. Life for an unmarried mother, no matter who she was, was hard.
"And what about this time?" Polly asked, narrowing her eyes.
The room was quiet apart from the crackling in the fireplace. They didn't know if Ada wanted another baby, if she loved Ben or if she had ever wanted to get married again. Freddie was Ada's true love and Ailbhe wasn't sure people got more than one. This frightened her. Maybe you only got one chance at it, maybe Finn had been her chance and it had slipped through her fingers.
Polly's sharp voice cut through the silence.
"Imagine! The father is scared, he runs away. You're left" She imagined the scenario for Ada. Ailbhe felt fear and anxiety at the thought of it and by the looks of her wide eyes and furrowed brow, so did Ada.
"Oh, sweetheart" Polly sighed, seeing Ailbhe and Ada's faces.
"The baby is black. He's a bastard and it's Birmingham!"
The words hung in the air. It was true. But Polly wasn't done and there was a shadow of a smile on her lips now.
"She" Ailbhe corrected, grabbing Polly and Ada's attention immediately. There was a proud smile on Polly's lips as she nodded. Ailbhe was right. It was a baby girl.
"But you don't care because the world has changed. And the baby's eyes are golden and you're going to leave her every day with Aunt Polly to look after her! Aunt Polly who insisted you call her Elizabeth!" Polly announced, smiling and raising her cigarette to her lips again.
"How do you know it's a her?" Ada asked, the curiosity and hope washing away the fear that was there before. She looked between both Ailbhe and Polly.
For the second time that day, Ailbhe just shrugged, tapping a finger to her temple and rolling her eyes. She had no idea how it worked; the knowledge just seemed to plant itself behind her eyes sometimes.
"Because I'm Polly Gray" Polly answered as if they could ever forget.
"It's a girl" Ada whispered, the glee in her voice couldn't be hidden nor could the smile that lit her face.
"Golden! To be born in the year 1930 where everything will be changed for the better! She'll be the colour of a Hollywood Oscar" Polly announced, making Ada beam.
Ailbhe was glad that Ada seemed happier now. Ailbhe knew that when they were children, Ada always spoke about having children and having daughters that she could dress up and tie their hair up with a different coloured ribbon for each little girl. After Freddie died, it seemed like Ada had just decided she was lucky enough to have Karl and that love was finished for her. But whether she loved Ben or not, she would love this baby. She already did, Ailbhe could see it.
The easy smile faded a little as Ada looked at Ailbhe, biting her lip nervously.
"What will Tommy say?" she sighed, looking between them.
She knew something was up because of the way Ailbhe and Polly locked eyes and exchanged something. Ada hated when they did that, spoke without speaking.
"He already knows Ada" Ailbhe answered, nervous to see Ada's reaction. But Ada just laughed dryly. Of course, Tommy already knew.
"He also sees that the world is big and round and says so what?" Ada sighed, shaking her head.
Ailbhe knew what she was saying. Tommy lived in another dimension sometimes, not seeing what was right in front of him. In Tommy's world, it didn't matter if Ada was pregnant so long as she could do her job and not cause trouble.
"Tommy is right girls" Polly grabbed their attention "We are flying above the rules now"
Ailbhe felt a sort of certainty in it. Tommy was right. For the people who make the rules, there were no rules. And they made the rules now. So, they could do as they like and they didn't have to worry about convention and norms and what was expected of them as women.
As Polly said in the board meeting, there were people like Linda who clung to their old-fashioned values and while Ailbhe would respect any woman who committed to being a mother and a wife. She knew it wasn't destined for her. She couldn't be that type of girl. None of them could.
Polly, Ada, Lizzie and Ailbhe could do whatever the fuck they wanted. They flew above the rules now and whatever glass ceiling men tried to put above them, they'd smash it through with the heel of their brand-new shoes from Paris and put on a smile. Because they were beyond being told what to do.
"We're bold people, aren't we?" Ada stated, looking between them and smiling.
Ailbhe raised her glass, toasting the new baby and their lives.
"That's the beauty of it" Polly grinned.