"Melanie is asleep in her crib" you said walking out of his room. It didn't feel like home anymore. Nothing was yours. "You can take her for the night and bring her over to the sitter tomorrow"
"Or you could stay" Spencer turned his head to watch you walk over to the couch
"Spencer" you sighed sitting down on the other side of him
He scooted closer to you and took your hands into his while looking you, his eyes glistened "I made a mistake, I was stupid and idiotic and-"
"Spencer" you stopped him "You fell for her" you voice felt small and you felt like nothing could ever change this new image of Spencer. The guy who just moved on and left his world behind
"No" you could see through him. He was fighting a battle in his own mind "She corrupted my mind, there is a part of me that let myself be wrapped around her finger and it felt like I couldn't escape her. That night was a blur. I hate replaying it in my mind. The only reason I told Cat I thought about her was because I couldn't look at you" he paused the wipe the tear that fell from your face "I wouldn't have left you because I didn't love you, I would've left because you don't deserve me"
"But" you still could not comprehend why he would sleep with Cat. The words that came out of his mouth didn't matter to you, you tried to believe him but you couldn't. Your mind wouldn't let you "I can't trust you. It's not like you were going to be gone forever. You must have known that you were going to come back at some point."
"I didn't"
"Right" you scoffed "Spencer 5 years didn't pass by and we eventually moved on from each other. It was 5 months, it took you 5 months to just be with someone else. And then waited 2 more months to come back. Did you ever love me the way you said you did?"
"Yes of course I did" he held on tighter to your hands "Please don't leave me"
"You left first" another tear fell from your face "I don't even know who you are anymore. She was a killer. She put you in prison. She forced you to lose your sobriety and then almost killed you. And you just-"
"Marry me"
"What" you pulled your hands away from his grasp
He took your hands in his again "Marry me, let me prove it to you. I may not be the same person but let me prove to you that I still love you. Let me prove that we can still be together. Y/n you and Melanie are the loves of my life and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So please marry me"
"No are you insane" you yanked your hands from his grasp and stood up
"Y/n what can I do to prove that I'm sorry" he desperately pleaded from his seat on the couch
"You haven't even said the words I'm sorry what the hell are you doing" you had finally noticed, he would apologize with his eyes and the way he worded his sentences but never actually said the words
"I am, I am profusely sorry and I want you to trust me again" he stood from his seat "Please I will do anything, I will make it up to you every chance I get, let's spend the rest of our lives together"
You hated that he ruined this moment. He turned such a beautiful thing into something so desperate and ugly, trying to fix something that was so broken. It felt like he was grasping at straws and you wanted to say yes, but he was asking for the wrong reasons "No"
"Y/n-"
"No Spencer" you began to raise your voice but there was a child you had to think about, you lowered your voice and continued "No"
"Why not" he stepped forward but you took a step back
"One moment your telling me you would have left me if I was not pregnant and now your saying that I am the one that shouldn't leave you. Spencer you are asking me for the wrong reasons" You walked past him and headed towards the door
"Y/n come back I want to fix this"
You turned back around and looked at him "Spencer I love you" you walked towards him "I really do love you so much" you could see the smile trying to appear on his face "But I am tired of getting screwed over. If I pull one more stupid stunt because of my feelings about this relationship I could get fired"
"Is this what it's about" he looked away for a moment before jerking his head to look at you "The job"
"This was secret until you fake died so we would not get fired" you began to whisper yell
"No that was what you wanted, I wanted to tell everyone and what does that have to do with anything?"
"Spencer" you sighed and ran your hands through your hair
"Screw the damn job" he stepped closer to you again but every time he did you always backed away "I want you"
"I can't" your hands found the back of your neck and you began to unclasp the necklace "I've been cheated on before and I'm not going through this again, I won't"
"This isn't like your ex"
"Spencer fine act like you were single in Paris but you still kissed her again and went out on a date and did who knows what" you walked over to him but he was the one who backed away this time
"We didn't do anything on the date"
"I'm sorry" you pulled his hand and dangled the chain over it "I can't- I" you began to sniffle "I don't know what to think anymore. I'm sorry" you dropped the necklace into his hands and turned around
You made your way to the door and walked out. As you made your way down the stairs you couldn't help but fight the urge to run back upstairs and jump into Spencer's arms. You wanted to be with him but your brain shielded you from trying to forgive him. You really wanted to just forget everything and go back to him but something within you was stopping you. You knew that he was sorry. You were a profiler, you could see that he was telling you the truth. Some twisted part of you just forced you to walk away and ignore every word he said, and you hated it.
...
It had been 2 weeks and your heart ached for Spencer but then your mind would just scream at you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You blamed your past relationship for the lack of trust. All you wanted to do was give Spencer a second chance but you couldn't. Was it even cheating if you thought he was dead. But the kiss they shared looked so real.
You stood up from your desk and made your way down the hall. You were going to go to the bathroom but you heard a noise. It was coming from the office next to you. The door was slightly opened and you peeked inside. Papers and files were scattered across the floor. Along with some text books and staplers. You pushed the door open and saw Spencer.
He heard the door creek open and turned to look at you. You saw that his tie was undone and he was basically heaving. He was angry. You calmly walked over and bent down to gather some of the papers that had fallen
"You don't have to help" he cleared his throat and quickly gathered as much paper as he could
"It's okay, I don't mind" you stood up and placed the papers on the table
He stayed silent and he wouldn't look at you. You could see that his guilt was eating him alive and wanted to escape and you didn't know what to do. "Hey um, you never told me what happened with your mom"
"What do you mean" he began readjusting his tie and stared at the floor
"Does she know about Mel?"
"I told Hotch that he should let her think that I was on vacation. When I came back I started writing to her again. I'm not sure if she remembers anything but I told her"
"Well I think that Melanie should meet her grandmother" you spoke softly and waited for a reaction
"Really?" he finally looked at you
"Yeah" you couldn't tell if he was mad that you offered "I'd think it would be nice, figured it would also make you happy"
"Yeah it would" he gave you a small smile "Thank you"
...
"Hey mom" Spencer called out to the blonde woman with short hair
She turned but didn't look happy. She looked confused for a moment, she thought we were strangers. The moment was short but it was still long enough for you to see that she didn't know who her own son was. "Spencer" she smiled and stood up to hug him "I missed you"
"I missed you too" he kissed her temple and pulled away "Remember y/n, you have met her before"
"Yes of course I remember" she turned to look at you but got distracted by the stroller standing in-between the both of you "Is this my grandbaby" she clasped her hands together and placed them over her mouth
"Yeah" you smiled
"She looks just like you" her smile grew wider "And Spencer she has your curls"
The rest of the evening was great. Diana spent time with Melanie and got to talk to Spencer for a while. You didn't mind sitting there and listening to their banter. It felt like nothing happened, like everything was normal. You liked it. That was until she jumped topics. "So are you going to go house hunting"
"Uh" Spencer had no clue what to say
"Oh you should get a house with a big yard, if she's anything like my boy Melanie will need the space to explore and have fun" she paused for a second before continuing her rant "What about marriage, I still do not see a ring on that finger"
"Mom we are, um currently... we don't live together"
"What, you both looked so happy together the last time you came"
"We aren't together because I-.. um" Spencer ran his hands through his hair. He did not want to disappoint his mom, she was precious to him "We cou-"
"I cheated" you blurted out
"What" she immediately stood up and hovered over you
"Y/n-" Spencer tried to speak but you stopped him by placing your hand over his
"I made a huge mistake and I am the reason we aren't together anymore" you gulped down the lump in your throat
You could tell that Diana was disappointed and felt bad for Spencer "It's been a long day, I think we should get going" she looked to Spencer and then you "Could you give us a moment"
"Yeah" you gathered your things and walked away. Leaving Melanie so Diana had a chance to say goodbye. You walked out of the facility and waited in the car for Spencer. You heard the back door open and watched from the mirror Spencer strap in Melanie. He made his way to the driver's seat but didn't start the car. You could feel his eyes watching you but you looked straight ahead
"Y/n my mother hates you" he ruffled his hair and sighed
"It's okay" you turned and gave him a tight lipped smile
"No it isn't"
"I saw her, how she couldn't remember who you were" you were about to cup his face but you pulled back "I can't let her be disappointed in you knowing that it could possibly be the last thing she remembers about you"
"You didn't have to do that"
"I know" you paused for a moment "When my mom died, I was a disappointment to her and I hated myself for it. It was the last thing she ever thought about me. No matter how angry I am at you, I know that you don't deserve to go through all that"
"I bet she would be proud of you right now"
You nodded your head and smiled. "Yeah" You hadn't realized how close the both of you leaned in each other. You turned your head away and leaned back into your seat. You cleared your throat and said "We should get going, it's late"
"Right"